Triste

I need to put on my thundercloud earrings.

I have an essay due on Wednesday and I’ve misplaced my assignment partner, who probably thinks I’m an unreliable ass by now. My French oral partner has yet to email me his part, every little thing is getting to me, and it pisses me off to have to use PMS as an excuse. My internet quota’s finished and I’ve exceeded my phone cap so I can’t call my mom.

My relationship with Allah is not in a good place right now, and I know I’ll get over my stupidity and arrogance in due time, but I can’t seem to do so at the moment. Which is too bad, because it’s lonely when you’re not on good terms with the one you’re supposed to turn to. Everything else I try to seek solace from seems to be falling flat, which may be God’s way of punishing me, but He’s not spiteful (I always keep forgetting and tend to attribute Allah with some qualities of a human, which is just proof of my own folly as a human myself) so maybe He’s just trying to gently nudge me and make me see sense. I’d like to believe that.

I know I’m a little fucked up for complaining like this. I don’t want to have anything bad enough happen before I realise the good things going for me at the moment, and at the same time I don’t want to have to force-feed myself with optimism and cheerfulness. I just want to be sad for a little while before I get up, brush myself off, and move on, ok?

Ok.