Countdown to the dissappointment

thanksgiving! the feeling of imminent dread has passed, for the moment at least, so let's toast one another with our glasses, link our arms and take a sip.

in the week and a half i've been back, i've managed to gain weight. it even invoked some sort of mini depression(oklah, it wasn't depression but just let me be melodramatic for a second), the kind where you think you're ugly. uglier. whatever. and you think you're so monstrous you scare people away. like literally, i could have sworn people moved away when i stood next to them. haih. woe befalls the ogress.

i dread the day i have to go see the relative who, almost without fail comments on my weight every time she sees me.

"Ayang...you've put on weight ah?"

and i dream of the day i can respond to that relative by giving her my brightest smile and say

"ah-ah xxxxxx, i guess i have. it's funny kan how i seem to gain weight every time you see me? at the rate this is going, tak lame lagi i'll meletup".

Say Anything's Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too has been on constant replay, and while the lyrics make me slightly uncomfortable(who on earth wants to sing a song about a guy listening to a girl touch herself over the phone?), i totally dig the combination of just drums and the keyboard.

haircut, the (pointless) story.

I went to cut my hair. After constant but gentle prodding by my mother as well as grandmother ("ni taknak potong rambut ke ni?rimas la"), i had to concede that i was beginning to look like an english sheepdog once more(happens every time i keep my hair long), so off we went to the salon.

it's a long story, but i ended up at a salon where the stylists spoke practically no english (they're from china), but prodded at my hair(and head) so enthusiastically, i hadn't the heart to get up from the chair and leave. at one point there were three people simultaneously lifting strands of my hair and massaging my head and neck up to a point i burst out laughing(but i recovered quickly,so no worries).

now, i have a bad history with hair stylists. the thing is, when it comes to hair, i'm clueless. i don't care how you cut my hair, just make it look nice. when a stylist tries to explain to me how layering will make my face look longer, or how i should change my parting, i'll thoughtfully nod my head while they speak-as if i'm actually considering how the haircut will turn out- before cutting in and saying "ok!". and when they're done turning my hair into a poodle or making me look like a man, i'll pay and say thank you through gritted teeth before rushing off and vowing to be more assertive the next time i cut my hair. only to repeat the whole cycle again a couple months later when i finally get around to the salon again.

so unfortunately, the same thing happened again. but it's not so bad, i guess. my hair looks like a cross between a mushroom and Carol Brady's hair(you know...the mom from The Brady Bunch?). it actually looks kind of cute, and if i were one of those tiny adorable kawaii girls who flashes the peace sign every 2 seconds, it would totally work, but who am i kidding! i'm the sullen malay ogress. hear me roar. and watch as my ridiculous hair flicks around as i shake my head from side to side.

i'm off on a trip tomorrow. i hope it's fun!

Shit i'm scared about my results.