I suddenly got this flashback of a memory from when I was 11, I think. I had chicken pox, and was itching like crazy all over. I remember my mom helping me put some balm all over the spots, and she switched on the air-conditioning to help provide some relief. Then I remember her reading a storybook to me, though that seems odd, because isn't 11 too old for bedtime stories? Nevertheless, I can very vividly recall cuddling up to her shoulder as I listened to her.
I like how sometimes, as I walk back with Logs on the way home from the library, or go makan with him and Kelly, I still get that feeling where I am genuinely pleased to be in their company, and there's this warm, chocolatey sense that I am grateful, beyond grateful, for their friendship. And it is not pretentious, or fake, or insincere, it is not hard. I'm not saying it's effortless, but with them there is an ease that is so hard to find with others, with them I'm not a social retard.Their friendship redeems me.
And when things go wrong, when I do several things wrong and feel like fuck, as I do now, I'm going to use these two separate pieces to cheer myself up.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Stroopwafels (Kelly, I love them!)
It is very likely that I will become, or at least attempt to become, an auditor after I graduate. Sometimes I see this as a rational, logical, idea. Sometimes it freaks the shit out of me. Sometimes it makes me wonder whether this will mean I will end up a spinster. Other times it makes me think maybe I'll meet someone at a client's place (like how my mom met my dad whilst she was an internal auditor at Esso, isn't that so delightfully optimistic?).
I told one of my ang moh classmates I was doing a commerce degree, and she gave The Snort. The OMG-why-are-you-doing-commerce snort.
Another time, I can't remember why, but I was in the library thinking about various disciplines of learning and what their respective students must be aspiring to achieve in light of their studies. I suppose an architecture student would go ga-ga over a beautifully and immaculately designed building by some renowned architect. A bio-med student would probably be motivated by the most recent findings on cancer cures, or something like that. Then my focus shifted onto my own studies, what would an accounting student get excited about? The latest financial reporting framework standard released by the standards board? Then I snorted, and went back to work.
The other day during my Financial Accounting tute, we were discussing executive compensation and employee stock options, and when it wrapped-up, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had actually enjoyed the tute. It was genuinely stimulating, and yes, I know that sounds very bleah and personal-statement-worthy, but betul, I was just as puzzled by the idea that things like employee stock options could maintain my attention for more than 20 minutes. And that wasn't even the first time I had that ah-ha moment, Financial Accounting as a whole has been my most interesting subject this semester, I believe. Rock on.
I hate, I really do hate, when I encounter people who think that a commerce degree is easy. I get vivid daydreams of severely injuring such people for a couple of minutes, but then that anger deflates and I find myself glumly realizing that maybe the reason I get so upset is because the the notion is actually true? It probably is easier to pass accounting than it is to pass anatomy, or molecular biology, or some obscure engineering subject or whatnot. On the other hand, screw all you naysayers. Selagi kau tak buat subject aku dan dapat H1, SENYAP KAU!
The idea of working as an auditor, doing the whole 9 to 5 thing, the sober work outfits, the employee benefits, the occasional work event and office gossip, the struggle to climb the ladder, the chaos and lack of sleep during the busy season, the whole corporate shebang, it seems a reassuringly predictable route. You get an office job, one that comes with a fixed pay,benefits, 15 days of paid leave, etc. You work, you get paid, you gripe about work, you get promoted, you get paid more.
On the other hand,I'm scared that I'll be someone who hates my job but am too chicken shit to go out there and find greener pastures because I don't have the guts to go without the security of a steady paycheck. What would I do anyway? As of now, accounting's all I know.
I think I could be a competent auditor.
But anyway. How are you doing, folks? I feel a bit older this time around.
Remember Peterpan? The Indonesian band? Whatever happened to them ah? Lama tak dengar cerita. But I recall buying a pirated copy of their CD from Petaling Street ages ago(I'm sorry, I was a student with no money. I'm still a student with no money), and I really did like it. My favorite song was Ku Katakan Dengan Indah, I thought the lyrics were heartbreak in a bottle.
Tetapi hatiku selalu meninggikanmu
Terlalu meninggikanmu
Selalu meninggikamu
Membuat ku terjatuh dan terjatuh lagi
At the moment, I have decided to go to the root, the mothership, the big kahuna of all chick lit, and read Pride and Prejudice. So far it's proving to keep my interest piqued, but it's early chapters yet. We'll see how it goes.
I'm now going to go eat a a biscuit in the shape of a Teddy Bear and go to bed.
I told one of my ang moh classmates I was doing a commerce degree, and she gave The Snort. The OMG-why-are-you-doing-commerce snort.
Another time, I can't remember why, but I was in the library thinking about various disciplines of learning and what their respective students must be aspiring to achieve in light of their studies. I suppose an architecture student would go ga-ga over a beautifully and immaculately designed building by some renowned architect. A bio-med student would probably be motivated by the most recent findings on cancer cures, or something like that. Then my focus shifted onto my own studies, what would an accounting student get excited about? The latest financial reporting framework standard released by the standards board? Then I snorted, and went back to work.
The other day during my Financial Accounting tute, we were discussing executive compensation and employee stock options, and when it wrapped-up, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had actually enjoyed the tute. It was genuinely stimulating, and yes, I know that sounds very bleah and personal-statement-worthy, but betul, I was just as puzzled by the idea that things like employee stock options could maintain my attention for more than 20 minutes. And that wasn't even the first time I had that ah-ha moment, Financial Accounting as a whole has been my most interesting subject this semester, I believe. Rock on.
I hate, I really do hate, when I encounter people who think that a commerce degree is easy. I get vivid daydreams of severely injuring such people for a couple of minutes, but then that anger deflates and I find myself glumly realizing that maybe the reason I get so upset is because the the notion is actually true? It probably is easier to pass accounting than it is to pass anatomy, or molecular biology, or some obscure engineering subject or whatnot. On the other hand, screw all you naysayers. Selagi kau tak buat subject aku dan dapat H1, SENYAP KAU!
The idea of working as an auditor, doing the whole 9 to 5 thing, the sober work outfits, the employee benefits, the occasional work event and office gossip, the struggle to climb the ladder, the chaos and lack of sleep during the busy season, the whole corporate shebang, it seems a reassuringly predictable route. You get an office job, one that comes with a fixed pay,benefits, 15 days of paid leave, etc. You work, you get paid, you gripe about work, you get promoted, you get paid more.
On the other hand,I'm scared that I'll be someone who hates my job but am too chicken shit to go out there and find greener pastures because I don't have the guts to go without the security of a steady paycheck. What would I do anyway? As of now, accounting's all I know.
I think I could be a competent auditor.
But anyway. How are you doing, folks? I feel a bit older this time around.
Remember Peterpan? The Indonesian band? Whatever happened to them ah? Lama tak dengar cerita. But I recall buying a pirated copy of their CD from Petaling Street ages ago(I'm sorry, I was a student with no money. I'm still a student with no money), and I really did like it. My favorite song was Ku Katakan Dengan Indah, I thought the lyrics were heartbreak in a bottle.
Tetapi hatiku selalu meninggikanmu
Terlalu meninggikanmu
Selalu meninggikamu
Membuat ku terjatuh dan terjatuh lagi
At the moment, I have decided to go to the root, the mothership, the big kahuna of all chick lit, and read Pride and Prejudice. So far it's proving to keep my interest piqued, but it's early chapters yet. We'll see how it goes.
I'm now going to go eat a a biscuit in the shape of a Teddy Bear and go to bed.
Sunday, May 02, 2010
Heartbeat
Houston, we have a problem.
It is 11.39 pm. I have just eaten toast and had a cup of coffee. My roommate's asleep, I wince every time I cause some sort of noise. I have a whole bunch of documents open, the outline for an audit assignment, the meager beginnings of a french script for a short film, readings on going concern issues and auditing standards. I have a half-eaten chocolate egg sitting on my table, it's pretty big. I haven't done my EPM homework, I haven't studied french, I haven't proof-read the outline, I haven't I haven't I haven't. It's my own fault though, it seems as if for the moment I've lost momentum, and I can't be bothered with things. To use a profanity, I can't be fucked.
Sometimes my heart wells up with things, things that I think are important, things that I think are superficial, things that are perhaps meaningless. And I think about how we all do this, our hearts all well up with different things, and I like that. Somehow it's comforting to know that everyone, even the people I can't stand, or the people that intimidate me, or the random person standing at the corner, have this menagerie of thoughts and longings and feelings that are too complex to be deciphered.
I love listening to Dhiyanah talk about art. She knows what she wants to do, she is innately passionate about it, she wants to revolutionize the Malaysian art scene. She talks wistfully about places like Abu Dhabi, and she has a moleskin she carries around half-filled with sketches and random drawings. Her route is so refreshingly different from my own.
Life is muted
Life's on hold
Life goes on
I'm getting old
And can't be arsed to do my work
I'd rather find out what is Plurk
Well, not really.
I just said that so it'd rhyme
And I could waste even more time
Writing this.
Nak makan pengat durian lah. Serious.
It is 11.39 pm. I have just eaten toast and had a cup of coffee. My roommate's asleep, I wince every time I cause some sort of noise. I have a whole bunch of documents open, the outline for an audit assignment, the meager beginnings of a french script for a short film, readings on going concern issues and auditing standards. I have a half-eaten chocolate egg sitting on my table, it's pretty big. I haven't done my EPM homework, I haven't studied french, I haven't proof-read the outline, I haven't I haven't I haven't. It's my own fault though, it seems as if for the moment I've lost momentum, and I can't be bothered with things. To use a profanity, I can't be fucked.
Sometimes my heart wells up with things, things that I think are important, things that I think are superficial, things that are perhaps meaningless. And I think about how we all do this, our hearts all well up with different things, and I like that. Somehow it's comforting to know that everyone, even the people I can't stand, or the people that intimidate me, or the random person standing at the corner, have this menagerie of thoughts and longings and feelings that are too complex to be deciphered.
I love listening to Dhiyanah talk about art. She knows what she wants to do, she is innately passionate about it, she wants to revolutionize the Malaysian art scene. She talks wistfully about places like Abu Dhabi, and she has a moleskin she carries around half-filled with sketches and random drawings. Her route is so refreshingly different from my own.
Life is muted
Life's on hold
Life goes on
I'm getting old
And can't be arsed to do my work
I'd rather find out what is Plurk
Well, not really.
I just said that so it'd rhyme
And I could waste even more time
Writing this.
Nak makan pengat durian lah. Serious.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)