technicolour

Why, hello there.

I've got Adele, Badly Drawn Boy and Kings of Leon playing on my playlist, i've (metaphorically) cracked my knuckles and loosen my neck muscles, and i'm now typing this with the determination to finish it to the end and actually click that lovely orange 'publish post' button at the bottom of the page.

It's funny. blogging is, so to speak, the one and only activity i actually feel comfortable doing (well, besides the obvious sleeping and eating and listening to music), something that comes as a natural extension of myself(hello. melodramatic a bit) and yet for the past week whenever it came to sitting down and writing a post, i'd spend half an hour staring at the blank white box before eventually conceding to the fact that i had no clue what to write.

the urge to blog is there, but to actually get around to blogging about some subject matter is the problem.

We all know that when we blog, we take into consideration our readers' perspective, yes? that is, we blog somewhat indirectly based on what we think the person reading might think of it. i know, i know, that may not be the case for everyone(i can see all the indignant people out there puffing out there chests and proclaiming that they blog to discover themselves/to keep in touch with friends/ to just jot down thoughts and don't give a damn about other people's perceptions,etc,etc), but let's just assume that the majority of people do, yes? i'm not saying that we'd blog for the sole purpose of pleasing readers, i acknowledge that we blog because we are motivated to express our own thoughts and such. but when we do blog, we adjust our posts in a way that would suit readers, si? if not why would we attempt to make a post funny, or ask feedback from those reading, or put up songs and videos? if not, why bother blogging at all? why not just do word documents?

right. well. My problem is, i've taken this whole other-people's-perceptions-taken-into-consideration thingie to a whole new level.

for one thing, i can barely get through 3 sentences without worrying whether i'm coming off as some self-indulgent prick. i am often plagued by this idea that i should at least blog about something not so bimbotic(no such word as bimbotic apparently, i checked dictionary.com) every once in a while. and when i do work some steam over an opinion i then wonder if i know anyone who practices or condones the very thing i'm ranting against and whether i would offend them. and then, when i've finished a paragraphe like this very one i'm writing, a paragraph that outlines all my shortcomings, i am worried it'll sound like i'm fishing for sympathy and a nice person to coo that i'm worrying too much and that i should blog whatever i feel like.

it's like this daydream i had when i was younger. i had this vision of an elf(or was it myself, i can't remember) looking into this trapdoor, and in the trapdoor there was another elf looking into another trapdoor and another elf looking into yet another trapdoor within and so on. it was endless.

same thing here. once you start wondering about the thoughts of your readers(or imaginary readers), it doesn't stop. there will always be something within a something within a something that you think about that hinders blogging progress.

oh, ayang. you are one lame over-analyst.

Ryuichi Sakamoto kicks ass, by the way.

i'll blog properly someday soon.

okay. good night.