Winter

Hi.

For some reason, I fell flat off my face onto the wrong side of the bed and I was in a bad mood. Nothing life-altering, just one of those brief phases of grumpiness that are unpleasant while they run their course. In this particular case, I'm not quite sure if it was a reason for the bad mood or a consequence, but I wouldn't stop eating. I seriously wouldn't. I'd eat until I felt slightly sick. No pleasure derived from the act of eating, I would just eat, eat, eat until I literally couldn't shovel anything else in.

Then, it manifested in irrational irritation. For example, while I was out walking just now, I wanted to punch the head of the girl in front of me teetering in wedges who couldn't seem to decided which way she wanted to go. Yes. I wanted to punch her in the head.

This bad mood peaked at the gym, where it fueled a rage-induced work-out(and I'd like to believe it made me rack up herculean efforts during my work-out, but in truth it was just the regular routine on the stationary bike and a slow jog on the treadmill. Nevertheless, it felt like I was on FIYAH and all awesome!) , but thankfully, it petered out as adrenaline kicked in, and by the time I was on the rowing machine it had simmered down. And when I was walking home from the gym, the bad mood had subsided to the phase where I listen to melancholic, defeatist music such as Creep by Radiohead and Your Ex-Lover is Dead by Stars.

Speaking of melancholic songs, when I was going through my shitty phase a few months back, I had a theme song. I played this constantly while trudging through the cold weather and being all miserable. The fact that it was winter at the time was a satisfying coincidence. I share this with the hopes that if someone out there is trying to get through some sadness, maybe this song could be your theme song too.


I wonder if it's the heat getting to me. Summer's practically here y'all, and it's getting uncomfortably hot. The kind of heat that melts your face when you walk outside and makes you actively search out routes that are shaded. The kind of heat where you have to sleep with the sliding door open and toss frustratedly in bed in the middle of the night, kicking off the quilt, trying to find the coolest part of the bedsheets.

I haven't been home in almost 2 years. And I've been thinking about that flight back home, from the mundane customs of checking-in and going through passport control, to getting through the actual flight and touching down in KL and that moment where I'll exit the aircraft and get a whoosh of warm air to my face.

Home, home!