Thoughts as of 21/09/2011

1. I want to make strawberry crumble to use up the huge-ass punnet of strawberries I bought at the market.

2. Hari tu panas, hari ni sejuk. Hari tu matahari sinar dengan penuh gemerlapan, semalam hail kejap.

3. How I think I look like in my head doesn't seem to coincide much with how I actually look like. Also: Is the pursuit or the desire to look good inextricably linked with vanity? Can you really just want to look good for yourself, and not for others?

4. In the midst of all this free time, when I can get myself to shut up for a moment and seriously think for a bit, I've been trying to figure out what I really want to do. What do you want to do, Ayang? Do you really want to do accounting? Do you really want a corporate job, is a job offer at, say, one of the Big 4 companies REALLY what you want? Superficially, that seems like the thing I should and suppose am,aiming for. But something is telling me to think harder, look beyond the ingrained belief of securing a decent paycheck at a notable firm. Like a lot of other targets I've had in life, I place too much faith in the idea that I'll be automatically gratified by achieving said targets, while conveniently forgetting the possible shit that comes along with it.

5. Zumba classes. Whenever I do Zumba, I feel slightly stupid. Something to do with my lack of swag and general self-consciousness. But it's fun. And my instructor's cool, he's funny, looks like a hip-hop dancer and as an added bonus doesn't wear any of those baggy track bottoms with bits of string dangling as favoured by Zumba instructors you see on youtube.

6. My sister was the bee knees as usual when she gave me a couple of new tracks to listen to. This song by Real Estate invokes something pretty and nostalgic, like basking in a sunset or riding in a car with the windows down with your hand out to surf the wind.


7. I've been telling myself to not be so afraid, in a very general sense. Stop being scared of everything, anything. Just plunge in and do it. Get started. Be brave. Go. Fly.