The world's greatest patronus

I started my activities for the day by doing my banyak-gile-tak-siap-lagi maths homework(intergration for quotients by partial fractions). I got stuck at one question, and from then on my day was spent doing nothing.But it was enjoyable nothing! There are 2 ways to waste time, one is by doing nothing productive and later on mourning the loss of time you could have used to do something worthwhile. The other way is by doing stuff not exactly productive in the sense that it's something your parents would approve of, but instead you accomplish things that while not exactly useful, give you a feel of satisfaction and pleasure. I did just that. I changed the mp3 files that have been stored in my phone since forever, replaced my ringtone, messaged a bunch of people, chatted with nani for a while, read john mayer's blog, and now i'm updating mine. half the day gone just like that. but i'm not complaining.

It was while surfing the net i suddenly remembered something I've wanted to blog about for a long time. It's a story. a true story of an incident that happened back in the days I was a debater(heh, bunyi cam veteran lak). This is the kind of incident I will always remember and think of with a smile on my face. It's the kind of story i'll tell my children, if any of them become debaters.

Ok. the year was 2005. The debaters were laeeqa, nani, me and ash. So the debating season that year started off with the UIA debating championship. For those who don't know, for most government boarding schools, there are two major debating events in a year. One is the annual Universiti Islam Antarabangsa(UIA) championship, and the other is the Piala Perdana Menteri championship, which is only for boarding schools.

So anyway, like i said, we started off with the UIA competition. And it was during this time we went up against a certain all-boys boarding school that i will not name here. We met them in the 2nd or 3rd round, i forgot. and it was during this meet with them i suffered a terribly embarassing moment that makes me cringe up until this day.

I was the 3rd debater, so my job was to rebutt all points given by the opposition. I can't remember what the motion was, but what i DO remember was that i was nervous as hell, and i ended up talking crap and not really adressing their points at all. So when it was over and done, the adjudicator(there was only one), announced that we lost. ok. that was blow number one. I was feeling bad enough already because i felt so disappointed with my speech. But it didn't end there! The adjudicator commented on each speaker's performance, and when he came to me, he specifically mentioned that I was a key reason our(the government's) case started to crumble. Ya Allah, i was MORTIFIED beyond reason.

It was bad, it was horrible, but what made it even more terrible was the fact that the debaters from that school were so cocky! Maybe they tried not to be, i don't know, but it was as if they looked down on us just because we weren't some elite school and were without any debating credit to our name. In short, we were just another lame science school, a minor obstacle on their path to debating glory.

So i walked away from that debate feeling crushed and ashamed. If i had to choose the lowest point througout the times I've debated, that would be it.

A couple months later, it was time for the PPM championship plak. my fellow debaters really worked their asses off. I guess the effort paid off, because we won the group round and went on to the quarter-finals. In PPM, there is a group round, whereby each school will be placed in a group with 3 or 4 other schools. Those who win all or most matches in that round will be group leader. After that, a drawing will be done, and group leaders will face off each other in the quarter-finals.

So, imagine my mixed feelings of shock and dread i got when i heard we drawed against the same all-boys boarding school for the quarter final round. Unbelievable. I was so nervous, i practically freaked out. I even remember our motion, it was "Malaysians have Become A More Caring Society". I remember the night before the debate, i was so frustrated and nerve-wracked, i had to call my mom for emergency counseling. When the morning of the debate came, we went to the hall to draw sides, and we got the opposition. During the draw, the debaters from that school were there too, and my, they looked tremendously pleased with themselves. I guess they figured since they whipped us(me) before, they'd be able to do it again easy-peasy.

And then came crunch time, the actual debate. I don't remember exactly what happened throughout the debate, but i do remember this. I remember feeling damn proud of ash and nani, because they gave great speeches, and they rebutted the governments' points well. I remember the boys from that school looking increasingly uncomfortable as we numerously POI-ed them with difficult questions. I remember the 2nd speaker from their side trying to impress judges and the audience with fancy phrases and actions. I remember nani clapping me on the shoulder right before it was my turn to speak, giving me courage. and I remember growing increasingly confident and not afraid of their POI's as i spoke. and i remember, to end my speech, i said 'and i am proud to oppose', and i knew that at that moment, that was the absolute truth.

When it was over and done, we waited while the judges gave their decision and went out of the room to pick the best speaker. I recall smiling at miss salmi and miss zil, and just feeling relieved it was over, and happy that i didn't do such a crappy job like how i did in UIA.

Then the judges came back in, and then we had to go through some excruciating moments while the chief judge gave her commentary, where I had to act like I was really listening and noting her comments down for future reference. Then finally, finally, it was time for the results.

Alhamdulillah, we won. I heaved a sigh of relief and started grinning like crazy. And best of all, the icing on the cake, was when the the chairperson announced that the best speaker was the third speaker from the opposition.

Sorry, not trying to berlagak ke ape. i just wanted to share how i felt at that second. I felt...like it was retribution, you know? I felt such deep satisfaction, because finally, for the first time ever, i managed to prove to someone that i'm not as lame as they thought and that they shouldn't take me for granted as an easy opponent. I felt vindicated! If i had to conjure a Patronus at that time i'm sure mine would have been the world's greatest, a rhino or a great white shark or something.

Alhamdulillah. i'm glad i've actually tasted a feeling like that. i hope you guys do too, or if you already have, i hope you get to feel it again and again. The feeling of satisfaction, euphoria, and the rare, hard-to-attain feeling of being proud of yourself and who you are.