copy-paste. edward norton club

12.16am. Now 12.17am. I’ve just finished watching Fight Club, and now I’m alternating between Microsoft-wording(the new blogging) and browsing through all the extra features on the dvd. I must say, I thought the movie was great! In my humble opinion.

Ok, when it comes to movies, I am satisfied with bubblegum. Does that make sense? It’s hard to make sense when you’re keeping an ear on a dvd commentary. Right. If movies were music, then I would be satisfied with Fall Out Boy, Hilary Duff, Hannah Montana, and whatever else that’s brilliantly pink and mainstream. Give me romantic comedies, give me movies with shallow plots that are wonderfully entertaining, give me the same bloody cliché of boy meets girl, boy misunderstands girl, boy makes up with girl, I love it all!

It suffices to say, I thought Fight Club was brilliant, but I don’t actually trust my own judgment because I'm so easily pleased. But it’s the first thing I’ve seen in a while that made me feel.. I don’t know…refreshed? It was refreshing. Yeah. Whatever. And I thought it was funny.

I have a crush on Edward Norton. Fuh.

I confess, I couldn’t finish The Constant Gardener. I returned it without getting half-way past. It’s interesting, but for some reason(maybe i wasn't intellectually stimulated enough), I didn’t like it enough to continue reading it.

Tim-tams here are better! No joke.

Oh, oh. I read this in Nick Hornby’s A Long Way Down:

‘You know that things aren’t going well for you when you can’t even tell people the simplest fact about your life, simply because they’ll presume you’re asking them to feel sorry for you. I suppose it’s why you feel so far way from everyone, in the end; anything you can think of to tell them just ends up making them feel terrible’.

1.04 am.

One of my lecturers is an old man, whom I(affectionately) think of as the Grandpa, and I bet he’s the nice sort, the one that buys ice creams and lollypops for his grandchildren. But his voice and the way he lectures just beseeches you to not pay attention and let your mind wander elsewhere.

I am a devotee of the cult that strives to perfect the art of mind-wandering while keeping a perfectly attentive face, as if you are wholeheartedly, with every fiber of your being, concentrating on what the teacher/lecturer/penceramah is saying. Back in form 2, I was still a novice and horrible at it, like the time in agama class, when there was a boring presentation going on, and I started doodling(that in itself was a no-no. NEVER doodle, unless you’ve mastered the technique of doodling in a manner that looks like you’re scribbling down notes professionally). I broke the cardinal rule of being always aware where the teacher was. I was pleasurably doodling away, when suddenly the ustazah was right behind me, looking over my shoulder! Needless to say, I got the evil eye and a sharp word from her. But with time, I got the hang of it, and by Form 5 I was a pro, if I do say so myself. You should have seen me in biology classes! The ones in the lab. Where the teacher was talking about something to do with plants(in biology, the parts to do with plants were always the most boring ones). I’d look like I wasn’t thinking of anything else but xylems and floem, whereas in reality I would probably have been having my favourite daydream at that point in my life, the one where evil beings(humans, but with fighting skills and some forms of super powers) of some other world storm into the lab to pick a fight or to attack someone(usually the victim would be the teacher/lecturer/penceramah in question) and I’d be the good being(human too, but I’m good), the one who until now had to keep my powers and martial arts prowess a secret, and I’d fight them until they’d slink away.

Yes. I was 16 going on 17, and the level of my fantasies were still at the good-vs.-evil and super powers level. So effing what?

When I was small, in standard 1, there was this one time mom actually had the decency to entrust me with a thermos that was lined with glass inside. This was back in the days where I brought my own lunch to school to eat mase rehat. And I remember mom was reluctant to let me bring it. After all, it was glass and therefore breakable. But for some reason I ended up bringing it anyway. Hmm. Maybe we didn’t have another water-bottle handy mase tu kot, back then if I’m not mistaken we’d just moved back here from Kerteh.

Anyway, I remember mom reminding me a few times to take extra care of the thermos and to make sure I didn’t bang or drop it. And I was extra careful! I made sure I was holding it steady. After I finished eating at the canteen, I went back to class with my friends, but rehat time wasn’t over, and as we all know, it’s a sin to be in the classroom during recess period. So we were just waiting around, maybe we played something, I don’t know. The thermos was still safe and sound, and it was almost a couple minutes until the bell would ring. Almost home free!

I can’t remember what happened right before, but I recall the point where the bell rang. And I had been talking to a few friends, among them this girl named Alia, a bit chubby, fair, wore glasses. She moved away in standard 3. Anyway, the bell rang, and there was the mad rush to get back to classes. Well, Alia rushed off, and in doing so, she bumped into me. She bumped into me, and I dropped the thermos. She didn’t notice I guess, she continued careening off to class. I picked up the thermos, and hoped that the worst hadn’t happened. Yeah, well. No such luck. When I shook the thermos, you could hear all the clunks and ker-chunks the broken pieces of glass made as they bumped against the thermos shell. And I think it almost sounded good for a second, because it sounded like ice clinking against the wall of a big glass of deliciously cold juice or ribena. But of course that notion was dispelled in the next few seconds and I realized I wasn’t careful enough to show mom that I could be careful enough.

When I got home and showed it to her, I was still hoping the thermos would be salvageable in some way, like maybe we could take out all the glass pieces and use the thermos anyway, seeing as on the outside it looked just fine. But mom said we couldn’t use it anymore and threw the thermos away.

When I first started blogging, back in that friendster blog, I didn’t use paragraphs. I would just type a whole block of text for a post. Why on earth did I do that? What part of my brain forgot paragraphs?

p/s: Wei leong and wui ling(damn matching la your names), thanks for tagging me! honestly, i like getting tagged. Gives me a valid reason to talk about myself. anyway, sorry i couldn't get around to doing it yet, still internetless at the apartment, and it's a real bugger. but i'll do it soon. hopefully the bloody internet will be up next week.

cherries

being in the computer lab doesn't come in handy for people who are trying to create wonderful, meaningful, emotional posts. doesn't come in handy at all.

but you should have seen me yesterday!all emo and shit. it was crazy!i was dying to blog, but i couldn't because the broadband connection still hasn't been set up yet at the apartment. and there i was, trying frantically to get across to someone(someone as in, random sesiape reading the blog), to tell them the day i had and how it made me felt. someone shoot me.

now that it's now and not yesterday, things have toned down, and i still want to tell a random sesiape things, but between now and then, i've become aware that whatever it is i was trying to say yesterday will sound unbelievably like idiotic, self-pitying crap. which it always is, btw.

so yesterday i tried to substitute the blog and instead just type it as a normal, microsoft word document. and it was cool and everything, but it didn't feel 100% satisfactory. because that's the whole point of a blog, isn't it? a public blog. you post with the hope that whatever it is you write, there's someone out there who can identify with it and comprehend, and maybe even laugh sympathetically. the idea that someone out there understands is enough to make things slightly better.

if someone wants to tell me off and say i'm blogging for the wrong reasons, then i apologize. i'm sorry.

would you like to know what it feels like?

it feels like sitting with the nicest, friendliest bunch of people, and still feeling alone. and you want to burst into tears, because you've gone through this a bunch of times and you've sworn or at least conjured the longing to change things and make it better, but apparently you haven't or you can't. and you fully comprehend that this is probably what drives people away in the first place, but you don't understand what is it that you're doing wrong. what is it? what are you not doing correctly?

and, at the back of your mind, you worry if it's going to be like this the next time. and the next. until you stop making effort at all.

well, there you go. a snippet of insanity. or irrationality, whatever.

poulet

i am:

waiting for the phone line to get set up so i can get bloody internet for the apartment.

trying to remember where i put my driver's license. (i just can't recall where i put it! don't tell me i lost it. gah)

killing time until my very first class(transition to commerce, which, by the way, i still don't know where it'll be held).

feeling a bit sleepy, and i think it's due to the lack of coffee. we don't have a kettle yet.

reminding myself to get kettle, coffee, sugar, juice, creamer.

a bit tickled at the fact that kawan kepada kakakku eliza put up the song 'Sideways' by Let's Go Sailing on her blog. i had written a post few days ago to be published when i got a decent broadband connection, and i had that song on repeat while i was writing it. which may explain the fact that the end product is a tad too melodramatic. but yay for 'Sideways'!pretty, pretty song.

pondering how many books and dvds i will have to borrow from the rowden white library in order to justify spending a bunch of cash on student union membership. i borrowed 4 items today, so we're off to a good start.

missing CHICKEN!MEAT!WHOLE CHICKEN DRUMSTICKS!should stop by norsiah's or something later on.

going now.

yarra

heeeeeeeeey.

hello friends. strangers. or the imaginary people that read my blog. hello blog.

the fact that i'm blogging now makes me want to wiggle my toes and stretch contentedly. but let's skip that and move on to the blogging part. would have done so earlier, were it not for the fact that i'm still staying in my temporary accomodation and have to pay for internet access. but yes, moving on.

no,wait. nani, i'm SO sorry i wasn't online on the 22nd! i will make it up to you. re-set the date please?

melbourne,folks. wheeeeee.

ok, to be honest, when people ask me for an opinion of melbourne and the university and whether it meets my expectations, i don't know how to answer. i guess it's because this is really my first experience going to a foreign place for an extended period of time(mase dulu doesn't count, seeing as i was 3 and have practically no recollections whatsoever), so i have no expectations in the first place. i like that melbourne has lanes for bicyclists. i like that a lot of melburnians(why melburnians?why not melbournians?) bring their own bags to supermarkets. i like that australian stewards are macho, unlike malaysian ones.(on the sydney-melbourne flight, i saw solid proof that being a steward can be a macho profession).

the first two days we arrived, it was hot. blue-skies, scorching sun, no clouds kind of hot. i was starting to think 'la..cam kat malaysia je'. then on the third day, it rained, and it was cold. cold! it was like melbourne was trying to tell me 'i can be cold too, stupid'. lesson learned. the wheather and the temperature here is unpredictable.

i still have plenty to learn. like memorising which colour represents which denomination for money bills. and the coins!gah. must remember that 50 cents is the one yang cam ade petak-petak tu. and that the smaller, not the bigger one, is the 2 dollar coin. for heaven's sake.

i have a feeling i like melbourne. but i'm saying this tentaviely, cautiously, because it's only been a week. let's wait at least until orientation's over, yea?

God, i detest orientation. ANY orientation.

but, in the words of jia yee, "what can we do? we're new here".

one of us misread

good things today, good things.

me and mom(my mother and I, to grammar gestapo)went down to belah melawati sana to go pick up our baju kurung from the tailor today.

good thing 1:baju raya saya sudah siap. and only about 7 months early!
good thing 2: we went to go stuff our faces at the yong tau foo place in wangsa maju. The place is usually jam-packed, and parking spaces around there are never empty, but when we got there, hey presto! lovely little parking spot right in front of the restaurant. blessings.
good thing 3: I ate all the suay kow i could ever need.

Sidenote: ever since i confirmed the departure date, i've been sort of keeping a mental checklist of all the food i need to eat before going off. Nasi kandar-check. Goreng pisang-check. Nasi lemak with paru-check. yong tau foo-check. nasi beriyani-check. now if only i can somehow get durian somewhere so mom can make pengat durian and roti jala.

good thing 4: after lunch, we went to the jpj office in setapak(is it setapak?i'm not sure. but it's next to sek. men. teknik setapak. so setapak la kot) to replace my P driver's license with a regular one(probation's over, wheeeeee). we had to take angka giliran, which so happened to be 952. number currenty being served? 900. i was hoping to have the same fortune
Aman had when he renewed his license, in terms of dealing with an efficient jpj office, but no such luck. there was only one window open for 'lesen memandu persendirian', so in other words, i could have eaten a thousand suay kows and probably more in the time it would take 900 to get to 952. but! but! suddenly this chinese guy who left his stuff on the chair next to us and was coming back to retrieve them noticed us and and asked if we were waiting to renew our license. having replied the affirmative, he gave us HIS number, 906! apparently he was done or had to go, so he gave his number to us. oh, baiknye. oh, how unfair to the other people who had to wait.

sidenote:xie xie ni(or is it sie sie?), uncle. may the god of prosperity be smiling upon you always. terima kasiiiiiiiih.

today as i was sitting in the car, i saw this billboard, and it was adverstising something, can't remember what, but the model looks like my dad's friend's daughter. i was trying to recall her age, when i remembered mom telling me she's a year older than kakak.

well ok,kakak's......how old is kakak again?hmm...kakak's 3 years older than me..i'm....how old?nak masuk twenty..

in my mind i was already calculating kakak's age, 23, thus making dad's friend's daughter 24, but before i got there i had let out this involuntary snort at the idea that i'm going on twenty. HAHAHAHAHAHA. twenty? twenty? are you kidding me? the idea that i'll be twenty is absurd. I haven't even gotten a grip on turning 18 yet, much less 20. i can't be twenty. i'm too young. i can't cook. i'm scared of cockroaches. i can't even socialize properly, for God's sake. i'm still as awkward as i was at 15! i still depend on my mom! twenty? you're joking. i'm not old enough to be 20 yet.

oh, but i'm old, though. the pizza boy calls me 'kak'. aisy.

just a lazy night. just a lazy post.

i'm listening to 'Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence' again, and i'm listening to Beirut's 'Postcard from Italy', and am just content to lie in bed. too lazy to get up to brush my teeth or go solat isyak, but we'll get to that shortly.

ah,yes. i'm leaving for melbourne on the 17th. if you just so happen to be in klia on that day around 5 or 6, give me a ring, and we'll meet up.

i took cough medicine just now, so wooziness is starting to set in. excellent.

you know, if i ever get into a relationship, i hope i don't turn into mush.

i have to go to the bank tomorrow. again. i don't like going to banks. and the dentist too. i have cavities.

which reminds me, must go downstairs and retrieve toothbrush and toothpaste.

when you hug someone, and you have to to that cheek-to-cheek thing? yea. i fail at that. at school dulu, whenever we did that cheek thing, it would be 3 times, left-right-left. kalau tak silap it's sunnah to do it that way. but some people do it only twice, left then right. i suppose that's modelled after the mat-salleh way of air-kissing when they greet people. either way, it's a hassle, and i wish there was just a standard way of doing it. moreoften that not, i embarass myself either by standing stock-still after the hug, thus the person hugging me has to pull me in to do the cheek thing, or, we've done the cheek thing, left and right, and i pull that person in for a third time, padahal that person's stopped at the second one. can u say gaffe?

by the time i'm allowed to vote, i won't know who to vote for.

i hope people read my blog because it's interesting. not because i update regularly. (this comment will come back to bite me on the ass, i have a feeling).

Verily, where there is hardship, there is relief.

too woozy to really think straight. good night.

fat face

i am happy today, because:

a)i saw syahirah!homie from way back in the day,yo.(i have to stop with the whole 'yo' thing)

b)saw a lion dance today! awesome, i-cannot-tahan-excited.


Beirut rocks. i've only listened to three songs, but they(or is it just Zach Condon on his own?)rock.

You know, i often worry that i am a generally disinterested person. i don't seem to be interested in anything in particular. well, yes, there's music, and there's books, and there's lion dances, but nothing i can assuredly say "yes, i am very passionate about this, and i.... (have a black belt in it)/(have been doing it for years)/(train every weekend)/(just love love LOVE it). i'm stumped whenever i have to fill out those "i am interested in" sections in any 'about me' form.

i don't think i can be considered to be interested in much because being interested in something connotes that you've taken steps to delve into that specific activity, does it not? that you've taken things to a further level? i mean, it's the same concept with bands. i don't think i can say i like a band until i've heard and adore at least one album. (well, beirut's an exception because i can tell i'll probably love the whole album once i get the chance to listen to). i can't say i like Cold War Kids because i've only heard 'Hospital Beds' and 'Hang Me Up to Dry', despite the fact i enjoy those two songs very much.

ah well. this is all a very complicated way of explaining the fact that i wish i could say i'm seriously into something exciting, like....molecular something something. or scuba-diving would do too.

je ne veux pas travailler.

i got this excellently cool sweater the other day when i went out with syefik. i brought it home, and showed it to mom. aisy. same response as with the the blue top with polka-dots. but this time it was actually worse, because i saw the direct reaction. that silent pause after i held up the sweater for inspection said it all. haha. no worries. i still love mom. and our diverging fashion senses.

tarik nafas lega kerna aku tak apa-apa

haaaa...can you tell what song that line is from? 2 points if you can.

I know, she knows, that i'm not fond of asking

Do you ever, every once in a while, get the feeling that you suddenly understand life? This may sound very dumb and naive, but there are times when i get this overwhelming sense of..i don't know, contentment?maybe not that, but it's as if you suddenly figure out that life isn't that hard to figure out, and it's easy to differentiate right and wrong, and that being a good muslim isn't all that difficult. You suddenly have this realization that you get it. and these moments of clarity are usually accompanied by happiness, to the point of being giddy, because things are no longer as complex as you thought they were.

For example, the latest time i felt that way was when i got rejected from cambridge. of course that sucked, but it was also(and this may sound bloody cliched) a turning point. Because, to be honest, the whole scholarship thing mase form 5 dulu kind of set something off. like a little bit of me hardened because i didn't understand why i couldn't get it. and then i got the B in AS, and that snowballed the whole thing, because i, in all frankness, was mad at Allah. i couldn't see past the B. and that sounds horrible and selfish, i know, but there you have it. so when i got rejected from cambridge, it really was a sort of meltdown moment, because the way i saw it, God was punishing me continuously. Here i was, thinking i was working my ass off but not getting the returns, and it just didn't make sense!

but then i got my moment. kakak's email made me think. and i know i'm making this out like some bloody chicken-soup for the soul story, but bear with me. You see, i think all this while, what spurned me on to try for a scholarship, or to get straight As, or to try for cambridge, was the idea that by doing so, i could prove to people(and i suppose myself) that i AM smart, and that i AM good enough, and that i AM special. at the point where high school ended, i thought that the people around me assumed i was dumb, and took me for granted as another average jane. so i wanted to get revenge by achieving the scholarship, the As and the good uni so that i could turn back to them and spit out "see? i CAN do it, you bastards".

ok,ok, let's cut to the chase. what i've realized is that i've been doing things with the wrong niat in mind. i wanted to prove myself to others. to my parents. to my friends. not getting into cambridge was when i finally realized that i don't have to. I think that's what Allah's been trying to point out. As long as i work hard, God knows it, I know it, and that's all that really matters. i know that's a pretty simple thing to grasp, and i'm the dumb one for not having realize it sooner, but that's life, yo. you don't always see the things that are so obvious to others sometimes.

but the thing about these moments of clarity ni, is that they don't last forever. sooner or later you face a stumbling block of some sort, and you forget about your enlightening realizations, and lapse back into your old ungrateful, narrow-minded self.

ok, i hear voices telling me to stop the emotional train of thought already. yeah,yeah, i hear you.

p/s:syefik, i can't stop playing simtower. i'm trying to figure out my elevator strategies,aisy. all my tenants are stressed waiting for the lift.

p/s/s:i've just figured out how to play minesweeper(all this while i'd just randomly press everywhere, thus resulting in every game ending with the mines blowing up), so i'm now addicted to that too.

oh!i completely forgot. GONG XI FA CAI! Happy chinese new year, yo.

p/s/s/s:(no more, i swear), i can't believe i never listened to 'Hospital beds' by Cold War Kids before!what was i thinking?!

le chat

What to do when your cat suddenly has this whitish obvious selaput covering almost half of both her eyes:

1. Carry cat to car in order to go bring to vet.
2. Sigh defeatedly as cat hysterically meows and walks all about the car before settling under the driver's seat(still meowing).
3. Once you've arrived at the vet's place, hold and stroke cat as she falls very quiet and meek, because she is scared of the vet.
4. attempt to comfort cat as she has a rectal termometer pushed up her butt and is emitting noises akin to a hen laying an egg.
5. Listen to vet's diagnosis(the cat's third eyelids has come out due to a flu the cat is having) and sigh inwardly when you learn you have to feed the cat medicine, which, from past experiences, has never been an easy thing to do.
6. Bring cat home, with several futile attempts to calm the cat as she meows hysterically again from under the passenger's seat along the way.
7. With the help of younger sibling, hold cat down while feeding the cat medicine, the first one being in liquid form, given to the cat using a feeder.
8. Give exclamations of relief as cat licks it down.
9. Hold cat down while younger sibling tries to give it the second medicine, in pill form.
10. Admonish the cat repeteadly as she spits out the pill whenver it is put into her mouth.
11. Resolve to crush up pill, take the powder and smear it over a piece of fish before serving it to the cat.
11. cackle triumphantly as she eats it.

Repeat steps 7 to 11 until the third eyelid goes back to where it belongs.

i was waiting for something in the mail...

and it came at approximately 1.30pm today as i was eating my kuay teow goreng!in a big white truck with red letters on it!

oh, gembiranya.

my very own, pertama kali dalam hidup, notebook! The Dell xps M1330.

and look!look!it's red!

i know tons of people have had their first notebook and they don't go around being gedik semacam screaming about it over their blog, but this is a huge deal for me! i mean, a significant amount of googling, comparing, and review reading actually went into this purchase. and i'm being gedik semacam again sebab everyone else pun does their homework when buying such an item, but bear with me,yah? must give props to my dad for actually agreeing to letting his daughter wield his credit card maniacally in the realms of online notebook shopping.

this is a joyous, joyous day. i mean, it's been a bit dampered due to worries over accomodation, but nevertheless, it is a joyous day. i was so excited when i found out yesterday that the laptop was going to be arriving today that i went to sleep at 11.30pm, found myself thinking about cradling it lovingly in my hands and suddenly i was wide awake at 2am. ok,stop. creepy mode.

in times like these, we need random topics. like you know the whole ballyhoo about the lingam video?well, the only thing i like about it are those t-shirts that Patrick Saw the t-shirt vendor has been selling in the spirit of poking fun at the whole thing. i like the one that has writing on it saying 'It looks like me, sounds like me, BUT.....SO DOES BRAD PITT LAH!'. HAHAHAHA. laugh with me. ok fine, don't laugh.

chinese new year is around the corner! God, i hope i get to see lion dances this year. and not the biasa one where they just parade around and throw fruit, i hope i get to see the one where they jump on poles and whatnot. if you had the misfortune of being around me during chinese new year couple years ago, i would have regaled you endlessly with the story of how i went to midvalley to go watch a movie, and they were having a lion dance at the cinema to bless the place, and how the two lions even went into the concession stand, but there was no room to turn around to walk back out, so they had to exit butts first. lion gostan.

speaking of random, i suddenly remembered the other day, back when i went to sekolah agama, in standard 2 and 3, there was this one time the ustazah asked me, "mana buku lali awak?" and i panicked, thinking something along the lines of 'buku lali? ade ke ustazah mention kene bawak buku lali? there's buku fiqah, and buku arab, and buku tajwid, jawi....buku lali is which one? i must have forgotten to include it', but i didn't want to get scolded by ustazah, so i said "lupe nak bawak". how was i to know that buku lali means ankle? did YOU know buku lali means ankle at such tender an age?wait, don't answer that.

at the pre-departure briefing, i was somewhat irritated at the fact that the head of the person sitting in front of me completely obscured my view of the screen in front on which the speaker was showing her presentation. i wanted to ask him to move his head out of the way, but how? "excuse me, please lower your head?" is that how you do it? and of course i become self-concious of my own head and was wondering if i was blocking the view of the person behind me. at one point, irritation got the best of me and i imagined removing his head and placing it on his lap. or maybe doing that manouvre you see in the movies where the hero renders someone unconcious by holding the top and bottom of the victim's head and somehow twisting it. in doing so, the guy in front of me would fall into unconciousness, thus causing his body to slump forward and perhaps fall onto the ground, leaving me with a clear view. pet peeves, man.


very self-centered, nonsensical post.

warm caramel feelings

it's really hot at the moment. and apparently my air-cond needs servicing. whenever i turn it on, it only blows pathetic lukewarm air into the room. ok. think cold thoughts. igloo. igloo. igloo.

i know it's tiresome the way i keep stuffing videos into my post, but this one must be regaled to everyone, everyone!i was watching Miki Ando's figure skating performance at the Torino Olympics, and she used this spectacularly beatiful piece called Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence, which apparently is part of the soundtrack for a movie of the same name that starred David Bowie and the composer, Ryuichi Sakamoto. i mean, I implore you to take a listen, it's wonderful! it's the sort of music that plays while you're doing your big dramatic sad scene in a korean soap opera. or the kind that you imagine firgure skating your long program to in the olympics, which, unlike Miki Ando, will win you the gold medal. or it's simply the music that makes you want to stand in the middle of a field or on a cliff somewhere with the wind blowing through your hair.


things have been going pretty good lately. on monday my results came out. was pretty nervous, drove to college trying to prepare to get a grip on things.

warm caramel feelings of delight,yo. i got all As *insert biggest smiley face here*

it wasn't an ecstatic, hands-flapping-excitedly moment. it was more like "aaaaah. thank you". like things finally came full circle. and that's the way it's supposed to be. i'm happy and i'm thankful.

so now things are slightly in a tizzy as i scramble around trying to get things ready for melbourne. administrative mazes. checklists. flights. did you know you can take a 55 hour flight from KL on american airlines or something that will take you through about 4 different cities before finally getting to melbourne?why take 8 hours to go somehere when you can reach there in 2 and half days?

le chien

i have a grudge against the next-door neighbour's dog.

now, if muslims were allowed to touch and care for dogs(and i've heard a few people say that we actually can, but that's a topic of discussion for another day), i think i would opt for a dog over a cat. not to say that cats aren't gorgeous and terrific, but it's just that, well, they can be quite sombong sometimes, and frankly, i get quite put off when i'm coo-ing and expressing my affection towards cleo only to have her turn her head away to face somewhere else, as if she's bored and has lost interest in this human being behaving quite stupidly.

dogs, on the other hand, seem quite eager to please their owners. (wo)man's best friend and all that. i'd want a golden retriever, or a labrador. or that adorably forlorn-looking hush puppies dog.

but i'm going off track here. the neighbour's dog, yes. well, it has the uncanny knack of annoying me, simply because it's enclosure is facing my window directly and it barks me awake. i despise waking up because it's barking it's head off.

technically, i suppose it's not exactly the dog's fault. i'm the one who sleeps in, and it's good la that the dog barks like crazy in the morning, acting as my organic alarm clock every so often. but i can't stand it! it's sort of like how people get all ngilu when you scrape against the table with a plastic ruler, or how you can't sleep when there's a cupboard door creaking repeatedly with the wind.

there was this one time the dog was yapping in the morning round 8 something, and i was furious. i tried to cover my head with the pillow but it didn't work, and i was pissed. i got up from bed and went over to my window, creepy messy hair and all, and stared at the dog(the neighbour has 3 or 4, but only one was making the racket) down below who was barking for what i could see was no apparent reason.

"SHUT UPPPPPPPP!", i yelled, banging on the glass. and this got their attention and they all looked up at me, the banshee melayu, giving them the death glare. alas, i suppose i wasn't scary and assertive enough, because they lost interest after a few seconds and that damn dog started barking again.

this situation may have repeated itself a couple times, with me substituting 'shut up' for "SENYAPLAAAAA!" and "ARRGHHH!". needless to say, it didn't work, and 10 minutes later, a very grumpy banshee stomped downstairs to join her mom for breakfast.

as i type this, the dog in question is barking, which thus prompted this post. i have no idea what it's barking at. birds kot. a few minutes ago, one of the neighbours came out holding a paddle(i think it really is a dog-obedience-paddle) and threatened it to silence, but now it's yapping again, looking for something underneath the car(being on the 2nd floor, i get a good view of their front porch).

someone give me a tranquilizing gun.

in the wee small hours of the morning

i woke up early this morning. fantastic.

i am horrible at waking up early. really, there's a running joke in the family that i "clock in for work in the afternoon shift". subuh prayers are often in jeopardy, and breakfast often turns into lunch. which is horrible!i know. i will try to change. maybe today marks the dawn of a new era. the wake-up-early-and-breakfast-with-the-birds-chirping era. the less-of-a-slob-and-more-of-a-go-getter era.

actually, for some reason, i got up at 4.30. i myself can't fathom that and was trying my best to fall back asleep, but couldn't. sleeping patterns be damned.

so here i am, at 8.48 in the morning, merrily blogging with all the exhiliration the morning sun(a rare sight,that) and a cup of coffee can give.

you know? speaking of bad habits, i have a confession. you know those blog statistic counters? the ones that count how many times your blog is visited and such? well, yes. the other day i saw a blog counter that noted all the countries your visitors came from, and there was this chick's blog whose counter said she has visitors from a whole bunch of places, including the UK,the US, ireland, australia, canada, indonesia, etc. which was fine(and pretty cool), but then it said she also had visitors from places like Latvia, Peru, and the clincher, Bosnia&Herzegovina. and i was all "whoah, betul ke ni?", and decided to check it out for myself(i know, i have too much free time on my hands). so i signed up at this free blog stat tracker and placed the code on my blog.

honestly, i had no idea the extent of info these tracker thingies can get. i mean, they record the date and time of visit of all your visiors, what server they use, origin of visitor, and they even record things like their IPs and the page they clicked on you from!(unless it's direct or from bookmark, whatever that means). which is bloody horrifying for me because i have the tendecy to blog-stalk. i am a blog-stalker. once i've put a blog under Favourites, i will tend to visit it like what, at LEAST 6 times a day? so if anyone out there has this tracker thing as well and is coincidentally puzzling "siapelah budak sedih yang dtg page aku 10 times ni?", then i 'fess up, that was probably me. sorry.

plus, nobody from Bosnia&Herzegovina visits my page. too bad.

i hope they find Sharlinie soon. alive and well.

kakak recommended this song by Adele called 'Chasing Pavements', and it's terrific. very soothing and moving.

tranquil state

ok. baiklah.

i received my notification of rejection from cambridge the day before yesterday. and of course, it sucked. but in a way, it's been good because it's pushed me to make my decision.

it would perhaps be unwise to put down all the stupid things i've felt these past couple days. i am writing this with renewed vigour and enthusiasm, with a tiny bit of reluctance and pasrah-ness thrown in. this post may seem to be an act of trying to regain some sort of composure, or maybe i'm just blowing my own horn, and perhaps it will seem very conceited and ungrateful. but whatever. i'm writing it down with the hopes of easing off the last vestiges of doubt and potential regret.

and nani!you said to make sure i tell you all my offers, yea? this one's for you :)

i applied to Cambridge, LSE, Warwick, Bristol and Bath for the UK. and for Australia, i applied to Melbourne, RMIT, and UNSW. I was rejected by Cambridge and Bath. I have gotten conditional offers from LSE and Bristol. And i've gotten unconditional offers from RMIT and Melbourne. USNW no cerita. and no reply yet from Warwick.

truthfully, aside from cambridge, lse, and melbourne, all the others were to isi tempat on the borang. backup options, however you choose to call it. now that cambridge is out, the toss up is between lse and melbourne. so how goes it?

when i started my a-levels, the plan was for lse. lse all the way,baby. i was going to extract some level revenge on all those places that rejected my scholarship application by getting into lse anyway. isn't it funny?ironic,even? technically, i'm still on the path that can take me to what i vowed to achieve one and a half years ago. if i can get the required grades, i'll be halfway there! but there you have it. i'm taking the other fork in the road and going to melbourne.

trust me, it's not easy giving the idea of lse up. even as i think i've made my decision, second-thoughts intrude on a daily basis. it's lse!for God's sake. i wrote a personal statement for it! i payed bloody application fees! it's freakin' lse!

i know. i know. but i'm sticking by my decision. i tried writing lists of pros and cons for both universities, and for lse, i came up with exactly 2 pros. the first being that i'd be able to get the required UK degree to do my chartered with ICAEW, and the second being that it's somewhat prestigious, which may relate to future employability. how do you place a value on prestige, anyway? i don't know! i don't bloody know.

and melbourne?pros:starts early, cheaper, closer to home, friends going there, somewhat renowned-more so for commerce. is that enough to outweigh it's cons as well as the pros of lse?sometimes i don't think so. sometimes i do.

since i'm going to melbourne, i'll have to rewrite the plans. i won't be able to join the icaew. i'll have to do my CPA. if not maybe i can do my masters first. but hey. maybe i'm not supposed to plan much at the moment. maybe i should just take things as they come. three years from now, maybe i won't even want to do accounting anymore.

remember the part where you're supposed to look for the hikmah whenever God deals you a hand you can't quite comprehend? i'm not looking. i'm just taking a leap of faith with the thought that if this was what God meant me to do, i'm doing it.

so. i will call the lady from the idp centre tomorrow and ask her what to do. and, i'll look up a map of the university. and i'll finish up my mara loan application.

isn't it funny how things always deviate from what you imagined them to be?

my sister gave me the most kickass pep-talk through email. so i'm going to end this post by paraphrasing her words to give myself another pep-talk.

i would have loved cambridge. and i would've loved lse. but i know i'm going to love melbourne too.

haha, i'm being bloody emo, i know. but it's true, ya know. i'm going to embrace every inch of melbourne that i can. and that's the closest thing to a resolution i'm going to make this year. so cheers to that.

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head

I think this was in september of last year. This couple who are acquainted with dad came over for dinner, we're facing them in the pic. i like this one a lot, because:
a) candids are quite rare for the us(no one in the family rajin enough to wield the camera shooting spontaneous pics).
b) all of us(that's me mum and kakak) have the look. the omg-kelakarnya-awak-ni look.

nevermind the fact i look like a complete toad in the pic. to be honest, i was annoyed on that day because:
a)i kene marah for coming home late from tuition
b)the couple arrived before i had time to mandi(thus the disheveled hair and all that is ugly)

plus, you see that woman in the turqoise shirt with the sumo hairstyle? the one yang tengah duduk atas the couch like some sort of laksmana even though mom has taught her children to 'duduk elok-elok', especially in front of guests? the one who marah me for coming home late from tuition? yeah. i miss her.

mom's been helping out my brother's school's library increase their repertoire(i.e:collect money, use money to buy books, process books to be included into database,etc), so she's employed me(albeit with no pay, unfortunately) to help with the processing part. and really, it's no joke! it's a lot of repetitive, tedious work. but it's terrific in the sense that:
a)at least i'm not rotting away. there's some level of productivity, i guess.
b)if this accounting thing doesn't work out, i'll have a backup occupation to fall upon. i'll be a librarian! i'll work at Perpustakaan Negara. and, because of my social skills impediment, i'd probably end up living at the library secretly.

i recently got Bloc Party's A Weekend in the City. Woohoo! i must say, their lyrics captivate me. right off the bat, my favourite on the album is Kreuzberg.

and this goes out to anyone feeling the blues:

falling man

Yeargh.

i just finished reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. and it made me think. which is good, rasenye, because reading Bridget Jones Diary (which i just managed to get around to some days ago) didn't make me think at all, except wonder whether 130 pounds is considered fat.

Anyway, read on wiki that reaction towards the book was extremely diverse, with praises on one side, and harsh criticism on the other. well, i actually like it. a lot. It's about 9-year-old Oskar Schell dealing with the death of his dad, who died because of the 9/11 attacks. and Jonathan Safran Foer uses a lot of unconventional writing techninques, but i think that's half the reason i like it so much. and another thing, this book manages to get to me. i mean, where was i on 9/11? i was 12 going on 13, and i remember distinctly i was back home from school, because i recall i was chatting online with a guy i used to have a crush on, and he was telling me 'US baru kene bom!'. i think it was maybe a few hours after it happend, and i didn't know anything about it. and you know what frustrates me? the fact that i didn't take interest in it. 'yeah, a plane crashed into the towers, that's horrible', but that was it, and i was already forgetting it, considering it as the latest bad thing to happen in the world. i wasn't aware. i didn't appreciate the scale of the whole thing. i didn't get it. i guess was still too immature at that point(i always am too immature for my age, up until now). now, as i think about it, i wish i had paid more attention. felt more empathy. kept up with its developments. yeah. and while i'm at it, i wish i understood what happened in the Bosnian war. because, just like Bridget Jones, i have no clue who fought who, and which side were the muslims, and so on. must look it up.

sheesh. my aircond isn't cold anymore. it's like i don't even have it on. needs servicing, i guess.

and, for my viewing pleasure(though you are perfectly welcome to watch as well :p), i'm putting up this GAP ad featuring Willie Nelson and Ryan Adams. for some reason it appeals to me. needless to say, my favourite part is all the parts with Ryan Adams in it.

Godspeed

i woke up this morning to see a mosquito flying around my head, even though i sprayed the room with ridsect the night before. death-defying.

the end of the rainy season, to be replaced with the hot-all-day one.

theodore the rabbit wilts when it's hot.

i'll see you in the new year, ladies and gents. Godspeed.

deck the halls with boughs of holly, falalalalalalalala

merry christmas y'all, to those who celebrate, as well as to those who think it's blasphemous to wish people on days our own religion doesn't celebrate. a nice thing about this time of year is when you go to shopping malls, they're all playing caroles. great for sing-a-longs as you follow your mom browse around the household section of a departmental store. but a few places got a boo from me because they kept playing those modern ones, yang jenis dance music punye christmas songs. how la. stick to bing crosby.

in the grand scheme of things, my presence in family gatherings is really not necessary. i woke up this morning to find that my dad had invited relatives over for a sleepover. fast forward half and hour later, we're all cleaning the house like crazy in preparation for our guests. you'd think it was raya or something. you'd think we were having the agong coming.

yesterday i went to feed the fish only to find one tempayan of them dead. all bloated, floating. dead. what a massacre. what a tragedy. it seemed like the cause of death was some oil that somehow got in(there was that shiny film over the water), but mom said i may have contributed in terms of dirtying their water because i sprinkled too much fish food in. i'm a fish killer. i'm a fish death contributor. i'm a fish water dirtier. shitcakes.

kak nikki went back home for a break, so in terms of chores, one of my tetap ones is folding and ironing the laundry. worst thing to iron? collared shirts. best thing to iron? square cotton hankerchiefs.

i banged my head into the bird-cage one too many times.

there's a fly trapped in my room, buzzing around my head.

phone call

remix of Jon Brion's 'Phone Call' by preachermanmaximum. sublime.


In some place deep in her heart, Caroline had kept alive the silly romantic notion that somehow David Henry had once known her as no one else ever could. But it was not true. He had never even glimpsed her.
-The Memory Keeper's Daughter[Kim Edwards]

Speaking of which, The Memory Keeper's Daughter is just ok. i found it a bit draggy at parts.

hmm. my shorts have got a hole in the pocket. i tucked my ipod into it only to feel it slither to the floor.

thank God for housework

would you like to go out on new year's eve with me?

i'd wear the new blue top i bought, the one with polka dots all over it. mom didn't say anything about it, so i suspect she doesn't like it, but i do. and i'd wear my blue dangly earrings, and carry my new blue handbag, and i'd feel happy, because i like that outfit. well, i like the top. and i'd compliment you on whatever you're wearing, of course.

would you like to go out on new year's eve with me?

because i can't remember the last time i ever had plans for new year's eve. except that one time back in 1999, when the whole extended family, the whole kit and caboodle, came over to our place to eat, be merry, and unsher the new millenium in together. besides that, i think i've spent all my new year's eves at home watching tv. it's high time i actually tried doing something.

would you like to go out on new year's eve with me?

you'd have to drive, because i don't want to deal with the hassle of manouvring through congested roads all packed with other new year's eve celebrators. not to mention that it'll be night time, and i'm a bit wary of driving at night. no. you'd have to drive, and i'd be a considerate passenger, honest. i'd talk to you and entertain you while you drive, so long as you keep your eyes on the road.

would you like to go out on new year's eve with me?

i honestly have no idea where we'd go, because i have no experience in celebrating new year's eve. or celebrating anything else, for that matter. what exactly are the hotspots for celebrations? i heard there'll be a new year's eve bash at The Boulevard though, maybe we could go there. but i think we'd have to pay. it's ok. i think i'd be willing to spend some moolah on this. it's not everyday we begin a new year, right?

would you like to go out on new year's eve with me?

i'd be all self-concious, of course, even if i try my damndest not to be. but i'd be overly-enthusiastic and chatty to make up for any awkward moments(which will be plenty, i'm sure), and talk about any random thing that comes into my head, and i'd probably make a fool of myself, like i usually do, but whatever. i'd probably talk to you about 'KAMI'. i've been watching it a lot the past couple days. i think by the time new year's eve rolls around, i'd still be thinking about it, so topic conversation, it is.

as a matter of fact, you'd probably have to suffer through my annual rant against resolutions. new year's resolutions, that is. i'd tell you that i don't believe in making them. maybe you'd agree. or maybe you should fight back and tell me i'm dumb for not making them, that i should make them. i'd probably agree with you then. i'm a pushover in that sense.

so? would you? go out and celebrate with me?

because this may be the last new year's i spend here before going off somewhere, so i want to make it extra special. ok fine, i may be exaggerating here, nothing has been confirmed in the least. ok...how bout, this coming year will mark the end of my teendom? that's gotta be something worth going out for new year's eve for? well, it is for me. it may not be for you though. unless you're 19 as well. which you may very well be. or you could be 29, if you want, so we'd usher in your big three-oh.

so how bout it? new year's eve?

the highlight, of course, will be the fireworks. we'd scream(i'm assuming you're a screamer) along with the host as he or she counts down the seconds and then we'd shriek out 'HAPPY NEW YEAR!' as the fireworks display start, and we'd hoot and shout for the first few seconds. and then we'd watch the fireworks, and i'd probably get bored after a while, but i'd pretend to enjoy it. and, on the drive back home, i'd probably fall asleep, but you'd have full rights to wake me up and force me to conciously keep you company as you drive.

would you like to go out with me on new year's eve?

i'd like it very much if you could.

I turn my camera on

i found myself whistling Fergie's Glamorous the other day, when i noticed 2 things:
1. it's not a good song to whistle to.
2. i was dumb enough to be whistling the part where she spells out glamorous. i was mid-whistling when it struck me to listen to myself doing so without singing along in my head. it sounded so silly, just the same note over and over again. anybody who listened would have thought i was hopelessly tone-deaf.

i have, for the past 5 minutes, been contemplating. about what, i don't know, because it's a jumble of things. i can't seem to be able to grip one topic firmly and think it out properly without jumping on the next train of thought.

i just wrote this really long paragraph that paraphrased all the usual moanings i moan about, but i deleted it. really, what's the point? and i don't think i mean this cynically. i suppose i could opt for the defensive stance and say i deleted it all because 'no one gives a shit anyway', but that's not it. it's not that no one gives a shit, at least, i don't think so. there just really is no point.

But i will say this. i took turns between typing this post and browsing through other sites, and i came across Aijud's latest post, which is wonderfully random, in a way, and quite delightful. After reading it, i quickly scanned over the latest paragraph in my own post-in-the-making and came to the conclusion that it's crap compared to his. Aijud, whatever fears you have about not being a good writer and stuff? toss them out the window, mate. i thoroughly enjoyed reading it, and weeped(metaphorically) over the lack of my own writing skills.

I know i've been over-doing the stuff-song-into-blog activity, but i can't refrain myself. sorry. this song is I Turn My Camera On by spoon. i find it deliciously catchy, even if the song is sung in falsetto. terrific. i secretly jiggy around in my room to this one. well. not so secretly now, i suppose.

I went to Zoo Negara on Sunday. Apparently the company my dad works for is funding a Race Against Time campaign to save malayan tigers, so we attended the campaign launch. There were some celebrities there, supposedly ambassadors for the campaign, and they all had a few things in common, namely:
1.Pan-asian looks
2.nice hair
3.wore shades even though the sun wasn't out. maybe celebrities face some sort of 24 hour glare kot.

ok i'm off to watch tv. and maybe get a midnight snack. mashed potatoes sounds good.

i'm siiiinging in the rain...

i HATE people who are unfriendly over the phone.

like the man as well as the lady at MACEE i was talking to just now.

geramnyeeee. you are supposed to be aswering my bloody enquiries, idiot. so stop sounding like you're annoyed at every question i ask. KEBODOHAN!

this makes me twice as reluctant to apply, damnit.

when the lady sounded as if she was annoyed, i of course in turn got annoyed as well, and then we both sounded annoyed. how la.

well, negative vibes aside, my cousin's over for a week, so it's been fun. and i just bought some Jco donuts, so i'll get to see if it's any good. and mom's baking apple crumble, so that's excellent because almost anything baked with apples in it is good. tambahan pula, mom got me a straightening iron, so Syefik's been straightening my hair, which is a new experience. and i bought Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman, which i've just started reading, but it seems intruiguing, so hurrah.

it's amazing how one bloody incident can make you feel so unsure of youself.

anyway, i've been out with Syefik past couple days, and whenever we come across IT stores, he'll drag me inside because he wants to browse and see all the technological gizmos. so he'll just wander into any shop that catches his eye, and when he's harrassed by the overly enthusiastic salesman he'll just ask the price of something and then wander back out of the shop. and i'll be the bimbo who waits outside the shop uncomfortably because i really don't know much when it comes to gadgets and i feel like a fraud when the overly enthusiastic salesman asks me what i want. "just looking".

ni tak boleh jadi ni.

RAWR.

Bliss

Bliss comes in these songs:
Ulrich Schnauss, '...Passing By'

Death Cab for Cutie, 'Brothers on a Hotel Bed'.


i watched Saving Private Ryan again yesterday, or at least half of it. and it hit me again the variety of cast members involved in the movie. there's tom hanks and matt damon of course, but there's also Vin Diesel, and Paul Giamatti(sp?), there's even Ted Danson, and the actor who also played the guy Cameron Diaz's character in The Holiday broke up with at the beginning, and there's the guy who played Scarlett Johanssen's boyfriend in Lost in Translation(no idea who his name is, sorry), and the guy who plays the father in Malcolm in the Middle, and the guy who played Maggie Gyllenhall's(sp?) boyfriend in The Secretary(u can tell by this point i don't remember names very well), and of course, there's Barry Pepper! yeah.

I think my favourite scene in the movie is the part where they were going to wait for a while in the ruins of a house, when Paul Giamatti's character leans against a piece of wood or something which falls against a wall and crashes it down, thus revealing a group of enemy soldiers by accident. both sides of troops immediately aim their ammunition at each other, screaming at the opposite side to surrender and put their guns down (with the germans screaming in german, of course). complete chaos. fantastic.

I watched The Green Mile the other day, and i was pleasantly surprised to see Barry Pepper playing one of the prison wardens! I've watched it before, but i didn't remember he was in it. maybe it's because i didn't have an unhealthy celebrity crush on him back then. sheesh.

i watched Meet Joe Black some time ago too, and needless to say, i cried buckets. again. i am positive i have an emotional defect somewhere. i really am against this whole crying-at-sad-movies thing, but i can't stop! God knows i've tried. i reckon if i could bottle up all the tears i've leaked watching films, especially this one, along with Armageddon and Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame, i could probably aid a portion of dehydrated children in Africa.

coincidentally, i'm listening to Radiohead again i type this. 'High and Dry' is awesome. Radiohead is awesome.

i am a terribly immature person. i am perfectly aware of that. but maybe, and this is just a hypothesis; maybe i've changed a bit. of course i haven't grown up in the sense that i'm acting like how a 19-year-old should, but i'd like to think that there's a little less immaturity. hahahahaha. that sounded wrong even as i typed it. but no worries.

a little self-centred psycho-analysis makes a post complete, i always say.

Finished Poirot In the Orient. among the three stories in the book, my favourite is Death on the Nile. i love it! still haven't been able to find a proper copy for The Murder of Roger Ackroyd, though. will keep on looking.

'i thought i saw a puddy cat!'

bangau oh bangau, kenapa engkau kurus?

LANGKAWI TRIP

Enthusiam & Energy Chart Representation

Additional footnotes:

1. Shao min is one hell of a jet-skier. after i fell into the water, i was screaming at her frantically to come pick me up because i had a warped idea something would bite me. and, note to everyone: climbing back onto a jet-ski from the middle of the sea is hard. my butt was sticking right up into the air at one point, and it's hard to climb back on when you're laughing so hard. i held on to shao so tightly after that i was practically doing the heimlich manouvre on her.

2. langkawi's new geopark was cool!swimming monkeys, swooping eagles, sleeping bats, stubborn oysters. i got to touch a sting ray, which was fantastic. they're so gentle.

3. birthday cake on the beach. lovely. thank you, guys. stars were out, too. and diyana gave me a teddy-bear! my first since i was five. i've named it Barnaby.

4. shao's post is more complete and excellently details the trip. BACE!

It suffices to say that the trip was absolutely first rate for me, and i wouldn't have wanted to spend it with anyone other than the 6 girls and 1 guy who did. thank you for making this a fantastically memorable experience. and kudos of course to jaja, who was the hostess with the mostest.

spot the sole guy

batman t-shirt!and whit ni! :)

a visibly pink jia yee, due to her first sing sling.

**2nd and 3rd pics grabbed from shao.

This is the divider between trip reporting and random mutterings.

Benda merapu-rapu starts....NOW.

Nyatakan 3 sebab anda menyukai tas tangan baru anda:

1. Kerana saya telah mendapatinya dengan diskaun sebanyak 40 peratus. (jualan hebat! musim membeli-belah!)

2. Kerana tas tangan tersebut bewarna biru dan akan clash dengan hampir semua pakaian saya, tetapi tidak mengapa.

3. Saya mampu menyumbat headphones (telefon kepala) saya kedalamnya.

i have to go back to kampung this weekend for a wedding, and i am honestly not looking forward to it. but it's ok. i can look at my new blue handbag whenever i need a boost.

i bought radiohead's OK Computer after exam. if i ever go overseas, 'Subtarranean homesick alien' will be my theme song when i'm homesick. simply because it has the word homesick in it, and because i love the song and would play it over and over while i write tear-stained emails to mom and dad.

joking bout last bit.

in fact, radiohead is exactly what i need right now.

you know, i was in kedah for a wedding the other day, and caught a glimpse of the hantaran. it was the usual stuff:baju, shoes, sejadah, fruits, cake. i was wondering, could i have cds as a hantaran instead, if i wanted? 5 cds, arranged on the dulang. fruits and baju are all lovely, but wouldn't it be great if it was something we actually wanted? one dulang books, one dulang cds. one dulang new headphones. then the rest can be all the usual stuff; telekung, shoes and whatnot.

je sais, je sais. mais je suis une petite triste. je pense c'est triste que beaucoup mes amies oublier. mon anniversaire, ce n'est pas important, oui? oui.

my french sucks. didn't conjugate oublier, i know, i know, just in case any francophones are reading. there shouldn't be, anyway. except for jia yee! hahaha, jia yee, don't translate ah.

i need to get more dangly earrings.

little miss pipedream

me feet are killing me.

who needs gyms when you can just walk the entire length and floors of shopping malls? in all honestly, trawling through the malls has been the most workout i've had in ages.

a couple days ago i was having a bitch fit and wanted to post about how there wasn't any decent cd shop in the whole of klang valley and in fact maybe malaysia and how i was going to get revenge by obtaining a credit card somway somehow and go amok on amazon, all because i wasn't able to find Spoon's 'Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga' nor Rilo kiley's 'Under the Blacklight'. well, today, i went to one utama's Rock Corner half-heartedly when suddenly, suddenly...!!

no, i didn't find spoon or rilo kiley. But!but!my eyes fell on THIS!!!

THE WOMBATS!

**i couldn't find a pic on the net so i took a picture but lepas ambik and masuk computer baru sedar i had't taken off all those pesky stickers(i.e. price tag, kementerian 'ori' sticker, sticker proclaiming it's imported,etc),but malas nak ambik again,and maybe you don't care anyway, so bear with me.

yaaaaay. i'm so happyyyyyy. i was sure i wouldn't be able to get it here. it's great, i'm listening to it at the moment, and it's great! so Rock Corner at OU gets thumbs up. also, they get brownie points because they even had The National! far out. it was a couple of their earliest albums i think, it wasn't Alligator or Boxer. but it was too expensive. so i just stuck with the Wombats.

time for empty-minded rambling of the day.

i really like shopping. i've just realized i really like shopping. i went to pyramid with Dee the other yesterday, and we trawled through practically every shop for 5 hours more or less. and we didn't eat lunch!!i was walking out of a shop, and i remember thinking, 'this must really mean something to me kalau boleh skip lunch'.

ok. time for momento jotting/milestone recording. i've finished with a-levels. my last paper ended the previous wednesday morning. so the college chapter of life is over. how do i feel about it? i'm not exactly sure. at the moment, i'm just basking in the free time we have now. a part of me thinks 'crap,college is over. then it's uni, then it's work then it's marriage then it's children then it's death'.(i know, that part of me likes to jump ahead a lot). i was climbing the stairs couple days ago(or was it yesterday?), and i was struck with the thought maybe if i had the choice, i'd just want to freeze at this phase for a while. forever 19. with the parents still alive and healthy, no responsibilities to pay bills or work or take care of anyone except maybe my brother, and that's fine because i can still go to my room and lock myself in for privacy and some solitude.

ok,ok,too morbid. moving on.

i will, hands down, without a doubt, miss the people i've met throughout time spent at sunway. in particular my classmates. i mean, would they actually understand what i mean when i say i miss them? hmm. how do i convey this.

i can't say that we're all like one big lovey-dovey family, it's not as if i'm close with every single one of my classmates and can engage in a group hug with them anytime anywhere. that's overstating it la. but still. we can click, despite different races, different backgrounds, different preferences. they've changed me, and my perceptions, for the better. so, believe me when i say i will miss you, because i don't take these sorta things for granted.

blurry, but what the hell. featuring mrs thiru,woot!

and, of course, i'll miss LIKE CRAZY the econs tuition gang. the last time i laughed till i cried was in the back seat of diyana's car, on our way to tuition.
Jaja: why don't we go out and save stray cats??
Shao Min: *dumbfounded*. Where?
Jaja: anywhere!

I personally like this one. we were supposed to be doing 'HOT'. but shao min burst out laughing, and i look like a constipated fish. diyana and jaja pull it off flawlessly though. jaja looks casually bored while diyana is diva glam. saya sayang awak semua!thank you for sticking out for me even when i was totally psycho and stuff.

ok,ok. enough jiwang2 and sentimentality.

which leads me to the next agenda of yelping about excitedly, i'm going to langkawi!!yaaaay. with my classmates!yaaaay. i can already picture us there.

and of course i worry whether we'll lose touch and never see each other again after this, but i know for now, i can hold off thinking about it. langkawi first. worry and trepidation later.

flight of the conchords

you can tell by the increasing frequency of my posts that the reluctance to study is growing. lepas habis exam nanti, it'll be a post a day. then every hour. then in the end i'll be posting evey 10 minutes. every time you refresh the page something new will be there.

tell me, kawan-kawanku, are you hungry? you are? splendid. listen to me very carefully. go down to the kitchen and get out your bread. wait, read this all the way down then go get out the bread. take out your chocolate spread or nutella, or if you are unfortunate enough not to have any, take a medium sized bar of cadbury's milk chocolate and melt it over the stove for about 10 minutes.

i'm kidding about melting the chocolate. don't melt it! go out and get chocolate spread.

got it? ok. spread two slices of bread with the chocolate. go on, lather it on, put as much you like. done?baik. then, go to the place where you keep all your fruits and select a wonderful, bruiseless, fantastically yellow banana, and peel it. then, proceed to cut slices of banana and place it on the bread on top of the chocolate. put the two slices together, and voila. chocolate-spread-and-banana sandwich. sedapnye tak tahan. i do believe it precedes over my former favourite peanut butter and banana sandwich.

you know, elvis liked peanut butter and banana sandwiches. random fact.

bananas must be the friendliest fruit of all. it goes great with chocolate spread, peanut butter, ice-cream, cereal. it makes the most kickass minum petang snack, goreng pisang. can make into cake. kuih kodok. can dry it and make into kerepek. what would we do without pisang?
oh,yes.

the green one? one day my brother was playing on the patio, when he screams, thinking he saw a lizard. rupanye he saw this bird, sitting on the patio macam rumah die. wasn't flapping about, didn't try to fly away, it just sat there. long story short,(the story includes us keeping it in cleo's old cage from which it escaped but then our next door neighbour's maid saw it and caught it and handed him over to us), we now have birds. the other one, the pretty blue one, my parents bought from the store, because "he needs a mate!".

for now, unofficially, their names are diego and jolie. diego because mom said the green bird is so blur like diego the sheriff from the zorro series. jolie, not as in angelina, but as in french for pretty. for the record, i wanted to name the green one pedro.

i know, so mat salleh kan?why cannot just name abu and aminah. sigh, western influences win when it comes to naming pets. but if we get another cat i'll call it si tompok.

and, just for fun, a pic of my ever obliging favourite male model:


LCD soundsystem, 'someone great'.


oh!oh!ok. i HAVE to spread the word and love for Flight of the Conchords. they're my latest obsession. Kakak, tgk ni!semue orang tgk!


i adore them to the extent i am willing to overstuff this post with two videos. they are WORTH it.

ok. takpe.

my dad brought home a box of fancy chocolates yesterday, so after tea, me and my brother were jostling over who got to open it and get first pick. i teased my brother, telling him to take the mango truffle choclate coated one, and we were jestering as we usually do, when he suddenly said to me, 'eff you,man.'

he didn't say fuck, he just said eff, and he didn't mean it properly, and immediately after he said sorry, but there you have it. and what's worse, he said it in front of mom, who got royally mad. as much as my sister and i (or i guess me mostly) curse, we restrain from saying it in front of my brother, and we don't curse at people, much less to each other.

swearing. what's in a swear word?my behaviour towards swear words became heck of a lot more liberal once school finished. if before, the worst word i'd dare to blog was darn, now you'd occasionally come across a fuck here and there. i say it when i'm mad, and i try not to say it in front of people, but i slip up sometimes.

to be honest, i don't feel discomforted by it. i'm fine. is that bad? of course, i don't understand why some people go about saying it in every sentence they make, but it's not as if i feel a rush of displeasure or annoyance when i hear it. it's just a word. i don't think that just because i succumb to saying fuck it means that i or anyone else who says it is any less of a person. but i know some people do.

my mom scolded my brother, saying 'what value do you get out of saying it?'. and she's right. there IS no value. none more than the third finger has over the other fingers.

and another thing is, my brother said he learnt to say that in school. which makes perfect sense, because i learnt all the swear words i know in school too. for God's sake, it was my classmates, my girl classmates, mind you, who taught me pukimak, bhuto, pantat. and i said them as well, not because i liked the words or honestly understood it's usage, i just said them because my friends said them so casually, so i figured i had to too. peer pressure yo, pure and simple. and that's what my brother's going through. we know it's wrong, but our friends do it, so it's ok.

how do i do this? how do i protect my brother from everything bad that i know, without a doubt, he'll come across in school? there's no escaping it you know. hantarlah gi mane pon, be it an asrama, daily school, private school, it won't make a difference. there will always be the bad influence.

but ok, enough serious pondering. i have to go mandi. oh, and watch this! i love this. german weatherwoman tak tahan gelak after seeing her colleague come on screen instead of the weather map at first. infectious!

how many bimbos does it take to deal with a cockroach?

I am a vain cow. and you'll see why in a few minutes.

But first up, how many bimbos DOES it take to deal with a cockroach? just in case you want any proof that i'm a spineless girl, here goes.

Couple nights ago, i was getting ready for bed, and i was brushing my teeth, when i looked into the bathtub, and saw a cockroach. gah. i don't like cockroaches, and i haven't seen one in this close of a proximity for quite a while. so i started looking for rid-sect, but apparently or house is so bug-free sampaikan takde ridsect di mana2. everyone was asleep so i couldn't ask the parents where it was. what was i to do? i thought maybe i should just leave it, maybe it would be gone in the morning. but of course that seemed like a bad idea because what if it crawled out of the bathroom and onto my bed in the middle of the night? and i didn't want to actually bash it with something, that seemed a bit crude, and besides, it would most likely be unsuccessful, as it would run in a different direction everytime i tried to bash it. so what did i do?

i decided to drown it. poor bugger. poor bug.

i took the hose and sprayed directly on it. i was merciless, i tell you. i followed it with the hose wherever it tried to run, so there was no escape. and all the while i was screaming(albeit in my head) 'well i'm SORRY but who asked you to be here in the first place?!!'.

and in the end, after a good 5 minutes of hosing, i let up, and the cockroach was flat on his back, twitching. After a while, it stopped twitching, and i pronounced it dead. but i didn't want to pick it up and throw it away, because i was too chicken, so i figured 'ok, i'll leave it be, and throw it away tomorrow morning. confem mati by then'.

so i went to sleep, woke up the next morning, went to the bathroom, and it was BLOODY GONE!

i must say, that pretty much got me on the hop. it was a cockroach resurrected. what if it went back to its family and notified the colony and they'd all come back to the bathroom? then, on closer inspection, the bug was still in the tub, and it was alive and kicking. ape ni? who gave it CPR?

but then again, i guess cockroaches can't drown. they don't have lungs, do they? hmm. do they?

WARNING:THIS MAY BE A LONG, POINTLESS POST.

I did my econs paper just now, and have mixed feelings about it, but whatever. this is not the time or place to analyse exams. only one more paper left, wheeee!

oh,yes. i am a vain cow. you know why?

no sound!or very little of it.

I was determined not to study today. so i dug out the webcam my dad used to use. and uh..ta-da. just wanted to test it. you can't hear what i'm saying, because the mike for some reason can't pick up sound very well. but i think it's better that way, since now you can intepret whatever i'm saying to be anything you want. for the smart people, i'm talking about the state of the nation, the UMNO assembly, corporate governance, stuff like that. for fellow bimbos, i'm talking about clive owen's hotness and how i MUST get that prada clutch lepas habis exam. for my friends, i'm just saying hi :) a really long hi. and mumbling some rude stuff about the econs exam.

speaking of which, i am not equipped with the knowledge to comment on the the Bersih rally, but:

1.i wish i had been there to see it.

2.i thought a lot of the comments given by politicians in response to the rally were pretty idiotic.

3.yup, the paper's pretty biased.(its taken me long enough to notice)

4. some of the parliament debates related to it were absurd.

and i'm glad a lot of the blogs i read, mostly comprising of blogs whose authors are around my age, blogged and spread the word about it. we're not an ignorant generation.

ok, some mainstream madness. the other day, i was talking to jaja and shao an diyana about Rihanna's new video, have you seen it?the one that features Neyo. first 5 times i saw the video on mtv, i couldn't actually pay attention to the song because i was fuming over the fact that she was in her underwear for three quarters of the video. it confirmed my nagging suspicion that Rihanna is stupid, because she thinks the only way to obtain a solid fan base is by being slutty.

Also, have you heard the solo effort by Nicole Scherzinger? i heard her first 2 singles, and it confirmed my nagging suspicion that there should have never been PCD. she should have taken THAT album as her own, while the rest of the girls became her backup dancers.

Oh!i watched the movie version of The Mistress of Spices. it's one of my favourite books, and i didn't know what to expect with the adaptation. hmm. it was ok at first, but then it just went all wrong. WRONG! i won't bore you with my rantings on what was wrong, but get this. you know tilo's counterpart, Raven? well, first of all, they got Dylan Mcdermott to play the role. good-looking, but tak bolehlah. didn't do the role justice. and you know what? instead of Raven, in the movie they named him doug. doug? aiyaaaa. why la DOUG? i kept thinking of this doug:

ok. enough merapu for the day. i'm going to claim vengeance on the tv tonight.

E.T. menelefon rumah

Saya tahu saya sepatutnya sedang meneliti pelajaran sebagai persediaan untuk double terror yang bakal dihadapi pada minggu hadapan, iaitu peperiksaan Perakaunan kertas 3 and peperiksaan Ekonomi(prinsip ekonomi?) kertas 4. Walaupun kertas Perakaunan hanyalah terdiri daripada soalan aneka pilihan, tetapi memandangkan saya telah megebom(membomkan?meletupkan?) kertas 4, saya perlu mendapat markah penuh untuk kertas 3. Prinsip ekonomi tidak perlulah diperkatakan, memang horror teramat sangat.

Ketika saya megulangkaji pelajaran, saya sering terfikir tentang segala aktiviti yang bakal dilakukan selepas tamat peperiksaan. Saya akan pergi bercuti bersama rakan-rakan kesayangan saya! Selain itu, saya akan menonton televisyen sepuas-puasnya, kerana ketika ini, tatkala adik saya seronok menonton rancangan-rancangan menarik sambil menjamu selera dengan sandwis (sandwich) dan teh, saya terpaksa berhadapan dengan nota Ekonomi saya yang tunggang-terbalik dan berselerak di merata tempat. Saya telah berjaya menjadikan ruang tamu dan ruang makan rumah saya berkeadaan seperti warzone yang dipenuhi kertas-kertas, alatan menulis, beg, bantal dan cawan-cawan kosong. Di samping itu, saya juga akan pergi membeli-belah. Malah, saya telah menyediakan senarai barang-barang yang hendak dibeli:

• Sepasang kasut baru
• Buku-buku cerita, terutamanya sebuah buku nukilan Agatha Christie yang bertajuk The Murder of Roger Ackroyd (Pembunuhan Roger Ackroyd)
• Majalah musik
• cakera padat(saya tidak pasti artis yang mahu say beli cakera padatnya, tetapi saya bakal memilihnya nanti)
• pengikat rambut(scrunchie?)
• Kemeja-T yang mempunyai logo Batman(Jejaka kelawar)

Walaupun saya tidak pasti jikalau saya mempunyai wang yang mencukupi untuk membeli semua barang yang dinyatakan di atas, saya tetap berazam untuk memiliki kesemuanya. Saya boleh!Malaysia Boleh! Angkasawan! Sheikh Muszaphar!

Selamat Hari Deepavali! Saya berpendapat Cambridge A-level Examination Board (Lembaga Peperiksaan Tahap A Cambridge) sangat tidak berperikemanusiaan kerana telah mengadakan peperiksaan Statistik dan juga Fizik bagi pelajar-pelajar aliran sains pada hari ini walaupun terdapat segelintir daripada calon-calon peperiksaan yang menyambut Deepavali. Mari kita cuba memaksa mereka untuk bekerja ketika Hari Natal(Krismas?) supaya mereka merasa keperitan yang dihadapi oleh pelajar-pelajar beragama Hindu pada hari ini.

Maafkan saya jikalau percubaan saya untuk memblog dalam bahasa ibunda telah memalukan kaum melayu secara keseluruhan. Saya sedar, penggunaan bahasa malaysia saya telah menjadi agak kucar-kacir. saya berpendapat jikalau saya mengambil semula peperiksaan SPM saya, saya tidak mampu mendapat keputusan yang serupa ketika Tingkatan 5. saya bakal menjadi seperti kakak saya yang cakap bahasa melayu seperti orang putih. Tetapi, mungkin juga tidak. Kakak saya berupaya untuk converse dalah Bahasa melayu secara formal, manakala agak kekok untuk bertutur dalam bahasa melayu pasar(pasa?pasah?) Saya pula agak hebat menyampaikan mesej dan pendapat dalam bahasa melayu pasar(pasa?pasah?), tetapi penggunaan Bahasa Melayu secara formal perlu diperbaiki.

Teruskan dengan ulangkaji! Tetapi saya mempunyai perasaan(feeling?) saya akan lena sebentar lagi.

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life

Ya know.

i was looking for an empty notebook just now, when i came across my high school yearbook. flicked through it, and then proceeded to sit down properly and go through the pages.

it's funny. it's only been what, 2 years since we finished? and yet i've already forgotten. i studied my class picture, and i had completely forgotten i was in the same class as some people. if you were to ask me now, about some of my former classmates, i would have gone, 'ah?was she/he my classmate ke? oh, a'ah!!lupe'.

where exactly am i going here. ok. i was flicking through some friendster profiles the other day, and in several of them, in the 'who i want to meet' section, there'd be 'ex-semashur0105'. and i raised my eyebrow then, thinking 'well, i wouldn't put that in my profile'. and then i stopped for a second to think, why WOULDN'T i?

because half the people in semashur, no, make that three quarters, have become strangers to me. and the fact that i've forgotten who half my classmates even were reinforces that! why ah? i just wonder WHY. because i find it spectacularly, awfully sad to think that i spent 5 years in a place, and yet here i am already letting go of most of the memories. i found friends, yes, awesome ones, but once we finished high school, for most of them, we stopped having common ground and we just. don't. clique. anymore.

is it my fault? i honestly wonder(i know i've filled up my quota of asking pathetic, self-pitying sounding questions, but yeah). the last batch gathering i went to, i felt insanely uncomfortable, thinking 'maybe this was a bad idea'. i know it sounds horrible, but i feel seperate, like i'm not part of them. maybe i never was actually, but now it actually starting to believe that. and i don't mean this in a degrading, i-am-superior-and-therefore-cannot-get-along way. we're just different.

or this could all be extremely stupid over-analysis of everything and i'm just kidding myself. yeah, that's more likely.

we were going to call the school magazine something, a latin name. but i can't remember what it was. hmm.