Buang masa, aku memang terrer

Hanani lies over the (pacific) ocean
Hanani lies over the sea
Hanani lies over the (north pacific) ocean (to be specific)
Oh bring back Hanani to me.

Bring back, oh bring back
Oh bring back Farah Hanani
TO ME!
Bring back, oh bring back
Oh bring back Farah Hanani.

Tapi if you want to send me there to her pun boleh juga, I'm flexible. I could do with a tour of Montreal.

And I miss Diyana too. When I go through her facebook profile sometimes I feel myself getting nervous and start to panic, and think 'this is it. This is the point we don't have common ground anymore and she looks like she's having so much fun over there, and she's meeting awesome people and she won't need me anymore and she'll forget me ALAMAK I WANT HER BACK RIGHT NOW!'. Ye. Aku mudah hysterical.

The both of you popped into my head in the ever random-so-random hour of 5-ish pm during my accounting lecture. I think I've given the I-don't-take-the-word-'miss'-for-granted speech enough times, yea?

Aku tahu aku agak pasif when it comes to friendships. Aku tak pandai nak jaga hati orang. Aku jenis suka pendam perasaan sampai meletup and my friends have to bear the brunt of it all. I tend to keep my friendships at arm's length. I don't bother to take the effort to bring acquaintances past the divider into friends. I leave it at that and just watch as it all fizzles out. Pastu complain. haih. typical.

But i fully appreciate the few people who, despite all my anti-social tendencies, still manage to come around and be my friend. It takes balls, that.

Aku malas nak belajar la. Aku malas nak nak bergerak dari kerusi ni. Aku malas nak pasang lampu. Bilik dah gelap. Maghrib dah nak masuk.

Itinerary malam ini:

Sembahyang
Mandi
Makan yogurt perisa vanilla.
Buat tutorial.

Ok. all systems go.

Foosa-la-goop-a-goop

When your accounting tutorial is maddening, when your studying efforts seem to be making little progress, and when you're starting to worry that two weeks won't be enough to cover everything, what do you do?
Have a chocolate chip cookie. Dipped in a mug of cold milk.

Have another one. And another. Have three.

Have half a packet.

And when that fails to abate your worrying and the gloominess related to the unfinished tute remains, have an apple.

And when you're stuffed to the brim in an unpleasant way, regret it. And tell yourself: "an over-full stomach does not make things better".

But those cookies dunked in milk were pretty damn good.

durbar

Juwa's tag, the ever classic list-7-things-about yourself.

1. I have a secret joy of doing tags. When you're tagged, you automatically have a post topic, and it's self-indulgence at its written finest.

2. When I told my mom back towards the end of standard 5 that I was elected to be Ketua Pengawas, she didn't believe me. In the 'are you sure? REALLY sure? They didn't choose you yet right, you're just short-listed.' kind of way. Not so encouraging, if you think about it now. But hey, it surprised the crap out of me as well. Ade ke sekolah saya pegi pilih budak yang selalu hilang name-tag dia dan sering menumpahkan makanan ke atas baju sekolahnya jadi ketua pengawas? pelik, pelik.

3. When I was younger, back when we stayed in Kerteh, there was this one time I went to my neighbour's house. Coincidentally, her grandmother was staying over at the moment, and she was applying inai to her hands. Her grandma was a real pro at it too, the one yang jenis lukis designs like vines all over the hand, not merely coating the nails. She offered to do it for us, so I eagerly got my hands covered with the green goop, waited until it dried, and washed it off. Behold!the lovely orangey-reddish tones of inai on my palms. How exciting. Then I went back home, proceeded to go take a bath, and that's when I found out inai doesn't come off, even when you want it too. Saat cemas. I mean yeah, it was pretty and all, but my 5 year-old self didn't want to walk around with strange markings all over my hand! Warna oren pulak tu. I think that was the last time I applied inai.

4. I used to think that 'ibu pejabat' meant an office where mothers worked. And since we're on that topic, I used to think that 'polite' was pronounced as 'poe-leet', and 'lingerie' was pronounced as 'ling-uh-ree'. I used to think that 'paradigm' was pronounced 'para-diggum'. And that was in form 4. Do we see a pattern here?

5. I was hanging out with Syefik once, watching MTV, and they were showing Bjork's video for Declare Independance, to which Syefik watched, as if tranced, for a couple minutes, before shuddering and saying "eeeeei, takutnye tengok video ni",hahahahaha. i found that tickling. But anyway, I have just come across this song called Hyperballad by Bjork, which I find wonderful! I was never appreciative of her eccentricity before this(except maybe for that It's Oh So Quiet cover), but I now can see how fantastically her voice exudes emotion, and her lyrics! though simple, they're awesome in that their ambiguity leaves you wondering what she's actually singing about, and you can fit in your own beautiful interpretation of it. This is one of those songs that can make you think of something endless, deep, tranquil.


6. Here's a what a random page of my journal says:

16.9.2008

Ate a whole loaf-pan of quiche today. Not good, man. Maybe it's a testament to the fact that my quiche is damn good? Maybe.

When I'm 35(and hopefully I'll have grown up by then) and I reread this, it'll scare the crap out of me. 'Wasn't that the year of the financial crisis?!the Obama/Mccain presidential election?! When Badawi decided to step down?! What the hell was I doing writing about QUICHES?!'

7. I keep this crude, rudimentary ledger and write down my all my spendings in it(I try to put down every cent). when it's time to balance the accounts at the end of the month and I find that my balance under the cash account doesn't match the cash I have in my wallet, I fly into a rage. A baling-wallet-kat-katil/dinding-and-makan-a-whole-pan-of-quiche rage.

Bonus point: I've killed 2 bugs flying around my room tonight(Afnan, I took your advice!). Oklah, they were small ones. But I feel vindicated.

p/s: I tag Diyana(update your blog!I want to stalk you :D), and Kelly!I'm sure you guys would do this tag justice and come up with 7 interesting things. Di saat-saat nak exam ni, I'm sure a tag would be a pleasant distraction(or not).

coney island

Kalau boleh, saya ingin melayang ke arah lecturer saya sambil menjerit "ape yang kau mahukan sebenarnya dengan tutorial ini?!APE?!".

Gurau saje. Kalau saya melayang pun, saya akan berhenti di hadapannya secara hormat dan tanya dengan penuh tata tertib: "Wahai pensyarahku, izinkan hamba bertanya matlamat dan objektif sebenar di sebalik tutorial minggu ini? Hamba sungguh tidak faham apakah yang diinginkan oleh soalan tersebut dan apakah yang perlu dilakukan oleh hamba untuk menjawabnya. Sila bantu".

Appetite saya sedang berkata "hey, let's have a pear nak?", walaupun hati, otak,malah perut saya sedang giat memprotes:"JANGAN!You're full! You had chips!a yogurt-topped muesli bar! nuts! toast and tuna! coffee!berhenti berhenti!". Mari kita lihat siapa yang menang dalam pergaduhan ini. (Saya ramalkan hati,otak dan perut saya akan bergelar juara kali ini. sebab saya dah gosok gigi, jadi gigi saya akan memberi backing kepada mereka).

Saudari juwa, saya akan melakukan tag anda dengan hati yang riang dan mata yang bersinar-sinar tidak lama lagi ye? Harap maaf.

Lagi satu: Mari kita hargai hidup.

this morning, I was reading at the dining table, when I hear a yelp and see shao min running(streaking,hahahahaha. kidding.) from her bathroom to her bedroom. Kenapa? Sebab there was a bug flying around her bathroom. Isn't it marvelously intuitive of bugs to fly around the apartments of girls who are scared of flying bugs? at one point:

Shao Min: AAAAH!
(Atiqah turns around quickly, sees the bug flying out into the living room)

Atiqah:Kenap...AAAAH-OW,DAMNIT(slams knee into table in haste of running away).

Wei. wei. tiba-tiba nak coney dog la pulak.

Hi soulmate.

At another event, among other people, amidst many noises and an abundance of movements, I sat with my face cupped in my hands, staring at everything and nothing, asking:

where are you? what's taking so long? you are coming, right?

sometimes, at certain points, I cast around, asking for someone, something to please, please please come save me. Please. God? mom? kakak? kawan? please. PLEASE. please save me. Sometimes I feel it's to the extent of begging, I'm at the point of begging you to please catch me. help me. understand me. love me. damnit. I feel it so badly I can't explain what I want, I just end up as this crazy person repeating these words again and again.Until it becomes nothing more than me rocking back and forth whispering 'please.please.please'.

haih. you don't need to read shit like this. I think the blogosphere has enough of it already.

Anyway, I helped out with this event, yea? and we had loads of food leftover. so guess who's going to be eating vegetarian fried rice for the next couple days? and who's going to stuff herself with blueberry muffins tonight? yeah baby.

I was just wondering, who came up with the bright idea of giving Shah Rukh Khan datukship? I mean, really. I am genuinely curious at seeing who it is that suggested "apa kata kita hadiahkan datukship kepada Shah Rukh khan?". Don't get me wrong, I weeped watching Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Khabi Kushi khabi Gham. but datukship? And why is it I don't know what actions our government has taken to face the financial crisis? Have they taken any? Did we cut interest rates? did they guarantee bank deposits? what? what? can someone update me? All I've heard about is things like Abdullah Badawi wanting to tie up loose ends, Anwar still saying he'll take over, and fucking rape cases. Rapists are scum. Rape is an injustice I cannot understand nor tolerate. It's not fucking fair.

Item to be grateful for number 98349283y5183:I don't need microfinance.

oh hey. the birds have started chirping already.

Malas nak buat kerja

The need for organization, control, and general planning increases as one gets older.

I, being the essence of a general slob, am coming to realize this. Belatedly, perhaps. Nevertheless, I now see that the chances for success in life('success' being subjective here) is dim if my plan is to just 'wing it', as I believe I've been doing so for the most part.

There's this need to keep track and coordinate what you're doing, and what you plan to achieve, and how do you go about doing it. And this need seems to encompass EVERYTHING. I used to think it was just for major stuff like planning your studies to sit for your SPM, or making sure you didn't overspend your allowance and go over budget, or finishing up the assignment that's due in two weeks, things that you have already been advised and told many times to plan for. No,no,no. it goes beyond that.

I suppose the major thing I must plan is in regards to religion. Our aim is fairly obvious: be good enough to get into heaven. Fine, objective ascertained. But how do I be good enough? I think it's safe to say that I've deviated from the straight and narrow quite a bit, and now I need to get back on the right track. At least I know what I want, I want to be a good muslim and I want to be a good person, and I want to love God and and be loved in return, ok! great! But how do I go about doing that? And here's where planning comes in. Pray, fast, ask for protection and guidance. Make effort to understand and embrace Islam, try and live by the guidelines.

Here's another one: our body. There's so many things to remember, much more besides the essential rule to eat and drink to stay alive. Eat healthy!less fried foods, less oil, less saturated fat, less sodium. Get enough calcium, I don't want osteoporosis when I'm old, so gulp down that milk and finish that tub of low-fat yogurt. Cut down on sugar, and refrain from that second cup of coffee. Tea has anti-oxidants. Try and eat at least one dark green veggie everyday, and don't forget fruit and some sort of roughage. Don't snack, you're overweight enough as it is, go get exercise. Lose some kilos and build up bone density, they say active women have reduced chances of getting cancer as much as 23%. Cleansing your face is not enough. Don't forget to use toner and moisturizer, and sunblock. Use body lotion, if not your skin will go dry and start to peel. I need something to make those blister scars on my feet go away.

Studies, studies, studies. Study those lecture notes, I know I wasn't paying attention in class. Finish up my tutes, get a study timetable ready, there's only a month left until exams. Organize my files, make sure I've submitted my assignments, have all my textbooks, read all my textbooks, print out my notes, get ready for next week's tutorial so that I don't feel like an ass again. Plan what you want to be. Plan your subjects. Get a degree. get a master's degree! Get good grades. get a good job. get good money.

Groceries, do I have enough? I need more eggs and milk and cereal. I just bought those last week, I need to buy them again? I'm eating too much. Eat less. My chicken and meat are all out, have to go get more. I'm spending too much! Money. Make sure I've transferred this month's rent to dad, paid the internet bill, check my balances to ensure I at least have money to survive. Don't go above the specific amount when buying something.

Call home, call friends, remember to take the initiative to socialize occasionally. Read the paper, try and keep up with events so at least you have the general idea when someone talks about the financial crisis or Sarah Palin, and not feel so out of the loop like all this while. Read a book, listen to a song, update your journal, update your blog, to get the feel that you have a soul somewhere inside of you , because perhaps you hope these things are proof that you do. Don't forget to smile, be more friendly! Accept invitations, be courageous enough to join a club. Be happy. Don't involve and therefore contaminate others' with your foul mood.

And so, how can one possibly be a couch potato?

My parents are amazing at being able to do all this, as well as handle the additional conundrum of having yours truly as a child.

additional note that I want to jot down because it made me mad: why. the fuck. would you post up pictures of cadavers and dead fetuses on your facebook? just because you're a medic student studying them doesn't mean they deserve any less respect. They're people who have passed away, you jackass, not merely lab exhibits for you to poke and prod at.

Pengajaran Buat Hari Ini

Jangan melengahkan tugasan university.

Saya ada dua assignment yang perlu dihantar minggu ini. Saya telah diberi masa lebih kurang 3 minggu untuk menyiapkannya. Tapi 2 daripada 3 minggu tersebut merupakan cuti pertengahan semester.

saya telah lalai.

Saya menangguhkan tugasan-tugasan tersebut hingga saat-saat terakhir, iaitu sekarang. haih.

Semalam, pada pukul 12 malam, saya hendak tidur setelah gagal menyiapkan semua kerja. Saya membuat keputusan untuk cuba menyiapkannya keesokan harinya. Maka saya pun pergi ke bilik tidur, di mana saya lihat katil saya bertaburan dengan baju.

oh ye. baru saya sedar saya telah lupa untuk lipat laundry. damn.

Maka saya pun mula melipat baju dan ketika itulah saya mendapat idea untuk tidak tidur demi menyiapkan semua kerja rumah. 'If I finish it by tonight, I'd get it over with and wouldn't have to panic and stay up the night before the due day itself', saya fikir dalam kepala saya. Lagipun, saya ada beberapa tugas lain untuk diselesaikan. Jadi saya fikir jika saya tidak tidur, saya akan mempunyai lebih kurang 7 jam tambahan untuk melakukannya semua.

Saya akui, saya tidak pandai membezakan idea bernas daripada idea bodoh.

Jadi, sebab itulah saya sedang menaip ayat ini pada pukul 4.20 pagi di kala hari Selasa. Saya boleh mendengar seekor burung bersiul di luar tingkap. Bagus. ade la jugak teman.

assignment hampir siap! cuma perlu dikemas dan ditokok tambah sedikit disini dan disana. Tapi saya tak puas hati la. Macam tak betul je. Saya boleh dengar suara kecil di dalam kepala saya memaki saya. "Tu lah pasal, siapa suruh tak buat awal-awal. Tengok, skarang kerja semua half-baked aje". Ok fine suara kecil, lesson learned. Now shut up.

Saya confess, sepanjang malam ini saya makan banyak. Kopi, buah, roti, yoghurt, you name it, I had it at one point. Daging?hah. saya telah menggoreng satu pati burger ayam untuk dijamah bersama sos tomato. Semuanya dimakan dengan niat untuk membekalkan tenaga bagi membuat kerja, tapi saya tahu itu semua hanya naluri tamak saya untuk makan banyak. haih. Cuma kumpulan makanan sayur-sayuran sahaja yang tidak diwakili. Serat? jangan risau. Saya bercadang hendak makan cereal sebentar lagi sebagai breakfast. Serat la kan tu? Ke tidak?

Ok. saya hendak pergi basuh kuali yang saya guna untuk goreng pati burger tadi. selamat pagi.

Scottish Terrier

Hmm.

HMM.

Paramore.

I think they're interesting. A few sites described them as a divergence between pop punk rock and emo, and while their hairdos are a bit suspicious and their music can remind you more of Coheed and Cambria or The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, I have to agree. They blur the line, and I find that fascinating. I also find myself liking a growing number of their songs.

I'm no music critic, but here's what I like about them:
1. Hayley William can sing, damnit. she can SING. proof.and she's hot.
2. While the normal versions of their songs can be a bit too much for me, I totally dig most of their acoustic versions!
3. Dengar dan lihat video. A perfectly addictive pop song.

Ambivalent and supposedly 'deep' or emotional one-line ending sentences sometimes annoy me. but I tend to write them.

in other news, the committee thought my bookmarks were adorable, heh heh heh.

I want a dog. The kind that will come running and jump all over you simply because they're overjoyed to see you walk through the door.

PMS, i think

I am unhappy.

now that that's out of the way, maybe we can get a move on and finish up those assignments.