Vous croyez en Dieu?

Thanks for sticking by when I go crazy. For that, you deserve some sort of baked good, so come see me to claim it.

Got my oral over and done with, and I've submitted my assignment. Two points!

My oral partner appeared to be on some sort of mission (unintentionally, or so he pleads) to test my patience. Had he been deployed by God to uji my kesabaran during these last few days ramadhan? Either way, I failed. I would like to believe I attempted to be accommodating the first few times, but at some point you would just like to smack someone across the back of their head and say "Dude. You just can't function like this if you expect to live in an interdependent community, which we do".

I think, if I may be so indulgent to make a self-describing statement; that I am one scary bitch when I get mad. I don't scream in your face (though 9 times out of 10 I probably imagined it at some point), but I choose the shamefully cowardly method of being mad: I get moody, I give you the silent treatment, the death glare, the imaginary thunderbolts. Sometimes I resort to sarcasm and the occasional scathing word, but mostly I go for a vision of frostiness. Which may just be annoying to some (never rubbed well against my parents, I tell you), but sometimes the Machiavellian aspect of my soul is vindicated and achieves its objective to scare the bejesus out of the object of my contempt.

Which just goes to show how dysfunctional I am as a person. This whole thing came to light as I was talking with my partner, and I realized I was having to resist the urge to stop talking and just GLARE at him. Machiavelli was saying "Insult him! Disregard common courtesy, make him weep!". Vlad the Impaler, who often surfaces when I'm angry and want to physically assault someone was with Machiavelli on this, asking me to "IMPALE HIM! Find a pole!".

On the other hand, another side of me (Mother Teresa side?) was going over the fact that he had apologized each time he made a mistake (which is more that what some would have done), he was scared enough as it is, and the fact that he likes to put smiley faces in his messages. You can't pick a fight with someone who puts smiley faces in their messages, it just doesn't seem right.

I was internally arguing all this in my head while he was asking me things I believe in ( We were learning the verb 'croire' today). At what point can you disregard the need to be the bigger person and have the inherent right to show that you're irked? I suppose, ideally, you're not supposed to show it at all. You're supposed to take it in stride, realise that this person made mistakes but then again so have you, etc. The frosty treatment would only end up with both of us being discomfited. Kesian dia. I knew what I should have done but didn't do it. I didn't pick a fight, but I wasn't exactly making him a friendship bracelet either.

No matter, no matter. We'll pick up where we've left it in two weeks. Two weeks of holidays! This calls for a happy song.