Sometimes, I still need you

I was supposed to go to sleep, and I had set my alarm clock(alarm phone?) and gotten beneath the covers. Then I found myself thinking and I felt wide awake and then thought to write something here.

It's pretty windy outside.I hope it's warm enough on Raya to not have to wear a coat. What's the point of wearing a nice bright baju kurung if I have to cover it up?

One thing that popped into my head was a memory of Jijim and I attempting high-impact aerobics via youtube videos. And also playing tennis with him on the Wii and attempting a killer forehand which somehow ended up with me spinning around, toppling over and crashing into the TV table. I miss my brother.

Other things that occupied the mind were regular things, nothing out of the ordinary. Things to study, work to get done, apprehension, weight musings (I am always tempted now and again to do The Weight Post. Sometime soon.), applying for jobs, what to eat for sahur, etc.

Today was ok, today was an optimistic day. Some days(though decreasingly so, I must admit) I feel like I am the queen of Can Do and I can take on the world, other days I have a realistic but still determined ambition for what I want, when things go awry I can pick myself up and dust myself off. What puzzles me is sometimes it can be the other way around, and so extremely at that. Putrid days. Days where I describe myself as putrid, where I can't pick myself up. I'm becoming scared of them, which worries me, if only because it seems to imply that I'm treating them as permanent fixture, something I am certain will come around, no escape.

Someday I won't be so self-centered and stop talking about myself so self-indulgently here and in such a ludicrously self-pitying manner, but until then.

p/s: In kpop related news, I'm trying to channel Park Kahi(the goddess!) every time it's time for dance practice. Ultimate fail on my part, but I try. Also, I now have an unabashed crush on Lee Seung Gi. I love My Girlfriend Is A Gumiho, I have become a total Korean pop culture freak, and there's not much anyone can do about it.

Holy stapler, it really is windy outside.