because i will blog anyway

Walking home from the supermarket, late afternoon. Earphones in.

The Wombats-Let's Dance to Joy Division

I cross the road to avoid those people who stand in the middle of the way and and ask you to support something/answer a survey/do something related to some persatuan. I walk along the road eyeing them on the opposite side thinking "why am i doing this? Because i am nervous at the idea of being approached". Which is ridiculous because by right the person doing the asking would be more nervous at the idea of approaching a stranger, right? Why should i be scared? just say tak nak and move on la. But then i i feel guilty because i'd have to do the polite yet aloof but somehow friendly brush off. So the best way to avoid the messiness of it all is to cross to the other side of the road. You get to avoid the whole shebang, plus you burn more calories from the extra walking.

Let the love tear us apart, i've found a cure for a broken heart.

Several steps forward. I'm crossing the road again(after passing the danger zone).

Ingrid Michaelson-The Way I Am.

I pass by a couple(i presume they're a couple). They've obviously done some shopping, both are holding nice multi-colored paper bags. I glance at the bags wistfully and become fully aware that rather than carrying a cool-looking Lacoste shopping bag, i am instead carrying a plastic bag with my newly bought toilet paper rolls. Damn.

I walk pass one of the RMIT buildings, and i see this lady and a girl walking in front of me, i take them to be mother daughter. I peek at the bags they're carrying, the mother's carrying a pack of toilet paper rolls too,whoo! but then again, she's not walking alone. she's walking with her daughter. Which reminds me. i miss my mom. i miss home. it's funny, the things that trigger homesickness. Seeing products that have 'made in malaysia' stamped on the back. spotting a plane descending. makes you think of a plane ascending, with you in it, to go back home.

'Cause I love you more than I could ever promise,
And you take me the way i am'.

Flash forward, i am sitting at my desk, trying to read some intro micro notes, and suddenly i feel inconceivably angry. it all comes down to this? memorizing a definition, memorizing what a production function is, recalling the difference between fixed and variable costs,etc? just this pathetic act of remembering something to be able to spew it back out for an exam? this determines your grade and therefore how smart you are? bullshit.

So. I turn to Kings of Leon-Ragoo.

I know, I know. I'm learning with the wrong intentions in mind. We're not learning for the sake of passing exams now, are we? ok. Don't worry. i am aware exams go beyond memorizing. QM1 is a fair example of that.yergh.

I'll be alright long as I ain't seen it all
And I'mma holding tight to that night we had a ball,
We had a ball.

i want pancakes

wei. wei,everyone. Kings of Leon.

I was doing some accounting yesterday, and while calculating figures i was youtubing them. There are 3 things to be noted down from this:

1. i know youtubing while doing homework is not ideal.
2. But how often can you youtube search a band and like practically every song you click on?
3. I discovered their song My Party, wow wow wow wow wow.

Saya-tak-tahan-suke-sangat-dari-pertama-kali-dengar. It's one bloody good song. the bassline is unbelievably catchy, and it just has so much attitude, i love it. can't make head or tails of the lyrics, but i wouldn't have it any other way.

I spent the next hour replaying it, bopping up and down in my chair idiotically. this song is so catchy, did i mention that? It makes me want to dance to it(even though i'm not sure how and may look retarded in the process).

and the thing is, it's not just that song. it's practically all their songs! the ones i've heard so far, anyway. I mean, i was psyched when i heard Knocked Up, but when you combine that with the fact that plenty of their other songs satisfy you on the same level, now that's fantastic. How many times have you adored a song by a musician, then listen to their other songs and go 'meh'?

i would ramble about how it's super awesome the way their songs are so diverse and talk about how Charmer has this gritty edge that just works, or how Caleb's voice makes King of the Rodeo stand out from being just a regular nice indie-band tune, or that Four Kicks is a bloody fun(if short) song, but i am inarticulate, and maybe you already know and agree(or not) with all this, or don't really want to know.

haih. this is good. i'm excited to listen to their albums. must get them.(Ya Allah i saw their latest one Because of The Times in the cd shop back home even before i left for melbourne, why oh why didn't anything point me to buy it then?it was under my nose!)

i'll wait until after exam to get it. yeah, that's it. it'll be like an incentive(wheeeee!)

this is good.

i'm going to go on a rampage in the supermarket tomorrow. my groceries are finished.

Taking off in a Coupe De Ville

i'm super-damn-terrer at wasting time, and i wish i had studied more today, i really do.

of course, it is idiotically idiotic to write(type) a sentence like the above, because if i really had wanted to study more, i'd have done so, wouldn't i?

I read that we lost Pulau Batu Puteh. no shit?

I like looking at good pictures taken by amateur photographers. it's like, 'wow.' i feel a bit a jealous when it seems like they've managed to convey a little bit of their soul into the picture they've taken.

Kings of Leon, people. Kings of Leon. Why in the world don't i listen to them more? they seem pretty awesome. I love Knocked Up. I think it's...beautiful. i don't know. it touches a nerve. well, fine, it touches one of my nerves.

I don't care what nobody says,no, i'm gonna be her lover.

If you read the comments on their videos on youtube, you'd see that the lead singer Caleb's been described as just about everyone. Leonardo Dicaprio. A clean Ozzy Osbourne. Ashton Kutcher with a bad wig. But his voice is pretty amazing. I really dig Charmer! I watched a clip of them playing it live, he pulled the screeching part off perfect, just like the recorded version.

Last week of classes,yo. just need to pull myself together for a couple more weeks. couple more weeks. couple more weeks.

friendships. what's in a friendship that looks good on the surface, but really, you know that it's lukewarm underneath? no,wait. not lukewarm. it's just that we're all fine when we're laughing at something hilarious and taking pictures or giving good-willed comments on facebook, but what about if you're sad, or if i am? would you tell me? would i be there for you? would you just annoy me and make me switch off? would you not trust me to say the right thing? would we be content with one another if we didn't have anything to talk about? can we do comfortable silences? and i wonder, seriously, does the person on the other end realize this and just accepts this lack of depth in our friendship? or do they honestly think all friendships are like this and that it's normal?

In line with my newfound spiritual optimism, i want to turn all my superficial friendships into proper, warm-blooded, deeply-rooted ones. now. how do i go about doing that exactly?

in line with my still-existing pessimism, i don't think it's actually feasible.

or maybe, boleh je have proper friendships, it's just that i've been doing things the wrong way.

Just in case you couldn't take a hint. Nah, saya present kepada awak, Knocked Up. The day i go to my first mat salleh gig, i wish it would be like this.

Baik!i will go study!i will!(exclamation marks used to boost semangat)

Theoretically, a 5 minute break. Realistically, a 10/15/20 minute lapse in studying momentum

Do you listen to Adele? Famous for Chasing Pavements, and apparently her song Hometown Glory(a gorgeous,solemn song) was featured on one of the new Grey's Anatomy episodes. Anyway, her voice has this sort of amazing quality(and everyone keeps comparing her to Amy Winehouse, but ntah, i don't think i would), and she's got this fantastic control over her vocals, it's just lovely to hear.

Listen to this. Daydreamer. Aptly named, it's such a dreamy song.

Daydreamer, sitting on the seat
Soaking up the sun he is a real lover,
Making up the past
And feeling up his girl like he's never felt her figure before
A jaw dropper
Looks good when he walks,
He is the subject of their talk
He would be hard to chase,
But good to catch
And he could change the world with his hands behind his back,
Oh

You can find him sitting on your doorstep
Waiting for the surprise
And it will feel like he's been there for hours
And you can tell that he'll be there for life

Daydreamer, with eyes that make you melt
He lends his coat for shelter plus he's there for you
When he shouldn't be
But he stays all the same, waits for you, then sees you through
There's no way I could describe him
All I say is, just what I'm hoping for

But I will find him sitting on my doorstep
Waiting for the surprise
It will feel like he's been there for hours
And I can tell that he'll be there for life
And I can tell that he'll be there for life.

preparations for studying.

When embarking on a mission to study a subject, in this case the much lauded Quantitative Methods 1, it is perhaps unwise to publicly declare war on said subject by posting statements such as "QM1, prepare to be kicked in the balls!" on one's blog.

Therefore, i hereby proclaim i have made peace with QM1, and have established diplomatic relations. we're quite chummy now, in fact. All thanks to our new mediator, that is Australian Business Statistics, by Antony and Saroja Selvanathan, Gerald Keller and Brian Warrack.

Due to the fulfilling relationship i have managed to achieve with my once arch-nemesis, i now wish to extend the same olive branch of friendship to Accounting Reports and Analysis as well as Introductory Microeconomics. Let us join as a united front. Rather than fight each other to the finish line that is the examination, let us embrace one another as old friends! Let us tango like latin lovers! let us be assimilated to one another like the threads of a friendship bracelet! Let us BE AS ONE!!!

see? see how i'm setting up good vibes for studying? i bet you can't beat that enthusiasm. now, let's hope that these subjects acknowledge my efforts and reciprocate my affection.

macrobiotic

i'm trying to plan out next's week meals. i'm trying to figure out a way to portion my groceries in such a way that i will not have to go to the supermarket next week. and i'm trying to ensure that i will have adequately filling meals, so that i won't go off and binge on cheerios and shapes crackers like i did just now.

i have a feeling i will fail.

so the exam thingie has been swinging into gear. do you ever get the feeling like you're doing work(you think), but when you review what you studied at the end of the day it doesn't seem like much? And so you recap and see that you probably spent more time doing things like printing notes, eating, washing and drying the dishes as well as taking breaks rather than spending it on proper, fully-concentrated studying.

yesterday was nani's birthday!yay(waves pom-poms)

I have a lot of zits at the moment(i know, gross, but would you rather me use my fingers to type this and tell you or use them to pop my pimples? haha, i'm kidding!i don't pop zits. usually.), and i'd like to think they're caused by exam tension, but unfortunately i must concede that's they're probably not. i'm too perky at the time being to be tense.

Anna tagged me and i'm raring to do it(because it's long! i like long tags), but i'll have to save it for when i have earned a proper break after devoting a respectable amount of hours studying secare betul2. or until i have less zits, whichever one comes first.

oh!oh!i know a lot of people already read Yasmin Ahmad's blog, but just in case you don't, check out this video she plugged. i think it's unbelievably cute and funny, as cliched as that may sound. cheers.

Un foulard gris

you see, the way i see it is this. If i do all the procastinating things NOW, then i won't have any excuse to procrastinate further when I've actually finished procrastinating and start doing the work. and therefore, that it why i am blogging, when i actually have QM1 homework to do.

I'm in the mood for acoustic sentimentality tonight, so:

Step 1: Listen to Toothpaste Kisses.
Step 2: Listen to the now famous Moldy Peaches' Anyone Else But You.
Step 3: Listen to World Spins Madly On by The Weepies(props to Aijud for enlightening me on these folks)

I bought a gray scarf (je achete un foulard gris) and i adore it, i really do. Sometimes i feel like anyone could just pull on the two ends of the scarf while I'm wearing it and asphyxiate me to death, but aside from those moments, i really dig it. I used to think that a scarf wouldn't make much of a difference and was more of a fashion accessory rather than a properly functional item, but that was dumb, and I'm wrong, i know. A scarf makes a whole lot of difference.

You know what? To whoever it is that's reading my blog, and not ridiculing or scoffing at it; to you i say thank you. If it's kakak, or nani, aijud or anna, anyone who knows me or doesn't, thank you for reading. thank you for bothering to peruse the nonsense i come up with. I don't know why you're reading it in the first place, and you may not even think much of it, but just know that i find the idea that you're reading absurdly cool. and quite mind-boggling, to be honest.

I was, am, very happy today, for no apparent reason, not really. But I am, even though i can feel the last tinges of cheeriness and incomprehensible giddiness fading away even as a type this. Allah has been so good to me, so good. Alhamdulillah. To be honest, i don't think i deserve to feel this happy. I am happy to be happy, but at the same time, i keep looking over my shoulder to look out for the next stroke of bad luck or mood-swing. Which indicates something bad, though I'm not sure what. It's bad to have grown so acclimatised to feeling down that you're wary of feeling good without legitimate reason.

i made a pact to get my shit together today, and though i've made that vow and broken it countless of times, maybe, just freaking possibly; it'll be different this time.

God, i love good music. and i love my gray scarf.

Optimism at its best.

Bonjour!

Right, I have just finished watching this movie called Les Choristes, and it’s left me feeling all warm and fuzzy. I am delightfully optimistic at the time being, and therefore this moment must be documented in order to be referred to in times of doom and gloom(as things go boom…..in DEXTER’S LAAAAAB!!If you’ve never watched Dexter’s Lab, you are deprived and this will be irrelevant).

I tend to see things as half empty rather than half full, betul? Ok. Mari kita lakukan aktiviti bina jati diri. Senaraikan perkara-perkara yang menyedihkan anda pada masa ini, dan kemudian tukarkannya kepada perkara yang menyenangkan hati:

1.
Sedih: Got some bad news about the apartment. Well, not so much sad as annoying. And the unreliability of some people can drive you crazy!
Gembira:My roommates have been more than understanding about it, to which I am extremely grateful. Props to shao and jia yee. And we managed to stuff in some stress-induced laughter, woot. It’s good to have good roommates.

2.
Sedih:I think we’ve finished up our internet usage quota for the month. This means that our current connection is slow. Very ma fan.
Gembira:At least uni’s near by, so I can go to the computer lab there. Plus, I took this whole broadband usage quota thing as the topic for my microeconomics essay, so ask me why Aussie has caps on broadband usage while Malaysia doesn’t. ask me why ask me why! I can at least tell you my theory.

3.
Sedih:I am still lost in Quantitative Methods 1. I am as lost in it as penguins would be in the Amazon basin.
Gembira:I look forward to tackling this whole mystifying subject when I actually start studying for exams. Quantitative Methods 1, prepare to be kicked in the balls. KA-POW!

4.
Sedih:My headphones went kaput. Sebelah dah tak dengar.
Gembira:I can buy new headphones. I’ll get cool-looking ones. Headphones that cradle your ears lovingly and keep out the sound of noisy trams and lorries that prevent listening pleasure.

5.
Sedih:Bouts of grumpiness, due to lack of understanding in QM1, growing panic over exams(only a month away! And all the exams are one after another on consecutive days! Blimey)
Gembira:Bursts of cheeriness due to songs like The Maccabees’ Toothpaste Kisses. The ‘whoo-woo’ at the beginning of the song gets me every time. Thanks kakak!

6.
Sedih: I am sleepy.
Gembira: I am going to sleep.

Hummingbird

I thought i was sleepy, but the coffee i had at Azrieal's place just now had me wide-eyed and blinking in bed.

Kakak answered my plea for new songs and gave me a bunch of really are lovely tunes. Kakak, that song by The Maccabees is pretty! And that french song Mon Coeur Mon Amour rocks too. I will email you and gush more about the songs soon.

I have run out of things to blog about. i realize that my repertoire of blogging material has revolved around the following main topics:

• apologizing over the fact i never blog about something substantial
• apologizing over the fact that the things i blog about are self-indulgent
• feeling shitty(and the causes of said shitty feeling-mainly social awkwardness and low self-esteem)
• the food i eat
• the songs i listen to and the movies i've been watching
• benda-benda random yang merapu

ok,ok,ok. Because of the lack of material to blog about, I am going to tell you one thing that's made me very happy since coming here to melbourne, and it's not even some attraction in melbourne in the first place. I call home once a week, and whenever i call home, i usually talk to each member of the family present. Whenever i talk to my dad, and the conversation's about to come to an end, he'll finish by saying "Ok, I'll talk to you again soon. I love you".

Oklah, i won't be all soap-opera-ish and bore you with the details of family relationships and whatnot, but to those who don't get what the big deal is, you're probably accustomed to such phrases up to a point where you might take it for granted. Don't. Don't EVER EVER EVER take expressions of affection for granted.

this may sound supremely pathetic, but i'm reading my old posts. I've gotten up to about early last year so far, but man. Man,oh man,oh man. i feel like the person who wrote those posts back then was naive, slightly pathetic(the movie post still annoys me), and perhaps a bit too perky(but also moody) at times, but God, i kind of wish i was her. No, not exactly. I mean, i'm still all of those things i think, but i don't know. i feel like i've changed a bit. Just a bit, because how much can a person change in a year and a half anyway? but i think there is some sort of difference, and not necessarily for the better. yergh, how do i put this? i read my old posts and get this sort of wistful, somewhat regretful feeling. It feels like you've lost something you want or had, and regret the fact you didn't do anything to retain it.

That's it. i feel like i've lost something, some better part of me that may have existed back then.

AISY. so much for not blogging self-indulgently. are you bored with all of this? i am too.

oh please, gimme me a break

oooh, i've just finished watching The Devil Wears Prada, and i liked it.

ok, i have fucked up my econs assignment, but never fear!it's due in 4 days. nevermind the fact i spent the whole afternoon doing it, that i have to erase all that and start afresh. takpe!four days is good. four days is fucking adequate. and i suppose i should get cracking and start on it now, but i know that if i do, i'll be resenting the wasted afternoon the whole time, and won't get anywhere. so. blog first, assignment later.

WAAAAAAAARAGAH!!bengangnye bengangnye.

I wish, i wish, i wish i had a coffee guide. i need someone to show me the finer qualities of coffee. Someone who could tell me which one is french-roasted coffee beans(apparently they're the darkest roasted coffee beans of all,whooo), or urge me to try coffee made out of beans called blue jamaican something something, or arabica apetah nama die. it all sounds bloody exotic and highly intruiging, a far cry away from my average cuppa in the mornings. and this guide would be able to tell me exactly what's the difference between espresso and cappuccino, a macchiato and a cafe latte, and what about a mocha? A coffee connoisseur.

Did you know coffee was once considered haram for muslims for a while back in the 16th century? well, that's what wiki says.

Time seems to be passing by very quickly here. It’s Monday, it’s Tuesday, whoops, it’s Wednesday! Halfway through! Then it’s Thursday, Friday(wheee!) and the weekend’s here! But not for long, before you know it we’re trudging through Monday morning again, then it’s Tuesday, then whoops, Wednesday! And you see how it goes. Weeks seem to be flying past and we’re just getting through the assignments, going to the lectures, buying groceries, walking to uni, it’s all melded into this monotonous, repetitive routine.

Don’t get me wrong, if anything, I like monotony. Because I am one of those headless chickens who are too afraid to step out of their comfort zone and try new things.

If you youtube search Damien Rice, the first song that'll pop out will be The Blower's Daughter, which i think is an awesome song. If you, like me, have just started listening to songs by him, try Volcano.

Go on, click the play button on this bright yellow rectagular strip ni. ala, yang benda kuning kat atas ni, you can't miss it. click play.

oh come on, who am i kidding.

i hate the idea of doing my assignment now. but no matter. soldier on.