Ya know.
i was looking for an empty notebook just now, when i came across my high school yearbook. flicked through it, and then proceeded to sit down properly and go through the pages.
it's funny. it's only been what, 2 years since we finished? and yet i've already forgotten. i studied my class picture, and i had completely forgotten i was in the same class as some people. if you were to ask me now, about some of my former classmates, i would have gone, 'ah?was she/he my classmate ke? oh, a'ah!!lupe'.
where exactly am i going here. ok. i was flicking through some friendster profiles the other day, and in several of them, in the 'who i want to meet' section, there'd be 'ex-semashur0105'. and i raised my eyebrow then, thinking 'well, i wouldn't put that in my profile'. and then i stopped for a second to think, why WOULDN'T i?
because half the people in semashur, no, make that three quarters, have become strangers to me. and the fact that i've forgotten who half my classmates even were reinforces that! why ah? i just wonder WHY. because i find it spectacularly, awfully sad to think that i spent 5 years in a place, and yet here i am already letting go of most of the memories. i found friends, yes, awesome ones, but once we finished high school, for most of them, we stopped having common ground and we just. don't. clique. anymore.
is it my fault? i honestly wonder(i know i've filled up my quota of asking pathetic, self-pitying sounding questions, but yeah). the last batch gathering i went to, i felt insanely uncomfortable, thinking 'maybe this was a bad idea'. i know it sounds horrible, but i feel seperate, like i'm not part of them. maybe i never was actually, but now it actually starting to believe that. and i don't mean this in a degrading, i-am-superior-and-therefore-cannot-get-along way. we're just different.
or this could all be extremely stupid over-analysis of everything and i'm just kidding myself. yeah, that's more likely.
we were going to call the school magazine something, a latin name. but i can't remember what it was. hmm.
exaggeration and tall tales galore
Thursday, November 01, 2007
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8 comments:
oho..the same things goes with me la ateqs..
maybe sbb kte masuk 2 class wk2 form 5, i'm bit confused..who's in which class and likewise...but when i read your entry just now,i've suddenly wanted to remembered all of them and ...aha..saye sudah ingat..dgn tmpat duduk skali..hehe..
interesting. before then, semashur was my everything. i mean literally. i could never ever imagine myself going out here. meeting new people. my life was just at semashur.
i don't know how to describe it. but you were the part of our batch. you were the very outgoing-ateqs, our debater, our english dictionary (ok maybe mine..laughs), and most importantly, you are our friend. ok maybe you're not that close to evryone, but there are some group of friends that you were with if i were to think about it. and i think you probably have some great moments with them. if thats not many.
well, its not wrong not to remember all the friends back in highschool anyways. because people do have different lives sooner or later. and people do change. you cant have those gatherings anymore for every other years. and probably, the next time you see them, is when they have ten kids lining behind them when you are browing around in supermarket. who knows heh?
either way, i can't say my semashur life was a total crap, nor a total bliss. it is somewhere along the line between them, and im sure most of people in our batch felt the some way. if they really think about it.
kenapa saya promote semashur ni? haha... could i say that i miss those days, when you've nothing else to think about other than whts in the boundry of our school (literallY). but im sure that i dont want to go back. because i have better lives now. i hope you do. :)
selamat hari raya ateqs (raya sebulan kan? so make this count..laughs)
i found my class pictures the other day as well. or rather, i was just digging through my 'history drawer' because i was feeling nostalgic.
the memories. actually, we realise how much we've forgotten once we see the pics. i would like to think of it as memories buried in the pics. there's only so much we can remember, and thus the pictures serve as catalysts for our mind to recall back everything.
:)
fatiiiin!hi there. yeah, totally. i keep confusing who was in which classes. haha, i recalled where i sat too!and i tried to ingat balik siape yang duduk kat depan saye, belakang, both sides, and diagonally too :p
anna:haha, i don't think i was out-going. far from it. but yeah, that's just it. i had GREAT times with peeps back at school, so now i was just wondering why those great times weren't enough to cement a permaenant SOLID friendship. but that's the thing i guess. people change. we have different lives now. better ones, maybe.
selamat hari raye jugaaak!:D
aman:catalyst. i like that word. yeah, you're right. there IS only so much we can remember. that's just how it is, i guess. we forget.
but i like it when looking at old pics, u get these burst of recollections in your head, the type that make you sit down for a good 20 minutes recapping everything that happened back then. u cringe and grimace at some of the memories, and at others you laugh, but in the end you just sigh and put the pictures back, thinking where has time gone.
agreed. that's why I call it 'memories buried in the pics.'
when I look at pictures, I make sure I have LOTS of free time, because reminiscing is not done in short bursts. hehe!
Aaaa the latin name!What was it.I can't remember.
Ah,boarding school life.Everything seems somewhat blurry to me,yet there is that sense of clarity.Of how it seems only yesterday I was in form 1 and very awkward.But I did felt protected there,somewhat shielded from the monstrosity of the outside world.Now I know the real way of the world.
And its intriguing, and exciting,and full of possibilities. But the other half that makes it is daunting all the same.
I'm scared of growing up really!
Inspired by this particular post of yours,I wrote something about friendship...
aman: definitely. lots of free time and lots of space to spread out all the pictures,haha.
aijud: i can't remember either! it was some latin motivational word or something. ntahla.
not ready to grow up. i want to go on the slide again!
firdaus: yay!sorry for not reading earlier, but for some reason frienster never notifies me whenever u update anymore.
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