so...yeah.
my results came out the other day. in case you couldn't tell by the tak-tahan-sorrowfulnye post below, i wasn't happy. i got a B for accounting. i got As for the rest,(even GP!haha), so alhamdulillah for that. but ooff, i felt like i got socked hard in the stomach when i found out about the B. in accounting. ACCOUNTING?!
it's ironic. ironic in a couple ways, being that:
1.i wasn't so much worried about accounting as i was for econs or maths.
2. i'm supposed to become a kick-ass chartered accountant, and here i am starting off with a B in accounting at GCE AS level. looks very ominous.
so i found out about the B, and things pretty much went topsy-turvy after that. i skipped class and went home, and the crying jag just exploded. it came to a point where i secretly thought i was hyperventilating, and if not, i hoped i would. i WANTED to go into spasm or have a nervous breakdown. anything that would prevent me from having to be angry or sad or question 'why?bloody fucking WHY?'.
which may sound a tad bit overreacting to some. it's a B, not an F, and it's not the end of the world. yes, i am aware of that. sigh. but getting straight As this time around meant a lot to me,ok? a lot more than you'd think.
so, it's that time again(and this is a deja vu moment), where i try to cast around and see where the hikmah lies in all of this. and i realize that i sound a bit cynical and sarcastic, and i'm so sorry for that. a part of me realizes that i've become a bit weary and less inclined to be optimistic, but perhaps this is just temporary. once again there's that internal tug of war between trying to remind myself that i didn't get cancer and nobody died as well as feeling sorry for myself and just wanting to scream out 'i have the fucking right to be sad, even if it IS just because of a measly B!'.
but if there's one good thing about all of this, if there's anything that i'd want to remember, it's the hugs. after i first got my results, i literally, quite literally burst into tears, right in front of my accounts teacher and the rest of the classs. come to think of it, that's downright embarassing. some friends were awkward about it, as any normal person would be. but not others. jajar, without any hesitation at all, immediately hugged me and held on while i sobbed. which is quite amazing. i can't remember the last time i cried in front of someone(muhasabah diri sessions don't count :P), let alone have someone try and comfort me. and i remember Bo Eui giving me a hug too, telling me not to worry. it's weird. i remember leaning on diyana, with her hand around my shoulder. and i remember shao marching over to my side.
my family was awesome about the whole thing. awesome. i'm thankful to have them. and i'm thankful for my friends, too.
so...yeah. i'm ok. i'm dreading the thought of going back to class and back into homework, but i think i'll be able to pull cheerful off. sure, i have no doubt i'll run into awkward moments, be it doubting my capabilities all over again or explaining to someone my results or wondering what to with my cambridge application. but still. i'm trying to take this one step at a time.
one feeling down song. 'Bad Day'. contrary to pop culture, my favourite 'Bad Day'-titled song is the one by Fuel.
p/s:thanx again nani and anna and aijud and shao for your reassuring comments. i heart you guys, haha :D
exaggeration and tall tales galore
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Jangan tengok! tutup mata!
- July 2013 (1)
- October 2012 (1)
- June 2012 (1)
- May 2012 (2)
- April 2012 (1)
- February 2012 (1)
- January 2012 (2)
- December 2011 (1)
- November 2011 (3)
- October 2011 (3)
- September 2011 (3)
- August 2011 (4)
- July 2011 (3)
- June 2011 (4)
- May 2011 (3)
- April 2011 (2)
- March 2011 (3)
- February 2011 (1)
- January 2011 (5)
- December 2010 (1)
- November 2010 (2)
- October 2010 (2)
- September 2010 (4)
- August 2010 (6)
- July 2010 (4)
- June 2010 (3)
- May 2010 (3)
- April 2010 (6)
- March 2010 (5)
- February 2010 (5)
- January 2010 (5)
- December 2009 (3)
- November 2009 (4)
- October 2009 (4)
- September 2009 (6)
- August 2009 (6)
- July 2009 (5)
- June 2009 (2)
- May 2009 (3)
- April 2009 (6)
- March 2009 (5)
- February 2009 (2)
- January 2009 (6)
- December 2008 (10)
- November 2008 (7)
- October 2008 (9)
- September 2008 (9)
- August 2008 (6)
- July 2008 (7)
- June 2008 (6)
- May 2008 (10)
- April 2008 (10)
- March 2008 (9)
- February 2008 (6)
- January 2008 (7)
- December 2007 (8)
- November 2007 (6)
- October 2007 (7)
- September 2007 (4)
- August 2007 (5)
- July 2007 (4)
- June 2007 (10)
- May 2007 (7)
- April 2007 (7)
- March 2007 (5)
- February 2007 (4)
- January 2007 (6)
- December 2006 (6)
- November 2006 (9)
13 comments:
atiqah....wat's worst had ald past...
u never noe tat sth go0d is gonna happen...just do ur best n u will feel better.....take care...
jessica
*punching the air* yeah! atiqah is back! fighting spirit...TEEHEE! =D la la la ....you can do it Atiqah!
Yea! we're gonna watch siti nurhaliza n phua chu kang! TEEHEE!!
glad youre back.macam itulah kawan saya.
time will do its bidding.
jessica:aww, thanx!u do ur best also.ur right, things can only get better from now on.
nani and shao:*takes a bow*. haha, i'm still kinda disoriented, but i'm getting my groove back, yeah baby!:P
shao, i'm sincerely hoping phua chu kang will be funny enough to make me laugh until my tummy aches.
ateqs~~ jgn bersdey ye. chill out. herm~~ aku pon tak tahu nak ckp apa nk menaikkan smangat ko. sbb life aku skang pon ngah tunggang terbalik n my mood is just so gloomy... i guess mcm bln nih bln bersedih je ateqs. ahaha
Yeah,i like this.U r getting back on the right track.Anyway,just a matter of interest,are u applying to Oxbridge?
sal,thanx :) ko tengah gloomy ke? cheer up! just focus on happy things skarang. like ratatouille, for instance :p
firdaus:yup, back on not-so-gloomy track. still smarting a bit, but otherwise i'm just dandy. and yes, i'm applying for cambridge. dapat B for accounting pon apply gak.just giving it a shot. i already paid the RM280 application fee :p how bout u?
I am.Are u applying to a particular college?I'm applying to Jesus.Btw,how many of ur seniors at Sunway r heading for Cambridge this year?
yeah?what course are u taking ah? i'm applying for Queens'. and about my seniors, i honestly have no idea. i can't say i actually know my seniors, so never bothered to find out who's going where.
Medic.
Btw,most of my friends here majoring in Economics are applying to Queen's.Why eh?Do u know anyone from ur college who is applying to Jesus too?
my primary choices were magdalene and emmanuel, but they're too far from the econs faculty.i chose queens' because the location is good, it supposedly has a good track record in econs, and the college environment seems pleasant. sebab tu kot ramai orang suke.
there are only 2 other ppl in my batch applying for cambridge, and we're all going for econs, so they're applying to king's and st catharine's. a few ppl from the jan '07 intake are applying too, but i don't know to which college, so can't help u out there, sorry.
but anyway,good luck with ur application mate, hope all goes well. btw, do u have msn?it would be a lot easier to communicate via msn rather than chatting in the comment box, yea?;)
No i don't have MSN account.Sorry.
Post a Comment