Roz, my succulent little garden snail

a bump into nani at the stairs kat college after class tadi led to us gallavanting off to pyramid to catch a movie. we originally wanted to watch mukhsin, but when we found out neither of us had watch 300 yet, we decided to watch that instead.

300. whatever you've heard about the movie is pretty much true. Great graphics, a little bit of a mystical/fantasy aura to it, very nicely done, and tons of half naked guys with six-packs running around everywhere, woot! it's no wonder that iranians are mad about it though. the movie's portrayal of the persians was just plain freaky.

Anyways, i'm itching to type, so thought i'd post a commentary about the 10 movies that I think are great. i'm definitely not a movie buff, there are tons of movies i should watch but haven't, and i'm not particularly good at analysing plots or performances or whatnot. but still, just wanted to mention some movies that are pleasurable to watch. the type of movies yang no matter how many times they show it on astro, you'd still watch them over and over again. let's see if we have any in common, yeah?

in no particular order:

1.My Little Bride

Back in school, i had caught on to the korean movie fever(thanx to sal, aiman, anna, chim and the rest,heh). i don't keep up with korean movies anymore, but back then i came across this movie, and bought the vcd. one word to describe it. SWEET!(as in the cutesy-girlie sweet, not the sweet like how ashton kutcher said it in 'dude, where's my car?). I just find it such a charming(if a bit illogical) movie. Moon Geun-yeong was the epitome of cute.


2.Finding Nemo

I defy anyone not to like this movie. How can you NOT like it? it's hilarious. Finding nemo, in my opinion may be one of the best childrens' movie EVER(is this too strong a statement?).


3.The Italian Job

I've never watched the original one, the one starring michael caine made in the sixties tu, so i can't really compare and determine which one is better. But either way, i think the movie is fun. i guess it's just average in terms of plot, nothing specacular about it ke ape, but i enjoy it immensely. i find it tons more entertaining than other movies that are similar, like ocean's twelve, for example.


4.Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

One of those rare movies where jim carrey acts normal. The soundtrack rocks. i like this one because honestly, who wouldn't want to forget someone and erase them out of their life at some point?


5.Alice in Wonderland

'"The time has come", the walrus said, "to talk of many things. of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings, and why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings"...(the last part i forgot/couldn't understand). There are a few adaptations of the story, but i like the disney animation best. I like how there are biscuits and sweets that can make you really tall or really small. plus, a sly fat purple-striped tabby is always interesting.


6.Pride and Prejudice

This movie appeals to my secret, deeply hidden, rarely seen(or so i'd like to think) jiwang side, heh :p Besides the fact that everyone's accent is lovely, i guess it's interesting because it manages to give a prim and proper yet touching portrayal of the classic tale of falling in love surprisingly with the person you thought you hated. sountrack is brilliant.


7.Dracula:Dead and Loving It

funny,funny,funny! Watch it, if you've yet to do so. Full of obvious and blatant humour(what else can you expect from Leslie Nielson?), this one memang rocks my socks off.

funny scenes:
1.Renfield: [running after Dracula]Master!MASTER!......I mean, mister,mister!
2.Jonathan Harker:[talking about Lucy, who got bitten by Dracula] She's alive??'
Van Helsing: She is Nosferatu.
Jonathan Harker: She's Italian??

Heh. maybe only those who have watched the movie will get why it's funny.


8.Amelie

Kakak's favourite movie, kalau tak silap. i haven't watched it in quite a while, so i've forgotten a chunk of scenes, but the movie really is lovely. Audrey Tautou plays her part superbly, and Mathieu kassovitz is cute. i completely encourage anyone who hasn't watched it yet to do so. It's poignant!


9. Back to the Future(all three installations)

Christopher lloyd and Michael J Fox are the perfect combination. Don't need words to describe it.


10.Monsters, Inc.

The other best kids' movie besides finding nemo. I dig the originality of the movie(in terms of the whole monster-in-the-cupboard adjoined to a whole monster city concept and using screams as an energy source, etc). Billy crystal was fab.

Mike Wazowski: Roz, my tender oozing blossom, you're looking fabulous today. Is that a new haircut? tell me it's a new haircut. It's got to be a new haircut. New makeup? you had a lift? You had a tuck? You had something? Something has been inserted in you that makes you look like a....listen, i need a favor.

So there you go. Movies i would very much like to watch but haven't had the chance to do so:
1. The Breakfast Club
2. The Shawshank Redemption
3. Kill Bill
4. Lost in Translation
5. The Godfather

Any other movie that should be added to the list?

Shiny, shimmery, splendid

i went to the UK edufair on saturday, spent about half an hour there. the rest of the afternoon was spent accompanying my classmate Chris on a shopping/browsing expedition. You may think this sounds perfectly ordinary, but trust me, it isn't. Have you ever went shopping with a guy whom is on first-name terms with all the salesgirls at the Chanel and Dior counters in KLCC? It was an experience to remember. there i was, fumbling through the price tags, internally reminding myself not to shriek in disbelief at the expensiveness of everything, while he was going in an out of changing rooms and lamenting the fact he didn't bring enough cash to buy the exquisite(and jaw-droppingly mahal) jacket,etc. ahah, i had fun though.

So anyway, the real highlight of my weekend was on sunday night. i went to the '3 diva' concert at bukit jalil. Diyana won two tickets for it(through a question and SLOGAN contest, fuh. slogan contests are so demotivating for me) and she invited me along! that, i must mention here, was a tremendously nice gesture, and i am VERY happy and grateful for it. THANX AGAIN DIYANA!!(if you're reading this). it was my first ever concert, i might add.

For those who may be out of touch with what's going on(ahem,cue aussie or other overseas students,heh), the 3 diva concert was a gig given by kris dayanti, ruth sahanaya and titi dj.

I must honestly say, i didn't know any songs by titi dj, and by kris dayanti and ruth sahanaya pon tahu yang famous je la. but seriously, the concert was great. you have to respect their voices. true divas, man. they blended together perfectly. harmonies were no problem for them. Plus, the arrangment of the orchestra was terrific la.


A lupe-nak-pasang-flash, not to mention senget pic of me and dirs. i still like it. we're both smiling good :)

We were sitting on the upper tier of the stadium, so it was quite a distance from the stage, but at least we were seated in a position directly in front of centre stage. plus, they all wore really shimmery costumes, so we had no problem spotting them :p


The only slack thing were the malaysian performers. dayang was good vocal wise, but i don't think nurul or that other woman sang that well. plus, their outfits were too much. nurul wore some backless short number, that other woman wore some kind of multi-coloured toga wrapped around her diagonally, while dayang wore what frankly looked to me like pajamas(albeit a sexy one) made with labuci. geez.

but still. For a first concert, i think '3 diva' was a really good one.

Concerts i will try my darndest to find the money and the company to go to if these people ever decide to come here:
1. John Mayer
2. Kings of convenience
3. the fray
4. Louis XIV(though i doubt very much if they'll ever come)

Heavy

Doc Emmett Brown: "1.21 GIGAWATTS?!1.21 gigawatts!"

Marty: "What the hell's a gigawatt?!!"

*******************************

watched 'Back to the Future' again. How can you not love it?

So anyway. I'm home alone for the next couple days, my parents and my brother went on vacation. I nobly opted not to join for the sake of not missing class. Drats. on the bright side, mom stocked up the pantry and fridge with lots and lots of frozen pizza, maggi goreng, instant chicken chop, fresh bannanas, crackers, cereal, boxes of brahims', seafood spread, bread, oldtown hazelnut white coffee and other delectables for me to gorge on. yummy.

Random staff i want to ramble about. Did you read in the papers about the girl who was rumored to have scored 19A1s(but didn't)had actually wrote two books about her 'success' even BEFORE she got her results? Pfft. Kudos to her for getting 18As, with 14A1s that includes all pure science subjects(damn terrer wei), but still. Pfft.

Did you read about the legal dispute between the publishing house and the author who had written the book for Mawi's now famous ex-fiancee, called 'Catatan Duka Diana Naim'?

Catatan Duka Diana Naim? ape BENDE ni?

In my opinion, this whole mawi/diana naim thingie is ridiculous. I have no right to judge, but i personally quite dislike mawi for his actions of just dumping his fiancee, and at the same time, i dislike this Diana Naim person because i think she's taking a little too much advantage of the 'injustice' that's supposedly been done to her. But that's just my opinion. Either way, the whole affair has been blown out of proportion, and everyone should just shut up about it, and start being concerned with more important affairs, like how muslims, MUSLIMS, in the yala province in Thailand shot a vanload of buddhists execution style. That's just not right.

And yet newspapers(especially malay ones with sudut hiburan or whatnot) still love to wash other peoples' linen in the gossip columns. and why is that? because tons of malays out there still love to just lap it all up.

I have said a few times before to some people that i deteste typical malay mentality. but now, as i ponder this, i ask myself, what exactly IS typical malay mentality? what are the characteristics of people who possess this mentality?

All this while, i had a picture in my head of a typical malay person. A person who goes and watch SENARIO tapings, or goes to akademi fantasia concerts. Someone who enjoys watching yusoff haslam movies and goes to karnival sure heboh every year. The person who spends practically their WHOLE life surrounded by malays ONLY, and rarely if not never attempt to actually make friends with non-malays. To them, non-malays should adapt to the ways of malays, and not vice versa. A person who doesn't read ANY books except those novels by Alaf 21 or comics. A person who doesn't attempt to read newspapers and doesn't know at least the gist of current issues but instead is busy screaming whenever mawi comes on tv.

I spent 5 years in school in a batch that was 100% malay, and no offense to anyone whatsoever, but when i think back on those 5 years, a large chunk of it is recalled with either shame, venom, or a lot of hate. I developed the impression that 90% of the guys at my school had typical malay mentality. the type of mentality yang membuatkan dieorg slambe badak gune language that was purely ugly and disgusting, to anyone, even girls. to them, they had the frickin' right to say ANYTHING they wanted, and my God, were they ego like hell or what. they wouldn't hesitate to embarass a girl or insult her to the max if it meant saving their own face. They made shameful, hurtful remarks about anyone and didn't even have the damn dignity to at least keep it to themselves.

And the girls? for me, the girls(myself included) just subjected ourselves to the boys' way of thinking. none of us, save for a few ,dared to be different, to be bold or more daring or retaliate. at school, we had a lot of muhasabah diri. A LOT. each time involved us being reminded that we should work hard, treasure the sacrifices our parents have made for us, and be a better person. Ok, fair enough. we all need to be reminded of our faith and our duty to Allah, as well as to our parents. But there was this one time, during a muhasabah diri, a senior pulled me over to a corner and asked nicely if i had ever felt like my prayers weren't answered by God. I obediently answered yes. And she answered, 'nak tahu kenape? sebab adik tak pakai tudung'.

I don't think you guys would understand, but let me just tell you why her question angered me. it wasn't because i was rebellious to the fact she wanted me to wear a tudung, no, not that at all. i was just pissed off by the way she did it. Who is she to know why or why not God answers or doesn't answer my prayers? but still. i try to remind myself that she was just trying to give me advice the most effective and nicest way she could think of. She just didn't have the tact to phrase is it in a better way.

Ah. i'm going off on a tangent here. sorry. Anyway, back to my point. hmm. what exactly IS my point? i'm not exactly sure myself.

I just feel like sometimes, when i look at some malays, i can't help but feel like they, or maybe me myself, come from a different planet. i tend to pass judgement on some malay people and brand them as having typical malay mentality even without knowing them properly first.

racism is considered evil, senseless, and stupid. how about discrimination against your own race?

sparks

Taking my cue from Aijud,(hark the orange blog!), i decided it was time to change the colours for my own blog. Hope it actually looks ok, i'm quite crappy when it comes to matching colours nicely. Yet another awesome way to waste time.

my ideas for blogging, if before were quite abundant and ever flowing(i had lotsa stuff to babble about,heh), are now gradually drying up. I find that any idea for a post seems either too self-centred, petty, artificial, or just plain stupid. I want to blog, but dread thinking up the content.

In fact, i'm currently starting to detest practically anything i write. Whether it's for my blog or for GP class(bagi yg tak tahu, GP class is considered my english class. We don't learn normal stuff like grammar or comprehension or whatnot, but instead we discuss current issues and write essays), i teeter precariously towards hate whenever i (reluctantly) read over what i've written.

I absolutely DID NOT want to read the essays i had written for a recent GP test, and with good reason, i tell you. Every sentence seems immature, unlearned, and sometimes even pathetic. Aisy. I'm supposed to be constructing clear sentences that are concise, knowledgeable, and straight to the point. I'm supposed to write like an A level student.

I'm still writing like a high school student. I still crap around on a point for 10 sentences when i could have explained it with just one.

Back in sekolah menengah, i was quite confident(ahem, vanity alert,sorry) with my writing. Not saying my essays were spectacular ke ape la, but i was pretty sure my compositions met the requirements for getting an A.

But here in college, it's a whole different ballgame. and i keep striking out. or i hit the ball but can't run fast enough to get to first base safely(my ballgames take on the form of baseball :P).Suddenly my writing skills are just not adequate enough. And i'm TRYING to improve with each test, but i still can't seem to be able to think and express logical evaluations for the topic i'm writing on!It's frustrating, oh yes it is. I've yet to get an A for GP. Bloody hell. How come kakak could get an A? wait, don't answer that.

Aisy. pushing that aside, i went to a birthday get together today. it was fun :) i won't babble about it much, but it involved birthday boy being dragged by the shirt(as he pulled on someone ELSE'S shirt in an unsuccessful attempt to save himself) and pushed into the pool. priceless.

Music recommendations(for all the imaginary people who actually take heed of my suggestions):
1. the stills - of montreal. Love the beat and the guitars. Lyrics make no sense at all.
2. cold war kids - hang me up to dry. the video was featured on youtube, maybe it's still there. the singer's voice rests on a fine line between uniquness and just plain screeching when it hits the high parts, u decide. The bass line is addictive, even though it's just a couple of notes.
3.coldplay - sparks. for good ol' beautiful, sad music.

And for a little bit of nostalgic cheer:

a box of secrets

It started with the magnetic mini-notice board mom bought me from ikea. It's finally up above my table, mr.Lo (the handyman) came over and drilled all the necessary holes and whatnot to put it up. I had stuck a list of maths formulae and a couple of pictures on it, but besides that, it was pretty bare. so last night i spent some time rummaging around the room for things to decorate my board with.

That was when i suddenly remembered the box that i keep in my bedside table cupboard. It's been ages since i looked through it. So i went and took it out, set it on my bed, and started going through the contents. The box is an old shoebox from when my mom bought her sneakers(circa 1997 or 1998, i think). I swiped the box from my mom mase tu and started storing everything i considered 'important' in it. I still do.

Practically every birthday card i've received is in there. Letters sent to me from friends. Letters i wrote but never sent. Every diary i've had since stadard 3. Pictures that mean something to me. Emails from special friends i had printed out, because i loved them so much and so i printed and brought them to asrama to me, since we didn't have much chance of going online there. My form 4 results slip. A few messages i got from those request thingies we had at school. My sekolah rendah nametags. My tunas puteri badge. My gigi susu(yeah, i kept 3 of them in a jewellery case. weird,yes). The speech i had to give out during sekolah rendah as KP sempena the retirement our my Guru Besar. My standard 6 choral speaking poem.

To say that this box is valuable to me would be an understatement.

So i spent my time going through eveything again, one by one. Ahah, it was bloody fun and sad at the same time. Seeing these things make you recollect and reminisce and think about what has happened since the moment you put it in the box. I found a card someone had sent me via post for my birthday, and i practically gasped, because i had completely forgotten about it. and yet there it was. That card brought back memories of me being happy as a clam when i received it, happy because that particular person had sent it.

I reread my old diaries, and some parts made me laugh out loud in disbelief at my childishness and immaturity. I was melodaramatic even when i was 9. I used code names for my crushes, and now i can't even remember who they really were. In my standard 5 diary, i wrote about my classmates and gossiped about who liked who and penned(or tried to) poems and mispelled dozens of words,plus, my writing was still atrocious. I reread in my first diary the fact that my very first email was created on january 6th,1999, and my password was 'diary', while the answer for the question in case i forgot my password was 'pistachio almond'.

And then there were the things that made me sad. My exam results during form 4 that showed that i still wasn't getting a grip on add maths or physics. The birthday card from someone who signed it as 'your best friend', and then a year later wasn't. The letters i wrote to my imaginary friend during form 2(i couldn't have had imaginary conversations, that would have just freaked everyone out, so i wrote letters) that talked about me feeling depressed and sad, and just wanting to bail out.

I reread all my diaries, and i've come to a conclusion. Our insecurities stay the same. Over the years we might change and mature or develope a different personality from when we were younger, but i think the things that make us insecure, the core of our sadness, remains the same. All of my past diaries, and even the journal i own now, have the same underlying theme when it comes to the sad parts.

When you read the wrtings of your younger self, you can't help but feel affection for the person she was and exasperation at the mistakes she's done, and you feel heart-breakingly sad for the problems she's going through and the insecurities she has. sometimes you want to reach out in time and knock some sense into her head and stop her from doing something stupid, and sometimes you just want to hug her and wipe her tears and tell her it's going to be ok, because you know that no one else will.

This box holds proof that i was happy or sad at some point in my life. If there's a fire (God forbid), i'm going to save it first,heh.

On a different note, i'm reading kazuo ishiguro's 'never let me go'. brilliant! reminds me of 'the giver'. as for music, for anyone who trusts my taste, i highly recommend 'illegal tender' by the band Louis XIV, and also 'look after you' by the fray.

Happy March!if i recall correctly, this is the month of a lot of birthdays.

The world's greatest patronus

I started my activities for the day by doing my banyak-gile-tak-siap-lagi maths homework(intergration for quotients by partial fractions). I got stuck at one question, and from then on my day was spent doing nothing.But it was enjoyable nothing! There are 2 ways to waste time, one is by doing nothing productive and later on mourning the loss of time you could have used to do something worthwhile. The other way is by doing stuff not exactly productive in the sense that it's something your parents would approve of, but instead you accomplish things that while not exactly useful, give you a feel of satisfaction and pleasure. I did just that. I changed the mp3 files that have been stored in my phone since forever, replaced my ringtone, messaged a bunch of people, chatted with nani for a while, read john mayer's blog, and now i'm updating mine. half the day gone just like that. but i'm not complaining.

It was while surfing the net i suddenly remembered something I've wanted to blog about for a long time. It's a story. a true story of an incident that happened back in the days I was a debater(heh, bunyi cam veteran lak). This is the kind of incident I will always remember and think of with a smile on my face. It's the kind of story i'll tell my children, if any of them become debaters.

Ok. the year was 2005. The debaters were laeeqa, nani, me and ash. So the debating season that year started off with the UIA debating championship. For those who don't know, for most government boarding schools, there are two major debating events in a year. One is the annual Universiti Islam Antarabangsa(UIA) championship, and the other is the Piala Perdana Menteri championship, which is only for boarding schools.

So anyway, like i said, we started off with the UIA competition. And it was during this time we went up against a certain all-boys boarding school that i will not name here. We met them in the 2nd or 3rd round, i forgot. and it was during this meet with them i suffered a terribly embarassing moment that makes me cringe up until this day.

I was the 3rd debater, so my job was to rebutt all points given by the opposition. I can't remember what the motion was, but what i DO remember was that i was nervous as hell, and i ended up talking crap and not really adressing their points at all. So when it was over and done, the adjudicator(there was only one), announced that we lost. ok. that was blow number one. I was feeling bad enough already because i felt so disappointed with my speech. But it didn't end there! The adjudicator commented on each speaker's performance, and when he came to me, he specifically mentioned that I was a key reason our(the government's) case started to crumble. Ya Allah, i was MORTIFIED beyond reason.

It was bad, it was horrible, but what made it even more terrible was the fact that the debaters from that school were so cocky! Maybe they tried not to be, i don't know, but it was as if they looked down on us just because we weren't some elite school and were without any debating credit to our name. In short, we were just another lame science school, a minor obstacle on their path to debating glory.

So i walked away from that debate feeling crushed and ashamed. If i had to choose the lowest point througout the times I've debated, that would be it.

A couple months later, it was time for the PPM championship plak. my fellow debaters really worked their asses off. I guess the effort paid off, because we won the group round and went on to the quarter-finals. In PPM, there is a group round, whereby each school will be placed in a group with 3 or 4 other schools. Those who win all or most matches in that round will be group leader. After that, a drawing will be done, and group leaders will face off each other in the quarter-finals.

So, imagine my mixed feelings of shock and dread i got when i heard we drawed against the same all-boys boarding school for the quarter final round. Unbelievable. I was so nervous, i practically freaked out. I even remember our motion, it was "Malaysians have Become A More Caring Society". I remember the night before the debate, i was so frustrated and nerve-wracked, i had to call my mom for emergency counseling. When the morning of the debate came, we went to the hall to draw sides, and we got the opposition. During the draw, the debaters from that school were there too, and my, they looked tremendously pleased with themselves. I guess they figured since they whipped us(me) before, they'd be able to do it again easy-peasy.

And then came crunch time, the actual debate. I don't remember exactly what happened throughout the debate, but i do remember this. I remember feeling damn proud of ash and nani, because they gave great speeches, and they rebutted the governments' points well. I remember the boys from that school looking increasingly uncomfortable as we numerously POI-ed them with difficult questions. I remember the 2nd speaker from their side trying to impress judges and the audience with fancy phrases and actions. I remember nani clapping me on the shoulder right before it was my turn to speak, giving me courage. and I remember growing increasingly confident and not afraid of their POI's as i spoke. and i remember, to end my speech, i said 'and i am proud to oppose', and i knew that at that moment, that was the absolute truth.

When it was over and done, we waited while the judges gave their decision and went out of the room to pick the best speaker. I recall smiling at miss salmi and miss zil, and just feeling relieved it was over, and happy that i didn't do such a crappy job like how i did in UIA.

Then the judges came back in, and then we had to go through some excruciating moments while the chief judge gave her commentary, where I had to act like I was really listening and noting her comments down for future reference. Then finally, finally, it was time for the results.

Alhamdulillah, we won. I heaved a sigh of relief and started grinning like crazy. And best of all, the icing on the cake, was when the the chairperson announced that the best speaker was the third speaker from the opposition.

Sorry, not trying to berlagak ke ape. i just wanted to share how i felt at that second. I felt...like it was retribution, you know? I felt such deep satisfaction, because finally, for the first time ever, i managed to prove to someone that i'm not as lame as they thought and that they shouldn't take me for granted as an easy opponent. I felt vindicated! If i had to conjure a Patronus at that time i'm sure mine would have been the world's greatest, a rhino or a great white shark or something.

Alhamdulillah. i'm glad i've actually tasted a feeling like that. i hope you guys do too, or if you already have, i hope you get to feel it again and again. The feeling of satisfaction, euphoria, and the rare, hard-to-attain feeling of being proud of yourself and who you are.

scraping for pennies to get a cd

I went back to kampung(the negeri sembilan one on my dad's side)for the weekend, and i have made two key observations about the trip:

1. Gulai ikan semilang salai kicks ass.

2. My stay at kampung was dripping. it wouldn't stop raining!

I'm going to get John Mayer's Continuum. By hook or by crook, even if i have to scrape around for pennies, i will buy it!

A couple years ago, i'd just have downloaded the album, or i'd have gotten the cheaper(35 ringgit cheaper,mind you) pirated version.Downloading stuff is so tempting kan? let's face it, it's free, you can find practically any song you want, and you can get it right in the comfort of your room. I don't download movies or tv shows(i'm too chicken to do so), but music yes, definitely. Buying cds is a huge risk, because for one thing, they're bloody expensive (40 bucks for a cd is bloody expensive in my books), and another thing is that you'll face the risk of buying a cd you anticipated would be great but in the end turns out to be a complete dud.

Back in the days when i was still a teeny-bopper (i still am, tapi dah kurang sikitla, or so i'd like to think :P), i naively went and bought an original copy of Beyonce's 'Dangerously in Love' album. Aisy, i still cringe whenever i remember this. I was so stoked by her songs 'Me, myself and I' and 'Crazy in Love', i thought the rest of the album would comprise of similarly nice tunes and catchy beats. God was i wrong. I tried HARD to like the album, but in the end i had to concede it was just blah. i still don't understand why she won so many grammy awards with it. And when i listen to her music now, with songs like 'Check on It', and 'Irreplacable' and that ring the alarm or whatever song, i can't imagine why i used to like her music. (no offense to anyone who enjoys her music, this is just my opinion). The ironic thing about her songs is that despite the fact i dislike them, they're so easy to remember that whenever Irreplacable comes on you'll find me crooning along and 'to the left, to the left'-ing to it too. aisy.

Well, enough about that. My point is that now, while i still download stuff quite actively, i try to refrain from downloading albums from artists who are making good music and opt to buy the albums instead. And people like the Kings of convenience, third eye blind, and i believe john mayer, definitely deserve to have original copies of their cds bought. Besides, with stuff like youtube and previews offered at amazon, you can practically hear snippets from the whole album and decide whether it's a good buy or not. So, no more risks of buying seemingly good but actually bad albums.

I will buy Continuum(tengah kire duit to see if i have enough to spare la ni). and i'll listen to this song over and over again, as well as songs like 'In Repair' and 'I don't Trust myself with Loving you'. He won a grammy for best male pop vocal album, so maybe it's pop, but some say its a a blues number. whatever. i love it anyway.

the tribute

In no particular order.


Diyana Izzati
My good college friend. you crack me up with your sound effects sometimes. and i love how we have a lot of things in common, as well as differences(such as our music tastes,heh). We've only known each other for half a year but in that short space of time i feel like my friendship with you is at a level it took 3 years for me to achieve with some people at school. My backup singing partner for many years to come, i hope.


Nani
My current movie partner. Nanner's, what can i say? I'm so frickin' glad you're here at sunway with me. You were the first person besides my family i actually talked about books with. my fellow debater, i often relied on you more often than you know, you were the backbone of our debate team. Just now, on the drive back home, when we were singing along to the radio, i realized that I'm gonna be frickin' sad when you go off to canada, even though it's still 6 months away.


Syahirah
My oldest friend i still hangout with. Thank you SO MUCH for trying hard to keep in touch with me, i'm so glad we, out of some miraculous fate, moved into houses near each other. Sorry i used to merajuk so much back in sekolah rendah when we used to play kat padang and walk off. I'm sorry i acted so immaturely.


Aijud
Despite the fact we went to the same school for 5 years, i don't think we're actually that acquainted with each other. we don't know each other well, and even just now, at the airport, i didn't know what to say or how to chat easily with you. But the thing is, despite all this, i feel like we've blog-bonded or something. I'm thrilled to get comments from u, and whenever i read your posts, I'm bombing with responses in my head. Maybe if i wasn't so shut-mouthed in school dulu i would have talked to you more and we'd have been proper friends.


Jia Yee
Hardworking friend. Did you know, you're my first non-malay friend since primary school? I like your sense of humour. With you, i don't feel awkward, and that is something rare for me. Your rajin-ness spurs me on to do my homework, you know? sorry i bug you all the time with questions. Chee chong fan!


Anna
I admire you tons you know? Ever since 2 jujur. I'm sorry i acted so distant mase mule2, it's one regret i think about from time to time. Back then i was sooooo tah pape la. aisy. Thank you for overlooking that and being my friend anyways. I will miss you more that you know when you go to aussie next week.


Ina and Asiah
argh..if you guys only knew how much i miss you. One of the greatest pleasures of my life was finding out that we get along together remarkably well. Trio ceria, remember? I didn't just laugh with you guys, i cried with korang as well. I MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH, and i'm not saying it insincerely like how most people just toss that line in a testi ke ape. I mean it. I miss sitting beside you guys in class. I miss lepak-ing kat dorm asiah. I wish we weren't drifting apart right now.


Sal.
Ah, sal. we've been through a lot, actually. i'm glad we're friends. Thanks for everything nice you've done for me.


Juwa.
i remember the first time i chatted with you. I was amazed at how we got along! I enjoyed chatting with you SO MUCH juwa, and i still do! And kolah yang ajar aku how to eat everything with cili sauce, and even though i was sad dulu mase first2 turun dari kelas 5 Bakti masuk 5 Ehsan, i truly saw the hikmah later on, because i made friends with you and milah.


Hani Hazman and Shao Min
Hani!my wicked(as in cool) fashion and vocabulary master(or should it be mistress?) You're one of the few i can actually ask about old movies and music. You are most definitely the only person i know who has clips from 'a streetcar named desire' in her ipod. I wish we were closer. And shao, you're my bookclub partner! thanx for the many recommendations and updates on books and reviews. i adore your sense of humour and go green with envy at the fact you get along great with EVERYONE.


Kak dila.
i wish you'd read this and for God's sake, call me la wei. even though we haven't talked for so long, i still think of you and i miss you like crazy, despite being angry at you for not contacting me. i miss laughing with you!



It's hard to express gratitude or affection towards the people you know. especially in malaysian society, where any attempts at doing so usually end up in awkward moments and prolonged silences. The norm nowdays for teenagers to acknowledge their friends' importance to them(if they bother to do so at all) is by forwarding them cute 'meaningful' testimonials or text messages. Some people take sentences like 'i miss you' and 'nice to be your friend' for granted and just toss them into whatever testi they give to whoever. In other words, it's hard to tell sincerity from fake courtesy.

Well, this is for the people that genuinely make me smile. Now you know that with you, i'm not giving fake courtesy.

Aww, crap, i'm getting all sentimental.

mes amies imaginaire

Ever had an imaginary friend? A make-believe friend, someone you may have conjured up to play masak2 with, or to keep you company. A make-believe friend can come in various forms. For my brother, it's the army troops he addresses whenever he's playing with his toy fighter jets or tanks. For Mac, it came in the form of Blue, as seen in Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends (for the unitiated, that's a cartoon).

Occasionally in movies you'll come across the typical character of a kid who believes he has an imaginary friend, and treats him like he's real(e.g:gives him food, asks the parent to give the imaginary friend a kiss goodnight too, that sort of thing). I find it horribly pretentious at times, a commercialisation of a thing movie producers deem as the epitome of cute child behaviour. The whole kid-with-an-imaginary-friend thing has been overplayed too much, for me anyway.

But on the other hand, i was one who believed in having imaginary friends myself. Not so much of a constant imaginary companion whom i spent the whole day with and pretended to feed, bathe, and play with, but more like, an imaginary someone to talk to when i was alone. When i was younger, if i was playing by myself and mom wasn't around, i'd pretend to engage in a conversation with someone imaginary. Sometimes I'd pretend to treat him/her like a guest and make them a beverage to drink, using shampoo foam mixed with water. Sometimes i'd write letters and address them to myself, pretending someone sent them to me. Or if i just bought some new shoes, still in its box, i'll pretend my imaginary friend gave it to me as a gift, and i'd open it up like a present. Strange, yes.

Hmm. would it freak you out if i said i still talk to imaginary friends sometimes?

wakaka, i don't pretend to cook for my make-believe friend or address letters to myself anymore. don't worry. I'm not schizophrenic or anything. It's just that once in a while, when i'm feeling down, or when i'm feeling stressed out over something, there are some things i'd like to say. sometimes blogs and online journals aren't sufficient enough. sometimes I want to whine and vent my feelings vocally. But, as a lot of the stuff that frustrates me are usually petty, self-centered thingies, it would be unfair to burden someone else with my complaints. So what i'd do is, i'd pretend to hold a conversation with someone imaginary. I know, it sounds pretty crazy and pointless to do this, but amazingly enough, it works.

You see, the thing that makes these conversations work is the fact that you get to choose what your imaginary companion will say. Because in real life, sometimes, when you tell someone something you think is important, you don't quite get the reaction or response you had hoped for. In the end you just wind up feeling disappointment in your friend and ashamed of yourself for sharing such things. With an imaginary friend, on the other hand, you can imagine the person you're talking to saying the right things, or you can imagine that person actually just sitting quietly and LISTENING to you, WANTING to know your problems and wanting to help you out sincerely. in short, you can be as self-centered as you want to with this make-belive person, without worrying about annoying them. and of course, another thing is that you can imagine your make-believe friend to be anyone you want him/her to be. You can make them out to be the friend that you've always wanted to give a piece of your mind to. You can pretend it's the person you've wanted to talk to so badly but never had the guts. You can imagine it's just a stranger who happened to catch your eye and struck up a conversation with. It can be anybody.

would it be insanely melodramatic to say that most of the conversations i've had with my made-up friends are better than any attempt at a heart-to-heart with a real person?

But of course, there's the downside to it too. The downside is at the end of the conversation with your imaginary friend, when you realize that while it was definitely therapeutic having a talk with a made-up person, you still wish that someone real, someone living and breathing and not just imaginary, had said and done the things your imaginary friend did. It's that kind of paradox.

On a lighter note, take a look at this video of john butler from the john butler trio playing a guitar instrumental called 'ocean'. It looks incrediby hard to play, he seems super skilled(he played awesomely save for a couple glitches at the beginning), but then again, I know nuts about guitar, maybe everyone can play that way after a certain point of experience and practice. I just adore the tune and the playing because it's so pretty. The timing of the video with the sound is a bit off, but it's not really obvious unless you look closely or until the end of the clip.

Malapetaka

The malapetaka of unorganized homework, strewn papers, and other paraphernalia. In a crisis like this, your bed must double as extra working space. Never mind that at night, when you're too malas to clear everything up, your sleeping partner turns out to be your maths textbook and accounting file.

Songs i wish were in my ipod:

1. Belle and Sebastian - 'White Collar Boy'
2. John Mayer - 'Hummingbird'
3. James William Hindle - 'Silence'
4. The Shins - 'Kissing the Lipless'
5. Anggun - 'Selamanya'

Does anyone happen to have any of the songs?kakak?i can't download anything at the moment, limewire won't work.

The last song on the list, Anggun's 'selamanya', is particularly moving. If you've watched 'Cinta', you'd notice it was playing during the scene where they bury the sister, the one who died because she went and sedekah a kidney or bone marrow or something to her brother (haikal ke name die?i've forgotten) so that he could live. I came across it on youtube, you can watch it here if you want, she sings it as an intro, about two minutes lebih from the whole thing. I'm not sure if that's an abbreviated version or what. either way, i find it spectacularly soulful and haunting. pay attention to the lyrics (if you decide to take a look at the video).

Saya bakal membuat pembentangan tentang sumbangan tamadun islam dalam bidang Sains dan Teknologi untuk kelas Kajian Islam saya pada 7 hari bulan Febuari. Kemungkinan besar saya akan melakukannya dalam Bahasa Melayu. Oleh sebab itu, memandangkan saya sudah lama tidak bertutur dalam Bahasa Melayu secara formal (disebabkan pembelajaran saya secara kesuluruhannya dilakukan dalam Bahasa Inggeris), saya berpendapat bahawa saya perlu berlatih mulai sekarang agar pembentangan dapat dilakukan dengan lancar dan supaya saya tidak memalukan diri saya sendiri.

ha.ha.ha. Apakah?(heh, i have no idea what relevance this word has to whatever i'm saying, but it just seems amusing to say it, having heard people like izzat and aina say it before)

Random things i just felt like telling someone. Does your blog constitute as a someone?

Other movies i am anticipating to watch:

• Stranger than fiction
• mukhsin

My youtube is back to normal!don't know about you, but all this while i haven't been able to load any video, so now that it can load quickly again my youtube exploring fire has been ignited once more, heh.
I can't get enough of this particular video. More precisely, i can't get enough of the girl in the video's singing. the video itself is just plain, but man, her voice is beautiful!plus, she's singing this song by john mayer, if i'm not mistaken it wasn't included in any of the albums. awesome stuff. i watched/heard her sing it before i actually watched a clip of john mayer himself singing it, and to be frank, i think i like her singing better. listen.(you might have to turn up your volume a bit)



john mayer's music still thrills me. i've just recently found out that i like his song 'city love', from his first album, very, very much. oh, and i've also just found out out that the kings of convenience actually came to singapore last year in march and did a concert. Why didn't they stop by here?! well, back then i wasn't into them yet and probably wouldn't have wanted to go to their show anyway, but still.

on the day after i put up the post about movies, i came across the sitcom 'extras' on the bbce channel, i think it was channel 25. 'Extras' is the latest offering by ricky gervais, the same guy who starred in the original british 'the office'. Anyways, on this particular episode, who should guest-star but Daniel Radcliffe. Ironically, he seemed to be a better actor in 'extras' than in all the potter movies. he even made me snort(in a good way) at some parts.

i bought my father mitch albom's 'the five people you meet in heaven' as a present for his upcoming birthday.(i'm pretty sure dad doesn't read my blog, so i think i can mention this safely). is it any good? he really liked 'tuesdays with morrie', so another book by the same author couldn't hurt, could it?(actually it could, if the book doesn't turn out as good as the previous one, but nvm). Besides, there's a quote from Amy Tan at the back: 'This book is a gift to the soul'. Ha. Gift to the soul lagi tu. what more could be a better birthday present? I wasn't much of a fan of 'tuesdays with morrie' myself, (the pessimist in me was rolling her eyes through the whole book-same thing happens when she reads chicken soup or any other self-help book) but i think(hope) dad will like this one.

I used the remains of my duit raye to buy agatha christie's 'Poirot-the Complete Battles of Hastings, Volume 2', which comprises of 4 mysteries. I'm currently reading the 3rd one, and i must say, all 3 mysteries that i've read/am reading are all good. I'm not exactly the type to analyze and verify whether dame agatha provided believable plots or genuinely logical alibis, but i'll say that i am definitely entertained by her mysteries and am always intruiged to read until the last page. I also bought 'Back to the Future' cds , all three installations. Found it for 12 ringgit each at the times book fair. hurrah!

I was walking with my friend to class that day, when i saw someone waving wildly at me, and who should it be but Alif Ijud! surprise, surprise! all this while i thought either:
a)he was ignoring me or was too segan to acknowledge my presence
or ,
b)he didn't recognize me not wearing tudung sekolah putih or tudung prep hitam.
Guess i was wrong. He was in fact, quite friendly. That was cool. It's nice to bump into someone and find out that your former perceptions of him were actually quite mistaken, and you're glad that they are.

i am extremely happy for my friends who got accepted into their respective universities. A toast to new beginnings and new experiences in new places, cheers!

I never knew it would cost so much to take my AS exam.

I have to go do my homework. After spending some wonderfully therapeutic time typing out random stuff here, it's time to continue my(futile, i believe) attempts at balancing my accounts. Bah.

I prefer chips to popcorn as a movie snack

2007 seems like it's going to be a very good year for entertaining movies. All the obvious third installations are coming out (Shrek, Spiderman, Pirates of the Caribbean), a very intruiging(in a sense that I'd never thought it would be a spielberg-produced movie) Transformers will hit theaters, not to forget Harry Potter, but i doubt Daniel Radcliffe's(sp?) acting will have improved much(sorry, no offense to anyone who's a fan), there'll be charlotte's web, but i don't think it'll be able to beat the original animation, 300,plus a whole bunch of other movies.

There are two movies i specifically want to mention, that being 'Bridge to Terabithia' and 'The Other Boleyn Girl'. Terabithia is actually based on a children's book of the same name, has anyone else ever read it? I'd never even heard of it, till i came across a blog whose author mentioned it as a favourite. Fortunately, i found it at pay less books' stock clearance. It's a great book, i must say. made me cry,surprisingly(the last book to do so was when i was 8 and read an enid blyton story where the gnome had to miss out on the prince's party because he didn't mend the hole in his sock. yeah. moving stuff :P).

The story's about [SPOILER ALERT!]a boy who befriends this girl, and the two get along despite their differences. When they play together, the go to this hidden place in the forest or something where they make believe that they are the rulers of a magical kingdom called Terabithia. Anyways, to get to the place where they main ni they have to cross a brook by swinging across it using a tree vine or a rope ke apetah. So to cut a long story short, one day the boy comes home from an outing with his teacher and finds out that the girl had gone off by herself to Terabithia, and when she swung across the brook(which had swelled into a bigger stream because of heavy rains), the vine had snapped and she'd fallen and drowned.

Right, it sounds sad --> cue crying, but the book it still great. I think the author managed to portray the characters so..camne nak ckp..humanely, i guess. i'm crap at describing stuff, you have to read it for yourselves. At the end of the story the boy builds a rough crossing over the brook, the bridge to terabithia.

I love the book, i love the human aspect of it. When i heard the movie was coming out i was moderately surprised. I thought it was going to be something like another 'My Girl'. But then i took a look at the trailer. Argh. Disney seems to have turned it into another fantasy epic. True, Terabithia WAS a mystical kingdom with magical creatures and all but that was just a minor portion of the story. It mostly concentrated on the boy's life and how he discovered himself when leslie entered it. Haisy. Now disney is using it to make another narnia. it'd better be as good (though the trailer seems to show otherwise).

The other movie, 'The Other Boleyn Girl', is also based on a book, by Philippa Gregory. Aah, this one i TRULY anticipate. It tells the story of the infamous King Henry the 8th, during the period of his courtship of Anne Boleyn, and it's told through the narration of Anne Boleyn's sister, Mary, who was the king's mistress before he turned to Anne. I read the sequel to the book,'the Queen's fool', quite some time ago since my sister has it, but i've only recently read 'the other boleyn girl' (thanx shao for lending it to me,muchos grazias)!, and this one is just as brilliant. I think Phillipa Gregory is a really good writer, and the fact that the core of the story is based on actual events makes the book even more fascinating.

The book is great, and i think i have reason to believe that the movie will (hopefully) be as stunning. Why? Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johansson, Kristin Scott Thomas, and Eric Bana(yummy!). What better cast could there be? Portman will play Anne Boleyn, Krsitin Scott Thomas will be Anne and Mary's mother, Scarlett will be Mary, and Henry the 8th will be played by the amazingly hot(excuse my air-headedness) Eric Bana. While i was a little surprised at the choice of actors in their respective roles, nontheless, i'm convinced that they'll be able to pull off their parts with aplomb. i hope.

The only bad news is that:
a)though they say it'll come out in 2007, the realease date hasn't been confirmed yet, not even in the states. There's not even a trailer yet. so ntah2 it'll come out in Malaysia only in like what, 2009? tahula how we are sometimes ketinggalan in movie releases.

b)for all you know, it won't even be released here. Or else it'll be censored to a point were half the movie's gone.

Hmm.

Well,anyhow, i'm still looking forward to watching the movies that are heading this way. And though this year is major-exams-to-determine-next-course-of-education year, i'm optimistic towards the thought of me being able to go see them anyway.

Right. So who's up for teman-ing me to go see them? anybody? no?oh. jomlah.

Half-full glass

I was in a particularly foul mood the other night, for no apparent reason. The type of bad mood that makes you want to pick something up and throw it at the wall, heh. My mood saver? 'Vincent' by Don Mclean. You know how there are some songs you like so much that when you hear them, you get goosebumps? yeah, well this song does it for me, particularly at the part where he sings:

For they could not love you,
But still your love was true,
And when no hope was left in sight,
on that starry, starry night,
you took your life as lovers often do,
But i could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.

Aisy. Goosebumps ah wei.

I link-surfed the other day (read someone's blog, clicked on a link on his page, read that blog, then subsequently clicked on a link from THAT page, and so on), and came across the blog of this girl, maybe a couple years younger than me. Her blog sounded interesting, and she updates regularly, so she's now more or less on my list of frequently visited blogs.

Here's the thing. Practically every post she's published is about her complaining on the latest 'injustice' she's had to suffer through. Example? having to endure long boring assemblies, strict teachers, how she's so fat, having nothing to do and dying of boredom, that sort of thing.

For God's sake.

ok, i know that your blog is your web journal, a place to pour out your problems, what you're feeling, it's YOUR right to publish anything you want on it, and as long as it doesn't hurt other people's feelings, alrighty then. And besides, who am i to judge a person whom i've never met based on just the words of their blog?

But when you read a blog that is practically entirely focused on a person complaining suffusely on her 'terrible' problems, problems that are actually not that terrible, you can't help but feel extremely irritated, wanting to shake her by the neck, and screech 'THOSE ARE NOT EVEN EFFIN' REAL PROBLEMS!!'.

I've been thinking about it lately, and i've realised(so belatedly) that i am actually an ungrateful arse. I complain(internally and externally) about stuff like being introverted, not being able to make friends, about feeling disappointed in myself, about not having confidence in my abilities or my brains,etc practically all the time.

A couple weeks ago it dawned on me( i had an epiphany of sorts, heh) that i'm just making all these problems up for myself. What problems i have, i tend to blow them out of proportion to make it seem like i'm a damsel-in-distress type, i REVEL in having something to be in despair about. On the day i realised this, i also realised how unthankful to Allah i've been for what i have. All this while i've been looking at my glass as half empty, not half full.

I have both my parents alive and with me, parents who take the time to ask me how was my day, and how's my studies, and can have a laugh with me. I'm smart, i speak english well, i have my own room, a car, i've got great friends, i was born in my faith, i look quite ok, i have all my body parts intact, i've never had to endure war, or cancer or a hurricane, i can see, i can hear, i can taste, damn it, i'm alive, and so far, my life's been pretty great.

heh, please excuse the paragraph above, i'm not trying to blow my own trumpet or anything, i'm just trying to make a point. Some people tend to forget that they have so much to be grateful for, and merely focus on what they term to be the injustices of their lives. I'm no exception. Even as i write this, i know that there will still be times when i'll get upset over something and forget to stop, take a breath, and remember that compared to what i have in my life, that something is actually trivial in comparison. There will still be days where i want to throw something at the wall, and there will still be days when i think 'this is so frickin' unfair'.

But hey. At least now part of me will remind myself that life IS fair, it's been more than fair to me, i'm just not seeing the big picture.

Our glass is actually half-full, no?

2nd semester of college

My first half-week of college has just ended. Some changes have occured, most notably in our time table. If before, one period lasted for half and hour, meaning that the longest sitting we'd have for a subject would be an hour, if it was a double period class. Currently, one period is now one and a half hours long. Hah! I laughed in disbelief when i first heard the news about the change, thinking 'no way!'. In class, i (of the short attention span species), concentrate at the most for about 45 minutes before i start fidgeting and glancing repetitively at my watch. Oh well, i'll look on the bright side. at least there's no double period classes. Can you imagine 3 hours of accounting? I can't. And if i do, i involuntarily shudder :p

The new intake for A-levels enrolled a couple days ago. Heh, whenever i see the new students wandering around campus during breaks between their orientation session, carrying those plastic welcome files sunway supplies them with, i can't help but snort and feel high and mighty in a hah-i've-endured-all-that-already sort of way. Anyone who has juniors, i'm positive you must have felt the same way, however minimally. But i feel for some of the students who haven't made friends yet and tend to wander alone. I know how they feel! Oh yes i do. I wish i could approach the stragglers and reassure them that this is just temporary, that they'll be making friends in no time. Heh, the PRS in me roars. Proud of it, babe! :D

I got my exam results a couple days ago too. Have you ever felt the rush of pleasure as a result of confirmation that you were meant to take these subjects you've chosen, and that leaving the science stream was indeed the correct decision? Have you ever felt joy knowing that yup, i'm meant to be here? Have you ever felt grudging happinness because finally, FINALLY, you see the hikmah you've been straining to look for ever since 7 different institutions rejected your scholarship application? (tak habis2 dgn my scholarship disappointment,i know, sorry. it stops here and now).

*Grin*. Alhamdulillah.

But it's only my semester exam. Still got my AS and A2 looming up. yikes.

All in all, despite the fact that the toll charge at sunway went up a whopping 60 cents to RM1.60 (curses!), it's been a pleasant start for the new year.

WOOT!(i still am not sure of the correct usage of this term :p)

Contemplation

So there you go. Another year gone. Right. I suppose i'm obliged to say how quick time has passed and note down what my resolutions are and hope for a better, more prosperous new year. The general cliches and all that jazz. But oh well.

How did I spend new year's eve? well, lets see. I spent the morning and the afternoon helping my mom entertain our many relatives for raye haji. So my day was spent pretty much doing that. And just now, during the final hours of 2006, i spent them lazing on the couch with my little brother sprawled on me (note that i said ON, not beside) watching CSI miami. I was chatting with 9 a couple days ago, and when he heard i had no plans for new year's eve, he said i was lame because i(still) had no social life.

Well, that may be true, but i'll tell you this much. As the clock struck 12 and everyone on tv started screaming, my dad, my brother and I went outside to see the fireworks display(courtesy of Mr Goh from two houses down). When that was done, we went back inside, where my dad gave my brother and me big new year hugs(mom was asleep already, she doesn't believe in curtailing her sleeping pattern for new year celebrations, heh). After that, i grabbed a glass of juice and went upstairs to my room, but not before stepping out on to the balcony. Mr Goh's fireworks were over, but not everyone elsewhere were done! Standing at the balcony, i could make out 2 major fireworks displays from different places in the distance, and i could hear a third coming from a different direction. It was kind of awesome actually, the combined noises sounded like thunder and gunfire put together.

I grabbed my camera and started taking pics of the sparks. And as i was taking them, i contemplated what 2006 had brought me, and pondered what 2007 will bring.

I don't believe in making resolutions. I don't feel any spark of renewed vigour or enthusiasm in conjuction with the new year. Nothing will have changed, except for the fact i'll have to start reminding myself to write 7 at the end of the date instead of 6.

But what i DO know is that i am thankful for having ended the year with my health, with all of my family members safe, and with nothing actually major to complain about(what is sholarship rejection compared to REAL problems, like cancer, or poverty, or the death of a loved one?). And i am thankful for the fact that maybe, just maybe, the year i change into a better person has finally arrived.

Happy new year, everyone. And selamat hari raya haji too.

cleo and the rabbit

Cleopatra Mokhtar

This is cleo. she was welcomed into the family as a kitten when my mom plucked her from a medan selera near our house.The rabbit

This is the rabbit. My uncle gave it to us just a couple of days ago. i call it the rabbit because as of yet, he doesn't have a name. I want to call it hannibal(as in, hannibal lecter from the silence of the lambs),because he has red eyes, as dr. lecter. Also, i like it because instead of hannibal the cannibal, this hannibal will be hannibal the herbivore. do u see the beauty of the irony? do u? DO U?no?sigh. My family didn't either.

At first encounter, cleo was fascinated by the rabbit. She still is. the rabbit, however, is somewhat reluctant to layan kerenah cleo. He seems more interested in eating, sleeping, and scampering about the lawn once in a while. Unfortunately, due to cleo's insistence, he has become her unwilling new playmate, whereby she'll creep up to him(in predator mode) from behind or hidden from view, and then she'll jump out and buat2 pounce on him. The rabbit always keeps a cool head though when she jumps out and usually reacts by nochalantly nibbling on his kangkung or just walking away. Cleo enthralled by the rabbit's herbivory appetite.

p.s: if you notice, beneath the 'about me' section, there's a box with a list of song titles. That's an ilike box, which keeps track of the songs on my itunes. anyways, i'd just like to mention that if the song title is blue and has a play signal beside it, that means u can click it and hear a preview of the song. so, feel free to click away, if you want to. cheers.

Pics of Cambodia

Welcome to Siem Reap, most famous for the magnificent Angkor Wat.
Hopped on a flight from the LCCT straight to siem reap. First thing we did after arriving and checking in at the hotel was going straight to tonle sap lake. Took a boat ride to see the floating villages.
Saw these kids playing around the lake. They just use a basin and a paddle to get around and entertain themselves. They coordinate their paddle strokes with their body movement to propell the basin super quick.

Next day, headed to angkor. All this while, i thought siem reap was famous for the angkor wat temple, and that was it. Boy was i wrong. Angkor wat is just part of the whole angkor city. It's actually a humongous area, like a park, covering a couple hundred km and and throughout this area old angkor temples, royal residences, hospitals and any other building built during the angkor empire are scattered around. The place is beautiful, filled with giant ancient trees. The pic above shows the alley leading to angkor thom, which used to be the capital city(for which king's reign, i'm not sure, could be indravarman or suryavarman)
The west entrance, i think, to angkor thom. see the carving of Buddha's face? There's actually 4, one on each side. The carvings are beautiful. All the carved Buddhas smile serenly.

More Buddhas.
Thr Bayon temple. One of the more famous temples inside angkor thom.

We visited a bunch of other places within the angkor thom. One of them was this one shown above, the phineakas and the royal palace. It is said that an angkor king usually had around 250 concubines. Every night he would come and um,do it with one of his concubines in this monument.
Another temple we visited was this one, the ta promh kel. Saw a show on national geographic about this place once. It was built in 1186, and the place is crumbling apart, so foreign experts are working at restoring it. What stands out about this temple is the giant ancient trees that have grown into the temple. Bloody awesome, i tell you.

We saved the best for last. Our last stop before heading back to the hotel was the beautiful, the magnificent, the amazing angkor wat. Supposedly, the best time to see the angkor wat is at sunrise and late afternoon. Don't go visit it in the morning because the sun rises from behind the angkor wat, therefore it darkens the building.
There's actually the main entrance, then you have to walk along a causeway, then baru you reach the interior where the famous towers lie. The angkor wat has a few levels. The highest level is where the 5 temple domes, 4 arranged in a square, and one built in the centre, the highest one, are.

To actually climb up to the towers, you have to ascend a staircase. This pic shows one of the towers. Trust me, those stairs are STEEP! At each stairway they placed a 'climb at your own risk' sign. not exactly comforting.in fact, all the temples' stairs are steep. If you ever visit the angkor wat, and you're about to ascend the steps, here's a tip. Crawl up, using all hands and legs, and don't look down.
A pic of one of the hallways inside the highest level of the angkor wat

A view of the main entrance from one of the towers of the angkor wat.
When you're all done and you're heading back towards the entrance, you can't help but glance back at it. It's brilliant. it's amazing. It makes you wonder how it looked like when it was first built. It makes you wonder how the people during that period actully lived.

A pic of the sun going down on the tonle sap.

The next day, visited a couple other places like the cultural village and the old market, but none left an impression like the angkor wat. All in all, it was VERY good vacation. Cambodians are soft-spoken people, did you know? Quite friendly. in fact, our taxi driver cum tour guide took us to his house to see his wife and newly-born daughter.

I had fun on this trip. Next vacation destination i'm hoping for:Istanbul(me and my mom are trying to persuade dad it's a good place to visit)

you know times have changed when....

1. when you realize that wow, you are ACTUALLY driving! even though you've been driving for a few months, sometimes, you have this jolt of realization that you're actually doing what you used to dream of doing back when you depended solely on your mom and the lrt for transport. at that moment, you can't help but feel you're still just a kid playing grown-up(look at me,i'm driving,wheeeee!!)

2.when you start caring about what other people think. kalau dulu, you weren't even the SLIGHTEST bit concerned with what other kids thought about you. ade orang kutuk? AH! aku tumbuk je dieorang.( kalau tak tumbuk pon, paling kurang jeling lidah,or, when you remembered your ustazah saying that people who jeling lidah would get their tongues chopped off in hell, you'd settle for making ugly faces). sigh. you remember how nice it was to be confidently uncaring about other peoples'words. kalau skarang, you can't help but feel slighted even at the smallest hint of malice, cynicism, or disrespect from other people.

4. when your music tastes change. when you were younger, you were the biggest teeny-bopper ever. you adored the backstreet boys and british boybands such as code red and 911. heck, you even had 911's cassette and listened to it earnestly all the time. now, when you think of 911, all you can hear is 'gay,gay,gay...' ringing in your head.

5. when you have an atm card. kalau dulu, you'd be arguing with your sibling over who'd get to help mom take the card, cash, and receipt from the slots and handing it to her whenever she withdrew cash from an atm machine. now, you're punching in your own pin number! unbelievable.

6. when you become tech literate. if before, whenever your dad brought you along to the pc fair, you'd just be bored out of your mind, all the while having to act as your dad's flyer-pamphlet-brochure holder, while he browses through the fair, stopping to ask the attendant questions you couldn't understand. Now, not only do you WANT to go, you're even disappointed when you find the fair's not as big as last time. you're not exactly tech savvy, but at least you take a little interest in computers and gadgets.

7. when you take interest in grooming yourself. if before, you'd hardly glance at the mirror before going out. now, with your mom's enthusiasm of supplying you with compact-powder, lipgloss, and eye-liner, you're starting to act like those girls you used to roll your eyes at whenever you saw them touching-up their make-up in the bathroom. in fact, you're beginning to LIKE grooming yourself. you like having make-up stuff to fill you hand-bag with.


yup,yup. times sure have changed.

how to get out of a funk

i, for one, am NOT good at dealing with bouts of moodiness/grumpiness. just ask my sister or any other member of my family. if i'm in a bad mood, i tend to get snappy. Snappy leads to anger. anger leads to hate. hate leads to SUFFERING....(i'm saying this in yoda-like mode). i'd like to imagine i've matured a little into someone who can take reign of my emotions(i'm 18, i can watch movies 17-year-olds and below aren't supposed to watch, for goodness sake, takkan tak boleh kawal emosi kot?) , but i think so far i'm nowhere near that yet.

however, i've managed to construct for myself a particular series of steps to help cope with a bad mood. depending on the cause of the bad mood, the steps may vary, but the basic core is the same.

• STEP 1: Listen to music. i find music a tremendous source of comfort, so kalau i'm feeling particularly depressed over something, i'd start off with very depressing music (e.g: '3 libras' by a perfect circle or sheila on 7's 'berhenti berharap'). kalau boleh, find a nice, calm, spot to listen to this music(i spent half and hour sitting out on the back lawn with gloomy about-to-rain clouds in the sky n pushing-rain-clouds-in-your-direction wind with my earphones stuffed in my ears and 'when you were young' by the killers on repeat, whilst everyone else was inside taking a nap. perfect). then, when your mood starts to shift towards higher ground, do the same with your music selection (e.g: 'bittersweet symphony' by the verve, 'i've got a dark alley....' by fall out boy', 'the sun' by maroon 5'). as your mood gets even better, switch to suitable music that complements your mood until at last when you've managed to achieve a cheerful disposition, play stuff such as james morrison's 'wonderful world', jamiroquai's 'love foolsophy', or 'amame' by juanes.

• STEP 2: eat. i'm not encouraging anyone to gorge or stuff their faces with the entire packet of oreos, or the whole pint of ice cream. that,(in my experience) will just make you feel bloated/fat and you'd end up being in a worse psychological mess than before. but if you're in a bad mood, some comfort food would be just that--> comforting. currently, i fancy a bowl of coco crunch with slices of bannana in it when i'm feeling down. eating such foods while watching tv is bloody therapeutic, for me at least.

• STEP 3: excercise. ahaha, i'm really NOT the sort of person who exercises on a regular basis(kakak, stop snorting). However, i've found that doing some sort of activity that makes you sweat/burn calories makes you feel much better afterwards. i'm pretty sure most of u must know this. it has to do with endorphins, i guess. how did elle woods from legally blonde put it? 'excercise releases endorphines, endorphines make people happy. happy people just don't kill other people'.it was something along the lines of that,kan? heh. so what i'd do is, i'd usually dance. ok! please don't start picturing me dancing, you'll just have nightmares when you tido malam nanti, but really,it's a great stress-reliever! of course, i don't REALLY dance, i just jiggy-along with the music. recommended songs include 'son's gonna rise' by citizen cope, 'she wants to move' by n.e.r.d, 'give it to you' by jordan knight, and of course, 'no tomorrow' by orson.

• STEP 4: pray. have a good cry, if you must.

• STEP 5: ooh yes, blogging may help.

Of course, there are other methods too. you can go for a drive, or you can opt for retail therapy, or you can go on a spring-cleaning frenzy. however, these methods, for me, are usually a waste of gas, money or energy. i usually just stick to the aforementioned steps.

and if all else fails, just plug in your ipod/mp3 player/radio and try to get some sleep.

a tentative look into relationships

since i've entered sunway, a lot of people(oklah, not A LOT, just a few, but still a substantial amount in my standards) have been asking me, 'dah ade sesiape ke'?takkan takde kot?' (for those of you that might not understand, they're asking if i have a boyfriend yet :p)

well,no,as a matter of fact i don't. and when i say so, usually, the next question to come up is 'takkan ko takde suke sesiape kot?'

ok,let's be honest here. i'm sure at some point we've all liked/like someone. in fact, i used to like someone some time ago(that's all i'm saying and i'm not telling anyone who that person is and when i liked him, because it was a long time ago, so i'm not telling, even if you interrogate me to the point of being like the Inquisition,so there).

and i'm sure most of us entertain the idea that somewhere out there there's this person who is 'the one' for us. and in between all this is of course there are the temporary infatuations, the brief attractions to certain people, etc.

i've never had a boyfriend before, and oklah,since we're being honest here, i'll admitt it. i DO get jealous sometimes when i see other people with their partners. this envious feeling usually occurs a)when i'm alone and wished i had someone to talk to, b)when i see friends getting cool presents from their boyfriend on their birthday and c)when i'm stuck hearing lovely sentimental love songs.

but i've been thinking bout it lately, and what exactly IS so special about having a boyfriend? looking at other couples(i'm not referring to anyone specific, just in general from what i've seen), having a bf means going out together, holding hands,combining your names together (example: aminah couple with ali-->amali) taking pictures to put up at friendster, sending each other mushy testimonials using terms such as 'cayunk' for sayang and saying i love you to each other for the whole world to see! for God's sake, kalau dah kahwin takpela, but at our age, do we even know what love is? but oklah, this is just a surface view, maybe my pandangan is wrong.

if i ever have a boyfriend(which so far seems quite unlikely, seeing how i can't even talk to the opposite sex properly), it would be someone i could TALK TO, about anything. anything at all! we could discuss movies, music, books, religious issues, world issues, my problems, his problems, life, studies, anything. he wouldn't be someone i would be awkward around, the type yang kalau keluar sesame nak decide tempat makan pon would be an awkward affair(you know what i mean.or do u?). instead, he would be my best friend. the best friend i could go out for breakfast with and over nasi lemak and paru or roti canai or whatever we'd just dissect whatever topic at hand. but even as my best friend, he'd still be someone who gives me flutters in my belly. does any of this make any sense?sigh. i'm rambling, aren't i.

some of you may already be snickering 'hohoho,ade orang yang NAK ke couple dengan die ni? Perasan je lebih'. well, sod u. nah,i'm just kidding.