A middle finger to my flaws

I went to the dentist the other day, and I had a couple cavities(so horrible,I know, but trust me, if I were to tell you the number of cavities I've had in total throughout my life, THAT would be a disaster). I used to be scared shitless of going to the dentist (the fear of facing the number of cavities I had probably had something to do with this),but now it's fine. The only uncomfortable part is when the dentist drills my teeth in preparation of filling up the cavity and the drill gets dauntingly close to the nerve. That's when I grip my fingers and try to think of other things, like wayfarers, and certain people (I'm really not sure whether it's a compliment or an insult to tell someone I thought of them while having my teeth drilled).

And for some reason it just dawned on me on how intimate the whole thing is. I had someone else's hands in my mouth! Why did that not ever occur to me before? Luckily, my dentist is this really nice lady. I wanted to punch(ooh, urges to physically assault) her assistant who tended to painfully jab the saliva sucker thingamajig into the floor of my mouth though.

Most of the extended family and then some knows about my internship, which is funny, considering the fact that I am somewhat dreading work and the inevitable screw-ups that come along with it. And the 'orientation' period? Aaaack.

I was watching Before Sunset again(well, a portion of it before the DVD got stuck and I couldn't be arsed to eject it, re-insert it, and skip beyond the stuck bit), and I wished I could be someone like Celine-opinionated, involved in something cool and noble like working to improve international laws concerning environmental issues, someone who's worked in India and done a stint in Warsaw, things like that. Being French is a plus too. I would settle for just being opinionated for the time being, because at the moment, I don't have opinions on a lot of things, which bothers me. I don't have an opinion on whether Chin Peng should be allowed back into the country, or about the MCA fractions, or the BTN revamp, or islamic banking. I am disinterested.

I wonder when I stopped being afraid of the work 'fuck'.

How are we doing spiritually? Not good, not good. I have deviated from the straight and narrow(though it was never straight to begin with, if you know what I mean), and I do so sheepishly, knowing that I shouldn't be doing this, that I will end up on the road to fucked-upness. I will either crash and implode spectacularly, or something will click quietly and I'll be able to slip back into something better than what I am know. I hope it's the latter, and I hope it's soon.

I've been playing a bit on the piano since getting back, which brings me a small secret sense of pleasure. It occupies my time, I like to see my fingers move across the keys, and it's nice to hear a tune take shape. But, as my sister kindly pointed out, the extent of my playing repertoire is limited(I keep playing the same 4 songs over and over).

I miss my Kellogs and half wish you guys were here just so that we could go lepak at a mamak or something.

For some reason, I really hate Giuliana Dipandi(am I referring to the right person here?) and the other kumquats that make up the panel on the stupid E! show that judges red-carpet looks.