Debussy

I like breakfast. I think breakfast likes me. Throughout the day, some part of it, however minimally, will be allocated towards thinking about what to have for breakfast tomorrow. When I wake up from sleep, some time will be allocated into thinking what to have for breakfast and reaffirming whatever it is I planned yesterday.

I am happy when I think about breakfast. I am sad when it's over.

Breakfast was the consolation of having to get ready by 7.45 to be in time for college classes. Waking up at 6.30(or,6.50, after snoozing the alarm button 2 times), I would drag myself out of bed, shower and get dressed, all the while dreading the idea of starting the day with an 8.30 maths class. But breakfast would provide the 15 to 20 minute solace in the form of coffee, the papers, and whatever my mom made, which was always good.

Weekend breakfasts at home! I used to wake up late, so it'd usually be 11 am and everyone would already have had breakfast, but there would be one bungkus of nasi lemak and sambal paru-paru waiting for me in a pink beg plastik. I'd make iced coffee with a nescafe 3 in 1, I'd get a good book, and eat the nasi lemak and sambal paru-paru with my hand while reading. Bliss. Bliss. No matter that lunch was only a couple hours away. I'd make room for breakfast, no matter how minimal the time frame. For breakfast, I would cross the highest mountains(metaphorically of course, if done literally, tak sampai a couple hundred meters I would pancit), I would swim the biggest seas(metaphorically of course, I can't swim for shit), I would forge the lowest valleys.

When I was home last summer, I'd wake up early and nibble something while my dad had breakfast and mom had coffee. We'd see dad off to work, then go line-dancing, and then she usually always took me somewhere for breakfast afterwards.

"Hari ni nak breakfast ape?"
"Hmm..."
"How bout roti canai?"
"Ok!".

"Hari ni nak breakfast ape?"
"Hmm..."
"Shall we makan bi hun sup?"
"Ok!"

"Hari ni nak breakfast ape?"
"Hmm..."
"Nak pegi Oldtown?"
"Nak!"

***
You know, for all my talk of longing for a companion, etc,etc. It just hit me, as I was crossing the intersection to get back to the apartment(yes, my usual spot for experiencing self-indulgent mini-epiphanies), I've never actually been in love.

Wait!wait! The way I figured it out, is this. You see, it is one thing to want a person to like you. But it's another thing to be in love! All my past infatuations weren't love, because love wouldn't be so self-centered, would it? I was self-centered whenever I liked someone. I was always thinking of how my object of affection would fulfill me. Fill my voids, make me happy. I am selfish with my emotions. It can't be love if I am still that selfish with it even with the person I supposedly like.

Huh. That consoled me, if you can believe it. Never mind I'm alone, that I might remain alone, never mind I've never actually been in a two-sided relationship, I didn't love the guy anyway. When, or if, I find the person that makes me selfless enough to care for him unconditionally, someone who will make me less selfish and think about another person's feelings for a change, then we'll see.

Anyway, I am absolutely enthralled with this clip of Ryuichi Sakamoto(ADOI I LOVE THIS GUY) performing the The Last Emperor. Awesome, awesome,awesome. Performed the year I was born, before I was born. I wish I'd been there. I would have had goosebumps. And Mr. Sakamoto is wearing what is perhaps the biggest corsage ever pinned to his lapel.