I must repent. again.

I was lying on my bed, reading through a blog, when suddenly I saw out of the corner of my left eye, something fluttering up. A moth.

Now, I don't know if you know this, but I am scared of moths, butterflies, cockroaches, and anything yang sewaktu dengannya. Which turns even me off sometimes, it's such a clichéd girly fear. But fear them I do, even if the moth/butterfly/etc in question is about 25 times smaller then me. As long as it has wings that can make it fly around erratically, I'm a goner.

So I saw this moth, and my first instinct was to swear(a whispered "mother". Why "mother"? Well, some scattered remains of propriety stopped me from saying a longer, particularly foul word. Why whispered? because my roommate's asleep).

My second instinct was to grab the nearest thing that could act as a shield as well as an offensive instrument(I may be a coward, but when push comes to shove I can swat like nobody's business). Pencil box? No. Student diary? No. Packet of tim tams? Good grief, where's a weapon when you need one. I finally grabbed a decent implement(French exercise book), and held it over my head. The moth, which had been fluttering about near the ceiling, suddenly veered to the left and crashed into my blinds before sliding downwards. I can't see it now, my table's blocking my view. It hasn't made any movement since, so I suspect it's dead now(unless it's just sitting there quietly, which, if you think about it, is a pretty creepy thought). Now I have to pick up a dead moth tomorrow.

On an almost unrelated note, I find it peculiar and at the same time pathetic how susceptible I am to developing blog infatuations.(Did I just type that? Blog infatuations?)

I am so screwed for Corporate Law.

The next time I post I'll be at home!I want to screech out some ancient tribal cry of excitement and gratitude, but my roommate's asleep.

ok bye.

Edit: BLOODY HELL THE MOTH ISN'T DEAD IT'S SITTING THERE QUIETLY! Serious mangkuk ayun lah.

Bum like you

Aku dah buat dua exam, tinggal dua je lagi.

Sekarang dekat Melbourne tengah panas. Panas ya rabbi. Semalam aku punye first exam, buat masa sesi petang, pukul 2.15. Ntah kenape aku pergi underestimate how hot it would be in the exam hall, jadi aku pergi pakai jeans, a blouse(tapi warna merah, sebab aku taknak pakai baju hitam yang serap haba), kasut, pastu aku pergi lepaskan rambut. Sebab rambut aku panjang, kiranya aku macam pakai scarf. Exam aku dua jam. 120 minit. Aku rasa 20 minit daripada masa tu aku sibuk fikir “panas ya rabbi”, sambil lap peluh.

Hari ni aku exam petang lagi, jadi aku pun ambik lah langakah-langkah berpatutan untuk menghadapi kepanasan dalam exam hall. Aku pakai three-quartered jeans aku dengan t-shirt, even though t-shirt tu gelebeh and dia punya collar dah bentuk pelik sebab basuh banyak sangat kali. Lepas tu aku pakai selipar dan aku ikat rambut aku biar bonjot atas kepala. Kesimpulannya, aku nampak macam orang gaji masa tengah buat exam tadi.Takpe. Aku dah biasa.(Ye,aku selalu keluar rumah nampak macam orang gaji, ape masalah kau ?)

Masa aku tengah nak jalan pergi exam hall tadi aku ada nampak seorang kawan(kawan ke? kenalan lah kiranya) aku ni tengah jalan kat depan aku. Aku boleh cam belakang dia, serious terrer. Anyway, kalau ikutkan,melainkan aku kenal orang tu secara baik, aku selalunye akan jalan perlahan-lahan, ataupun ikut jalan lain, dengan harapan aku tak payah tegur orang itu dan dia takkan perasan aku, sebab aku ni socially retarded like that. Tapi kali ni aku pegi kat betul-betul belakang kenalan aku seorang ni pastu aku pegi tepuk bahu dia. Dua benda muncul kat dalam kepala aku saat-saat aku tepuk bahu dia, iaitu:

a) Tinggi jugak dia ni, kalau nak tepuk bahu dia aku kena angkat tangan hampir separas dengan muka aku.

b) APE PASAL AKU TENGAH TEPUK BAHU DIA NI??

Aku sibuk sangat fikir pasal b), sampaikan bila kenalan aku tu pusing dan nampak aku, aku tak mampu nak senyum kat dia dan cakap ‘hi’ ke apa. Tak. Aku sekadar naikkan bulu kening sikit. Tak boleh naikkan mulut untuk senyum, naikkan bulu kening pun jadilah.

Apa kejadahnya aku naikkan bulu kening ? Gila sombong. Or just gila, fullstop.

Magdalene

My love affair with my studies is going through a rough patch.

Maybe it's just because of exams? Exams, the loathsome creature that mocks my immaturity, my lack of hard work, my stupidity. Perhaps. But this semester has been a sort of blur for me, and the only classes I felt like I was attending body and soul were my french classes.

How can you have a love affair with accounting anyway? It sounds downright laughable. Have you ever met a person who is genuinely fascinated by it? I was reading someone's blog, and the passion and innate interest she has for what she's learning, her enthusiasm about her studies and her course work, it shone through, and it killed me a bit, because I don't think I've ever felt like that about my studies. Yes, what I learn can be stimulating,I acknowledge its due importance, but my interest for my studies is parked at the end of classes, and I don't integrate what I learn with my life. I wish I could be more... emotional, I suppose, with my studies. But it's kind of hard to get all worked up over the joys of learning things like the existence of separate financial reporting obligations for different-sized companies, or directors' duties to shareholders.

Why did I choose a commerce degree? Because I felt a certain satisfaction in working out how accounts balance, and was stoked when they actually did. Because economics fascinated me in a way physics and biology couldn't. Because I thought I was good at it, that my intelligence was meant for these subjects, because I could see myself becoming a kick-ass accountant.

Now that I don't feel that I'm good at it anymore, and that my intelligence seems non-existent, and half of my lectures bore me to tears, what does that leave me with?

I want to come home so badly, I am ultimately tired of this place for the time being.

*** Very sorry for this, I tried very hard to avoid doing an emo exam post this time around. I was initially supposed to blog about things like witty(if I do say so myself) retorts to weight-gain comments, tim-tam slam orgasms, my imaginary t-shirt shop ambitions, etc, but somehow this was what came about. I is failure.

I have to go get groceries

My compensation for studying as of late has been videos of korean boybands.

Betul.

Despite the demise of the boyband in negara-negara matsalleh(or its evolution to the Jonas Brothers), it has been perfectly preserved in South Korea. I mean, we're talking about the traditional formula here:

Good looking guys(or disturbingly pretty, depending on your view) + catchy pop tunes + dancing + videos with close-ups of them singing with emotional faces = bunch of fangirls squealing

South Korean boybands are wonderfully unapologetic about it, the boys are all so pretty(nampak macam semua baru hit puberty, but withouts zits. No body hair to be seen!) utterly metrosexual, good dancers(I now appreciate the intricacies of good blocking), and they have a tendency to go for band names in the form of letters.

How can I not be cheered up watching them?!

So if I don't do well for this exam, you know why. I was too busy watching hairless boys singing and dancing simultaneously.