12:01

14 minutes until midnight. ready?

go.

13 minutes. but i don't know where to start.

You know how if you watch a movie or read a story and you come to the part where the main character asks the supporting character if she/he had the chance to live life all over again, would they change anything? and the supporting character will, without doubt, say something along the lines of

"no, i wouldn't change a thing. because then i wouldn't have learnt from my mistakes" and bla bla bla, something of that sort.

i don't get it. if i had a chance to live life all over again, would i change anything? YES! a big fat YES!

i'd change that time i won the story-telling competition and told the reporter that that the parent that helped me prepare for it was dad. dad did help. but mom deserved the credit. i should have said it was mom.

i would change that time i read kakak's diary(yes, i was the monster little sister from hell) back when i was 9 or something. i shouldn't have read it. i should have just put it back.

i would have changed that time when i was 17 and overheard dad discussing his expectations for my spm results with kakak. i shouldn't have eavesdropped. i should have turned up the volume of the tv.

i'd change the time i snapped at Amira back in form 1 when she asked me a question. that was so bloody mean of me. i'd change that. i'd answer nicely this time around.

i would change the time i lied to my parents about my results when i was 13. i was so scared, i knew they would freak when they saw how badly i did. and they found out anyway and i got into hot water for that. if i could do it over, i would tell them the truth from the start.

2 minutes.

sometimes, i honestly believe i'm too messed up to be able to set things right.

oh, sometimes it seems this will be as good as it gets.

midnight.