tranquil state

ok. baiklah.

i received my notification of rejection from cambridge the day before yesterday. and of course, it sucked. but in a way, it's been good because it's pushed me to make my decision.

it would perhaps be unwise to put down all the stupid things i've felt these past couple days. i am writing this with renewed vigour and enthusiasm, with a tiny bit of reluctance and pasrah-ness thrown in. this post may seem to be an act of trying to regain some sort of composure, or maybe i'm just blowing my own horn, and perhaps it will seem very conceited and ungrateful. but whatever. i'm writing it down with the hopes of easing off the last vestiges of doubt and potential regret.

and nani!you said to make sure i tell you all my offers, yea? this one's for you :)

i applied to Cambridge, LSE, Warwick, Bristol and Bath for the UK. and for Australia, i applied to Melbourne, RMIT, and UNSW. I was rejected by Cambridge and Bath. I have gotten conditional offers from LSE and Bristol. And i've gotten unconditional offers from RMIT and Melbourne. USNW no cerita. and no reply yet from Warwick.

truthfully, aside from cambridge, lse, and melbourne, all the others were to isi tempat on the borang. backup options, however you choose to call it. now that cambridge is out, the toss up is between lse and melbourne. so how goes it?

when i started my a-levels, the plan was for lse. lse all the way,baby. i was going to extract some level revenge on all those places that rejected my scholarship application by getting into lse anyway. isn't it funny?ironic,even? technically, i'm still on the path that can take me to what i vowed to achieve one and a half years ago. if i can get the required grades, i'll be halfway there! but there you have it. i'm taking the other fork in the road and going to melbourne.

trust me, it's not easy giving the idea of lse up. even as i think i've made my decision, second-thoughts intrude on a daily basis. it's lse!for God's sake. i wrote a personal statement for it! i payed bloody application fees! it's freakin' lse!

i know. i know. but i'm sticking by my decision. i tried writing lists of pros and cons for both universities, and for lse, i came up with exactly 2 pros. the first being that i'd be able to get the required UK degree to do my chartered with ICAEW, and the second being that it's somewhat prestigious, which may relate to future employability. how do you place a value on prestige, anyway? i don't know! i don't bloody know.

and melbourne?pros:starts early, cheaper, closer to home, friends going there, somewhat renowned-more so for commerce. is that enough to outweigh it's cons as well as the pros of lse?sometimes i don't think so. sometimes i do.

since i'm going to melbourne, i'll have to rewrite the plans. i won't be able to join the icaew. i'll have to do my CPA. if not maybe i can do my masters first. but hey. maybe i'm not supposed to plan much at the moment. maybe i should just take things as they come. three years from now, maybe i won't even want to do accounting anymore.

remember the part where you're supposed to look for the hikmah whenever God deals you a hand you can't quite comprehend? i'm not looking. i'm just taking a leap of faith with the thought that if this was what God meant me to do, i'm doing it.

so. i will call the lady from the idp centre tomorrow and ask her what to do. and, i'll look up a map of the university. and i'll finish up my mara loan application.

isn't it funny how things always deviate from what you imagined them to be?

my sister gave me the most kickass pep-talk through email. so i'm going to end this post by paraphrasing her words to give myself another pep-talk.

i would have loved cambridge. and i would've loved lse. but i know i'm going to love melbourne too.

haha, i'm being bloody emo, i know. but it's true, ya know. i'm going to embrace every inch of melbourne that i can. and that's the closest thing to a resolution i'm going to make this year. so cheers to that.