in these past days, i seem to devote more and more of my time to two things: eating(i mean, memang dah banyak pon masa allocated for eating, but now it's even more!), and blogging. and i believe neither are doing me any good.
i came home from my lecture, and walloped 2 burritoes. and then, amazingly enough, i was still hungry. my stomach felt like i hadn't eaten any burritoes at all-that kind of hungry. and so i made pancakes(ala, yang instant tu), and had them with a (un)healthy drizzle of maple syrup. then the beast that is my appetite cooled down a bit, and we both agreed to chill and browsed the net for a while, and washed the dishes, then it decided to have a lovely big fat fuji apple.
and so here i am, chomping down the last bits of my apple, blogging. the extent of my hunger is fascinating, if not worrying. is it because of the weather? or is it because i've gotten used to the bigger portions they serve here and am no longer satisfied by my usual definition of a decent meal size?
alamaaak. i have this sudden urge to go to seven eleven across the street and get a packet of barbecue chips yang crinkle cut tu, apetah brand die. the one in the orange bag. smith's? it's only 8, technically it is still a decent hour to munch something.
not by Oprah's standards though. i think she's the one that advocates the no-eating-past-7 rule.
and then there's blogging. gah. sometimes too much blogging, i believe, is a bad thing. especially when you're the type who allow your fluctuating moods to dominate what you write.
how much cyberspace are you allowed to waste with your moaning and your so-called woes before you yourself feel like you want to take a whack of a shovel to the head? and yet i still want to do it. because after dinner when i'm contentedly facing the computer, it's usully still early, so there's not much to do but blog. well there's plenty to do(i.e:assignments and reading notes), but blogging is the preferred option. obviously.
saje je.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
creep
I think my former crush has a thriving social life. Whereas I, in turn, am still walking around with a neon sign blinking ‘social reject’ on my head.
Now, when I say crush, I mean that it was a fully one-sided affair. I liked this guy(though I could see no reason why and tried at regular intervals to stop the sentimentality), and it went for quite a while, and then I saw that he probably wouldn‘t be infatuated with me anytime soon, and besides, we didn’t have much in common. When you like someone, and that person doesn’t like you, you can’t do much, can you? And I’m fully convinced that it was simply a dumb thing because a) we had, as I said; nothing in common, and b) just because someone makes you nervous and flustered doesn’t mean that it amounts to an infatuation.
So that was that. However, in the time where I was befuddled and-despite active efforts to tell myself otherwise- infatuated, I managed to cause quite a mess. I told him things I wouldn’t have told my friends. I think I once told him, somewhat jokingly(but meaning it quite seriously, of course), that I liked him, and God knows what else. I suppose I made quite a fool of myself. It creeps me out to think what his perception is of me. It makes me mad to think I’m somewhat in a vulnerable position because of the stupid things I said to him.
Why would I tell him things that would otherwise have been personal? I don’t know. I suppose that in liking someone, you conjure this best image of them. You picture that as someone understanding, someone who’d listen, someone who’d fucking care, and give a damn. That’s what liking someone is about, isn’t it?
Well, he’s capable of all of the above, I suppose. The catch is, just not with me.
The trouble with unrequited like(I can’t say unrequited love, because a) hello? We don’t know what love is yet. At least I don’t, b)it’s too damn melodramatic, and c)it reminds me too much of the literature questions back in form 2 and 3. Remember? ‘What are the main themes in The Phantom Of The Opera?’.)is that you wonder what is it about you that person you’re infatuated with can’t like you back. Is it your looks? Am I too fat? Too dark? Am I too tall? Is it your personality? Am I too boring? Am I not ladylike enough? Not morally upright enough? And, unless you’re very sure and cocky of yourself, you’d probably start wondering whether you’re likeable material at all.
I think Thom Yorke gets it.
I want you to notice,
When I’m not around,
You’re so very special,
I wish I was special.
But I’m a creep,
I’m a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here,
I don’t belong here.
-Creep, by Radiohead.
And you bounce back from it, because after all, in the grand scheme of thing, what’s a fucking crush got to do with anything? but sometimes you still wonder.
Wah. I update very regularly now, yes? I wanted to go the bed, but it was still too early.
Now, when I say crush, I mean that it was a fully one-sided affair. I liked this guy(though I could see no reason why and tried at regular intervals to stop the sentimentality), and it went for quite a while, and then I saw that he probably wouldn‘t be infatuated with me anytime soon, and besides, we didn’t have much in common. When you like someone, and that person doesn’t like you, you can’t do much, can you? And I’m fully convinced that it was simply a dumb thing because a) we had, as I said; nothing in common, and b) just because someone makes you nervous and flustered doesn’t mean that it amounts to an infatuation.
So that was that. However, in the time where I was befuddled and-despite active efforts to tell myself otherwise- infatuated, I managed to cause quite a mess. I told him things I wouldn’t have told my friends. I think I once told him, somewhat jokingly(but meaning it quite seriously, of course), that I liked him, and God knows what else. I suppose I made quite a fool of myself. It creeps me out to think what his perception is of me. It makes me mad to think I’m somewhat in a vulnerable position because of the stupid things I said to him.
Why would I tell him things that would otherwise have been personal? I don’t know. I suppose that in liking someone, you conjure this best image of them. You picture that as someone understanding, someone who’d listen, someone who’d fucking care, and give a damn. That’s what liking someone is about, isn’t it?
Well, he’s capable of all of the above, I suppose. The catch is, just not with me.
The trouble with unrequited like(I can’t say unrequited love, because a) hello? We don’t know what love is yet. At least I don’t, b)it’s too damn melodramatic, and c)it reminds me too much of the literature questions back in form 2 and 3. Remember? ‘What are the main themes in The Phantom Of The Opera?’.)is that you wonder what is it about you that person you’re infatuated with can’t like you back. Is it your looks? Am I too fat? Too dark? Am I too tall? Is it your personality? Am I too boring? Am I not ladylike enough? Not morally upright enough? And, unless you’re very sure and cocky of yourself, you’d probably start wondering whether you’re likeable material at all.
I think Thom Yorke gets it.
I want you to notice,
When I’m not around,
You’re so very special,
I wish I was special.
But I’m a creep,
I’m a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here,
I don’t belong here.
-Creep, by Radiohead.
And you bounce back from it, because after all, in the grand scheme of thing, what’s a fucking crush got to do with anything? but sometimes you still wonder.
Wah. I update very regularly now, yes? I wanted to go the bed, but it was still too early.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
cabbages
bonjour, mon ami. comment ca va? je suis bien. Aujourd'hui, je vais a Bridge Road avec Jia Yee pour shopping. Les vetements, ce sont cher! mais, j'achete trois choses-un pantalon, un manteau, et un sac a main. je suis tres heureuse! Aussi, j'ai faim.
haven't learned how to do past tense yet. sorry.
So yeah, we endeavoured to go shopping today. My wallet became bulimic. it vomited out all the money that was put into it. but i am trying (quite successfully, too) to justify each of my purchases. i needed a coat, it's getting colder and my awesome purple jumper won't quite cut it any more. and the slobbish blue sweater is so far ok, but with this new jacket i bought, i can alternate it with the sweater and this jacket's longer, so i can wear my tunics with it(it looks ridiculous when i wear the sweater over a tunic because the bottom part of the tunic sticks out). see?a good buy. and i got it at a reasonable price.
justify,baby. justification makes the guilt go away. nevemind that i haven't justified the other two purchases.
Don't be fooled if you think you're poor and can't afford to go shopping in Melbourne(like i did, when i first came). Why?
a) You'll definitely be able to find your place amongst Melbourne's shopping hierarchy. of course there's the let's-not-even-go-there level, reserved for the Chanel and Prada and Louis Vuitton boutiques littered in the CBD. and there's also the next level, the we-don't-offer-haute-couture-but-we're-still-pretty-damn-exclusive level, places like Nine West and David Lawrence, which might be affordable to the affluent some, but i am not affluent some. after that, there's the even-cheaper-and-our-store-still-looks-nice-and-classy level, which comprises of your typical Country Road, Witchery, Jeans West and such. and which i would like to have as my own level, but yet i groan inwardly when reading price-tags in those shops. and therefore i belong in the subsequent category, which is the you-can-tell-we're-cheap-by-the-way-we-longgok-things-in-piles-and-racks level.
where was i going with this? ah yes. my point is, you'd belong in any one of these levels or in multiple, depending on your income/allowance status. so yeah. no worries.
b)when they say sale, they really mean sale. not the measly 20% or 30% off we find at homes(sure, there may be some that get 50% or 70% slashed off, but usually it's the ugly stuff). but here a sale means that chances are more than likely that you'll find really good bargains. and people here seem to find endless reasons to have sales. Easter sale. mid-season sale. end of season sale.
i can't believe i'm blogging about shopping, for God's sake.
My parents did not spend so much money to send me here to shop.
Cabbages have got to be the best vegetable here. i can't say in the whole world, because in my opinion that title's reserved for pucuk manis and kangkung, but as neither of them can be found here, i'll settle for kobis cooked with oyster sauce and telur. wah. sungguh lazat.
why is it that tomatoes are treated like veggie when they're in fact fruits? why don't we eat tomatoes like we eat plums or peaches(the plums here are yummy,btw. and jagung too).
i think that the prettiest yellow is ripe jagung-yellow. and the prettiest purple is a split between eggplant-purple for dark purple, and purple dragonfruit-purple for light purple. and the nicest red may be tomato-red, depending on the tomato, or it could be capsicum-red. or maybe it started off with the jagung, and ended up being a game to find a example of something organinc for every colour. i'm not quite sure. but eggplant-puple really does rock.
i'm going to mandi, then cook and eat dinner, while watching To Catch A Thief, starring Cary Grant and Grace Kelly. i hope it's good.
haven't learned how to do past tense yet. sorry.
So yeah, we endeavoured to go shopping today. My wallet became bulimic. it vomited out all the money that was put into it. but i am trying (quite successfully, too) to justify each of my purchases. i needed a coat, it's getting colder and my awesome purple jumper won't quite cut it any more. and the slobbish blue sweater is so far ok, but with this new jacket i bought, i can alternate it with the sweater and this jacket's longer, so i can wear my tunics with it(it looks ridiculous when i wear the sweater over a tunic because the bottom part of the tunic sticks out). see?a good buy. and i got it at a reasonable price.
justify,baby. justification makes the guilt go away. nevemind that i haven't justified the other two purchases.
Don't be fooled if you think you're poor and can't afford to go shopping in Melbourne(like i did, when i first came). Why?
a) You'll definitely be able to find your place amongst Melbourne's shopping hierarchy. of course there's the let's-not-even-go-there level, reserved for the Chanel and Prada and Louis Vuitton boutiques littered in the CBD. and there's also the next level, the we-don't-offer-haute-couture-but-we're-still-pretty-damn-exclusive level, places like Nine West and David Lawrence, which might be affordable to the affluent some, but i am not affluent some. after that, there's the even-cheaper-and-our-store-still-looks-nice-and-classy level, which comprises of your typical Country Road, Witchery, Jeans West and such. and which i would like to have as my own level, but yet i groan inwardly when reading price-tags in those shops. and therefore i belong in the subsequent category, which is the you-can-tell-we're-cheap-by-the-way-we-longgok-things-in-piles-and-racks level.
where was i going with this? ah yes. my point is, you'd belong in any one of these levels or in multiple, depending on your income/allowance status. so yeah. no worries.
b)when they say sale, they really mean sale. not the measly 20% or 30% off we find at homes(sure, there may be some that get 50% or 70% slashed off, but usually it's the ugly stuff). but here a sale means that chances are more than likely that you'll find really good bargains. and people here seem to find endless reasons to have sales. Easter sale. mid-season sale. end of season sale.
i can't believe i'm blogging about shopping, for God's sake.
My parents did not spend so much money to send me here to shop.
Cabbages have got to be the best vegetable here. i can't say in the whole world, because in my opinion that title's reserved for pucuk manis and kangkung, but as neither of them can be found here, i'll settle for kobis cooked with oyster sauce and telur. wah. sungguh lazat.
why is it that tomatoes are treated like veggie when they're in fact fruits? why don't we eat tomatoes like we eat plums or peaches(the plums here are yummy,btw. and jagung too).
i think that the prettiest yellow is ripe jagung-yellow. and the prettiest purple is a split between eggplant-purple for dark purple, and purple dragonfruit-purple for light purple. and the nicest red may be tomato-red, depending on the tomato, or it could be capsicum-red. or maybe it started off with the jagung, and ended up being a game to find a example of something organinc for every colour. i'm not quite sure. but eggplant-puple really does rock.
i'm going to mandi, then cook and eat dinner, while watching To Catch A Thief, starring Cary Grant and Grace Kelly. i hope it's good.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
A swift orderly change
i'm watching this 1978 tv adaption of Agatha Christie's Death On The Nile, and even though there's about a quarter of it before the end, i have to say, i'm quite dissappointed(i can never remember whether 'dissappointed' is spelled with one 's' and one 'p' or double 's' and one 'p' or one 's' and double 'p' or double 's' and double 'p'). It was ok, but i don't think it did the book justice(isn't that what we say about all book adaptations except for Lord of the Rings?). and the blood looked fake.
I'm taking french as my breadth subject(subject(s) we take outside our disciplinary), and i'm really digging it, wheeee! i became a french-nazi after we stopped learning it at school, because i was growing increasingly disgruntled at the fact that whenever anyone asked me to translate a french song or dialogue ina french movie(read:kakak), i couldn't get past elementary words. very frustrating. and we all know i crumble at first hurdles. but now i'm learning it again, so right on. so far it's been the usual beginner's stuff, but it's getting increasingly hard, and it's fantastic! oklah, i can't translate french songs properly yet, but i can say "he has blue eyes", or "you have blue eyes", or "they have blue eyes". which i couldn't say last time. so...yeah. if i ever run into a cute french guy with blue eyes, i can screech adoringly at him "Tu as les yeux bleus!!!!".
i was thinking, if any language would be hard to teach, it'd be malay. sure, french can be puzzling in the sense why would they want to give a gender to every single damn thing, but surely malay is just if not more confusing? all the tatabahasa and stuff. Memblog. Diblog. diblogkan. memblogkan. terblog. berblog. pemblog. and even if you get it all, i doubt if it's applicable as spoken malay(unless the person who's learnt it wants to become a pembaca berita).melayu pasar may in fact be a whole different language.
i have this sudden urge to be angry. i want to be annoyed at something. but there's nothing to be annoyed at, and Coldplay's Shiver seems to abate the inner demon.
i can't wait to wake up and have breakfast. my days here seem to consist entirely of me looking forward to the next meal. not a very good thing, if you think about it, but i'm going with the flow.
there it is again!that impulse to be irritated.
ok. too sleepy to continue this crap.
I'm taking french as my breadth subject(subject(s) we take outside our disciplinary), and i'm really digging it, wheeee! i became a french-nazi after we stopped learning it at school, because i was growing increasingly disgruntled at the fact that whenever anyone asked me to translate a french song or dialogue ina french movie(read:kakak), i couldn't get past elementary words. very frustrating. and we all know i crumble at first hurdles. but now i'm learning it again, so right on. so far it's been the usual beginner's stuff, but it's getting increasingly hard, and it's fantastic! oklah, i can't translate french songs properly yet, but i can say "he has blue eyes", or "you have blue eyes", or "they have blue eyes". which i couldn't say last time. so...yeah. if i ever run into a cute french guy with blue eyes, i can screech adoringly at him "Tu as les yeux bleus!!!!".
i was thinking, if any language would be hard to teach, it'd be malay. sure, french can be puzzling in the sense why would they want to give a gender to every single damn thing, but surely malay is just if not more confusing? all the tatabahasa and stuff. Memblog. Diblog. diblogkan. memblogkan. terblog. berblog. pemblog. and even if you get it all, i doubt if it's applicable as spoken malay(unless the person who's learnt it wants to become a pembaca berita).melayu pasar may in fact be a whole different language.
i have this sudden urge to be angry. i want to be annoyed at something. but there's nothing to be annoyed at, and Coldplay's Shiver seems to abate the inner demon.
i can't wait to wake up and have breakfast. my days here seem to consist entirely of me looking forward to the next meal. not a very good thing, if you think about it, but i'm going with the flow.
there it is again!that impulse to be irritated.
ok. too sleepy to continue this crap.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Adieu
i've been tagged by Chinny, and i've actually had the good fortune of doing this tag before(i think it was Firdaus who tagged me on that one), but as we all know, i love to talk about myself (favourite topic ever), so i'm nothing but happy at the prospect of doing it again.
ok!mari kite lakukannya.
The rules:-
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.
4. Let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blogs.
1. I only know one Springsteen song, the really famous one that was in Jerry Maguire(it's called Secret Garden), and the version i have in my ipod is the one where they stuck in snippets of dialogue from the movie(the meanigful bits i suppose)between verses. and it's a pastime of mine to recite along with the dialogue, especially the one at the beginning. it's come to a point i've hafal it completely, siap with intonation. observe:
"I was just about to tell you...that I love him. I do! I love him, I love him! and I don't care what you think. I love him for the man that he wants to be, and I love him for the man that he almost is, I love him Laurel, I love him, I-love-him!".
And it's not that i like to say-along with it because it's sentimental and jiwang or whatnot, it's just cool the way Renee Zelwegger(sp?) changes her intonation throughout the lines. Kakak looks at me funny whenever i do it in front of her though. lame-o supreme-o.
2. I REALLY like cereal with cold milk and banana slices tossed in. It's kind of scary how good it is.
3. i don't like my earliest blog posts. and i hate that post i gave several months ago about 10 movies i liked, because it seems so shallow and superficial. if i could do it over(and i have a feeling i might when i get bored and run out of things to blabber about one of these days), i'd tell you why i like Eternal Sunshine Of the Spotless Mind and Amelie in a proper way that won't make me cringe when i re-read it again in the future.
4. If i had been a teen in the eighties, i would have LOVED the mainstream pop scene. i'd have been the ultimate teeny-bopper. Everyone says that the eighties were all bad hair and atrocious clothes, but 80s pop is infectious! I would have adored Starship(hello? We Built This City? Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now? You can't get more feelgood than that), and be crazy over Rick Astley('Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna turn around and desert you'), and dance around to Wham('Wake me up, before you go-go, don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo').
5.
Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl.
With yellow feathers in her hair,
and her dress cut up to there,
she would meringue(sp?), and do the cha-cha,
and while she tried to be a star,
Tony always tended bar,
across the crowded floor, working from 8 to 4,
they were young and they had each other, who could ask for more?
If you can identify this Barry Manilow song and like to sing along to it, you must be a fun person. a kindred spirit, in fact.
Ok chop. this is not a random fact about myself. but whatever. i've always from time to time tried to think of a way to sneak in this song into the blog somehow. so ta-da.
6. I think i would really like Rock Band, given the chance to play. even though it may look weird to be playing a plastic toy guitar/drum. but it looks like so much fun!
7. I can arch one eyebrow up, like Ziana Zain did back in the nineties when that stupid movie Sembilu was in.
8. when i was younger, back when i was 5 maybe; i didn't like my name.because i thought it was so childish compared to mom's name, or dad's. and since back then they were the only adults whose proper names i knew, and both their names sounded grown-up-ish, i came to the premature conclusion that all adults have have mature sounding names. and that conclusion was quickly followed by the assumption that all kids have childish names, but when they got older they'd get to change it to a proper grown-up one. and i remember being relieved when i figured that out, because how could i ever be a grown-up with a name like Atiqah?
oh, dah sampai lapan dah. that was quick. alritey, i tag afiqah, jia yee, fatin, juwa!, elaine, nani, wee, aki. props if you do it, but it's cool if you don't(why do i feel like i have to say this everytime i tag people?).
so long, farewell, it's time to say goodbye.
ok!mari kite lakukannya.
The rules:-
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.
4. Let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blogs.
1. I only know one Springsteen song, the really famous one that was in Jerry Maguire(it's called Secret Garden), and the version i have in my ipod is the one where they stuck in snippets of dialogue from the movie(the meanigful bits i suppose)between verses. and it's a pastime of mine to recite along with the dialogue, especially the one at the beginning. it's come to a point i've hafal it completely, siap with intonation. observe:
"I was just about to tell you...that I love him. I do! I love him, I love him! and I don't care what you think. I love him for the man that he wants to be, and I love him for the man that he almost is, I love him Laurel, I love him, I-love-him!".
And it's not that i like to say-along with it because it's sentimental and jiwang or whatnot, it's just cool the way Renee Zelwegger(sp?) changes her intonation throughout the lines. Kakak looks at me funny whenever i do it in front of her though. lame-o supreme-o.
2. I REALLY like cereal with cold milk and banana slices tossed in. It's kind of scary how good it is.
3. i don't like my earliest blog posts. and i hate that post i gave several months ago about 10 movies i liked, because it seems so shallow and superficial. if i could do it over(and i have a feeling i might when i get bored and run out of things to blabber about one of these days), i'd tell you why i like Eternal Sunshine Of the Spotless Mind and Amelie in a proper way that won't make me cringe when i re-read it again in the future.
4. If i had been a teen in the eighties, i would have LOVED the mainstream pop scene. i'd have been the ultimate teeny-bopper. Everyone says that the eighties were all bad hair and atrocious clothes, but 80s pop is infectious! I would have adored Starship(hello? We Built This City? Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now? You can't get more feelgood than that), and be crazy over Rick Astley('Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna turn around and desert you'), and dance around to Wham('Wake me up, before you go-go, don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo').
5.
Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl.
With yellow feathers in her hair,
and her dress cut up to there,
she would meringue(sp?), and do the cha-cha,
and while she tried to be a star,
Tony always tended bar,
across the crowded floor, working from 8 to 4,
they were young and they had each other, who could ask for more?
If you can identify this Barry Manilow song and like to sing along to it, you must be a fun person. a kindred spirit, in fact.
Ok chop. this is not a random fact about myself. but whatever. i've always from time to time tried to think of a way to sneak in this song into the blog somehow. so ta-da.
6. I think i would really like Rock Band, given the chance to play. even though it may look weird to be playing a plastic toy guitar/drum. but it looks like so much fun!
7. I can arch one eyebrow up, like Ziana Zain did back in the nineties when that stupid movie Sembilu was in.
8. when i was younger, back when i was 5 maybe; i didn't like my name.because i thought it was so childish compared to mom's name, or dad's. and since back then they were the only adults whose proper names i knew, and both their names sounded grown-up-ish, i came to the premature conclusion that all adults have have mature sounding names. and that conclusion was quickly followed by the assumption that all kids have childish names, but when they got older they'd get to change it to a proper grown-up one. and i remember being relieved when i figured that out, because how could i ever be a grown-up with a name like Atiqah?
oh, dah sampai lapan dah. that was quick. alritey, i tag afiqah, jia yee, fatin, juwa!, elaine, nani, wee, aki. props if you do it, but it's cool if you don't(why do i feel like i have to say this everytime i tag people?).
so long, farewell, it's time to say goodbye.
Friday, April 18, 2008
i can do the dog-paddle. at least, i think i can.
I'm drowning in Quantitative methods 1. shit.
This is getting serious. Even during lectures(when i'm actually paying attention), i get lost. and it was fine the first few weeks when we were learning more or less stuff that's been done in A-levels, but now that we're venturing into the not-so-familiar, it's a sink-or-swim scenario. and i can't even swim in real life, much less metaphorically, through statistics.
oklah, i can paddle my legs and propel forwards a few millimetres or so. but i'm terrible at swimming with the arms sekali,(freestyle? breaststoke?) where you have to alternate between looking forward and jutting out your mouth at the side to inhale at intervals. When i do that, it's a lose-lose affair. I don't get air, I don't see anything when i look in front(just splashes and flashes of what i assume is the water), and in the end i don't even propel forward.
but wait, we're going off on a tangent here. QM1. The thing is, back at home, we're very much into learning the formulas and applying it to exam questions rather than analysing what we're learning actually means, yea? well, maybe not. but if you had asked me back in college what a variance is actully for, i wouldn't have been able to explain. not in an eloquent, sure-of-myself way, that is. I suppose i'd have gone "variance?um.. that's the one yang measures the spread of the data from the mean, is it? is it? oh, but that's standard deviation. but standard deviation is the square root of variance, so they must be related in that sense somehow."
see? SEE?! I don't even know what a variance is for! and the thing is, it's not that my teacher didn't explain(i'm pretty sure i remember Ms Wong making tremendous effort to try and explain the concept of variance, and the difference between population mean and sample mean, and why you write down the distribution the variance for one of them has to be divided by the number of trials,etc), but when it came down to it, i didnt really need to know it, did i? i mean, it's not as if they asked what a variance is for, in exams they usually just ask you to calculate it. calculation, check. applying calculations? ape?
But one thing about QM1, i like my tutor. she's completely in control of things, and she's really nice. plus, she wears torn jeans and manages to make really big dangly earrings look cool. and there was this one time i came early and she was listening to classical music while prepping for the tute. which somehow seemed pretty cool too.
but coming back to the main topic here, i have GOT to get a grip on quantitative methods. i have to try and wrap my head around coefficient and covariance and correlation(which we learnt in the first couple weeks, and which i still cannot bloody understand what is it actually that they're for), and why is it that you have to add at least 2 standard deviations to the mean when trying to obtain the range of something. APE NI?? my parents did not agree to spend so much money on me to not understand what correlation is.
ooh, sidenote: i've been super tempted to skip QM1 lectures sometimes. i think i've mentioned this before, my lecturer is super nice and grandpa baik-like, but the lectures are so boring, i cannot tahan. half an hour before the lectures end i want to fidget,cry with boredom and sleep all at once. not exactly productive. but me and jia yee did some small calculations(well, jia yee did the laborious task of calculating, i just expressed awe and shock appropriately), so we estimated that in terms of tuition fees, the cost for this first semester spread out over 12 academic weeks comes up to about a grand per week. and so folks, if you're ever thinking of skipping class, repeat this mantra: my parents(or sponsors, for some) did not spend this much money for me to skip class. Repeat. my parents/sponsors did not spend this much money for me to skip class.
say it a few hundred times, and the guilt somehow overcomes the urge to go home and eat something.
sidenote keberapa: why is it that the nickname for William is Bill? perasan tak? if someone's name is william, then close acquaintances call them Bill. like my lecturer. that doesn't make bloody sense. why Bill? why not Will? why choose a nickname that is also used as other people's proper names? unless Bill Gates is actually William Gates.
i'm going to go defrost chicken.
This is getting serious. Even during lectures(when i'm actually paying attention), i get lost. and it was fine the first few weeks when we were learning more or less stuff that's been done in A-levels, but now that we're venturing into the not-so-familiar, it's a sink-or-swim scenario. and i can't even swim in real life, much less metaphorically, through statistics.
oklah, i can paddle my legs and propel forwards a few millimetres or so. but i'm terrible at swimming with the arms sekali,(freestyle? breaststoke?) where you have to alternate between looking forward and jutting out your mouth at the side to inhale at intervals. When i do that, it's a lose-lose affair. I don't get air, I don't see anything when i look in front(just splashes and flashes of what i assume is the water), and in the end i don't even propel forward.
but wait, we're going off on a tangent here. QM1. The thing is, back at home, we're very much into learning the formulas and applying it to exam questions rather than analysing what we're learning actually means, yea? well, maybe not. but if you had asked me back in college what a variance is actully for, i wouldn't have been able to explain. not in an eloquent, sure-of-myself way, that is. I suppose i'd have gone "variance?um.. that's the one yang measures the spread of the data from the mean, is it? is it? oh, but that's standard deviation. but standard deviation is the square root of variance, so they must be related in that sense somehow."
see? SEE?! I don't even know what a variance is for! and the thing is, it's not that my teacher didn't explain(i'm pretty sure i remember Ms Wong making tremendous effort to try and explain the concept of variance, and the difference between population mean and sample mean, and why you write down the distribution the variance for one of them has to be divided by the number of trials,etc), but when it came down to it, i didnt really need to know it, did i? i mean, it's not as if they asked what a variance is for, in exams they usually just ask you to calculate it. calculation, check. applying calculations? ape?
But one thing about QM1, i like my tutor. she's completely in control of things, and she's really nice. plus, she wears torn jeans and manages to make really big dangly earrings look cool. and there was this one time i came early and she was listening to classical music while prepping for the tute. which somehow seemed pretty cool too.
but coming back to the main topic here, i have GOT to get a grip on quantitative methods. i have to try and wrap my head around coefficient and covariance and correlation(which we learnt in the first couple weeks, and which i still cannot bloody understand what is it actually that they're for), and why is it that you have to add at least 2 standard deviations to the mean when trying to obtain the range of something. APE NI?? my parents did not agree to spend so much money on me to not understand what correlation is.
ooh, sidenote: i've been super tempted to skip QM1 lectures sometimes. i think i've mentioned this before, my lecturer is super nice and grandpa baik-like, but the lectures are so boring, i cannot tahan. half an hour before the lectures end i want to fidget,cry with boredom and sleep all at once. not exactly productive. but me and jia yee did some small calculations(well, jia yee did the laborious task of calculating, i just expressed awe and shock appropriately), so we estimated that in terms of tuition fees, the cost for this first semester spread out over 12 academic weeks comes up to about a grand per week. and so folks, if you're ever thinking of skipping class, repeat this mantra: my parents(or sponsors, for some) did not spend this much money for me to skip class. Repeat. my parents/sponsors did not spend this much money for me to skip class.
say it a few hundred times, and the guilt somehow overcomes the urge to go home and eat something.
sidenote keberapa: why is it that the nickname for William is Bill? perasan tak? if someone's name is william, then close acquaintances call them Bill. like my lecturer. that doesn't make bloody sense. why Bill? why not Will? why choose a nickname that is also used as other people's proper names? unless Bill Gates is actually William Gates.
i'm going to go defrost chicken.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Name Game
Just a quick note while i'm waiting for the accounting thingie(we're moving on to computers now! no more tedious handwritten ledger work!)
My name is no longer Atiqah M*khtar. Nope. Since coming here, my name has now been changed to I'm Sorry I'm Not Sure How To Pronounce This Atiqah M*khtar ?
Notice how my new and improved name has a question mark at the end. Damn unique.
Another variation of my new name is Atiqah Did I Get That Right ?
I'd forgotten that mat sallehs can't grasp the phonetics of Malay names. I've been trying to make my name mat salleh-friendly, but cannot la. I'm usually called A-tee-quh( i don't get it. I tell them my name is Atiqah, and they still go A-tee-quh. cannot pronounce 'Ah' is it?).
When they introduce me to someone else, it's like they're going, "this is a Teequh". like i'm some exotic plant or animal called teequh.
Maybe i should just shorten my new name. make it easier for everyone. "Hi, my name is I'm Sorry I'm Not Sure How To Pronounce This Atiqah M*khtar, but you can call me I'm Sorry."
My name is no longer Atiqah M*khtar. Nope. Since coming here, my name has now been changed to I'm Sorry I'm Not Sure How To Pronounce This Atiqah M*khtar ?
Notice how my new and improved name has a question mark at the end. Damn unique.
Another variation of my new name is Atiqah Did I Get That Right ?
I'd forgotten that mat sallehs can't grasp the phonetics of Malay names. I've been trying to make my name mat salleh-friendly, but cannot la. I'm usually called A-tee-quh( i don't get it. I tell them my name is Atiqah, and they still go A-tee-quh. cannot pronounce 'Ah' is it?).
When they introduce me to someone else, it's like they're going, "this is a Teequh". like i'm some exotic plant or animal called teequh.
Maybe i should just shorten my new name. make it easier for everyone. "Hi, my name is I'm Sorry I'm Not Sure How To Pronounce This Atiqah M*khtar, but you can call me I'm Sorry."
Sunday, April 13, 2008
cheek to cheek
people people people, i just can't get enough of Strange and Beautiful, despite the obvious stalker tendencies in the lyrics.
I put a spell on you,
You fall asleep when I put a spell on you,
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realize that you love me.
see? see? those kind of lyrics hover delicately between poetically expressing the pain and longing of unrequited love, or conveying the sense that it's only a matter of time before it turns into fatal attraction and the guy ends up killing the girl in classic extreme stalker fashion.
I just finished watching Casablanca, it was nice! Humprey Bogart isn't drop-dead gorgeous, but he's so macho. Old movies are great la. They can be romantic without being corny. And they don't need sex scenes to make them work(it's practically a prerequisite for the modern rom-com to have at the very least a making out scene that implies intercourse happened soon after). I should watch more of these. I want to watch something with Fred and Ginger in it!
I swear, the total number of accumulated hours watching dvds far outstrips the number of hours spent studying. don't tell my mom.
i'm going to go eat something. and regret it in the morning.
I put a spell on you,
You fall asleep when I put a spell on you,
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realize that you love me.
see? see? those kind of lyrics hover delicately between poetically expressing the pain and longing of unrequited love, or conveying the sense that it's only a matter of time before it turns into fatal attraction and the guy ends up killing the girl in classic extreme stalker fashion.
I just finished watching Casablanca, it was nice! Humprey Bogart isn't drop-dead gorgeous, but he's so macho. Old movies are great la. They can be romantic without being corny. And they don't need sex scenes to make them work(it's practically a prerequisite for the modern rom-com to have at the very least a making out scene that implies intercourse happened soon after). I should watch more of these. I want to watch something with Fred and Ginger in it!
I swear, the total number of accumulated hours watching dvds far outstrips the number of hours spent studying. don't tell my mom.
i'm going to go eat something. and regret it in the morning.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
les yeux bleu
The reason why i love the Kings of Convenience is because their songs can break your heart.
A song for
Someone who wants somewhere
to long for
-from 'Homesick'-
I was typing my econs essay, and i thought that the plural for 'walkman' was 'walkmen'. thank God for those red lines that appear under mispelled words.
I found myself beating eggs to make french toast the other day, listening to Beirut on my headphones, and i found myself thinking, "i can do this. I can listen to Beirut. I can beat eggs and make french toast. things will be okay. i can do this".
that was supposed be yet another self-obsessed/centered/indulgent analysis, but let's leave it at that.
Listen to Aqualung's Strange and Beautiful. Or if you have, listen to it again.This is another sentimental, slow, bordering mushy song by Aqualung, and the lyrics may teeter towards downright creepy, but there's just something about those opening piano chords that makes you want to close your eyes and let it wash over. whatever that means.
I am trying to keep a tight reign over my cash flows, but it's proving difficult. and do you want to know why? do you want to know my achilles heel in terms of saving money?
Groceries. bloody groceries.
i can't help it. i have a weakness when it comes to groceries. i want that spaghetti sauce. I must get that jar of stir fry, who knows when i'll need it to make dinner? Give me the box of crackers, i can eat with tuna if i get hungry and need a snack. speaking of tuna, better grab a couple cans, so i can make sandwiches to bring to uni. What about cereal? my cornflakes are almost finished, better get another box. cheerios ok?yea, cheerios are good. milk? i still have a carton, so that should be enough. i only need it for cereal or if i cook scrambled eggs. ooh, i should make an omlette with the eggs. for that i need mushrooms! where's the mushroom aisle?
and it just goes on and on and on. and i am perfectly content to wander lazily around the aisles, reading the back of jars, comparing prices, and mentally planning out the week's menu. Pop on headphones, and it becomes a thoroughly enjoyable activity.
i have class in 45 minutes. And i'm going to brunswick today to get meat. and it looks like it may rain. Listening to Strange and Beautiful, it seems like i'll be able to get through the day, and maybe have an enjoyable time while doing it.
I'll wear my sneakers today.
A song for
Someone who wants somewhere
to long for
-from 'Homesick'-
I was typing my econs essay, and i thought that the plural for 'walkman' was 'walkmen'. thank God for those red lines that appear under mispelled words.
I found myself beating eggs to make french toast the other day, listening to Beirut on my headphones, and i found myself thinking, "i can do this. I can listen to Beirut. I can beat eggs and make french toast. things will be okay. i can do this".
that was supposed be yet another self-obsessed/centered/indulgent analysis, but let's leave it at that.
Listen to Aqualung's Strange and Beautiful. Or if you have, listen to it again.This is another sentimental, slow, bordering mushy song by Aqualung, and the lyrics may teeter towards downright creepy, but there's just something about those opening piano chords that makes you want to close your eyes and let it wash over. whatever that means.
I am trying to keep a tight reign over my cash flows, but it's proving difficult. and do you want to know why? do you want to know my achilles heel in terms of saving money?
Groceries. bloody groceries.
i can't help it. i have a weakness when it comes to groceries. i want that spaghetti sauce. I must get that jar of stir fry, who knows when i'll need it to make dinner? Give me the box of crackers, i can eat with tuna if i get hungry and need a snack. speaking of tuna, better grab a couple cans, so i can make sandwiches to bring to uni. What about cereal? my cornflakes are almost finished, better get another box. cheerios ok?yea, cheerios are good. milk? i still have a carton, so that should be enough. i only need it for cereal or if i cook scrambled eggs. ooh, i should make an omlette with the eggs. for that i need mushrooms! where's the mushroom aisle?
and it just goes on and on and on. and i am perfectly content to wander lazily around the aisles, reading the back of jars, comparing prices, and mentally planning out the week's menu. Pop on headphones, and it becomes a thoroughly enjoyable activity.
i have class in 45 minutes. And i'm going to brunswick today to get meat. and it looks like it may rain. Listening to Strange and Beautiful, it seems like i'll be able to get through the day, and maybe have an enjoyable time while doing it.
I'll wear my sneakers today.
Friday, April 04, 2008
Mini Mars Eggs
hey beautiful people. (i'm saying this in remembrance of that Mix fm ad that features serena c pretending to be Mariah Carey, giving out a community service message to not litter. Don't litter, glitter!)
It's friday, amigos. the weekend's about to arrive.
Jia Yee and i have made an intelligent fashion observation. The days of flip flops, itty-bitty shorts and t-shirts are gone. Make way for boots, cleverly knotted scarves, and for some, coats with fur(faux fur, hopefully)-lined hoods. Autumn is here!
it's properly cold. and since our apartment unit uses a centralised heating/cooling system, none of us dare to switch on the heater, for fear of racking up electricity bills that would pummel us into debt. no, we'd rather walk around indoors with our sweaters on. Jia Yee will be all cute and fluffy in her peach sweater, Shao opts for chic with a black jacket, and i'll be the slobbish lump in the oversized jumper.
Tomorrow's Saturday!the papers get delivered to the apartment,whoo! I'm going to make pancakes, double whoo! the instant one la. the one where the mix comes in the bottle and all you have to do is add water to the marked level on the bottle, shake it, and pour it onto a lightly greased pan.
Pancakes with syrup and butter and a mug of coffee and a mug of juice, and the papers, WHOO!
Over the past week, i've been bingeing on chocolates. When Shao came back from Perth, she brought back bags of mini chocolate easter eggs. Bloody addictive. They're so cute, who knew Mars in the shape of mini eggs would be so irresistable. Mini Malteser eggs. Mini Milkyway eggs. I would eat 10 of them consecutively, they're THAT cute. And my supply of fruits for the week was finished, so whenever i felt like munching something(which, unfortunately, was 16 hours a day, the remaining 8 hours unaffected only because i was asleep), i'd help myself to an egg, tell myself to stop, then come back for the next 9.
As a result, i feel like roly-poly-oly(betul ke ejaan ni?)
ah-ha. salah. i googled it, it's Rolie Polie Olie.
So when me and jia yee went to Vic Market today, we bought fruits like we wanted to open our own stall there. Shao was mildly surpised when she opened the fridge to see the fridge light eclipsed by the mounds of fruit-filled plastic bags stuffed in there. I will no longer eat 10 chocolate eggs a day. I will eat one(or two), and then eat a fruit(or fruits) to curb my insatiable appetite.
Adrian Mole is getting on my nerves somewhat.
saya masih sayang akan Flight of the Conchords.
eh,eh have you guys checked out that Alicia Keys song featuring John Mayer? i like it. it's very soothing, sorta has that 'Slow Dancing in a Burning Room' vibe.
on the other hand, if you want a cheerful, perky song, I suggest Sara Bareilles' Love Song. or maybe it's out on the radio back home already and you already know the song. it was on TRL even before i left for Melbourne. In that case, ignore this paragraph.
You want to know something? about three weeks ago, i was riding the tram, and i was getting up because my stop was next. Sidenote: In one of Nick Hornby's books, How to Be Good, the heroine's husband is a columnist who writes about stuff that irritates him, and one of them is the way people get up before the train's stopped even though they know that when it does they'll lurch forward. Well, yeah, i now can't help but feel guilty whenever i do that. Why can't I wait until the tram's stopped?well anyway, three weeks ago i was in the tram alone, coming back from Big W, and i was carring a lot of stuff. The tram was quite full, and there was a lady sitting next to me plus people standing around.
When the tram was about to reach my stop, i got up beforehand, grasping the bags i had with me, and stood up to wait. before i had a chance to hold on to something to steady myself, the train slowed down and came to halt. with panic and embarassment gradually increasing with every nano-second, i sort of flailed around, failed to regain balance, lurched forward and did the classic comic manouvre: i ended up smooshed against the partition in front of me. I almost wish someone had been there recording it happening.
Needless to say, i regained my composure(quite quickly, if i do say so myself), and pretended no one saw. i hoisted my bags up and got down from the tram.
so. pengajaran yang boleh didapati daripada cerpen di atas adalah bahawa kita hendaklah tunggu sehingga tram telah berhenti sepenuhnya sebelum bangun untuk beredar, agar kita tidak penyek pada pengahadang dan mengalami peristiwa yang memalukan.
It's friday, amigos. the weekend's about to arrive.
Jia Yee and i have made an intelligent fashion observation. The days of flip flops, itty-bitty shorts and t-shirts are gone. Make way for boots, cleverly knotted scarves, and for some, coats with fur(faux fur, hopefully)-lined hoods. Autumn is here!
it's properly cold. and since our apartment unit uses a centralised heating/cooling system, none of us dare to switch on the heater, for fear of racking up electricity bills that would pummel us into debt. no, we'd rather walk around indoors with our sweaters on. Jia Yee will be all cute and fluffy in her peach sweater, Shao opts for chic with a black jacket, and i'll be the slobbish lump in the oversized jumper.
Tomorrow's Saturday!the papers get delivered to the apartment,whoo! I'm going to make pancakes, double whoo! the instant one la. the one where the mix comes in the bottle and all you have to do is add water to the marked level on the bottle, shake it, and pour it onto a lightly greased pan.
Pancakes with syrup and butter and a mug of coffee and a mug of juice, and the papers, WHOO!
Over the past week, i've been bingeing on chocolates. When Shao came back from Perth, she brought back bags of mini chocolate easter eggs. Bloody addictive. They're so cute, who knew Mars in the shape of mini eggs would be so irresistable. Mini Malteser eggs. Mini Milkyway eggs. I would eat 10 of them consecutively, they're THAT cute. And my supply of fruits for the week was finished, so whenever i felt like munching something(which, unfortunately, was 16 hours a day, the remaining 8 hours unaffected only because i was asleep), i'd help myself to an egg, tell myself to stop, then come back for the next 9.
As a result, i feel like roly-poly-oly(betul ke ejaan ni?)
ah-ha. salah. i googled it, it's Rolie Polie Olie.
So when me and jia yee went to Vic Market today, we bought fruits like we wanted to open our own stall there. Shao was mildly surpised when she opened the fridge to see the fridge light eclipsed by the mounds of fruit-filled plastic bags stuffed in there. I will no longer eat 10 chocolate eggs a day. I will eat one(or two), and then eat a fruit(or fruits) to curb my insatiable appetite.
Adrian Mole is getting on my nerves somewhat.
saya masih sayang akan Flight of the Conchords.
eh,eh have you guys checked out that Alicia Keys song featuring John Mayer? i like it. it's very soothing, sorta has that 'Slow Dancing in a Burning Room' vibe.
on the other hand, if you want a cheerful, perky song, I suggest Sara Bareilles' Love Song. or maybe it's out on the radio back home already and you already know the song. it was on TRL even before i left for Melbourne. In that case, ignore this paragraph.
You want to know something? about three weeks ago, i was riding the tram, and i was getting up because my stop was next. Sidenote: In one of Nick Hornby's books, How to Be Good, the heroine's husband is a columnist who writes about stuff that irritates him, and one of them is the way people get up before the train's stopped even though they know that when it does they'll lurch forward. Well, yeah, i now can't help but feel guilty whenever i do that. Why can't I wait until the tram's stopped?well anyway, three weeks ago i was in the tram alone, coming back from Big W, and i was carring a lot of stuff. The tram was quite full, and there was a lady sitting next to me plus people standing around.
When the tram was about to reach my stop, i got up beforehand, grasping the bags i had with me, and stood up to wait. before i had a chance to hold on to something to steady myself, the train slowed down and came to halt. with panic and embarassment gradually increasing with every nano-second, i sort of flailed around, failed to regain balance, lurched forward and did the classic comic manouvre: i ended up smooshed against the partition in front of me. I almost wish someone had been there recording it happening.
Needless to say, i regained my composure(quite quickly, if i do say so myself), and pretended no one saw. i hoisted my bags up and got down from the tram.
so. pengajaran yang boleh didapati daripada cerpen di atas adalah bahawa kita hendaklah tunggu sehingga tram telah berhenti sepenuhnya sebelum bangun untuk beredar, agar kita tidak penyek pada pengahadang dan mengalami peristiwa yang memalukan.
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