Everybody's a sightseer.

Where to start where to start?

I'm glad that I've been kept sufficiently active so far for the duration of time I've been home. Today dad was kind enough to invite me along to go check out the relief center set up for the landslide victimes in Ulu Kelang. It was interesting. Helicopters airlifting food supplies and some victims to and from the evacuated area. People from all sorts of organizations(JKMN, Bulan Sabit Merah, Parlimen Ampang, Petronas). Journalists and media crews milling around.

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I was very angry when writing the previous post. My landlord had just informed me he wanted to stop leasing the apartment to us(even though we already expressly agreed to extend the contract for next year), and I was SO MAD, it was pretty crazy. This landlord has a problem, the problem being that he's an unreliable prick, and I don't think he should be in charge of anything. I suppose that incident triggered all the pent up anger towards the number of unreliable parties I've had the unfortunate luck of having to deal with.

So I found out the stupid landlord wants to stop the lease, and I remember blinking a bit, before going upstairs and just bursting into tears, it was crazy! I know it sounds very pretentious and melodramatic, but all that pent up frustration felt like despair. I thought about my landlord and how he always gave bills when it was past the due date, and how he once made us move out of our apartment into a different one. I thought about the committee(remember the bookmark thingie?no, of course not) members who were never on time and didn't show up to help like they said they would. The leaders of the committee have yet to arrange payment for the advance I made to cover the expenses of the event. I thought about the organizers of my brother's camp who were so muddled and inefficient. Departure time was supposed to be 9am but ended up being 10 something. And I guess the waterworks and the gedik bursting into tears reaction was due to helplessness I felt in dealing with the unfairness of it all. It's unfair and it sickens me to my stomach. It's not fair that there are so many people out there who think it's ok to be this way, to be irresponsible and unreliable. How can they possibly interact and work with other people? I know I'm not the best of examples, but I think I at least try to hold up my end of the bargain adequately. I show up at the correct time, I do the work as asked, I pay the rent on time, I try to be efficient. In return, I'm not asking for the moon. I'm not asking you to do anything beyond what you are capable of. Just do your job properly,damnit! And to think there are so many people like this out there, grown-up people with jobs, university students holding leadership positions, organizations who have been in business for years. It doesn't make sense. Is this the the norm? Are reliable people the rarer species?

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My parents are going off on a trip, just the two of them, to celebrate their anniversary. 25 years, yo. You know. I still entertain the idea of a soulmate. The idea of loving and being loved in return, marriage and kids, going through rough patches and coming out on the other side with the love still intact and all the more stronger for it. Growing old together. This idea of a ferocious love, a love that makes you snap at someone because you're worried and care for them that much. But at the same time, I also find myself seriously pondering the idea that I may not find that person, that no one will love me in that way, and therefore I will be alone. I'm only 20, but I suppose it best to be realistic. I do not want to go through life always waiting, always looking out. Ah well. tengoklah.

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I share too much over my blog. memang pathetic.