Tangerine

5 things:

1. I'm quite sleepy, and it's only 10pm. yeah man. I'm glad to give up any nocturnal activities for the sake of establishing decent sleeping patterns.

2. I followed my mom to a nearby park this morning, and joined in with the group of ladies she line dances with any available morning. Picture lots of old chinese ladies all doing the cha-cha or the waltz in a rough line. It's pretty awesome. They're so nonchalant and just go with the flow. Don't know the steps? nevermind! Just follow! And then picture the fat malay girl plonked in the middle trying to keep up. I was easily the youngest as well as the darkest one there. But it was pretty fun.

3. Aina! coldplay! Awak tak nak pegi ke?

4. I actually like Panic at the Disco's new song. Northern Downpour. They seem to be revamping their style, less crazy eye-shadow, more gentle strumming and a peaceful black and white video.


5. Why would the first words you utter after 'hi' to a person you haven't seen in 6 months be "you've put on weight!"? Do you hear me commenting about how tired you look or your perut buncit? No.

Gush Gush Gush bazir masa Gush

Quick note: I'm home. So I'll be stalking your blogs even more ardently(if that's possible) over the next three months.

But anyway.

I went to watch Bloc Party in concert on Thursday night.

Aiyo. is it possible to coherently convey how much I adored it? How awesome I thought it was? Because it was pretty. damn. awesome.

The reason I was so awe-struck may be partially due to the fact that it was after all my first proper gig, a first time seeing a band I actually like playing in front of my eyes rather than from a you tube box. But wow. wow wow wow. I thought it was amazing! The adrenaline rush, that glorious jolt you get when you recognize the opening notes of a song you love singing along to, DAYMN! It's electric. The crowd, the energy, it was just. awesome. Gila. And Kele sounded terrific(I'm trying to come up with all the synonyms for 'awesome', but everything sounds too generic and dull compared to what I actually felt). Their show in Melbourne was the first stop of their Australian tour, and so the band seemed pretty pumped up. Kele was wearing a red cap, and it was so cool watching him dance in that prancing skipping way of his during a few songs. They kept a decent level of interaction with the audience, and it was pretty obvious the whole crowd worshiped them.

The opening act for the night was Van She, and they were pretty decent. Came on stage right on the dot at 7.45 and played for about 45 minutes. The bassist, from where Azrieal and I were sitting, looked hot! I couldn't even see his face properly, but the overall effect of t-shirt, jeans, boots and slightly disheveled blond hair, along with the confident swagger while playing bass guitar was enough to make me nudge Azrieal while grinning like some quack a couple times. I felt a bit sorry for them though, the crowd was pretty lukewarm towards them and were obviously waiting for Bloc Party to start. I suppose most opening acts go through that, but I wish the crowd had been more receptive. I thought their renditions of Kelly and Changes(the only two songs I know, unfortunately) sounded good.

But then Bloc Party finally came on, and oh! It was brilliant. They played a combination of songs from all three albums, and I can't remember the last time I had as much fun in Melbourne as I had screaming along to the songs I knew. The only regrets I have were that the show wasn't longer and they didn't play a couple songs I was hoping for, like Ion Square and Kreuzberg, plus, I didn't know the lyrics to all the songs of their set list. But it was still fantastic. When the opening drum beats for The Prayer rolled I started squealing like a stuck pig, gesticulating wildly to Azrieal and shaking from side to side like some neanderthal. And Banquet! You could hear everyone screaming simultaneously "Cause I'm on FIRE!" along with Kele(yours truly included, punching fist in the air and all), and that was truly one of the highlights of the night for me. Other great parts was when they had green laser lights flashing during Flux, and also Ares, which  is this unbelievably catchy song from the new album, and I'm super glad they played it.

Superb!It was far better than what I expected, my hats off to Bloc Party. For a first gig in Melbourne, I couldn't have been more satisfied or pleased. Oh, and thanks to Azrieal for coming with me! I never did thank you properly. Grazie.

Ok. I'm done gushing. Sorry, I keep going on like some jakun cow, but I was(and still am) so stoked. It was doubly cool because some of the songs which I hadn't particularly taken to when I first listened to them, like Mercury, Hunting for Witches and such, just sounded great played live. And like I said, Kele's voice was spot on that night, hitting every note and screech perfectly.

Shame on Festival Hall's (the venue of the concert) sound crew though. The sound on our side of the venue kept cutting out during the early part of the band's set, which was a bit annoying.

But yeah. Aside from that, it was great. And I can't wait for  similar experiences like I had that night. Which brings me to the second piece of good news. Guess who got tickets to go see her(dare I say) favourite band?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Kings of Leon, I'm coming to see you!(and I want to have your babies!)

Oklah, the Kings of Leon concert will be a monstrously massive event, held at Rod Laver arena(as opposed to the somewhat more intimate setting for Bloc Party at Festival Hall), but still. I simply cannot wait. 

Sigh. I'll be missing the Arctic Monkeys though. They're playing in January. But oh well. 

I had nasi beriyani kambing today. Boleh tick off the list.

Cornea

Perfect scene with perfect music(Where Is My Mind by The Pixies). Gorgeous.

I finally managed to borrow Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club from the library, and got around to finishing it this morning after breakfast. You do not need my take on it.

Raymond K.K. Hessel, your dinner is going to taste better than any meal you've ever eaten, and tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of your life.
-from Fight Club

After finishing the book, I moved on to the copy of Man and Boy I bought at Camberwell market for 4 dollars(picture smug look of someone who's scored a bargain). Maybe that was a bad idea. Maybe reading Fight Club left a lingering sense of cynicism that does not mesh well with the family-themed Man and Boy. I don't know. I'm about a third through the book, and so far it's a tad predictable and a bit frustrating. But I still have two-thirds to get through so maybe I'll like it the more I read.

I'm in a bit of a bind here regarding my course choice. I'm wondering whether I should do finance. The idea of not doing economics anymore conjures a profound sense of loss(a feeling inspired thanks to my kickass macro lecturer, Nilss Olekalns). But if I were to actually do economics, alongside accounting, where would that put finance? hmm. And what about French? Can I do a concurrent diploma in languages? Not likely. Hmm. This is all a bit confusing, and I really wish I had a donut/roti john/maggi kari dengan telur to munch on at the moment while pondering this particular conundrum.

Tall and tan and young and lovely
The girl from Ipanema goes walking
and when she passes each one she passes goes 'oooh'.

Hohohoho. Baru teringat, I have some raspberry tartlets in the pantry. Nak makan sambil baca Man and Boy. Selamat malam, semua.

Peacocks

I'm singin' in the rain
Just singin' in the rain
What a glorious feelin'
I'm happy again.

I watched Singin' In the Rain again.

****

Facebook is fast becoming a prime place for examples of things that bug me. Observe: Lelaki A puts up a picture of him and a foreign girl on his profile. It is then bombarded with comments like these:

Lelaki B: Wei xxx! Boleh tahan miang hang ni.
Lelaki C: Perh..xxx makan sorang wei. Boleh tahan.
Lelaki D: kawan tak kawan. janji layan.haha.

I think it's self-explanatory what comments like the above make me feel.

but just in case you don't know, it makes me think 'fucktards'. It's a bit too frustratingly melayu, if that makes any sense.
****

I wish Kings of Convenience would come out with a new album already.

****

When you're supposed to be studying for an exam, you are magically bestowed with numerous ideas for blog posts and there isn't an hour that goes by without something popping into your head and snatching your focus away from macroeconomic theories to a quirky fact or an incident you wish to write about. And you think 'oh yes! I'll blog about all this when I'm done with exams!HAHAHAHA!'(diabolical laughter varies with the individual in question). But when you're actually done with exams, as expected, all those ideas vanish. ah well.

****

Camberwell and Chapel Street tomorrow. Oh, yes. I must start making my list:

1. Nasi Ayam.
2. Nasi Kandar(yang dekat sungei wang).
3. putu piring.
4. ayam masak merah.
5. Kuey teow goreng from Sila Rasa.
6. Goreng pisang(yang jual kat depan masjid tu)
7. Nasi lemak and paru.
8. Yong tau foo(plenty of suay kow)
9. Masak lemak pucuk manis.
10. Nasi beriyani(if possible, with kari kambing).
11. chicken and mushroom sizzling noodles from some random foodcourt.
12. whopper.
13. chicken hor fun.
14. pengat durian and roti jala.

Kakak. I'm going to mark off this list, and you're going to help me. hooray hooray!

Saya tepuk tangan untuk Encik Obama.

You know what scares me?

Having your uncle add you on facebook, that's what.

Hasil titik peluh for the night!

Buruk. Tapi bangga,yo. Flowcharts DO require some form of ability. yeah. like knowing how to separate things in columns and draw multiple little symbols . and arrows, mustn't forget those.

Tapi bila dah disemak, dah tak bangga dah. If you can't see, there are an abundance of red scribbles, squiggles, and conteng2 correction marks.

Oh!Oh! recent good thing. I donated blood the other day! hooray. My donation has apparently saved 3 people. Kakak was right, it makes you feel all nice and charitable. And I got a free milkshake. So, menurut penaakulan saya:

Blood + Donation = Free Milkshake + overall sense of nobility.

Not bad, not bad.

Esok? and the next day? with a little bit of faith and a little less sleep, I think I can just about cover what's needed. Whether I actually properly understand and can answer questions is another story, but takpe! takpe.

Mari kita recap on Coldplay awesomeness, by listening(or, if you're not ketinggalan like me, re-listening) to Warning:


You were an island, and I passed you by.
You were an island to discover.

Coldplay ni terrer lah.

I should be asleep. Ok, you lot. Selamat belajar, selamat menghadapi peperiksaan/mesyuarat/kelas perancis/hidup/etc, dan jangan risau. everything will be ok. Have a decent week!

Adoi.

Aku rasa kan, inilah pengalaman aku paling stress nak belajar untuk exam, tak termasuk mock exams untuk A2 dulu. That feeling of near-hysteria because the time you have left is not proportionate to the number of chapters to be read.

Takkanlah stress sangat kot? Aku dah lalui SPM. Dah buat A levels. Sampai uni pun boleh kabut lagi ah?

Boleh. Memang boleh.

My mind is still switching mindsets, the war between panicking and the rationale that I can finish reading macro and law is still raging, even while I study.

Kalau tak dapat H1 untuk semua subject satu dosa yang terlalu besar ke? Kenape aku takut sangat? Bukannya aku tak pernah gagal. Form 4 selalu je fail add maths. AS dulu dapat B untuk accounting. It's not as if the world fell apart,did it? Apa yang aku takut sangat?

Takut sebab kalau aku tak cemerlang dalam exam ni, my self-worth will deplete ke? Itu ke yang membuatkan aku takut nak terfikir pun the aspect of getting bad grades?

Haih, Atiqah. Berapa kali kau dah lalui semua ni. Ape yang kau takut sangat. Ape yang kau risau sangat.

Aku tahu. Kau takut kalau kau gagal, kau kene hadapi these thoughts:

1. Kau boleh buat lebih baik, tapi kau bodoh sangat pergi bazir masa. Tak reti-reti lagi macam mana nak urus diri. Camne nak gelar diri grown up kalau urus masa pun tak boleh?

2. Regret is a hard pill to swallow.

3. Kalau kau tak mampu nak score, kau rasa diri kau bodoh. Jadi the things that you have got going for you akan berkurang even more. Macam mana nak justify diri kau as a person? Not talented, not many friends, not exceptional, not attractive, and now, not even capable to do well in exams. (Tapi ni exaggeration semata-mata, iaitu fikiran aku bila aku tengah betul-betul rotting in self-pity. Jangan risau. I'm not that self-centered all the time. I'm fully aware I have more than plenty to be grateful for).

Aku tahu, aku terlalu menaruh harapan pada keputusan peperiksaan to justify that I can achieve things. Aku rasa sifat ni terbit dari semashur la kot. That feeling you get when you can tell someone thinks you're intellectually inferior, but tries to humor you anyway, aku temui kat situ. It's a bit soul-crushing.

Tapi itu cerita lama. Yang penting, aku kene habis study pasal flowcharts malam ni. Esok, start baca pasal economic growth.

Ayuh!

Interchangeable Mindsets

Optimistic mantra:

This will all be over by next Friday
This will all be over by next Friday
This will all be over by next Friday.

Doom-and-gloom mantra:

I'm screwed
I'm screwed
I'm screwed.

It's a toss up.