i was waiting for something in the mail...

and it came at approximately 1.30pm today as i was eating my kuay teow goreng!in a big white truck with red letters on it!

oh, gembiranya.

my very own, pertama kali dalam hidup, notebook! The Dell xps M1330.

and look!look!it's red!

i know tons of people have had their first notebook and they don't go around being gedik semacam screaming about it over their blog, but this is a huge deal for me! i mean, a significant amount of googling, comparing, and review reading actually went into this purchase. and i'm being gedik semacam again sebab everyone else pun does their homework when buying such an item, but bear with me,yah? must give props to my dad for actually agreeing to letting his daughter wield his credit card maniacally in the realms of online notebook shopping.

this is a joyous, joyous day. i mean, it's been a bit dampered due to worries over accomodation, but nevertheless, it is a joyous day. i was so excited when i found out yesterday that the laptop was going to be arriving today that i went to sleep at 11.30pm, found myself thinking about cradling it lovingly in my hands and suddenly i was wide awake at 2am. ok,stop. creepy mode.

in times like these, we need random topics. like you know the whole ballyhoo about the lingam video?well, the only thing i like about it are those t-shirts that Patrick Saw the t-shirt vendor has been selling in the spirit of poking fun at the whole thing. i like the one that has writing on it saying 'It looks like me, sounds like me, BUT.....SO DOES BRAD PITT LAH!'. HAHAHAHA. laugh with me. ok fine, don't laugh.

chinese new year is around the corner! God, i hope i get to see lion dances this year. and not the biasa one where they just parade around and throw fruit, i hope i get to see the one where they jump on poles and whatnot. if you had the misfortune of being around me during chinese new year couple years ago, i would have regaled you endlessly with the story of how i went to midvalley to go watch a movie, and they were having a lion dance at the cinema to bless the place, and how the two lions even went into the concession stand, but there was no room to turn around to walk back out, so they had to exit butts first. lion gostan.

speaking of random, i suddenly remembered the other day, back when i went to sekolah agama, in standard 2 and 3, there was this one time the ustazah asked me, "mana buku lali awak?" and i panicked, thinking something along the lines of 'buku lali? ade ke ustazah mention kene bawak buku lali? there's buku fiqah, and buku arab, and buku tajwid, jawi....buku lali is which one? i must have forgotten to include it', but i didn't want to get scolded by ustazah, so i said "lupe nak bawak". how was i to know that buku lali means ankle? did YOU know buku lali means ankle at such tender an age?wait, don't answer that.

at the pre-departure briefing, i was somewhat irritated at the fact that the head of the person sitting in front of me completely obscured my view of the screen in front on which the speaker was showing her presentation. i wanted to ask him to move his head out of the way, but how? "excuse me, please lower your head?" is that how you do it? and of course i become self-concious of my own head and was wondering if i was blocking the view of the person behind me. at one point, irritation got the best of me and i imagined removing his head and placing it on his lap. or maybe doing that manouvre you see in the movies where the hero renders someone unconcious by holding the top and bottom of the victim's head and somehow twisting it. in doing so, the guy in front of me would fall into unconciousness, thus causing his body to slump forward and perhaps fall onto the ground, leaving me with a clear view. pet peeves, man.


very self-centered, nonsensical post.

warm caramel feelings

it's really hot at the moment. and apparently my air-cond needs servicing. whenever i turn it on, it only blows pathetic lukewarm air into the room. ok. think cold thoughts. igloo. igloo. igloo.

i know it's tiresome the way i keep stuffing videos into my post, but this one must be regaled to everyone, everyone!i was watching Miki Ando's figure skating performance at the Torino Olympics, and she used this spectacularly beatiful piece called Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence, which apparently is part of the soundtrack for a movie of the same name that starred David Bowie and the composer, Ryuichi Sakamoto. i mean, I implore you to take a listen, it's wonderful! it's the sort of music that plays while you're doing your big dramatic sad scene in a korean soap opera. or the kind that you imagine firgure skating your long program to in the olympics, which, unlike Miki Ando, will win you the gold medal. or it's simply the music that makes you want to stand in the middle of a field or on a cliff somewhere with the wind blowing through your hair.


things have been going pretty good lately. on monday my results came out. was pretty nervous, drove to college trying to prepare to get a grip on things.

warm caramel feelings of delight,yo. i got all As *insert biggest smiley face here*

it wasn't an ecstatic, hands-flapping-excitedly moment. it was more like "aaaaah. thank you". like things finally came full circle. and that's the way it's supposed to be. i'm happy and i'm thankful.

so now things are slightly in a tizzy as i scramble around trying to get things ready for melbourne. administrative mazes. checklists. flights. did you know you can take a 55 hour flight from KL on american airlines or something that will take you through about 4 different cities before finally getting to melbourne?why take 8 hours to go somehere when you can reach there in 2 and half days?

le chien

i have a grudge against the next-door neighbour's dog.

now, if muslims were allowed to touch and care for dogs(and i've heard a few people say that we actually can, but that's a topic of discussion for another day), i think i would opt for a dog over a cat. not to say that cats aren't gorgeous and terrific, but it's just that, well, they can be quite sombong sometimes, and frankly, i get quite put off when i'm coo-ing and expressing my affection towards cleo only to have her turn her head away to face somewhere else, as if she's bored and has lost interest in this human being behaving quite stupidly.

dogs, on the other hand, seem quite eager to please their owners. (wo)man's best friend and all that. i'd want a golden retriever, or a labrador. or that adorably forlorn-looking hush puppies dog.

but i'm going off track here. the neighbour's dog, yes. well, it has the uncanny knack of annoying me, simply because it's enclosure is facing my window directly and it barks me awake. i despise waking up because it's barking it's head off.

technically, i suppose it's not exactly the dog's fault. i'm the one who sleeps in, and it's good la that the dog barks like crazy in the morning, acting as my organic alarm clock every so often. but i can't stand it! it's sort of like how people get all ngilu when you scrape against the table with a plastic ruler, or how you can't sleep when there's a cupboard door creaking repeatedly with the wind.

there was this one time the dog was yapping in the morning round 8 something, and i was furious. i tried to cover my head with the pillow but it didn't work, and i was pissed. i got up from bed and went over to my window, creepy messy hair and all, and stared at the dog(the neighbour has 3 or 4, but only one was making the racket) down below who was barking for what i could see was no apparent reason.

"SHUT UPPPPPPPP!", i yelled, banging on the glass. and this got their attention and they all looked up at me, the banshee melayu, giving them the death glare. alas, i suppose i wasn't scary and assertive enough, because they lost interest after a few seconds and that damn dog started barking again.

this situation may have repeated itself a couple times, with me substituting 'shut up' for "SENYAPLAAAAA!" and "ARRGHHH!". needless to say, it didn't work, and 10 minutes later, a very grumpy banshee stomped downstairs to join her mom for breakfast.

as i type this, the dog in question is barking, which thus prompted this post. i have no idea what it's barking at. birds kot. a few minutes ago, one of the neighbours came out holding a paddle(i think it really is a dog-obedience-paddle) and threatened it to silence, but now it's yapping again, looking for something underneath the car(being on the 2nd floor, i get a good view of their front porch).

someone give me a tranquilizing gun.

in the wee small hours of the morning

i woke up early this morning. fantastic.

i am horrible at waking up early. really, there's a running joke in the family that i "clock in for work in the afternoon shift". subuh prayers are often in jeopardy, and breakfast often turns into lunch. which is horrible!i know. i will try to change. maybe today marks the dawn of a new era. the wake-up-early-and-breakfast-with-the-birds-chirping era. the less-of-a-slob-and-more-of-a-go-getter era.

actually, for some reason, i got up at 4.30. i myself can't fathom that and was trying my best to fall back asleep, but couldn't. sleeping patterns be damned.

so here i am, at 8.48 in the morning, merrily blogging with all the exhiliration the morning sun(a rare sight,that) and a cup of coffee can give.

you know? speaking of bad habits, i have a confession. you know those blog statistic counters? the ones that count how many times your blog is visited and such? well, yes. the other day i saw a blog counter that noted all the countries your visitors came from, and there was this chick's blog whose counter said she has visitors from a whole bunch of places, including the UK,the US, ireland, australia, canada, indonesia, etc. which was fine(and pretty cool), but then it said she also had visitors from places like Latvia, Peru, and the clincher, Bosnia&Herzegovina. and i was all "whoah, betul ke ni?", and decided to check it out for myself(i know, i have too much free time on my hands). so i signed up at this free blog stat tracker and placed the code on my blog.

honestly, i had no idea the extent of info these tracker thingies can get. i mean, they record the date and time of visit of all your visiors, what server they use, origin of visitor, and they even record things like their IPs and the page they clicked on you from!(unless it's direct or from bookmark, whatever that means). which is bloody horrifying for me because i have the tendecy to blog-stalk. i am a blog-stalker. once i've put a blog under Favourites, i will tend to visit it like what, at LEAST 6 times a day? so if anyone out there has this tracker thing as well and is coincidentally puzzling "siapelah budak sedih yang dtg page aku 10 times ni?", then i 'fess up, that was probably me. sorry.

plus, nobody from Bosnia&Herzegovina visits my page. too bad.

i hope they find Sharlinie soon. alive and well.

kakak recommended this song by Adele called 'Chasing Pavements', and it's terrific. very soothing and moving.

tranquil state

ok. baiklah.

i received my notification of rejection from cambridge the day before yesterday. and of course, it sucked. but in a way, it's been good because it's pushed me to make my decision.

it would perhaps be unwise to put down all the stupid things i've felt these past couple days. i am writing this with renewed vigour and enthusiasm, with a tiny bit of reluctance and pasrah-ness thrown in. this post may seem to be an act of trying to regain some sort of composure, or maybe i'm just blowing my own horn, and perhaps it will seem very conceited and ungrateful. but whatever. i'm writing it down with the hopes of easing off the last vestiges of doubt and potential regret.

and nani!you said to make sure i tell you all my offers, yea? this one's for you :)

i applied to Cambridge, LSE, Warwick, Bristol and Bath for the UK. and for Australia, i applied to Melbourne, RMIT, and UNSW. I was rejected by Cambridge and Bath. I have gotten conditional offers from LSE and Bristol. And i've gotten unconditional offers from RMIT and Melbourne. USNW no cerita. and no reply yet from Warwick.

truthfully, aside from cambridge, lse, and melbourne, all the others were to isi tempat on the borang. backup options, however you choose to call it. now that cambridge is out, the toss up is between lse and melbourne. so how goes it?

when i started my a-levels, the plan was for lse. lse all the way,baby. i was going to extract some level revenge on all those places that rejected my scholarship application by getting into lse anyway. isn't it funny?ironic,even? technically, i'm still on the path that can take me to what i vowed to achieve one and a half years ago. if i can get the required grades, i'll be halfway there! but there you have it. i'm taking the other fork in the road and going to melbourne.

trust me, it's not easy giving the idea of lse up. even as i think i've made my decision, second-thoughts intrude on a daily basis. it's lse!for God's sake. i wrote a personal statement for it! i payed bloody application fees! it's freakin' lse!

i know. i know. but i'm sticking by my decision. i tried writing lists of pros and cons for both universities, and for lse, i came up with exactly 2 pros. the first being that i'd be able to get the required UK degree to do my chartered with ICAEW, and the second being that it's somewhat prestigious, which may relate to future employability. how do you place a value on prestige, anyway? i don't know! i don't bloody know.

and melbourne?pros:starts early, cheaper, closer to home, friends going there, somewhat renowned-more so for commerce. is that enough to outweigh it's cons as well as the pros of lse?sometimes i don't think so. sometimes i do.

since i'm going to melbourne, i'll have to rewrite the plans. i won't be able to join the icaew. i'll have to do my CPA. if not maybe i can do my masters first. but hey. maybe i'm not supposed to plan much at the moment. maybe i should just take things as they come. three years from now, maybe i won't even want to do accounting anymore.

remember the part where you're supposed to look for the hikmah whenever God deals you a hand you can't quite comprehend? i'm not looking. i'm just taking a leap of faith with the thought that if this was what God meant me to do, i'm doing it.

so. i will call the lady from the idp centre tomorrow and ask her what to do. and, i'll look up a map of the university. and i'll finish up my mara loan application.

isn't it funny how things always deviate from what you imagined them to be?

my sister gave me the most kickass pep-talk through email. so i'm going to end this post by paraphrasing her words to give myself another pep-talk.

i would have loved cambridge. and i would've loved lse. but i know i'm going to love melbourne too.

haha, i'm being bloody emo, i know. but it's true, ya know. i'm going to embrace every inch of melbourne that i can. and that's the closest thing to a resolution i'm going to make this year. so cheers to that.

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head

I think this was in september of last year. This couple who are acquainted with dad came over for dinner, we're facing them in the pic. i like this one a lot, because:
a) candids are quite rare for the us(no one in the family rajin enough to wield the camera shooting spontaneous pics).
b) all of us(that's me mum and kakak) have the look. the omg-kelakarnya-awak-ni look.

nevermind the fact i look like a complete toad in the pic. to be honest, i was annoyed on that day because:
a)i kene marah for coming home late from tuition
b)the couple arrived before i had time to mandi(thus the disheveled hair and all that is ugly)

plus, you see that woman in the turqoise shirt with the sumo hairstyle? the one yang tengah duduk atas the couch like some sort of laksmana even though mom has taught her children to 'duduk elok-elok', especially in front of guests? the one who marah me for coming home late from tuition? yeah. i miss her.

mom's been helping out my brother's school's library increase their repertoire(i.e:collect money, use money to buy books, process books to be included into database,etc), so she's employed me(albeit with no pay, unfortunately) to help with the processing part. and really, it's no joke! it's a lot of repetitive, tedious work. but it's terrific in the sense that:
a)at least i'm not rotting away. there's some level of productivity, i guess.
b)if this accounting thing doesn't work out, i'll have a backup occupation to fall upon. i'll be a librarian! i'll work at Perpustakaan Negara. and, because of my social skills impediment, i'd probably end up living at the library secretly.

i recently got Bloc Party's A Weekend in the City. Woohoo! i must say, their lyrics captivate me. right off the bat, my favourite on the album is Kreuzberg.

and this goes out to anyone feeling the blues:

falling man

Yeargh.

i just finished reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. and it made me think. which is good, rasenye, because reading Bridget Jones Diary (which i just managed to get around to some days ago) didn't make me think at all, except wonder whether 130 pounds is considered fat.

Anyway, read on wiki that reaction towards the book was extremely diverse, with praises on one side, and harsh criticism on the other. well, i actually like it. a lot. It's about 9-year-old Oskar Schell dealing with the death of his dad, who died because of the 9/11 attacks. and Jonathan Safran Foer uses a lot of unconventional writing techninques, but i think that's half the reason i like it so much. and another thing, this book manages to get to me. i mean, where was i on 9/11? i was 12 going on 13, and i remember distinctly i was back home from school, because i recall i was chatting online with a guy i used to have a crush on, and he was telling me 'US baru kene bom!'. i think it was maybe a few hours after it happend, and i didn't know anything about it. and you know what frustrates me? the fact that i didn't take interest in it. 'yeah, a plane crashed into the towers, that's horrible', but that was it, and i was already forgetting it, considering it as the latest bad thing to happen in the world. i wasn't aware. i didn't appreciate the scale of the whole thing. i didn't get it. i guess was still too immature at that point(i always am too immature for my age, up until now). now, as i think about it, i wish i had paid more attention. felt more empathy. kept up with its developments. yeah. and while i'm at it, i wish i understood what happened in the Bosnian war. because, just like Bridget Jones, i have no clue who fought who, and which side were the muslims, and so on. must look it up.

sheesh. my aircond isn't cold anymore. it's like i don't even have it on. needs servicing, i guess.

and, for my viewing pleasure(though you are perfectly welcome to watch as well :p), i'm putting up this GAP ad featuring Willie Nelson and Ryan Adams. for some reason it appeals to me. needless to say, my favourite part is all the parts with Ryan Adams in it.