in these past days, i seem to devote more and more of my time to two things: eating(i mean, memang dah banyak pon masa allocated for eating, but now it's even more!), and blogging. and i believe neither are doing me any good.
i came home from my lecture, and walloped 2 burritoes. and then, amazingly enough, i was still hungry. my stomach felt like i hadn't eaten any burritoes at all-that kind of hungry. and so i made pancakes(ala, yang instant tu), and had them with a (un)healthy drizzle of maple syrup. then the beast that is my appetite cooled down a bit, and we both agreed to chill and browsed the net for a while, and washed the dishes, then it decided to have a lovely big fat fuji apple.
and so here i am, chomping down the last bits of my apple, blogging. the extent of my hunger is fascinating, if not worrying. is it because of the weather? or is it because i've gotten used to the bigger portions they serve here and am no longer satisfied by my usual definition of a decent meal size?
alamaaak. i have this sudden urge to go to seven eleven across the street and get a packet of barbecue chips yang crinkle cut tu, apetah brand die. the one in the orange bag. smith's? it's only 8, technically it is still a decent hour to munch something.
not by Oprah's standards though. i think she's the one that advocates the no-eating-past-7 rule.
and then there's blogging. gah. sometimes too much blogging, i believe, is a bad thing. especially when you're the type who allow your fluctuating moods to dominate what you write.
how much cyberspace are you allowed to waste with your moaning and your so-called woes before you yourself feel like you want to take a whack of a shovel to the head? and yet i still want to do it. because after dinner when i'm contentedly facing the computer, it's usully still early, so there's not much to do but blog. well there's plenty to do(i.e:assignments and reading notes), but blogging is the preferred option. obviously.
saje je.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
creep
I think my former crush has a thriving social life. Whereas I, in turn, am still walking around with a neon sign blinking ‘social reject’ on my head.
Now, when I say crush, I mean that it was a fully one-sided affair. I liked this guy(though I could see no reason why and tried at regular intervals to stop the sentimentality), and it went for quite a while, and then I saw that he probably wouldn‘t be infatuated with me anytime soon, and besides, we didn’t have much in common. When you like someone, and that person doesn’t like you, you can’t do much, can you? And I’m fully convinced that it was simply a dumb thing because a) we had, as I said; nothing in common, and b) just because someone makes you nervous and flustered doesn’t mean that it amounts to an infatuation.
So that was that. However, in the time where I was befuddled and-despite active efforts to tell myself otherwise- infatuated, I managed to cause quite a mess. I told him things I wouldn’t have told my friends. I think I once told him, somewhat jokingly(but meaning it quite seriously, of course), that I liked him, and God knows what else. I suppose I made quite a fool of myself. It creeps me out to think what his perception is of me. It makes me mad to think I’m somewhat in a vulnerable position because of the stupid things I said to him.
Why would I tell him things that would otherwise have been personal? I don’t know. I suppose that in liking someone, you conjure this best image of them. You picture that as someone understanding, someone who’d listen, someone who’d fucking care, and give a damn. That’s what liking someone is about, isn’t it?
Well, he’s capable of all of the above, I suppose. The catch is, just not with me.
The trouble with unrequited like(I can’t say unrequited love, because a) hello? We don’t know what love is yet. At least I don’t, b)it’s too damn melodramatic, and c)it reminds me too much of the literature questions back in form 2 and 3. Remember? ‘What are the main themes in The Phantom Of The Opera?’.)is that you wonder what is it about you that person you’re infatuated with can’t like you back. Is it your looks? Am I too fat? Too dark? Am I too tall? Is it your personality? Am I too boring? Am I not ladylike enough? Not morally upright enough? And, unless you’re very sure and cocky of yourself, you’d probably start wondering whether you’re likeable material at all.
I think Thom Yorke gets it.
I want you to notice,
When I’m not around,
You’re so very special,
I wish I was special.
But I’m a creep,
I’m a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here,
I don’t belong here.
-Creep, by Radiohead.
And you bounce back from it, because after all, in the grand scheme of thing, what’s a fucking crush got to do with anything? but sometimes you still wonder.
Wah. I update very regularly now, yes? I wanted to go the bed, but it was still too early.
Now, when I say crush, I mean that it was a fully one-sided affair. I liked this guy(though I could see no reason why and tried at regular intervals to stop the sentimentality), and it went for quite a while, and then I saw that he probably wouldn‘t be infatuated with me anytime soon, and besides, we didn’t have much in common. When you like someone, and that person doesn’t like you, you can’t do much, can you? And I’m fully convinced that it was simply a dumb thing because a) we had, as I said; nothing in common, and b) just because someone makes you nervous and flustered doesn’t mean that it amounts to an infatuation.
So that was that. However, in the time where I was befuddled and-despite active efforts to tell myself otherwise- infatuated, I managed to cause quite a mess. I told him things I wouldn’t have told my friends. I think I once told him, somewhat jokingly(but meaning it quite seriously, of course), that I liked him, and God knows what else. I suppose I made quite a fool of myself. It creeps me out to think what his perception is of me. It makes me mad to think I’m somewhat in a vulnerable position because of the stupid things I said to him.
Why would I tell him things that would otherwise have been personal? I don’t know. I suppose that in liking someone, you conjure this best image of them. You picture that as someone understanding, someone who’d listen, someone who’d fucking care, and give a damn. That’s what liking someone is about, isn’t it?
Well, he’s capable of all of the above, I suppose. The catch is, just not with me.
The trouble with unrequited like(I can’t say unrequited love, because a) hello? We don’t know what love is yet. At least I don’t, b)it’s too damn melodramatic, and c)it reminds me too much of the literature questions back in form 2 and 3. Remember? ‘What are the main themes in The Phantom Of The Opera?’.)is that you wonder what is it about you that person you’re infatuated with can’t like you back. Is it your looks? Am I too fat? Too dark? Am I too tall? Is it your personality? Am I too boring? Am I not ladylike enough? Not morally upright enough? And, unless you’re very sure and cocky of yourself, you’d probably start wondering whether you’re likeable material at all.
I think Thom Yorke gets it.
I want you to notice,
When I’m not around,
You’re so very special,
I wish I was special.
But I’m a creep,
I’m a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here,
I don’t belong here.
-Creep, by Radiohead.
And you bounce back from it, because after all, in the grand scheme of thing, what’s a fucking crush got to do with anything? but sometimes you still wonder.
Wah. I update very regularly now, yes? I wanted to go the bed, but it was still too early.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
cabbages
bonjour, mon ami. comment ca va? je suis bien. Aujourd'hui, je vais a Bridge Road avec Jia Yee pour shopping. Les vetements, ce sont cher! mais, j'achete trois choses-un pantalon, un manteau, et un sac a main. je suis tres heureuse! Aussi, j'ai faim.
haven't learned how to do past tense yet. sorry.
So yeah, we endeavoured to go shopping today. My wallet became bulimic. it vomited out all the money that was put into it. but i am trying (quite successfully, too) to justify each of my purchases. i needed a coat, it's getting colder and my awesome purple jumper won't quite cut it any more. and the slobbish blue sweater is so far ok, but with this new jacket i bought, i can alternate it with the sweater and this jacket's longer, so i can wear my tunics with it(it looks ridiculous when i wear the sweater over a tunic because the bottom part of the tunic sticks out). see?a good buy. and i got it at a reasonable price.
justify,baby. justification makes the guilt go away. nevemind that i haven't justified the other two purchases.
Don't be fooled if you think you're poor and can't afford to go shopping in Melbourne(like i did, when i first came). Why?
a) You'll definitely be able to find your place amongst Melbourne's shopping hierarchy. of course there's the let's-not-even-go-there level, reserved for the Chanel and Prada and Louis Vuitton boutiques littered in the CBD. and there's also the next level, the we-don't-offer-haute-couture-but-we're-still-pretty-damn-exclusive level, places like Nine West and David Lawrence, which might be affordable to the affluent some, but i am not affluent some. after that, there's the even-cheaper-and-our-store-still-looks-nice-and-classy level, which comprises of your typical Country Road, Witchery, Jeans West and such. and which i would like to have as my own level, but yet i groan inwardly when reading price-tags in those shops. and therefore i belong in the subsequent category, which is the you-can-tell-we're-cheap-by-the-way-we-longgok-things-in-piles-and-racks level.
where was i going with this? ah yes. my point is, you'd belong in any one of these levels or in multiple, depending on your income/allowance status. so yeah. no worries.
b)when they say sale, they really mean sale. not the measly 20% or 30% off we find at homes(sure, there may be some that get 50% or 70% slashed off, but usually it's the ugly stuff). but here a sale means that chances are more than likely that you'll find really good bargains. and people here seem to find endless reasons to have sales. Easter sale. mid-season sale. end of season sale.
i can't believe i'm blogging about shopping, for God's sake.
My parents did not spend so much money to send me here to shop.
Cabbages have got to be the best vegetable here. i can't say in the whole world, because in my opinion that title's reserved for pucuk manis and kangkung, but as neither of them can be found here, i'll settle for kobis cooked with oyster sauce and telur. wah. sungguh lazat.
why is it that tomatoes are treated like veggie when they're in fact fruits? why don't we eat tomatoes like we eat plums or peaches(the plums here are yummy,btw. and jagung too).
i think that the prettiest yellow is ripe jagung-yellow. and the prettiest purple is a split between eggplant-purple for dark purple, and purple dragonfruit-purple for light purple. and the nicest red may be tomato-red, depending on the tomato, or it could be capsicum-red. or maybe it started off with the jagung, and ended up being a game to find a example of something organinc for every colour. i'm not quite sure. but eggplant-puple really does rock.
i'm going to mandi, then cook and eat dinner, while watching To Catch A Thief, starring Cary Grant and Grace Kelly. i hope it's good.
haven't learned how to do past tense yet. sorry.
So yeah, we endeavoured to go shopping today. My wallet became bulimic. it vomited out all the money that was put into it. but i am trying (quite successfully, too) to justify each of my purchases. i needed a coat, it's getting colder and my awesome purple jumper won't quite cut it any more. and the slobbish blue sweater is so far ok, but with this new jacket i bought, i can alternate it with the sweater and this jacket's longer, so i can wear my tunics with it(it looks ridiculous when i wear the sweater over a tunic because the bottom part of the tunic sticks out). see?a good buy. and i got it at a reasonable price.
justify,baby. justification makes the guilt go away. nevemind that i haven't justified the other two purchases.
Don't be fooled if you think you're poor and can't afford to go shopping in Melbourne(like i did, when i first came). Why?
a) You'll definitely be able to find your place amongst Melbourne's shopping hierarchy. of course there's the let's-not-even-go-there level, reserved for the Chanel and Prada and Louis Vuitton boutiques littered in the CBD. and there's also the next level, the we-don't-offer-haute-couture-but-we're-still-pretty-damn-exclusive level, places like Nine West and David Lawrence, which might be affordable to the affluent some, but i am not affluent some. after that, there's the even-cheaper-and-our-store-still-looks-nice-and-classy level, which comprises of your typical Country Road, Witchery, Jeans West and such. and which i would like to have as my own level, but yet i groan inwardly when reading price-tags in those shops. and therefore i belong in the subsequent category, which is the you-can-tell-we're-cheap-by-the-way-we-longgok-things-in-piles-and-racks level.
where was i going with this? ah yes. my point is, you'd belong in any one of these levels or in multiple, depending on your income/allowance status. so yeah. no worries.
b)when they say sale, they really mean sale. not the measly 20% or 30% off we find at homes(sure, there may be some that get 50% or 70% slashed off, but usually it's the ugly stuff). but here a sale means that chances are more than likely that you'll find really good bargains. and people here seem to find endless reasons to have sales. Easter sale. mid-season sale. end of season sale.
i can't believe i'm blogging about shopping, for God's sake.
My parents did not spend so much money to send me here to shop.
Cabbages have got to be the best vegetable here. i can't say in the whole world, because in my opinion that title's reserved for pucuk manis and kangkung, but as neither of them can be found here, i'll settle for kobis cooked with oyster sauce and telur. wah. sungguh lazat.
why is it that tomatoes are treated like veggie when they're in fact fruits? why don't we eat tomatoes like we eat plums or peaches(the plums here are yummy,btw. and jagung too).
i think that the prettiest yellow is ripe jagung-yellow. and the prettiest purple is a split between eggplant-purple for dark purple, and purple dragonfruit-purple for light purple. and the nicest red may be tomato-red, depending on the tomato, or it could be capsicum-red. or maybe it started off with the jagung, and ended up being a game to find a example of something organinc for every colour. i'm not quite sure. but eggplant-puple really does rock.
i'm going to mandi, then cook and eat dinner, while watching To Catch A Thief, starring Cary Grant and Grace Kelly. i hope it's good.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
A swift orderly change
i'm watching this 1978 tv adaption of Agatha Christie's Death On The Nile, and even though there's about a quarter of it before the end, i have to say, i'm quite dissappointed(i can never remember whether 'dissappointed' is spelled with one 's' and one 'p' or double 's' and one 'p' or one 's' and double 'p' or double 's' and double 'p'). It was ok, but i don't think it did the book justice(isn't that what we say about all book adaptations except for Lord of the Rings?). and the blood looked fake.
I'm taking french as my breadth subject(subject(s) we take outside our disciplinary), and i'm really digging it, wheeee! i became a french-nazi after we stopped learning it at school, because i was growing increasingly disgruntled at the fact that whenever anyone asked me to translate a french song or dialogue ina french movie(read:kakak), i couldn't get past elementary words. very frustrating. and we all know i crumble at first hurdles. but now i'm learning it again, so right on. so far it's been the usual beginner's stuff, but it's getting increasingly hard, and it's fantastic! oklah, i can't translate french songs properly yet, but i can say "he has blue eyes", or "you have blue eyes", or "they have blue eyes". which i couldn't say last time. so...yeah. if i ever run into a cute french guy with blue eyes, i can screech adoringly at him "Tu as les yeux bleus!!!!".
i was thinking, if any language would be hard to teach, it'd be malay. sure, french can be puzzling in the sense why would they want to give a gender to every single damn thing, but surely malay is just if not more confusing? all the tatabahasa and stuff. Memblog. Diblog. diblogkan. memblogkan. terblog. berblog. pemblog. and even if you get it all, i doubt if it's applicable as spoken malay(unless the person who's learnt it wants to become a pembaca berita).melayu pasar may in fact be a whole different language.
i have this sudden urge to be angry. i want to be annoyed at something. but there's nothing to be annoyed at, and Coldplay's Shiver seems to abate the inner demon.
i can't wait to wake up and have breakfast. my days here seem to consist entirely of me looking forward to the next meal. not a very good thing, if you think about it, but i'm going with the flow.
there it is again!that impulse to be irritated.
ok. too sleepy to continue this crap.
I'm taking french as my breadth subject(subject(s) we take outside our disciplinary), and i'm really digging it, wheeee! i became a french-nazi after we stopped learning it at school, because i was growing increasingly disgruntled at the fact that whenever anyone asked me to translate a french song or dialogue ina french movie(read:kakak), i couldn't get past elementary words. very frustrating. and we all know i crumble at first hurdles. but now i'm learning it again, so right on. so far it's been the usual beginner's stuff, but it's getting increasingly hard, and it's fantastic! oklah, i can't translate french songs properly yet, but i can say "he has blue eyes", or "you have blue eyes", or "they have blue eyes". which i couldn't say last time. so...yeah. if i ever run into a cute french guy with blue eyes, i can screech adoringly at him "Tu as les yeux bleus!!!!".
i was thinking, if any language would be hard to teach, it'd be malay. sure, french can be puzzling in the sense why would they want to give a gender to every single damn thing, but surely malay is just if not more confusing? all the tatabahasa and stuff. Memblog. Diblog. diblogkan. memblogkan. terblog. berblog. pemblog. and even if you get it all, i doubt if it's applicable as spoken malay(unless the person who's learnt it wants to become a pembaca berita).melayu pasar may in fact be a whole different language.
i have this sudden urge to be angry. i want to be annoyed at something. but there's nothing to be annoyed at, and Coldplay's Shiver seems to abate the inner demon.
i can't wait to wake up and have breakfast. my days here seem to consist entirely of me looking forward to the next meal. not a very good thing, if you think about it, but i'm going with the flow.
there it is again!that impulse to be irritated.
ok. too sleepy to continue this crap.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Adieu
i've been tagged by Chinny, and i've actually had the good fortune of doing this tag before(i think it was Firdaus who tagged me on that one), but as we all know, i love to talk about myself (favourite topic ever), so i'm nothing but happy at the prospect of doing it again.
ok!mari kite lakukannya.
The rules:-
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.
4. Let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blogs.
1. I only know one Springsteen song, the really famous one that was in Jerry Maguire(it's called Secret Garden), and the version i have in my ipod is the one where they stuck in snippets of dialogue from the movie(the meanigful bits i suppose)between verses. and it's a pastime of mine to recite along with the dialogue, especially the one at the beginning. it's come to a point i've hafal it completely, siap with intonation. observe:
"I was just about to tell you...that I love him. I do! I love him, I love him! and I don't care what you think. I love him for the man that he wants to be, and I love him for the man that he almost is, I love him Laurel, I love him, I-love-him!".
And it's not that i like to say-along with it because it's sentimental and jiwang or whatnot, it's just cool the way Renee Zelwegger(sp?) changes her intonation throughout the lines. Kakak looks at me funny whenever i do it in front of her though. lame-o supreme-o.
2. I REALLY like cereal with cold milk and banana slices tossed in. It's kind of scary how good it is.
3. i don't like my earliest blog posts. and i hate that post i gave several months ago about 10 movies i liked, because it seems so shallow and superficial. if i could do it over(and i have a feeling i might when i get bored and run out of things to blabber about one of these days), i'd tell you why i like Eternal Sunshine Of the Spotless Mind and Amelie in a proper way that won't make me cringe when i re-read it again in the future.
4. If i had been a teen in the eighties, i would have LOVED the mainstream pop scene. i'd have been the ultimate teeny-bopper. Everyone says that the eighties were all bad hair and atrocious clothes, but 80s pop is infectious! I would have adored Starship(hello? We Built This City? Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now? You can't get more feelgood than that), and be crazy over Rick Astley('Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna turn around and desert you'), and dance around to Wham('Wake me up, before you go-go, don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo').
5.
Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl.
With yellow feathers in her hair,
and her dress cut up to there,
she would meringue(sp?), and do the cha-cha,
and while she tried to be a star,
Tony always tended bar,
across the crowded floor, working from 8 to 4,
they were young and they had each other, who could ask for more?
If you can identify this Barry Manilow song and like to sing along to it, you must be a fun person. a kindred spirit, in fact.
Ok chop. this is not a random fact about myself. but whatever. i've always from time to time tried to think of a way to sneak in this song into the blog somehow. so ta-da.
6. I think i would really like Rock Band, given the chance to play. even though it may look weird to be playing a plastic toy guitar/drum. but it looks like so much fun!
7. I can arch one eyebrow up, like Ziana Zain did back in the nineties when that stupid movie Sembilu was in.
8. when i was younger, back when i was 5 maybe; i didn't like my name.because i thought it was so childish compared to mom's name, or dad's. and since back then they were the only adults whose proper names i knew, and both their names sounded grown-up-ish, i came to the premature conclusion that all adults have have mature sounding names. and that conclusion was quickly followed by the assumption that all kids have childish names, but when they got older they'd get to change it to a proper grown-up one. and i remember being relieved when i figured that out, because how could i ever be a grown-up with a name like Atiqah?
oh, dah sampai lapan dah. that was quick. alritey, i tag afiqah, jia yee, fatin, juwa!, elaine, nani, wee, aki. props if you do it, but it's cool if you don't(why do i feel like i have to say this everytime i tag people?).
so long, farewell, it's time to say goodbye.
ok!mari kite lakukannya.
The rules:-
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.
4. Let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blogs.
1. I only know one Springsteen song, the really famous one that was in Jerry Maguire(it's called Secret Garden), and the version i have in my ipod is the one where they stuck in snippets of dialogue from the movie(the meanigful bits i suppose)between verses. and it's a pastime of mine to recite along with the dialogue, especially the one at the beginning. it's come to a point i've hafal it completely, siap with intonation. observe:
"I was just about to tell you...that I love him. I do! I love him, I love him! and I don't care what you think. I love him for the man that he wants to be, and I love him for the man that he almost is, I love him Laurel, I love him, I-love-him!".
And it's not that i like to say-along with it because it's sentimental and jiwang or whatnot, it's just cool the way Renee Zelwegger(sp?) changes her intonation throughout the lines. Kakak looks at me funny whenever i do it in front of her though. lame-o supreme-o.
2. I REALLY like cereal with cold milk and banana slices tossed in. It's kind of scary how good it is.
3. i don't like my earliest blog posts. and i hate that post i gave several months ago about 10 movies i liked, because it seems so shallow and superficial. if i could do it over(and i have a feeling i might when i get bored and run out of things to blabber about one of these days), i'd tell you why i like Eternal Sunshine Of the Spotless Mind and Amelie in a proper way that won't make me cringe when i re-read it again in the future.
4. If i had been a teen in the eighties, i would have LOVED the mainstream pop scene. i'd have been the ultimate teeny-bopper. Everyone says that the eighties were all bad hair and atrocious clothes, but 80s pop is infectious! I would have adored Starship(hello? We Built This City? Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now? You can't get more feelgood than that), and be crazy over Rick Astley('Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna turn around and desert you'), and dance around to Wham('Wake me up, before you go-go, don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo').
5.
Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl.
With yellow feathers in her hair,
and her dress cut up to there,
she would meringue(sp?), and do the cha-cha,
and while she tried to be a star,
Tony always tended bar,
across the crowded floor, working from 8 to 4,
they were young and they had each other, who could ask for more?
If you can identify this Barry Manilow song and like to sing along to it, you must be a fun person. a kindred spirit, in fact.
Ok chop. this is not a random fact about myself. but whatever. i've always from time to time tried to think of a way to sneak in this song into the blog somehow. so ta-da.
6. I think i would really like Rock Band, given the chance to play. even though it may look weird to be playing a plastic toy guitar/drum. but it looks like so much fun!
7. I can arch one eyebrow up, like Ziana Zain did back in the nineties when that stupid movie Sembilu was in.
8. when i was younger, back when i was 5 maybe; i didn't like my name.because i thought it was so childish compared to mom's name, or dad's. and since back then they were the only adults whose proper names i knew, and both their names sounded grown-up-ish, i came to the premature conclusion that all adults have have mature sounding names. and that conclusion was quickly followed by the assumption that all kids have childish names, but when they got older they'd get to change it to a proper grown-up one. and i remember being relieved when i figured that out, because how could i ever be a grown-up with a name like Atiqah?
oh, dah sampai lapan dah. that was quick. alritey, i tag afiqah, jia yee, fatin, juwa!, elaine, nani, wee, aki. props if you do it, but it's cool if you don't(why do i feel like i have to say this everytime i tag people?).
so long, farewell, it's time to say goodbye.
Friday, April 18, 2008
i can do the dog-paddle. at least, i think i can.
I'm drowning in Quantitative methods 1. shit.
This is getting serious. Even during lectures(when i'm actually paying attention), i get lost. and it was fine the first few weeks when we were learning more or less stuff that's been done in A-levels, but now that we're venturing into the not-so-familiar, it's a sink-or-swim scenario. and i can't even swim in real life, much less metaphorically, through statistics.
oklah, i can paddle my legs and propel forwards a few millimetres or so. but i'm terrible at swimming with the arms sekali,(freestyle? breaststoke?) where you have to alternate between looking forward and jutting out your mouth at the side to inhale at intervals. When i do that, it's a lose-lose affair. I don't get air, I don't see anything when i look in front(just splashes and flashes of what i assume is the water), and in the end i don't even propel forward.
but wait, we're going off on a tangent here. QM1. The thing is, back at home, we're very much into learning the formulas and applying it to exam questions rather than analysing what we're learning actually means, yea? well, maybe not. but if you had asked me back in college what a variance is actully for, i wouldn't have been able to explain. not in an eloquent, sure-of-myself way, that is. I suppose i'd have gone "variance?um.. that's the one yang measures the spread of the data from the mean, is it? is it? oh, but that's standard deviation. but standard deviation is the square root of variance, so they must be related in that sense somehow."
see? SEE?! I don't even know what a variance is for! and the thing is, it's not that my teacher didn't explain(i'm pretty sure i remember Ms Wong making tremendous effort to try and explain the concept of variance, and the difference between population mean and sample mean, and why you write down the distribution the variance for one of them has to be divided by the number of trials,etc), but when it came down to it, i didnt really need to know it, did i? i mean, it's not as if they asked what a variance is for, in exams they usually just ask you to calculate it. calculation, check. applying calculations? ape?
But one thing about QM1, i like my tutor. she's completely in control of things, and she's really nice. plus, she wears torn jeans and manages to make really big dangly earrings look cool. and there was this one time i came early and she was listening to classical music while prepping for the tute. which somehow seemed pretty cool too.
but coming back to the main topic here, i have GOT to get a grip on quantitative methods. i have to try and wrap my head around coefficient and covariance and correlation(which we learnt in the first couple weeks, and which i still cannot bloody understand what is it actually that they're for), and why is it that you have to add at least 2 standard deviations to the mean when trying to obtain the range of something. APE NI?? my parents did not agree to spend so much money on me to not understand what correlation is.
ooh, sidenote: i've been super tempted to skip QM1 lectures sometimes. i think i've mentioned this before, my lecturer is super nice and grandpa baik-like, but the lectures are so boring, i cannot tahan. half an hour before the lectures end i want to fidget,cry with boredom and sleep all at once. not exactly productive. but me and jia yee did some small calculations(well, jia yee did the laborious task of calculating, i just expressed awe and shock appropriately), so we estimated that in terms of tuition fees, the cost for this first semester spread out over 12 academic weeks comes up to about a grand per week. and so folks, if you're ever thinking of skipping class, repeat this mantra: my parents(or sponsors, for some) did not spend this much money for me to skip class. Repeat. my parents/sponsors did not spend this much money for me to skip class.
say it a few hundred times, and the guilt somehow overcomes the urge to go home and eat something.
sidenote keberapa: why is it that the nickname for William is Bill? perasan tak? if someone's name is william, then close acquaintances call them Bill. like my lecturer. that doesn't make bloody sense. why Bill? why not Will? why choose a nickname that is also used as other people's proper names? unless Bill Gates is actually William Gates.
i'm going to go defrost chicken.
This is getting serious. Even during lectures(when i'm actually paying attention), i get lost. and it was fine the first few weeks when we were learning more or less stuff that's been done in A-levels, but now that we're venturing into the not-so-familiar, it's a sink-or-swim scenario. and i can't even swim in real life, much less metaphorically, through statistics.
oklah, i can paddle my legs and propel forwards a few millimetres or so. but i'm terrible at swimming with the arms sekali,(freestyle? breaststoke?) where you have to alternate between looking forward and jutting out your mouth at the side to inhale at intervals. When i do that, it's a lose-lose affair. I don't get air, I don't see anything when i look in front(just splashes and flashes of what i assume is the water), and in the end i don't even propel forward.
but wait, we're going off on a tangent here. QM1. The thing is, back at home, we're very much into learning the formulas and applying it to exam questions rather than analysing what we're learning actually means, yea? well, maybe not. but if you had asked me back in college what a variance is actully for, i wouldn't have been able to explain. not in an eloquent, sure-of-myself way, that is. I suppose i'd have gone "variance?um.. that's the one yang measures the spread of the data from the mean, is it? is it? oh, but that's standard deviation. but standard deviation is the square root of variance, so they must be related in that sense somehow."
see? SEE?! I don't even know what a variance is for! and the thing is, it's not that my teacher didn't explain(i'm pretty sure i remember Ms Wong making tremendous effort to try and explain the concept of variance, and the difference between population mean and sample mean, and why you write down the distribution the variance for one of them has to be divided by the number of trials,etc), but when it came down to it, i didnt really need to know it, did i? i mean, it's not as if they asked what a variance is for, in exams they usually just ask you to calculate it. calculation, check. applying calculations? ape?
But one thing about QM1, i like my tutor. she's completely in control of things, and she's really nice. plus, she wears torn jeans and manages to make really big dangly earrings look cool. and there was this one time i came early and she was listening to classical music while prepping for the tute. which somehow seemed pretty cool too.
but coming back to the main topic here, i have GOT to get a grip on quantitative methods. i have to try and wrap my head around coefficient and covariance and correlation(which we learnt in the first couple weeks, and which i still cannot bloody understand what is it actually that they're for), and why is it that you have to add at least 2 standard deviations to the mean when trying to obtain the range of something. APE NI?? my parents did not agree to spend so much money on me to not understand what correlation is.
ooh, sidenote: i've been super tempted to skip QM1 lectures sometimes. i think i've mentioned this before, my lecturer is super nice and grandpa baik-like, but the lectures are so boring, i cannot tahan. half an hour before the lectures end i want to fidget,cry with boredom and sleep all at once. not exactly productive. but me and jia yee did some small calculations(well, jia yee did the laborious task of calculating, i just expressed awe and shock appropriately), so we estimated that in terms of tuition fees, the cost for this first semester spread out over 12 academic weeks comes up to about a grand per week. and so folks, if you're ever thinking of skipping class, repeat this mantra: my parents(or sponsors, for some) did not spend this much money for me to skip class. Repeat. my parents/sponsors did not spend this much money for me to skip class.
say it a few hundred times, and the guilt somehow overcomes the urge to go home and eat something.
sidenote keberapa: why is it that the nickname for William is Bill? perasan tak? if someone's name is william, then close acquaintances call them Bill. like my lecturer. that doesn't make bloody sense. why Bill? why not Will? why choose a nickname that is also used as other people's proper names? unless Bill Gates is actually William Gates.
i'm going to go defrost chicken.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Name Game
Just a quick note while i'm waiting for the accounting thingie(we're moving on to computers now! no more tedious handwritten ledger work!)
My name is no longer Atiqah M*khtar. Nope. Since coming here, my name has now been changed to I'm Sorry I'm Not Sure How To Pronounce This Atiqah M*khtar ?
Notice how my new and improved name has a question mark at the end. Damn unique.
Another variation of my new name is Atiqah Did I Get That Right ?
I'd forgotten that mat sallehs can't grasp the phonetics of Malay names. I've been trying to make my name mat salleh-friendly, but cannot la. I'm usually called A-tee-quh( i don't get it. I tell them my name is Atiqah, and they still go A-tee-quh. cannot pronounce 'Ah' is it?).
When they introduce me to someone else, it's like they're going, "this is a Teequh". like i'm some exotic plant or animal called teequh.
Maybe i should just shorten my new name. make it easier for everyone. "Hi, my name is I'm Sorry I'm Not Sure How To Pronounce This Atiqah M*khtar, but you can call me I'm Sorry."
My name is no longer Atiqah M*khtar. Nope. Since coming here, my name has now been changed to I'm Sorry I'm Not Sure How To Pronounce This Atiqah M*khtar ?
Notice how my new and improved name has a question mark at the end. Damn unique.
Another variation of my new name is Atiqah Did I Get That Right ?
I'd forgotten that mat sallehs can't grasp the phonetics of Malay names. I've been trying to make my name mat salleh-friendly, but cannot la. I'm usually called A-tee-quh( i don't get it. I tell them my name is Atiqah, and they still go A-tee-quh. cannot pronounce 'Ah' is it?).
When they introduce me to someone else, it's like they're going, "this is a Teequh". like i'm some exotic plant or animal called teequh.
Maybe i should just shorten my new name. make it easier for everyone. "Hi, my name is I'm Sorry I'm Not Sure How To Pronounce This Atiqah M*khtar, but you can call me I'm Sorry."
Sunday, April 13, 2008
cheek to cheek
people people people, i just can't get enough of Strange and Beautiful, despite the obvious stalker tendencies in the lyrics.
I put a spell on you,
You fall asleep when I put a spell on you,
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realize that you love me.
see? see? those kind of lyrics hover delicately between poetically expressing the pain and longing of unrequited love, or conveying the sense that it's only a matter of time before it turns into fatal attraction and the guy ends up killing the girl in classic extreme stalker fashion.
I just finished watching Casablanca, it was nice! Humprey Bogart isn't drop-dead gorgeous, but he's so macho. Old movies are great la. They can be romantic without being corny. And they don't need sex scenes to make them work(it's practically a prerequisite for the modern rom-com to have at the very least a making out scene that implies intercourse happened soon after). I should watch more of these. I want to watch something with Fred and Ginger in it!
I swear, the total number of accumulated hours watching dvds far outstrips the number of hours spent studying. don't tell my mom.
i'm going to go eat something. and regret it in the morning.
I put a spell on you,
You fall asleep when I put a spell on you,
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realize that you love me.
see? see? those kind of lyrics hover delicately between poetically expressing the pain and longing of unrequited love, or conveying the sense that it's only a matter of time before it turns into fatal attraction and the guy ends up killing the girl in classic extreme stalker fashion.
I just finished watching Casablanca, it was nice! Humprey Bogart isn't drop-dead gorgeous, but he's so macho. Old movies are great la. They can be romantic without being corny. And they don't need sex scenes to make them work(it's practically a prerequisite for the modern rom-com to have at the very least a making out scene that implies intercourse happened soon after). I should watch more of these. I want to watch something with Fred and Ginger in it!
I swear, the total number of accumulated hours watching dvds far outstrips the number of hours spent studying. don't tell my mom.
i'm going to go eat something. and regret it in the morning.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
les yeux bleu
The reason why i love the Kings of Convenience is because their songs can break your heart.
A song for
Someone who wants somewhere
to long for
-from 'Homesick'-
I was typing my econs essay, and i thought that the plural for 'walkman' was 'walkmen'. thank God for those red lines that appear under mispelled words.
I found myself beating eggs to make french toast the other day, listening to Beirut on my headphones, and i found myself thinking, "i can do this. I can listen to Beirut. I can beat eggs and make french toast. things will be okay. i can do this".
that was supposed be yet another self-obsessed/centered/indulgent analysis, but let's leave it at that.
Listen to Aqualung's Strange and Beautiful. Or if you have, listen to it again.This is another sentimental, slow, bordering mushy song by Aqualung, and the lyrics may teeter towards downright creepy, but there's just something about those opening piano chords that makes you want to close your eyes and let it wash over. whatever that means.
I am trying to keep a tight reign over my cash flows, but it's proving difficult. and do you want to know why? do you want to know my achilles heel in terms of saving money?
Groceries. bloody groceries.
i can't help it. i have a weakness when it comes to groceries. i want that spaghetti sauce. I must get that jar of stir fry, who knows when i'll need it to make dinner? Give me the box of crackers, i can eat with tuna if i get hungry and need a snack. speaking of tuna, better grab a couple cans, so i can make sandwiches to bring to uni. What about cereal? my cornflakes are almost finished, better get another box. cheerios ok?yea, cheerios are good. milk? i still have a carton, so that should be enough. i only need it for cereal or if i cook scrambled eggs. ooh, i should make an omlette with the eggs. for that i need mushrooms! where's the mushroom aisle?
and it just goes on and on and on. and i am perfectly content to wander lazily around the aisles, reading the back of jars, comparing prices, and mentally planning out the week's menu. Pop on headphones, and it becomes a thoroughly enjoyable activity.
i have class in 45 minutes. And i'm going to brunswick today to get meat. and it looks like it may rain. Listening to Strange and Beautiful, it seems like i'll be able to get through the day, and maybe have an enjoyable time while doing it.
I'll wear my sneakers today.
A song for
Someone who wants somewhere
to long for
-from 'Homesick'-
I was typing my econs essay, and i thought that the plural for 'walkman' was 'walkmen'. thank God for those red lines that appear under mispelled words.
I found myself beating eggs to make french toast the other day, listening to Beirut on my headphones, and i found myself thinking, "i can do this. I can listen to Beirut. I can beat eggs and make french toast. things will be okay. i can do this".
that was supposed be yet another self-obsessed/centered/indulgent analysis, but let's leave it at that.
Listen to Aqualung's Strange and Beautiful. Or if you have, listen to it again.This is another sentimental, slow, bordering mushy song by Aqualung, and the lyrics may teeter towards downright creepy, but there's just something about those opening piano chords that makes you want to close your eyes and let it wash over. whatever that means.
I am trying to keep a tight reign over my cash flows, but it's proving difficult. and do you want to know why? do you want to know my achilles heel in terms of saving money?
Groceries. bloody groceries.
i can't help it. i have a weakness when it comes to groceries. i want that spaghetti sauce. I must get that jar of stir fry, who knows when i'll need it to make dinner? Give me the box of crackers, i can eat with tuna if i get hungry and need a snack. speaking of tuna, better grab a couple cans, so i can make sandwiches to bring to uni. What about cereal? my cornflakes are almost finished, better get another box. cheerios ok?yea, cheerios are good. milk? i still have a carton, so that should be enough. i only need it for cereal or if i cook scrambled eggs. ooh, i should make an omlette with the eggs. for that i need mushrooms! where's the mushroom aisle?
and it just goes on and on and on. and i am perfectly content to wander lazily around the aisles, reading the back of jars, comparing prices, and mentally planning out the week's menu. Pop on headphones, and it becomes a thoroughly enjoyable activity.
i have class in 45 minutes. And i'm going to brunswick today to get meat. and it looks like it may rain. Listening to Strange and Beautiful, it seems like i'll be able to get through the day, and maybe have an enjoyable time while doing it.
I'll wear my sneakers today.
Friday, April 04, 2008
Mini Mars Eggs
hey beautiful people. (i'm saying this in remembrance of that Mix fm ad that features serena c pretending to be Mariah Carey, giving out a community service message to not litter. Don't litter, glitter!)
It's friday, amigos. the weekend's about to arrive.
Jia Yee and i have made an intelligent fashion observation. The days of flip flops, itty-bitty shorts and t-shirts are gone. Make way for boots, cleverly knotted scarves, and for some, coats with fur(faux fur, hopefully)-lined hoods. Autumn is here!
it's properly cold. and since our apartment unit uses a centralised heating/cooling system, none of us dare to switch on the heater, for fear of racking up electricity bills that would pummel us into debt. no, we'd rather walk around indoors with our sweaters on. Jia Yee will be all cute and fluffy in her peach sweater, Shao opts for chic with a black jacket, and i'll be the slobbish lump in the oversized jumper.
Tomorrow's Saturday!the papers get delivered to the apartment,whoo! I'm going to make pancakes, double whoo! the instant one la. the one where the mix comes in the bottle and all you have to do is add water to the marked level on the bottle, shake it, and pour it onto a lightly greased pan.
Pancakes with syrup and butter and a mug of coffee and a mug of juice, and the papers, WHOO!
Over the past week, i've been bingeing on chocolates. When Shao came back from Perth, she brought back bags of mini chocolate easter eggs. Bloody addictive. They're so cute, who knew Mars in the shape of mini eggs would be so irresistable. Mini Malteser eggs. Mini Milkyway eggs. I would eat 10 of them consecutively, they're THAT cute. And my supply of fruits for the week was finished, so whenever i felt like munching something(which, unfortunately, was 16 hours a day, the remaining 8 hours unaffected only because i was asleep), i'd help myself to an egg, tell myself to stop, then come back for the next 9.
As a result, i feel like roly-poly-oly(betul ke ejaan ni?)
ah-ha. salah. i googled it, it's Rolie Polie Olie.
So when me and jia yee went to Vic Market today, we bought fruits like we wanted to open our own stall there. Shao was mildly surpised when she opened the fridge to see the fridge light eclipsed by the mounds of fruit-filled plastic bags stuffed in there. I will no longer eat 10 chocolate eggs a day. I will eat one(or two), and then eat a fruit(or fruits) to curb my insatiable appetite.
Adrian Mole is getting on my nerves somewhat.
saya masih sayang akan Flight of the Conchords.
eh,eh have you guys checked out that Alicia Keys song featuring John Mayer? i like it. it's very soothing, sorta has that 'Slow Dancing in a Burning Room' vibe.
on the other hand, if you want a cheerful, perky song, I suggest Sara Bareilles' Love Song. or maybe it's out on the radio back home already and you already know the song. it was on TRL even before i left for Melbourne. In that case, ignore this paragraph.
You want to know something? about three weeks ago, i was riding the tram, and i was getting up because my stop was next. Sidenote: In one of Nick Hornby's books, How to Be Good, the heroine's husband is a columnist who writes about stuff that irritates him, and one of them is the way people get up before the train's stopped even though they know that when it does they'll lurch forward. Well, yeah, i now can't help but feel guilty whenever i do that. Why can't I wait until the tram's stopped?well anyway, three weeks ago i was in the tram alone, coming back from Big W, and i was carring a lot of stuff. The tram was quite full, and there was a lady sitting next to me plus people standing around.
When the tram was about to reach my stop, i got up beforehand, grasping the bags i had with me, and stood up to wait. before i had a chance to hold on to something to steady myself, the train slowed down and came to halt. with panic and embarassment gradually increasing with every nano-second, i sort of flailed around, failed to regain balance, lurched forward and did the classic comic manouvre: i ended up smooshed against the partition in front of me. I almost wish someone had been there recording it happening.
Needless to say, i regained my composure(quite quickly, if i do say so myself), and pretended no one saw. i hoisted my bags up and got down from the tram.
so. pengajaran yang boleh didapati daripada cerpen di atas adalah bahawa kita hendaklah tunggu sehingga tram telah berhenti sepenuhnya sebelum bangun untuk beredar, agar kita tidak penyek pada pengahadang dan mengalami peristiwa yang memalukan.
It's friday, amigos. the weekend's about to arrive.
Jia Yee and i have made an intelligent fashion observation. The days of flip flops, itty-bitty shorts and t-shirts are gone. Make way for boots, cleverly knotted scarves, and for some, coats with fur(faux fur, hopefully)-lined hoods. Autumn is here!
it's properly cold. and since our apartment unit uses a centralised heating/cooling system, none of us dare to switch on the heater, for fear of racking up electricity bills that would pummel us into debt. no, we'd rather walk around indoors with our sweaters on. Jia Yee will be all cute and fluffy in her peach sweater, Shao opts for chic with a black jacket, and i'll be the slobbish lump in the oversized jumper.
Tomorrow's Saturday!the papers get delivered to the apartment,whoo! I'm going to make pancakes, double whoo! the instant one la. the one where the mix comes in the bottle and all you have to do is add water to the marked level on the bottle, shake it, and pour it onto a lightly greased pan.
Pancakes with syrup and butter and a mug of coffee and a mug of juice, and the papers, WHOO!
Over the past week, i've been bingeing on chocolates. When Shao came back from Perth, she brought back bags of mini chocolate easter eggs. Bloody addictive. They're so cute, who knew Mars in the shape of mini eggs would be so irresistable. Mini Malteser eggs. Mini Milkyway eggs. I would eat 10 of them consecutively, they're THAT cute. And my supply of fruits for the week was finished, so whenever i felt like munching something(which, unfortunately, was 16 hours a day, the remaining 8 hours unaffected only because i was asleep), i'd help myself to an egg, tell myself to stop, then come back for the next 9.
As a result, i feel like roly-poly-oly(betul ke ejaan ni?)
ah-ha. salah. i googled it, it's Rolie Polie Olie.
So when me and jia yee went to Vic Market today, we bought fruits like we wanted to open our own stall there. Shao was mildly surpised when she opened the fridge to see the fridge light eclipsed by the mounds of fruit-filled plastic bags stuffed in there. I will no longer eat 10 chocolate eggs a day. I will eat one(or two), and then eat a fruit(or fruits) to curb my insatiable appetite.
Adrian Mole is getting on my nerves somewhat.
saya masih sayang akan Flight of the Conchords.
eh,eh have you guys checked out that Alicia Keys song featuring John Mayer? i like it. it's very soothing, sorta has that 'Slow Dancing in a Burning Room' vibe.
on the other hand, if you want a cheerful, perky song, I suggest Sara Bareilles' Love Song. or maybe it's out on the radio back home already and you already know the song. it was on TRL even before i left for Melbourne. In that case, ignore this paragraph.
You want to know something? about three weeks ago, i was riding the tram, and i was getting up because my stop was next. Sidenote: In one of Nick Hornby's books, How to Be Good, the heroine's husband is a columnist who writes about stuff that irritates him, and one of them is the way people get up before the train's stopped even though they know that when it does they'll lurch forward. Well, yeah, i now can't help but feel guilty whenever i do that. Why can't I wait until the tram's stopped?well anyway, three weeks ago i was in the tram alone, coming back from Big W, and i was carring a lot of stuff. The tram was quite full, and there was a lady sitting next to me plus people standing around.
When the tram was about to reach my stop, i got up beforehand, grasping the bags i had with me, and stood up to wait. before i had a chance to hold on to something to steady myself, the train slowed down and came to halt. with panic and embarassment gradually increasing with every nano-second, i sort of flailed around, failed to regain balance, lurched forward and did the classic comic manouvre: i ended up smooshed against the partition in front of me. I almost wish someone had been there recording it happening.
Needless to say, i regained my composure(quite quickly, if i do say so myself), and pretended no one saw. i hoisted my bags up and got down from the tram.
so. pengajaran yang boleh didapati daripada cerpen di atas adalah bahawa kita hendaklah tunggu sehingga tram telah berhenti sepenuhnya sebelum bangun untuk beredar, agar kita tidak penyek pada pengahadang dan mengalami peristiwa yang memalukan.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
12:01
14 minutes until midnight. ready?
go.
13 minutes. but i don't know where to start.
You know how if you watch a movie or read a story and you come to the part where the main character asks the supporting character if she/he had the chance to live life all over again, would they change anything? and the supporting character will, without doubt, say something along the lines of
"no, i wouldn't change a thing. because then i wouldn't have learnt from my mistakes" and bla bla bla, something of that sort.
i don't get it. if i had a chance to live life all over again, would i change anything? YES! a big fat YES!
i'd change that time i won the story-telling competition and told the reporter that that the parent that helped me prepare for it was dad. dad did help. but mom deserved the credit. i should have said it was mom.
i would change that time i read kakak's diary(yes, i was the monster little sister from hell) back when i was 9 or something. i shouldn't have read it. i should have just put it back.
i would have changed that time when i was 17 and overheard dad discussing his expectations for my spm results with kakak. i shouldn't have eavesdropped. i should have turned up the volume of the tv.
i'd change the time i snapped at Amira back in form 1 when she asked me a question. that was so bloody mean of me. i'd change that. i'd answer nicely this time around.
i would change the time i lied to my parents about my results when i was 13. i was so scared, i knew they would freak when they saw how badly i did. and they found out anyway and i got into hot water for that. if i could do it over, i would tell them the truth from the start.
2 minutes.
sometimes, i honestly believe i'm too messed up to be able to set things right.
oh, sometimes it seems this will be as good as it gets.
midnight.
go.
13 minutes. but i don't know where to start.
You know how if you watch a movie or read a story and you come to the part where the main character asks the supporting character if she/he had the chance to live life all over again, would they change anything? and the supporting character will, without doubt, say something along the lines of
"no, i wouldn't change a thing. because then i wouldn't have learnt from my mistakes" and bla bla bla, something of that sort.
i don't get it. if i had a chance to live life all over again, would i change anything? YES! a big fat YES!
i'd change that time i won the story-telling competition and told the reporter that that the parent that helped me prepare for it was dad. dad did help. but mom deserved the credit. i should have said it was mom.
i would change that time i read kakak's diary(yes, i was the monster little sister from hell) back when i was 9 or something. i shouldn't have read it. i should have just put it back.
i would have changed that time when i was 17 and overheard dad discussing his expectations for my spm results with kakak. i shouldn't have eavesdropped. i should have turned up the volume of the tv.
i'd change the time i snapped at Amira back in form 1 when she asked me a question. that was so bloody mean of me. i'd change that. i'd answer nicely this time around.
i would change the time i lied to my parents about my results when i was 13. i was so scared, i knew they would freak when they saw how badly i did. and they found out anyway and i got into hot water for that. if i could do it over, i would tell them the truth from the start.
2 minutes.
sometimes, i honestly believe i'm too messed up to be able to set things right.
oh, sometimes it seems this will be as good as it gets.
midnight.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
everybody's gotta learn sometime
I just finished watching Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, and i think(or i'd like to think) i appreciate the movie a whole lot better now. I've always been a fan of it, but i'd like to believe i can understand it better now. at least, a lot better than how i comprehended it the first time i watched it. and because of that, i can say i like it with more conviction.
now, i think the best way to watch a movie is on a laptop with headphones. it seems to enable you to just drink the movie in so much better, as compared to watching it on tv. and you can pick up the soundtrack so much more adequately. like the song that's on during the scene at the beginning where Clementine and Joel 'meet' and talk in the train, i never noticed it playing in the background the last time i watched the movie. watch it in bed with the notebook on your lap.
i made tortilla's for dinner today. the instant one la. the one that comes in a box complete with the seasoning for the filling and the sauce, and all you have to do is cook minced beef. but just wait and see. i'll become a good cook. at least, i hope i can. the idea of cooking is comforting. I like cutting meat into pieces. i like it when my fingers smell of bawang and garlic. i like stirring a pot of something. for now.
and jia yee taught me how to cook sayur. i was squealing at her "how much soy sauce do i put in?? how much???say stop say stop!!"
The tomatoes they have here are delicious. I can eat them raw constantly, they're that good.
now, i think the best way to watch a movie is on a laptop with headphones. it seems to enable you to just drink the movie in so much better, as compared to watching it on tv. and you can pick up the soundtrack so much more adequately. like the song that's on during the scene at the beginning where Clementine and Joel 'meet' and talk in the train, i never noticed it playing in the background the last time i watched the movie. watch it in bed with the notebook on your lap.
i made tortilla's for dinner today. the instant one la. the one that comes in a box complete with the seasoning for the filling and the sauce, and all you have to do is cook minced beef. but just wait and see. i'll become a good cook. at least, i hope i can. the idea of cooking is comforting. I like cutting meat into pieces. i like it when my fingers smell of bawang and garlic. i like stirring a pot of something. for now.
and jia yee taught me how to cook sayur. i was squealing at her "how much soy sauce do i put in?? how much???say stop say stop!!"
The tomatoes they have here are delicious. I can eat them raw constantly, they're that good.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Axion Baru
Remember this one?
Mari, mari puan dengar ini cerita,
Suami saya asyik, balik awal saja,
Ada pembantu baru katanya,
Tentu dia perempuan muda!
"Kan abang dah kata, Axion namanya!",
Axion ke Aziah? Tunjukkan pada saya!
Something, something something tak ingat,
Axion Baruuuuuuuu!
Hahahahahahahaha. I love it. i think i used to sing it at regular intervals back at school, and Asiah and Ina would indulge me by singing along.
Here's a tip on how to make A Satisfying Breakfast. it's not a perfect breakfast, but it's A Satisfying one.
1. Boil water. Make a mug of coffee and set it on the table to cool.
2. Put two slices of bread in the oven to grill.
3. make scrambled eggs.
4. Put eggs in a bowl and pour a glass of apple juice.
5. Take bread slices out of oven and bring everything to the dining table.
6. Take some scrambled eggs and spread it over a slice of bread.
7. Now, for toppings, i highly recommend drizzling on the sauce that comes with baked beans. You know the red sauce canned baked beans come in? yeah, that's the best. but if you're like me, that is, someone who dislikes the beans themselves and has no family members around to eat them, then i'd settle for barbecue sauce.
8. Bite. chew. savour.
9. sip some juice. bite again. chew. savour.
10. and when all the bread and scrambled eggs are gone, and you've downed the remains of your juice, stretch contentedly and see to your mug of coffee which is now the perfect temperature to drink.
oh,oh, shao if you're reading this, i hope you're having an excellent time in the land of sunny perth(it's sunny kan?). have fun and don't stress over your assignment. fresh perspective, yea?haha.
with shao gone, it's been just me and jia yee during easter break, and so far it's been pretty active. we went shopping,woot! we actually didn't spend any money at all during the week leading to easter break, all in the name of saving cash for the better purpose that is to shop. and we went to the beach, so that was hot(literally). but i think i most enjoyed lepak-ing with jia yee on the lawn in front of the library. The state library has some green turf out front, so whenever we pass it, we'd always see people lazing and lying about, and the green grass did seem inviting. so friday night we proposed to go down and try it for ourselves, and it was nice! weather was perfect, and i had donuts. i finally tried krispy kreme. they're very soft.
Back when we first moved into the apartment and had to buy cleaning fluids to do massive spring-cleaning. look how quizzical shao min looks. bukan senang tau nak pilih cecair pembersih yang tepat.
St. Kilda, woot.
Friday night, state library lawn, jia yee's coloured contacts. did you notice that my face is about twice as big as her's?
this whole post has been hardcore procastination. i should be doing my homework.
Mari, mari puan dengar ini cerita,
Suami saya asyik, balik awal saja,
Ada pembantu baru katanya,
Tentu dia perempuan muda!
"Kan abang dah kata, Axion namanya!",
Axion ke Aziah? Tunjukkan pada saya!
Something, something something tak ingat,
Axion Baruuuuuuuu!
Hahahahahahahaha. I love it. i think i used to sing it at regular intervals back at school, and Asiah and Ina would indulge me by singing along.
Here's a tip on how to make A Satisfying Breakfast. it's not a perfect breakfast, but it's A Satisfying one.
1. Boil water. Make a mug of coffee and set it on the table to cool.
2. Put two slices of bread in the oven to grill.
3. make scrambled eggs.
4. Put eggs in a bowl and pour a glass of apple juice.
5. Take bread slices out of oven and bring everything to the dining table.
6. Take some scrambled eggs and spread it over a slice of bread.
7. Now, for toppings, i highly recommend drizzling on the sauce that comes with baked beans. You know the red sauce canned baked beans come in? yeah, that's the best. but if you're like me, that is, someone who dislikes the beans themselves and has no family members around to eat them, then i'd settle for barbecue sauce.
8. Bite. chew. savour.
9. sip some juice. bite again. chew. savour.
10. and when all the bread and scrambled eggs are gone, and you've downed the remains of your juice, stretch contentedly and see to your mug of coffee which is now the perfect temperature to drink.
oh,oh, shao if you're reading this, i hope you're having an excellent time in the land of sunny perth(it's sunny kan?). have fun and don't stress over your assignment. fresh perspective, yea?haha.
with shao gone, it's been just me and jia yee during easter break, and so far it's been pretty active. we went shopping,woot! we actually didn't spend any money at all during the week leading to easter break, all in the name of saving cash for the better purpose that is to shop. and we went to the beach, so that was hot(literally). but i think i most enjoyed lepak-ing with jia yee on the lawn in front of the library. The state library has some green turf out front, so whenever we pass it, we'd always see people lazing and lying about, and the green grass did seem inviting. so friday night we proposed to go down and try it for ourselves, and it was nice! weather was perfect, and i had donuts. i finally tried krispy kreme. they're very soft.
Back when we first moved into the apartment and had to buy cleaning fluids to do massive spring-cleaning. look how quizzical shao min looks. bukan senang tau nak pilih cecair pembersih yang tepat.
St. Kilda, woot.
Friday night, state library lawn, jia yee's coloured contacts. did you notice that my face is about twice as big as her's?this whole post has been hardcore procastination. i should be doing my homework.
Friday, March 21, 2008
blisters
I am sleepy.
When i'm sleepy, i behave similarly to people who are drunk. i tend to ramble and sprout out nonsensical and often incoherent words. so don't mind me.
i got back from meeting my dad's friend about half an hour ago. I had dinner with her, her son, and a couple of her son's friends. I had a pleasant enough time, good food, and good enough conversation. But i had one heck of a time going to and coming back from that rendezvous.
We planned to meet up at her hotel, so i had to take a tram downtown to flinders street. but, the tram stopped at la trobe street(pretend you're drunk and know melbourne geography), and i assumed it was because it was good friday or whatnot. so i had to walk the rest of the way, which was fine, really, the weather was perfect for a stroll, and i had time to kill before i had to be there. but then when i got to flinders street, a huge chunk of the road was blocked off and road works were going on, so i had to take this somewhat significant detour before i could cross the road. i ended up walking behind fed square and walking around it before i could finally cross the river and get to southbank, where the hotel is. and by that time i was aware that i was cutting close on time, so i scurried along(my pumps making this nice 'clack-clack' sound as they hit the pavement, and i got to southbank.
then i got lost and couldn't locate the entrance to the hotel. and i realized i was on the verge of late. unfuckingbelievable. excuse the foul language.
but not to worry, i got there, and the auntie was all nice about it. so we went for dinner, and i met her son and his friends, and she even took us for dessert too. i had an eclair. yay.
and then we seperated, and her son went off with his friends, and i walked the nice auntie back to her hotel, where i bade her farewell after assuring her a number of times that yes, i would be fine, and no, she needn't accompany me, and started off back to swanston street. i walked along the river, and it was cold, and the moon was out and brilliant, like a spotlight in the sky. and i found myself thinking, just a few steps after i started walking, was that i wished someone was walking with me. and then i got blisters and my feet hurt.
at first, i think it was a practical wish. as in, it was a lovely night, perfect for taking a walk, and it was such a shame that i was walking alone. and then it became sentimental. i wanted someone to walk with, so i could have someone to talk to. It was a beautiful night, and ought to be shared with someone i cared about.
and then i reached the city, and there were loads of people walking about, and suddenly i thought 'isn't the city dangerous at night? especially on friday night, what with the possibility of drunkards at all the corner pubs?' and 'mom and dad told me not to walk around by myself at night', and found myself wishing for a guy to be walking with, to offer a sense of security. and, put together the practical wish, the sentimental wish, and the safety wish, and i found myself concluding that i wished i had a boyfriend.
suddenly wanting a boyfriend so as to have someone to walk with is absurd. it's like wanting to have boyfriend so that you'd have someone to lift all the heavy stuff.
sidenote: i can hear people laughing and screaming outside on the streets. hello, drunk people. Good friday, eh?
anyway, where was i? boyfriend?yeah. it was a stupid impulse thought. don't remind me, and i'll forget it in the morning.
but, for the moment, i can recall, besides the the blisters, wanting quite badly to have the soft shuffles of sneakers beside the 'clack-clacks' of my pumps.
When i'm sleepy, i behave similarly to people who are drunk. i tend to ramble and sprout out nonsensical and often incoherent words. so don't mind me.
i got back from meeting my dad's friend about half an hour ago. I had dinner with her, her son, and a couple of her son's friends. I had a pleasant enough time, good food, and good enough conversation. But i had one heck of a time going to and coming back from that rendezvous.
We planned to meet up at her hotel, so i had to take a tram downtown to flinders street. but, the tram stopped at la trobe street(pretend you're drunk and know melbourne geography), and i assumed it was because it was good friday or whatnot. so i had to walk the rest of the way, which was fine, really, the weather was perfect for a stroll, and i had time to kill before i had to be there. but then when i got to flinders street, a huge chunk of the road was blocked off and road works were going on, so i had to take this somewhat significant detour before i could cross the road. i ended up walking behind fed square and walking around it before i could finally cross the river and get to southbank, where the hotel is. and by that time i was aware that i was cutting close on time, so i scurried along(my pumps making this nice 'clack-clack' sound as they hit the pavement, and i got to southbank.
then i got lost and couldn't locate the entrance to the hotel. and i realized i was on the verge of late. unfuckingbelievable. excuse the foul language.
but not to worry, i got there, and the auntie was all nice about it. so we went for dinner, and i met her son and his friends, and she even took us for dessert too. i had an eclair. yay.
and then we seperated, and her son went off with his friends, and i walked the nice auntie back to her hotel, where i bade her farewell after assuring her a number of times that yes, i would be fine, and no, she needn't accompany me, and started off back to swanston street. i walked along the river, and it was cold, and the moon was out and brilliant, like a spotlight in the sky. and i found myself thinking, just a few steps after i started walking, was that i wished someone was walking with me. and then i got blisters and my feet hurt.
at first, i think it was a practical wish. as in, it was a lovely night, perfect for taking a walk, and it was such a shame that i was walking alone. and then it became sentimental. i wanted someone to walk with, so i could have someone to talk to. It was a beautiful night, and ought to be shared with someone i cared about.
and then i reached the city, and there were loads of people walking about, and suddenly i thought 'isn't the city dangerous at night? especially on friday night, what with the possibility of drunkards at all the corner pubs?' and 'mom and dad told me not to walk around by myself at night', and found myself wishing for a guy to be walking with, to offer a sense of security. and, put together the practical wish, the sentimental wish, and the safety wish, and i found myself concluding that i wished i had a boyfriend.
suddenly wanting a boyfriend so as to have someone to walk with is absurd. it's like wanting to have boyfriend so that you'd have someone to lift all the heavy stuff.
sidenote: i can hear people laughing and screaming outside on the streets. hello, drunk people. Good friday, eh?
anyway, where was i? boyfriend?yeah. it was a stupid impulse thought. don't remind me, and i'll forget it in the morning.
but, for the moment, i can recall, besides the the blisters, wanting quite badly to have the soft shuffles of sneakers beside the 'clack-clacks' of my pumps.
Blue
aloha folks. it's cold again in melbourne, wheeeeee! after a series of days with 40 degrees celsius hot weather, temp's dropped down somewhat. leaving the sliding door open, it's like natural air-conditioning. makes me want to eat, sleep, and golek2 around in my quilt.
First things first. i still adore Fight Club. i watched it for the fourth time in the past few days before reluctantly returning it back to the library. The soundtrack's awesome, people. The scores during scenes are great, and the selection of songs popped out for me. Like the scene at the very end, they used this song by The Pixies called Where Is My Mind? which just fits it perfectly, perfectly! and another song, it came on during the scene where Edward Norton(jack?) and Tyler walk into the club to host the first ever official meeting of Fight Club. I looked around on the net, it's a song by Tom Waits called Goin' Out West, and it's just so badass! haha, i really can't describe it any other way. It was just made for macho guys to strut their stuff to. It's so badass, i can't stop smiling when i listen to it.
oh, and you know what? i dig So You Think You Can Dance here. Really entertaining(did you that in french, entertainment is 'les distractions'? how appropriate), and thanks to the show, i've come across a couple of excellently catchy songs. So catchy, i keep jiggy-ing around when i'm washing and drying the dishes listening to it. It's tricky business, thought. i have to keep a wary ear out for shao or jia yee if they're in the apartment, just in case they come out of their rooms and barge in on me dancing my emabarassing head off. Anyway. listen to this, Idlewild by Outkast:
and this, Are You the One? by The Presets:
I haven't been keeping up with any news(malaysian or australian), so i feel like an ill-bred ingrate, but whatever. about the election, i think it's good the BN coalition had to relinquish powe over some of the states. that just makes more sense, i think, a more even distribution of power, i suppose? yeah, well, what do i know. But whenever i read malaysiakini i can't help but think 'well, we're going into a shithole', but that's exactly the opposite of things, isn't it? i mean, isn't the recent election a signal of change, and isn't change supposed to be good? I don't know. it just seems like they are so many things wrong, and everyone says they'll do the right thing, but nothing seems to be right in the end, and there is always someone someone else is ridiculing, and you're not quite sure who's right, and who's better.
oh, dear. I'm going out to meet a colleague of my dad's who's in melbourne, and i'm worried i'll be the awkward bumbling idiot who spills over a glass of water and stumbles on the steps of the restaurant. classic. wish me luck.
First things first. i still adore Fight Club. i watched it for the fourth time in the past few days before reluctantly returning it back to the library. The soundtrack's awesome, people. The scores during scenes are great, and the selection of songs popped out for me. Like the scene at the very end, they used this song by The Pixies called Where Is My Mind? which just fits it perfectly, perfectly! and another song, it came on during the scene where Edward Norton(jack?) and Tyler walk into the club to host the first ever official meeting of Fight Club. I looked around on the net, it's a song by Tom Waits called Goin' Out West, and it's just so badass! haha, i really can't describe it any other way. It was just made for macho guys to strut their stuff to. It's so badass, i can't stop smiling when i listen to it.
oh, and you know what? i dig So You Think You Can Dance here. Really entertaining(did you that in french, entertainment is 'les distractions'? how appropriate), and thanks to the show, i've come across a couple of excellently catchy songs. So catchy, i keep jiggy-ing around when i'm washing and drying the dishes listening to it. It's tricky business, thought. i have to keep a wary ear out for shao or jia yee if they're in the apartment, just in case they come out of their rooms and barge in on me dancing my emabarassing head off. Anyway. listen to this, Idlewild by Outkast:
and this, Are You the One? by The Presets:
I haven't been keeping up with any news(malaysian or australian), so i feel like an ill-bred ingrate, but whatever. about the election, i think it's good the BN coalition had to relinquish powe over some of the states. that just makes more sense, i think, a more even distribution of power, i suppose? yeah, well, what do i know. But whenever i read malaysiakini i can't help but think 'well, we're going into a shithole', but that's exactly the opposite of things, isn't it? i mean, isn't the recent election a signal of change, and isn't change supposed to be good? I don't know. it just seems like they are so many things wrong, and everyone says they'll do the right thing, but nothing seems to be right in the end, and there is always someone someone else is ridiculing, and you're not quite sure who's right, and who's better.
oh, dear. I'm going out to meet a colleague of my dad's who's in melbourne, and i'm worried i'll be the awkward bumbling idiot who spills over a glass of water and stumbles on the steps of the restaurant. classic. wish me luck.
Monday, March 17, 2008
tagging tequila
yes. i was given the tagging tequila by wei leong(or chinny, his name manje,haha) and wui ling (or old lady, her secret nickname, hee).
Instructions:Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.
1. If you were to be stranded on a desert island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you? Why?
Let's see....nani. for tales of ubi quam, montreal and whatnot. Aijud. so we could sing the fray and kate nash songs together, plus discuss the most appropriate Grey's Anatomy quote for our predicament. and kakak. so i could chew her brains out over why she hasn't updated since forever.
2. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
As in fantasy vacation destination? i don't know. istanbul. south africa. Or do you mean like a metaphorical, meaningful place? like, i want to go where the grass is greener. if we're thinking short-term, as in right at this very moment, i want to go to a halal kfc.
3. If you can have 1 dream come true, what would it be?
I couldn't actually think of one, because i was arrested by so many ideas at the same time. It's like in a comedy where two fat guys get stuck at the door when they both try to exit. Neither gets out.
4. Do you believe you can survive without money?
Yes. i'll live off the fruits of the land. I'll grow grapes and i'll dry the ones i can't eat and make them into raisins(a trick i learned from Robinson Crusoe). I'll make sandals by cleverly weaving coconut leaves together.
5. What are you afraid to lose the most?
This frail grasp i have on what's important.
6. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Keep it in a bank in the Cayman Islands. whoooo.(the 'whoooo' is supposed to represent a mysterious, intriguing sound effect. yeah whatever).
7. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
I dislike the association of the word 'confess' with telling someone you love them. it's sounds so...bleh. just say 'i told him/her' la. anyway. i haven't met someone i love yet, so ntah. I'd like to imagine that love is something that gives you the assurance that the feeling is reciprocated, but i guess not. what am i saying?not answering the question. yes, i would confess. if i wasn't too chicken shit to actually do it.
8. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
Wei Leong:
-he's funny! great sense of humor.
-friendly. i think we only hung out together once, during that time we went to sunway lagoon, and yet from there on after he'd always give me a 'hi' and a wave whenever we bumped into each other. not everyone would do that, you know.
-smart. and he's got super stylish hair too.
wui ling:
-she likes to joke around. and she goes ice skating too!
-she was willing to be the last person to get back up on the banana boat in langkawi!! and that memory always makes me giggle, so she cheers me up.
-sweet girl!
9. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
let me put it this way. there's this scene in Fight Club(did i mention that i love this movie?) where Jack confronts Marla over being a tourist in help groups, and she in turn asks him why he himself goes to them.
Jack:i don't know. when people think you're dying, they actually listen to you, rather than...
Marla:rather than just waiting for their turn to speak.
I want someone who doesn't make me feel like i'm delaying their turn to speak. and vice versa. among other things.
10. Which type of person do you hate the most?
Rude ones. Australian phone operators(tech support, bank customer service, etc) are a lot more friendier than back home.
11. What is your ambition?
to be a kickass accountant. to be a better person, inside out.
12.What is the thing that will make you think he/she is bad?
For fuck's sake, what a juvenile question.
13. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
I don't know, and that's scary.
14.Are you a shopaholic or not?
Yes, but if shopaholicism is akin to alcoholiscism, then i'm in the stage where i'm still in denial. Long way to go before i hit bottom and start saving money instead.
15. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
The part that takes things for granted, and the part that complains too much.
16. Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?
Tricky question,that.
17. What's your weakest point?
Low self-esteem, i suppose?
18. What's the thing that you're most proud of?
Nothing, really.(ok stop it with the 'deep' questions!)
19. Rainy day or sunny day?
Rainy day. so i can sing a la Gene Kelly. (I'm siiiiiiiiiiiiingin' in the rain...just siiiiiiiiingin' i the rain....)
20. What mini-resolution have you decided to make as of 1 minute ago?
I have got to take more pictures.
ok, i tag nani aijud fatin fifa anna(even though u don't blog anymore ;P) firdaus(will you please consider the merits of having blog at blogspot or wordpress?) shao min afiqah. whew. and it doen't matter if you don't do it, i won't take offense,yada yada yada. you know how it goes.
cheers.
Instructions:Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.
1. If you were to be stranded on a desert island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you? Why?
Let's see....nani. for tales of ubi quam, montreal and whatnot. Aijud. so we could sing the fray and kate nash songs together, plus discuss the most appropriate Grey's Anatomy quote for our predicament. and kakak. so i could chew her brains out over why she hasn't updated since forever.
2. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
As in fantasy vacation destination? i don't know. istanbul. south africa. Or do you mean like a metaphorical, meaningful place? like, i want to go where the grass is greener. if we're thinking short-term, as in right at this very moment, i want to go to a halal kfc.
3. If you can have 1 dream come true, what would it be?
I couldn't actually think of one, because i was arrested by so many ideas at the same time. It's like in a comedy where two fat guys get stuck at the door when they both try to exit. Neither gets out.
4. Do you believe you can survive without money?
Yes. i'll live off the fruits of the land. I'll grow grapes and i'll dry the ones i can't eat and make them into raisins(a trick i learned from Robinson Crusoe). I'll make sandals by cleverly weaving coconut leaves together.
5. What are you afraid to lose the most?
This frail grasp i have on what's important.
6. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Keep it in a bank in the Cayman Islands. whoooo.(the 'whoooo' is supposed to represent a mysterious, intriguing sound effect. yeah whatever).
7. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
I dislike the association of the word 'confess' with telling someone you love them. it's sounds so...bleh. just say 'i told him/her' la. anyway. i haven't met someone i love yet, so ntah. I'd like to imagine that love is something that gives you the assurance that the feeling is reciprocated, but i guess not. what am i saying?not answering the question. yes, i would confess. if i wasn't too chicken shit to actually do it.
8. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
Wei Leong:
-he's funny! great sense of humor.
-friendly. i think we only hung out together once, during that time we went to sunway lagoon, and yet from there on after he'd always give me a 'hi' and a wave whenever we bumped into each other. not everyone would do that, you know.
-smart. and he's got super stylish hair too.
wui ling:
-she likes to joke around. and she goes ice skating too!
-she was willing to be the last person to get back up on the banana boat in langkawi!! and that memory always makes me giggle, so she cheers me up.
-sweet girl!
9. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
let me put it this way. there's this scene in Fight Club(did i mention that i love this movie?) where Jack confronts Marla over being a tourist in help groups, and she in turn asks him why he himself goes to them.
Jack:i don't know. when people think you're dying, they actually listen to you, rather than...
Marla:rather than just waiting for their turn to speak.
I want someone who doesn't make me feel like i'm delaying their turn to speak. and vice versa. among other things.
10. Which type of person do you hate the most?
Rude ones. Australian phone operators(tech support, bank customer service, etc) are a lot more friendier than back home.
11. What is your ambition?
to be a kickass accountant. to be a better person, inside out.
12.What is the thing that will make you think he/she is bad?
For fuck's sake, what a juvenile question.
13. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
I don't know, and that's scary.
14.Are you a shopaholic or not?
Yes, but if shopaholicism is akin to alcoholiscism, then i'm in the stage where i'm still in denial. Long way to go before i hit bottom and start saving money instead.
15. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
The part that takes things for granted, and the part that complains too much.
16. Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?
Tricky question,that.
17. What's your weakest point?
Low self-esteem, i suppose?
18. What's the thing that you're most proud of?
Nothing, really.(ok stop it with the 'deep' questions!)
19. Rainy day or sunny day?
Rainy day. so i can sing a la Gene Kelly. (I'm siiiiiiiiiiiiingin' in the rain...just siiiiiiiiingin' i the rain....)
20. What mini-resolution have you decided to make as of 1 minute ago?
I have got to take more pictures.
ok, i tag nani aijud fatin fifa anna(even though u don't blog anymore ;P) firdaus(will you please consider the merits of having blog at blogspot or wordpress?) shao min afiqah. whew. and it doen't matter if you don't do it, i won't take offense,yada yada yada. you know how it goes.
cheers.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
copy-paste. edward norton club
12.16am. Now 12.17am. I’ve just finished watching Fight Club, and now I’m alternating between Microsoft-wording(the new blogging) and browsing through all the extra features on the dvd. I must say, I thought the movie was great! In my humble opinion.
‘You know that things aren’t going well for you when you can’t even tell people the simplest fact about your life, simply because they’ll presume you’re asking them to feel sorry for you. I suppose it’s why you feel so far way from everyone, in the end; anything you can think of to tell them just ends up making them feel terrible’.
When I first started blogging, back in that friendster blog, I didn’t use paragraphs. I would just type a whole block of text for a post. Why on earth did I do that? What part of my brain forgot paragraphs?
p/s: Wei leong and wui ling(damn matching la your names), thanks for tagging me! honestly, i like getting tagged. Gives me a valid reason to talk about myself. anyway, sorry i couldn't get around to doing it yet, still internetless at the apartment, and it's a real bugger. but i'll do it soon. hopefully the bloody internet will be up next week.Monday, March 10, 2008
cherries
being in the computer lab doesn't come in handy for people who are trying to create wonderful, meaningful, emotional posts. doesn't come in handy at all.
but you should have seen me yesterday!all emo and shit. it was crazy!i was dying to blog, but i couldn't because the broadband connection still hasn't been set up yet at the apartment. and there i was, trying frantically to get across to someone(someone as in, random sesiape reading the blog), to tell them the day i had and how it made me felt. someone shoot me.
now that it's now and not yesterday, things have toned down, and i still want to tell a random sesiape things, but between now and then, i've become aware that whatever it is i was trying to say yesterday will sound unbelievably like idiotic, self-pitying crap. which it always is, btw.
so yesterday i tried to substitute the blog and instead just type it as a normal, microsoft word document. and it was cool and everything, but it didn't feel 100% satisfactory. because that's the whole point of a blog, isn't it? a public blog. you post with the hope that whatever it is you write, there's someone out there who can identify with it and comprehend, and maybe even laugh sympathetically. the idea that someone out there understands is enough to make things slightly better.
if someone wants to tell me off and say i'm blogging for the wrong reasons, then i apologize. i'm sorry.
would you like to know what it feels like?
it feels like sitting with the nicest, friendliest bunch of people, and still feeling alone. and you want to burst into tears, because you've gone through this a bunch of times and you've sworn or at least conjured the longing to change things and make it better, but apparently you haven't or you can't. and you fully comprehend that this is probably what drives people away in the first place, but you don't understand what is it that you're doing wrong. what is it? what are you not doing correctly?
and, at the back of your mind, you worry if it's going to be like this the next time. and the next. until you stop making effort at all.
well, there you go. a snippet of insanity. or irrationality, whatever.
but you should have seen me yesterday!all emo and shit. it was crazy!i was dying to blog, but i couldn't because the broadband connection still hasn't been set up yet at the apartment. and there i was, trying frantically to get across to someone(someone as in, random sesiape reading the blog), to tell them the day i had and how it made me felt. someone shoot me.
now that it's now and not yesterday, things have toned down, and i still want to tell a random sesiape things, but between now and then, i've become aware that whatever it is i was trying to say yesterday will sound unbelievably like idiotic, self-pitying crap. which it always is, btw.
so yesterday i tried to substitute the blog and instead just type it as a normal, microsoft word document. and it was cool and everything, but it didn't feel 100% satisfactory. because that's the whole point of a blog, isn't it? a public blog. you post with the hope that whatever it is you write, there's someone out there who can identify with it and comprehend, and maybe even laugh sympathetically. the idea that someone out there understands is enough to make things slightly better.
if someone wants to tell me off and say i'm blogging for the wrong reasons, then i apologize. i'm sorry.
would you like to know what it feels like?
it feels like sitting with the nicest, friendliest bunch of people, and still feeling alone. and you want to burst into tears, because you've gone through this a bunch of times and you've sworn or at least conjured the longing to change things and make it better, but apparently you haven't or you can't. and you fully comprehend that this is probably what drives people away in the first place, but you don't understand what is it that you're doing wrong. what is it? what are you not doing correctly?
and, at the back of your mind, you worry if it's going to be like this the next time. and the next. until you stop making effort at all.
well, there you go. a snippet of insanity. or irrationality, whatever.
Monday, March 03, 2008
poulet
i am:
waiting for the phone line to get set up so i can get bloody internet for the apartment.
trying to remember where i put my driver's license. (i just can't recall where i put it! don't tell me i lost it. gah)
killing time until my very first class(transition to commerce, which, by the way, i still don't know where it'll be held).
feeling a bit sleepy, and i think it's due to the lack of coffee. we don't have a kettle yet.
reminding myself to get kettle, coffee, sugar, juice, creamer.
a bit tickled at the fact that kawan kepada kakakku eliza put up the song 'Sideways' by Let's Go Sailing on her blog. i had written a post few days ago to be published when i got a decent broadband connection, and i had that song on repeat while i was writing it. which may explain the fact that the end product is a tad too melodramatic. but yay for 'Sideways'!pretty, pretty song.
pondering how many books and dvds i will have to borrow from the rowden white library in order to justify spending a bunch of cash on student union membership. i borrowed 4 items today, so we're off to a good start.
missing CHICKEN!MEAT!WHOLE CHICKEN DRUMSTICKS!should stop by norsiah's or something later on.
going now.
waiting for the phone line to get set up so i can get bloody internet for the apartment.
trying to remember where i put my driver's license. (i just can't recall where i put it! don't tell me i lost it. gah)
killing time until my very first class(transition to commerce, which, by the way, i still don't know where it'll be held).
feeling a bit sleepy, and i think it's due to the lack of coffee. we don't have a kettle yet.
reminding myself to get kettle, coffee, sugar, juice, creamer.
a bit tickled at the fact that kawan kepada kakakku eliza put up the song 'Sideways' by Let's Go Sailing on her blog. i had written a post few days ago to be published when i got a decent broadband connection, and i had that song on repeat while i was writing it. which may explain the fact that the end product is a tad too melodramatic. but yay for 'Sideways'!pretty, pretty song.
pondering how many books and dvds i will have to borrow from the rowden white library in order to justify spending a bunch of cash on student union membership. i borrowed 4 items today, so we're off to a good start.
missing CHICKEN!MEAT!WHOLE CHICKEN DRUMSTICKS!should stop by norsiah's or something later on.
going now.
Monday, February 25, 2008
yarra
heeeeeeeeey.
hello friends. strangers. or the imaginary people that read my blog. hello blog.
the fact that i'm blogging now makes me want to wiggle my toes and stretch contentedly. but let's skip that and move on to the blogging part. would have done so earlier, were it not for the fact that i'm still staying in my temporary accomodation and have to pay for internet access. but yes, moving on.
no,wait. nani, i'm SO sorry i wasn't online on the 22nd! i will make it up to you. re-set the date please?
melbourne,folks. wheeeeee.
ok, to be honest, when people ask me for an opinion of melbourne and the university and whether it meets my expectations, i don't know how to answer. i guess it's because this is really my first experience going to a foreign place for an extended period of time(mase dulu doesn't count, seeing as i was 3 and have practically no recollections whatsoever), so i have no expectations in the first place. i like that melbourne has lanes for bicyclists. i like that a lot of melburnians(why melburnians?why not melbournians?) bring their own bags to supermarkets. i like that australian stewards are macho, unlike malaysian ones.(on the sydney-melbourne flight, i saw solid proof that being a steward can be a macho profession).
the first two days we arrived, it was hot. blue-skies, scorching sun, no clouds kind of hot. i was starting to think 'la..cam kat malaysia je'. then on the third day, it rained, and it was cold. cold! it was like melbourne was trying to tell me 'i can be cold too, stupid'. lesson learned. the wheather and the temperature here is unpredictable.
i still have plenty to learn. like memorising which colour represents which denomination for money bills. and the coins!gah. must remember that 50 cents is the one yang cam ade petak-petak tu. and that the smaller, not the bigger one, is the 2 dollar coin. for heaven's sake.
i have a feeling i like melbourne. but i'm saying this tentaviely, cautiously, because it's only been a week. let's wait at least until orientation's over, yea?
God, i detest orientation. ANY orientation.
but, in the words of jia yee, "what can we do? we're new here".
hello friends. strangers. or the imaginary people that read my blog. hello blog.
the fact that i'm blogging now makes me want to wiggle my toes and stretch contentedly. but let's skip that and move on to the blogging part. would have done so earlier, were it not for the fact that i'm still staying in my temporary accomodation and have to pay for internet access. but yes, moving on.
no,wait. nani, i'm SO sorry i wasn't online on the 22nd! i will make it up to you. re-set the date please?
melbourne,folks. wheeeeee.
ok, to be honest, when people ask me for an opinion of melbourne and the university and whether it meets my expectations, i don't know how to answer. i guess it's because this is really my first experience going to a foreign place for an extended period of time(mase dulu doesn't count, seeing as i was 3 and have practically no recollections whatsoever), so i have no expectations in the first place. i like that melbourne has lanes for bicyclists. i like that a lot of melburnians(why melburnians?why not melbournians?) bring their own bags to supermarkets. i like that australian stewards are macho, unlike malaysian ones.(on the sydney-melbourne flight, i saw solid proof that being a steward can be a macho profession).
the first two days we arrived, it was hot. blue-skies, scorching sun, no clouds kind of hot. i was starting to think 'la..cam kat malaysia je'. then on the third day, it rained, and it was cold. cold! it was like melbourne was trying to tell me 'i can be cold too, stupid'. lesson learned. the wheather and the temperature here is unpredictable.
i still have plenty to learn. like memorising which colour represents which denomination for money bills. and the coins!gah. must remember that 50 cents is the one yang cam ade petak-petak tu. and that the smaller, not the bigger one, is the 2 dollar coin. for heaven's sake.
i have a feeling i like melbourne. but i'm saying this tentaviely, cautiously, because it's only been a week. let's wait at least until orientation's over, yea?
God, i detest orientation. ANY orientation.
but, in the words of jia yee, "what can we do? we're new here".
Thursday, February 14, 2008
one of us misread
good things today, good things.
me and mom(my mother and I, to grammar gestapo)went down to belah melawati sana to go pick up our baju kurung from the tailor today.
good thing 1:baju raya saya sudah siap. and only about 7 months early!
good thing 2: we went to go stuff our faces at the yong tau foo place in wangsa maju. The place is usually jam-packed, and parking spaces around there are never empty, but when we got there, hey presto! lovely little parking spot right in front of the restaurant. blessings.
good thing 3: I ate all the suay kow i could ever need.
Sidenote: ever since i confirmed the departure date, i've been sort of keeping a mental checklist of all the food i need to eat before going off. Nasi kandar-check. Goreng pisang-check. Nasi lemak with paru-check. yong tau foo-check. nasi beriyani-check. now if only i can somehow get durian somewhere so mom can make pengat durian and roti jala.
good thing 4: after lunch, we went to the jpj office in setapak(is it setapak?i'm not sure. but it's next to sek. men. teknik setapak. so setapak la kot) to replace my P driver's license with a regular one(probation's over, wheeeeee). we had to take angka giliran, which so happened to be 952. number currenty being served? 900. i was hoping to have the same fortune
Aman had when he renewed his license, in terms of dealing with an efficient jpj office, but no such luck. there was only one window open for 'lesen memandu persendirian', so in other words, i could have eaten a thousand suay kows and probably more in the time it would take 900 to get to 952. but! but! suddenly this chinese guy who left his stuff on the chair next to us and was coming back to retrieve them noticed us and and asked if we were waiting to renew our license. having replied the affirmative, he gave us HIS number, 906! apparently he was done or had to go, so he gave his number to us. oh, baiknye. oh, how unfair to the other people who had to wait.
sidenote:xie xie ni(or is it sie sie?), uncle. may the god of prosperity be smiling upon you always. terima kasiiiiiiiih.
today as i was sitting in the car, i saw this billboard, and it was adverstising something, can't remember what, but the model looks like my dad's friend's daughter. i was trying to recall her age, when i remembered mom telling me she's a year older than kakak.
well ok,kakak's......how old is kakak again?hmm...kakak's 3 years older than me..i'm....how old?nak masuk twenty..
in my mind i was already calculating kakak's age, 23, thus making dad's friend's daughter 24, but before i got there i had let out this involuntary snort at the idea that i'm going on twenty. HAHAHAHAHAHA. twenty? twenty? are you kidding me? the idea that i'll be twenty is absurd. I haven't even gotten a grip on turning 18 yet, much less 20. i can't be twenty. i'm too young. i can't cook. i'm scared of cockroaches. i can't even socialize properly, for God's sake. i'm still as awkward as i was at 15! i still depend on my mom! twenty? you're joking. i'm not old enough to be 20 yet.
oh, but i'm old, though. the pizza boy calls me 'kak'. aisy.
me and mom(my mother and I, to grammar gestapo)went down to belah melawati sana to go pick up our baju kurung from the tailor today.
good thing 1:baju raya saya sudah siap. and only about 7 months early!
good thing 2: we went to go stuff our faces at the yong tau foo place in wangsa maju. The place is usually jam-packed, and parking spaces around there are never empty, but when we got there, hey presto! lovely little parking spot right in front of the restaurant. blessings.
good thing 3: I ate all the suay kow i could ever need.
Sidenote: ever since i confirmed the departure date, i've been sort of keeping a mental checklist of all the food i need to eat before going off. Nasi kandar-check. Goreng pisang-check. Nasi lemak with paru-check. yong tau foo-check. nasi beriyani-check. now if only i can somehow get durian somewhere so mom can make pengat durian and roti jala.
good thing 4: after lunch, we went to the jpj office in setapak(is it setapak?i'm not sure. but it's next to sek. men. teknik setapak. so setapak la kot) to replace my P driver's license with a regular one(probation's over, wheeeeee). we had to take angka giliran, which so happened to be 952. number currenty being served? 900. i was hoping to have the same fortune
Aman had when he renewed his license, in terms of dealing with an efficient jpj office, but no such luck. there was only one window open for 'lesen memandu persendirian', so in other words, i could have eaten a thousand suay kows and probably more in the time it would take 900 to get to 952. but! but! suddenly this chinese guy who left his stuff on the chair next to us and was coming back to retrieve them noticed us and and asked if we were waiting to renew our license. having replied the affirmative, he gave us HIS number, 906! apparently he was done or had to go, so he gave his number to us. oh, baiknye. oh, how unfair to the other people who had to wait.
sidenote:xie xie ni(or is it sie sie?), uncle. may the god of prosperity be smiling upon you always. terima kasiiiiiiiih.
today as i was sitting in the car, i saw this billboard, and it was adverstising something, can't remember what, but the model looks like my dad's friend's daughter. i was trying to recall her age, when i remembered mom telling me she's a year older than kakak.
well ok,kakak's......how old is kakak again?hmm...kakak's 3 years older than me..i'm....how old?nak masuk twenty..
in my mind i was already calculating kakak's age, 23, thus making dad's friend's daughter 24, but before i got there i had let out this involuntary snort at the idea that i'm going on twenty. HAHAHAHAHAHA. twenty? twenty? are you kidding me? the idea that i'll be twenty is absurd. I haven't even gotten a grip on turning 18 yet, much less 20. i can't be twenty. i'm too young. i can't cook. i'm scared of cockroaches. i can't even socialize properly, for God's sake. i'm still as awkward as i was at 15! i still depend on my mom! twenty? you're joking. i'm not old enough to be 20 yet.
oh, but i'm old, though. the pizza boy calls me 'kak'. aisy.
Monday, February 11, 2008
just a lazy night. just a lazy post.
i'm listening to 'Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence' again, and i'm listening to Beirut's 'Postcard from Italy', and am just content to lie in bed. too lazy to get up to brush my teeth or go solat isyak, but we'll get to that shortly.
ah,yes. i'm leaving for melbourne on the 17th. if you just so happen to be in klia on that day around 5 or 6, give me a ring, and we'll meet up.
i took cough medicine just now, so wooziness is starting to set in. excellent.
you know, if i ever get into a relationship, i hope i don't turn into mush.
i have to go to the bank tomorrow. again. i don't like going to banks. and the dentist too. i have cavities.
which reminds me, must go downstairs and retrieve toothbrush and toothpaste.
when you hug someone, and you have to to that cheek-to-cheek thing? yea. i fail at that. at school dulu, whenever we did that cheek thing, it would be 3 times, left-right-left. kalau tak silap it's sunnah to do it that way. but some people do it only twice, left then right. i suppose that's modelled after the mat-salleh way of air-kissing when they greet people. either way, it's a hassle, and i wish there was just a standard way of doing it. moreoften that not, i embarass myself either by standing stock-still after the hug, thus the person hugging me has to pull me in to do the cheek thing, or, we've done the cheek thing, left and right, and i pull that person in for a third time, padahal that person's stopped at the second one. can u say gaffe?
by the time i'm allowed to vote, i won't know who to vote for.
i hope people read my blog because it's interesting. not because i update regularly. (this comment will come back to bite me on the ass, i have a feeling).
Verily, where there is hardship, there is relief.
too woozy to really think straight. good night.
i'm listening to 'Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence' again, and i'm listening to Beirut's 'Postcard from Italy', and am just content to lie in bed. too lazy to get up to brush my teeth or go solat isyak, but we'll get to that shortly.
ah,yes. i'm leaving for melbourne on the 17th. if you just so happen to be in klia on that day around 5 or 6, give me a ring, and we'll meet up.
i took cough medicine just now, so wooziness is starting to set in. excellent.
you know, if i ever get into a relationship, i hope i don't turn into mush.
i have to go to the bank tomorrow. again. i don't like going to banks. and the dentist too. i have cavities.
which reminds me, must go downstairs and retrieve toothbrush and toothpaste.
when you hug someone, and you have to to that cheek-to-cheek thing? yea. i fail at that. at school dulu, whenever we did that cheek thing, it would be 3 times, left-right-left. kalau tak silap it's sunnah to do it that way. but some people do it only twice, left then right. i suppose that's modelled after the mat-salleh way of air-kissing when they greet people. either way, it's a hassle, and i wish there was just a standard way of doing it. moreoften that not, i embarass myself either by standing stock-still after the hug, thus the person hugging me has to pull me in to do the cheek thing, or, we've done the cheek thing, left and right, and i pull that person in for a third time, padahal that person's stopped at the second one. can u say gaffe?
by the time i'm allowed to vote, i won't know who to vote for.
i hope people read my blog because it's interesting. not because i update regularly. (this comment will come back to bite me on the ass, i have a feeling).
Verily, where there is hardship, there is relief.
too woozy to really think straight. good night.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
fat face
i am happy today, because:
a)i saw syahirah!homie from way back in the day,yo.(i have to stop with the whole 'yo' thing)
a)i saw syahirah!homie from way back in the day,yo.(i have to stop with the whole 'yo' thing)
b)saw a lion dance today! awesome, i-cannot-tahan-excited.
Beirut rocks. i've only listened to three songs, but they(or is it just Zach Condon on his own?)rock.
You know, i often worry that i am a generally disinterested person. i don't seem to be interested in anything in particular. well, yes, there's music, and there's books, and there's lion dances, but nothing i can assuredly say "yes, i am very passionate about this, and i.... (have a black belt in it)/(have been doing it for years)/(train every weekend)/(just love love LOVE it). i'm stumped whenever i have to fill out those "i am interested in" sections in any 'about me' form.
i don't think i can be considered to be interested in much because being interested in something connotes that you've taken steps to delve into that specific activity, does it not? that you've taken things to a further level? i mean, it's the same concept with bands. i don't think i can say i like a band until i've heard and adore at least one album. (well, beirut's an exception because i can tell i'll probably love the whole album once i get the chance to listen to). i can't say i like Cold War Kids because i've only heard 'Hospital Beds' and 'Hang Me Up to Dry', despite the fact i enjoy those two songs very much.
ah well. this is all a very complicated way of explaining the fact that i wish i could say i'm seriously into something exciting, like....molecular something something. or scuba-diving would do too.
je ne veux pas travailler.
i got this excellently cool sweater the other day when i went out with syefik. i brought it home, and showed it to mom. aisy. same response as with the the blue top with polka-dots. but this time it was actually worse, because i saw the direct reaction. that silent pause after i held up the sweater for inspection said it all. haha. no worries. i still love mom. and our diverging fashion senses.
tarik nafas lega kerna aku tak apa-apa
haaaa...can you tell what song that line is from? 2 points if you can.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
I know, she knows, that i'm not fond of asking
Do you ever, every once in a while, get the feeling that you suddenly understand life? This may sound very dumb and naive, but there are times when i get this overwhelming sense of..i don't know, contentment?maybe not that, but it's as if you suddenly figure out that life isn't that hard to figure out, and it's easy to differentiate right and wrong, and that being a good muslim isn't all that difficult. You suddenly have this realization that you get it. and these moments of clarity are usually accompanied by happiness, to the point of being giddy, because things are no longer as complex as you thought they were.
For example, the latest time i felt that way was when i got rejected from cambridge. of course that sucked, but it was also(and this may sound bloody cliched) a turning point. Because, to be honest, the whole scholarship thing mase form 5 dulu kind of set something off. like a little bit of me hardened because i didn't understand why i couldn't get it. and then i got the B in AS, and that snowballed the whole thing, because i, in all frankness, was mad at Allah. i couldn't see past the B. and that sounds horrible and selfish, i know, but there you have it. so when i got rejected from cambridge, it really was a sort of meltdown moment, because the way i saw it, God was punishing me continuously. Here i was, thinking i was working my ass off but not getting the returns, and it just didn't make sense!
but then i got my moment. kakak's email made me think. and i know i'm making this out like some bloody chicken-soup for the soul story, but bear with me. You see, i think all this while, what spurned me on to try for a scholarship, or to get straight As, or to try for cambridge, was the idea that by doing so, i could prove to people(and i suppose myself) that i AM smart, and that i AM good enough, and that i AM special. at the point where high school ended, i thought that the people around me assumed i was dumb, and took me for granted as another average jane. so i wanted to get revenge by achieving the scholarship, the As and the good uni so that i could turn back to them and spit out "see? i CAN do it, you bastards".
ok,ok, let's cut to the chase. what i've realized is that i've been doing things with the wrong niat in mind. i wanted to prove myself to others. to my parents. to my friends. not getting into cambridge was when i finally realized that i don't have to. I think that's what Allah's been trying to point out. As long as i work hard, God knows it, I know it, and that's all that really matters. i know that's a pretty simple thing to grasp, and i'm the dumb one for not having realize it sooner, but that's life, yo. you don't always see the things that are so obvious to others sometimes.
but the thing about these moments of clarity ni, is that they don't last forever. sooner or later you face a stumbling block of some sort, and you forget about your enlightening realizations, and lapse back into your old ungrateful, narrow-minded self.
ok, i hear voices telling me to stop the emotional train of thought already. yeah,yeah, i hear you.
p/s:syefik, i can't stop playing simtower. i'm trying to figure out my elevator strategies,aisy. all my tenants are stressed waiting for the lift.
p/s/s:i've just figured out how to play minesweeper(all this while i'd just randomly press everywhere, thus resulting in every game ending with the mines blowing up), so i'm now addicted to that too.
oh!i completely forgot. GONG XI FA CAI! Happy chinese new year, yo.
p/s/s/s:(no more, i swear), i can't believe i never listened to 'Hospital beds' by Cold War Kids before!what was i thinking?!
For example, the latest time i felt that way was when i got rejected from cambridge. of course that sucked, but it was also(and this may sound bloody cliched) a turning point. Because, to be honest, the whole scholarship thing mase form 5 dulu kind of set something off. like a little bit of me hardened because i didn't understand why i couldn't get it. and then i got the B in AS, and that snowballed the whole thing, because i, in all frankness, was mad at Allah. i couldn't see past the B. and that sounds horrible and selfish, i know, but there you have it. so when i got rejected from cambridge, it really was a sort of meltdown moment, because the way i saw it, God was punishing me continuously. Here i was, thinking i was working my ass off but not getting the returns, and it just didn't make sense!
but then i got my moment. kakak's email made me think. and i know i'm making this out like some bloody chicken-soup for the soul story, but bear with me. You see, i think all this while, what spurned me on to try for a scholarship, or to get straight As, or to try for cambridge, was the idea that by doing so, i could prove to people(and i suppose myself) that i AM smart, and that i AM good enough, and that i AM special. at the point where high school ended, i thought that the people around me assumed i was dumb, and took me for granted as another average jane. so i wanted to get revenge by achieving the scholarship, the As and the good uni so that i could turn back to them and spit out "see? i CAN do it, you bastards".
ok,ok, let's cut to the chase. what i've realized is that i've been doing things with the wrong niat in mind. i wanted to prove myself to others. to my parents. to my friends. not getting into cambridge was when i finally realized that i don't have to. I think that's what Allah's been trying to point out. As long as i work hard, God knows it, I know it, and that's all that really matters. i know that's a pretty simple thing to grasp, and i'm the dumb one for not having realize it sooner, but that's life, yo. you don't always see the things that are so obvious to others sometimes.
but the thing about these moments of clarity ni, is that they don't last forever. sooner or later you face a stumbling block of some sort, and you forget about your enlightening realizations, and lapse back into your old ungrateful, narrow-minded self.
ok, i hear voices telling me to stop the emotional train of thought already. yeah,yeah, i hear you.
p/s:syefik, i can't stop playing simtower. i'm trying to figure out my elevator strategies,aisy. all my tenants are stressed waiting for the lift.
p/s/s:i've just figured out how to play minesweeper(all this while i'd just randomly press everywhere, thus resulting in every game ending with the mines blowing up), so i'm now addicted to that too.
oh!i completely forgot. GONG XI FA CAI! Happy chinese new year, yo.
p/s/s/s:(no more, i swear), i can't believe i never listened to 'Hospital beds' by Cold War Kids before!what was i thinking?!
Saturday, February 02, 2008
le chat
What to do when your cat suddenly has this whitish obvious selaput covering almost half of both her eyes:
1. Carry cat to car in order to go bring to vet.
2. Sigh defeatedly as cat hysterically meows and walks all about the car before settling under the driver's seat(still meowing).
3. Once you've arrived at the vet's place, hold and stroke cat as she falls very quiet and meek, because she is scared of the vet.
4. attempt to comfort cat as she has a rectal termometer pushed up her butt and is emitting noises akin to a hen laying an egg.
5. Listen to vet's diagnosis(the cat's third eyelids has come out due to a flu the cat is having) and sigh inwardly when you learn you have to feed the cat medicine, which, from past experiences, has never been an easy thing to do.
6. Bring cat home, with several futile attempts to calm the cat as she meows hysterically again from under the passenger's seat along the way.
7. With the help of younger sibling, hold cat down while feeding the cat medicine, the first one being in liquid form, given to the cat using a feeder.
8. Give exclamations of relief as cat licks it down.
9. Hold cat down while younger sibling tries to give it the second medicine, in pill form.
10. Admonish the cat repeteadly as she spits out the pill whenver it is put into her mouth.
11. Resolve to crush up pill, take the powder and smear it over a piece of fish before serving it to the cat.
11. cackle triumphantly as she eats it.
Repeat steps 7 to 11 until the third eyelid goes back to where it belongs.
1. Carry cat to car in order to go bring to vet.
2. Sigh defeatedly as cat hysterically meows and walks all about the car before settling under the driver's seat(still meowing).
3. Once you've arrived at the vet's place, hold and stroke cat as she falls very quiet and meek, because she is scared of the vet.
4. attempt to comfort cat as she has a rectal termometer pushed up her butt and is emitting noises akin to a hen laying an egg.
5. Listen to vet's diagnosis(the cat's third eyelids has come out due to a flu the cat is having) and sigh inwardly when you learn you have to feed the cat medicine, which, from past experiences, has never been an easy thing to do.
6. Bring cat home, with several futile attempts to calm the cat as she meows hysterically again from under the passenger's seat along the way.
7. With the help of younger sibling, hold cat down while feeding the cat medicine, the first one being in liquid form, given to the cat using a feeder.
8. Give exclamations of relief as cat licks it down.
9. Hold cat down while younger sibling tries to give it the second medicine, in pill form.
10. Admonish the cat repeteadly as she spits out the pill whenver it is put into her mouth.
11. Resolve to crush up pill, take the powder and smear it over a piece of fish before serving it to the cat.
11. cackle triumphantly as she eats it.
Repeat steps 7 to 11 until the third eyelid goes back to where it belongs.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
i was waiting for something in the mail...
and it came at approximately 1.30pm today as i was eating my kuay teow goreng!in a big white truck with red letters on it!
oh, gembiranya.
my very own, pertama kali dalam hidup, notebook! The Dell xps M1330.
and look!look!it's red!
i know tons of people have had their first notebook and they don't go around being gedik semacam screaming about it over their blog, but this is a huge deal for me! i mean, a significant amount of googling, comparing, and review reading actually went into this purchase. and i'm being gedik semacam again sebab everyone else pun does their homework when buying such an item, but bear with me,yah? must give props to my dad for actually agreeing to letting his daughter wield his credit card maniacally in the realms of online notebook shopping.
this is a joyous, joyous day. i mean, it's been a bit dampered due to worries over accomodation, but nevertheless, it is a joyous day. i was so excited when i found out yesterday that the laptop was going to be arriving today that i went to sleep at 11.30pm, found myself thinking about cradling it lovingly in my hands and suddenly i was wide awake at 2am. ok,stop. creepy mode.
in times like these, we need random topics. like you know the whole ballyhoo about the lingam video?well, the only thing i like about it are those t-shirts that Patrick Saw the t-shirt vendor has been selling in the spirit of poking fun at the whole thing. i like the one that has writing on it saying 'It looks like me, sounds like me, BUT.....SO DOES BRAD PITT LAH!'. HAHAHAHA. laugh with me. ok fine, don't laugh.
chinese new year is around the corner! God, i hope i get to see lion dances this year. and not the biasa one where they just parade around and throw fruit, i hope i get to see the one where they jump on poles and whatnot. if you had the misfortune of being around me during chinese new year couple years ago, i would have regaled you endlessly with the story of how i went to midvalley to go watch a movie, and they were having a lion dance at the cinema to bless the place, and how the two lions even went into the concession stand, but there was no room to turn around to walk back out, so they had to exit butts first. lion gostan.
speaking of random, i suddenly remembered the other day, back when i went to sekolah agama, in standard 2 and 3, there was this one time the ustazah asked me, "mana buku lali awak?" and i panicked, thinking something along the lines of 'buku lali? ade ke ustazah mention kene bawak buku lali? there's buku fiqah, and buku arab, and buku tajwid, jawi....buku lali is which one? i must have forgotten to include it', but i didn't want to get scolded by ustazah, so i said "lupe nak bawak". how was i to know that buku lali means ankle? did YOU know buku lali means ankle at such tender an age?wait, don't answer that.
at the pre-departure briefing, i was somewhat irritated at the fact that the head of the person sitting in front of me completely obscured my view of the screen in front on which the speaker was showing her presentation. i wanted to ask him to move his head out of the way, but how? "excuse me, please lower your head?" is that how you do it? and of course i become self-concious of my own head and was wondering if i was blocking the view of the person behind me. at one point, irritation got the best of me and i imagined removing his head and placing it on his lap. or maybe doing that manouvre you see in the movies where the hero renders someone unconcious by holding the top and bottom of the victim's head and somehow twisting it. in doing so, the guy in front of me would fall into unconciousness, thus causing his body to slump forward and perhaps fall onto the ground, leaving me with a clear view. pet peeves, man.
very self-centered, nonsensical post.
oh, gembiranya.
my very own, pertama kali dalam hidup, notebook! The Dell xps M1330.
and look!look!it's red!
i know tons of people have had their first notebook and they don't go around being gedik semacam screaming about it over their blog, but this is a huge deal for me! i mean, a significant amount of googling, comparing, and review reading actually went into this purchase. and i'm being gedik semacam again sebab everyone else pun does their homework when buying such an item, but bear with me,yah? must give props to my dad for actually agreeing to letting his daughter wield his credit card maniacally in the realms of online notebook shopping.
this is a joyous, joyous day. i mean, it's been a bit dampered due to worries over accomodation, but nevertheless, it is a joyous day. i was so excited when i found out yesterday that the laptop was going to be arriving today that i went to sleep at 11.30pm, found myself thinking about cradling it lovingly in my hands and suddenly i was wide awake at 2am. ok,stop. creepy mode.
in times like these, we need random topics. like you know the whole ballyhoo about the lingam video?well, the only thing i like about it are those t-shirts that Patrick Saw the t-shirt vendor has been selling in the spirit of poking fun at the whole thing. i like the one that has writing on it saying 'It looks like me, sounds like me, BUT.....SO DOES BRAD PITT LAH!'. HAHAHAHA. laugh with me. ok fine, don't laugh.
chinese new year is around the corner! God, i hope i get to see lion dances this year. and not the biasa one where they just parade around and throw fruit, i hope i get to see the one where they jump on poles and whatnot. if you had the misfortune of being around me during chinese new year couple years ago, i would have regaled you endlessly with the story of how i went to midvalley to go watch a movie, and they were having a lion dance at the cinema to bless the place, and how the two lions even went into the concession stand, but there was no room to turn around to walk back out, so they had to exit butts first. lion gostan.
speaking of random, i suddenly remembered the other day, back when i went to sekolah agama, in standard 2 and 3, there was this one time the ustazah asked me, "mana buku lali awak?" and i panicked, thinking something along the lines of 'buku lali? ade ke ustazah mention kene bawak buku lali? there's buku fiqah, and buku arab, and buku tajwid, jawi....buku lali is which one? i must have forgotten to include it', but i didn't want to get scolded by ustazah, so i said "lupe nak bawak". how was i to know that buku lali means ankle? did YOU know buku lali means ankle at such tender an age?wait, don't answer that.
at the pre-departure briefing, i was somewhat irritated at the fact that the head of the person sitting in front of me completely obscured my view of the screen in front on which the speaker was showing her presentation. i wanted to ask him to move his head out of the way, but how? "excuse me, please lower your head?" is that how you do it? and of course i become self-concious of my own head and was wondering if i was blocking the view of the person behind me. at one point, irritation got the best of me and i imagined removing his head and placing it on his lap. or maybe doing that manouvre you see in the movies where the hero renders someone unconcious by holding the top and bottom of the victim's head and somehow twisting it. in doing so, the guy in front of me would fall into unconciousness, thus causing his body to slump forward and perhaps fall onto the ground, leaving me with a clear view. pet peeves, man.
very self-centered, nonsensical post.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
warm caramel feelings
it's really hot at the moment. and apparently my air-cond needs servicing. whenever i turn it on, it only blows pathetic lukewarm air into the room. ok. think cold thoughts. igloo. igloo. igloo.
i know it's tiresome the way i keep stuffing videos into my post, but this one must be regaled to everyone, everyone!i was watching Miki Ando's figure skating performance at the Torino Olympics, and she used this spectacularly beatiful piece called Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence, which apparently is part of the soundtrack for a movie of the same name that starred David Bowie and the composer, Ryuichi Sakamoto. i mean, I implore you to take a listen, it's wonderful! it's the sort of music that plays while you're doing your big dramatic sad scene in a korean soap opera. or the kind that you imagine firgure skating your long program to in the olympics, which, unlike Miki Ando, will win you the gold medal. or it's simply the music that makes you want to stand in the middle of a field or on a cliff somewhere with the wind blowing through your hair.
things have been going pretty good lately. on monday my results came out. was pretty nervous, drove to college trying to prepare to get a grip on things.
warm caramel feelings of delight,yo. i got all As *insert biggest smiley face here*
it wasn't an ecstatic, hands-flapping-excitedly moment. it was more like "aaaaah. thank you". like things finally came full circle. and that's the way it's supposed to be. i'm happy and i'm thankful.
so now things are slightly in a tizzy as i scramble around trying to get things ready for melbourne. administrative mazes. checklists. flights. did you know you can take a 55 hour flight from KL on american airlines or something that will take you through about 4 different cities before finally getting to melbourne?why take 8 hours to go somehere when you can reach there in 2 and half days?
i know it's tiresome the way i keep stuffing videos into my post, but this one must be regaled to everyone, everyone!i was watching Miki Ando's figure skating performance at the Torino Olympics, and she used this spectacularly beatiful piece called Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence, which apparently is part of the soundtrack for a movie of the same name that starred David Bowie and the composer, Ryuichi Sakamoto. i mean, I implore you to take a listen, it's wonderful! it's the sort of music that plays while you're doing your big dramatic sad scene in a korean soap opera. or the kind that you imagine firgure skating your long program to in the olympics, which, unlike Miki Ando, will win you the gold medal. or it's simply the music that makes you want to stand in the middle of a field or on a cliff somewhere with the wind blowing through your hair.
things have been going pretty good lately. on monday my results came out. was pretty nervous, drove to college trying to prepare to get a grip on things.
warm caramel feelings of delight,yo. i got all As *insert biggest smiley face here*
it wasn't an ecstatic, hands-flapping-excitedly moment. it was more like "aaaaah. thank you". like things finally came full circle. and that's the way it's supposed to be. i'm happy and i'm thankful.
so now things are slightly in a tizzy as i scramble around trying to get things ready for melbourne. administrative mazes. checklists. flights. did you know you can take a 55 hour flight from KL on american airlines or something that will take you through about 4 different cities before finally getting to melbourne?why take 8 hours to go somehere when you can reach there in 2 and half days?
Friday, January 18, 2008
le chien
i have a grudge against the next-door neighbour's dog.
now, if muslims were allowed to touch and care for dogs(and i've heard a few people say that we actually can, but that's a topic of discussion for another day), i think i would opt for a dog over a cat. not to say that cats aren't gorgeous and terrific, but it's just that, well, they can be quite sombong sometimes, and frankly, i get quite put off when i'm coo-ing and expressing my affection towards cleo only to have her turn her head away to face somewhere else, as if she's bored and has lost interest in this human being behaving quite stupidly.
dogs, on the other hand, seem quite eager to please their owners. (wo)man's best friend and all that. i'd want a golden retriever, or a labrador. or that adorably forlorn-looking hush puppies dog.
but i'm going off track here. the neighbour's dog, yes. well, it has the uncanny knack of annoying me, simply because it's enclosure is facing my window directly and it barks me awake. i despise waking up because it's barking it's head off.
technically, i suppose it's not exactly the dog's fault. i'm the one who sleeps in, and it's good la that the dog barks like crazy in the morning, acting as my organic alarm clock every so often. but i can't stand it! it's sort of like how people get all ngilu when you scrape against the table with a plastic ruler, or how you can't sleep when there's a cupboard door creaking repeatedly with the wind.
there was this one time the dog was yapping in the morning round 8 something, and i was furious. i tried to cover my head with the pillow but it didn't work, and i was pissed. i got up from bed and went over to my window, creepy messy hair and all, and stared at the dog(the neighbour has 3 or 4, but only one was making the racket) down below who was barking for what i could see was no apparent reason.
"SHUT UPPPPPPPP!", i yelled, banging on the glass. and this got their attention and they all looked up at me, the banshee melayu, giving them the death glare. alas, i suppose i wasn't scary and assertive enough, because they lost interest after a few seconds and that damn dog started barking again.
this situation may have repeated itself a couple times, with me substituting 'shut up' for "SENYAPLAAAAA!" and "ARRGHHH!". needless to say, it didn't work, and 10 minutes later, a very grumpy banshee stomped downstairs to join her mom for breakfast.
as i type this, the dog in question is barking, which thus prompted this post. i have no idea what it's barking at. birds kot. a few minutes ago, one of the neighbours came out holding a paddle(i think it really is a dog-obedience-paddle) and threatened it to silence, but now it's yapping again, looking for something underneath the car(being on the 2nd floor, i get a good view of their front porch).
someone give me a tranquilizing gun.
now, if muslims were allowed to touch and care for dogs(and i've heard a few people say that we actually can, but that's a topic of discussion for another day), i think i would opt for a dog over a cat. not to say that cats aren't gorgeous and terrific, but it's just that, well, they can be quite sombong sometimes, and frankly, i get quite put off when i'm coo-ing and expressing my affection towards cleo only to have her turn her head away to face somewhere else, as if she's bored and has lost interest in this human being behaving quite stupidly.
dogs, on the other hand, seem quite eager to please their owners. (wo)man's best friend and all that. i'd want a golden retriever, or a labrador. or that adorably forlorn-looking hush puppies dog.
but i'm going off track here. the neighbour's dog, yes. well, it has the uncanny knack of annoying me, simply because it's enclosure is facing my window directly and it barks me awake. i despise waking up because it's barking it's head off.
technically, i suppose it's not exactly the dog's fault. i'm the one who sleeps in, and it's good la that the dog barks like crazy in the morning, acting as my organic alarm clock every so often. but i can't stand it! it's sort of like how people get all ngilu when you scrape against the table with a plastic ruler, or how you can't sleep when there's a cupboard door creaking repeatedly with the wind.
there was this one time the dog was yapping in the morning round 8 something, and i was furious. i tried to cover my head with the pillow but it didn't work, and i was pissed. i got up from bed and went over to my window, creepy messy hair and all, and stared at the dog(the neighbour has 3 or 4, but only one was making the racket) down below who was barking for what i could see was no apparent reason.
"SHUT UPPPPPPPP!", i yelled, banging on the glass. and this got their attention and they all looked up at me, the banshee melayu, giving them the death glare. alas, i suppose i wasn't scary and assertive enough, because they lost interest after a few seconds and that damn dog started barking again.
this situation may have repeated itself a couple times, with me substituting 'shut up' for "SENYAPLAAAAA!" and "ARRGHHH!". needless to say, it didn't work, and 10 minutes later, a very grumpy banshee stomped downstairs to join her mom for breakfast.
as i type this, the dog in question is barking, which thus prompted this post. i have no idea what it's barking at. birds kot. a few minutes ago, one of the neighbours came out holding a paddle(i think it really is a dog-obedience-paddle) and threatened it to silence, but now it's yapping again, looking for something underneath the car(being on the 2nd floor, i get a good view of their front porch).
someone give me a tranquilizing gun.
Monday, January 14, 2008
in the wee small hours of the morning
i woke up early this morning. fantastic.
i am horrible at waking up early. really, there's a running joke in the family that i "clock in for work in the afternoon shift". subuh prayers are often in jeopardy, and breakfast often turns into lunch. which is horrible!i know. i will try to change. maybe today marks the dawn of a new era. the wake-up-early-and-breakfast-with-the-birds-chirping era. the less-of-a-slob-and-more-of-a-go-getter era.
actually, for some reason, i got up at 4.30. i myself can't fathom that and was trying my best to fall back asleep, but couldn't. sleeping patterns be damned.
so here i am, at 8.48 in the morning, merrily blogging with all the exhiliration the morning sun(a rare sight,that) and a cup of coffee can give.
you know? speaking of bad habits, i have a confession. you know those blog statistic counters? the ones that count how many times your blog is visited and such? well, yes. the other day i saw a blog counter that noted all the countries your visitors came from, and there was this chick's blog whose counter said she has visitors from a whole bunch of places, including the UK,the US, ireland, australia, canada, indonesia, etc. which was fine(and pretty cool), but then it said she also had visitors from places like Latvia, Peru, and the clincher, Bosnia&Herzegovina. and i was all "whoah, betul ke ni?", and decided to check it out for myself(i know, i have too much free time on my hands). so i signed up at this free blog stat tracker and placed the code on my blog.
honestly, i had no idea the extent of info these tracker thingies can get. i mean, they record the date and time of visit of all your visiors, what server they use, origin of visitor, and they even record things like their IPs and the page they clicked on you from!(unless it's direct or from bookmark, whatever that means). which is bloody horrifying for me because i have the tendecy to blog-stalk. i am a blog-stalker. once i've put a blog under Favourites, i will tend to visit it like what, at LEAST 6 times a day? so if anyone out there has this tracker thing as well and is coincidentally puzzling "siapelah budak sedih yang dtg page aku 10 times ni?", then i 'fess up, that was probably me. sorry.
plus, nobody from Bosnia&Herzegovina visits my page. too bad.
i hope they find Sharlinie soon. alive and well.
kakak recommended this song by Adele called 'Chasing Pavements', and it's terrific. very soothing and moving.
i am horrible at waking up early. really, there's a running joke in the family that i "clock in for work in the afternoon shift". subuh prayers are often in jeopardy, and breakfast often turns into lunch. which is horrible!i know. i will try to change. maybe today marks the dawn of a new era. the wake-up-early-and-breakfast-with-the-birds-chirping era. the less-of-a-slob-and-more-of-a-go-getter era.
actually, for some reason, i got up at 4.30. i myself can't fathom that and was trying my best to fall back asleep, but couldn't. sleeping patterns be damned.
so here i am, at 8.48 in the morning, merrily blogging with all the exhiliration the morning sun(a rare sight,that) and a cup of coffee can give.
you know? speaking of bad habits, i have a confession. you know those blog statistic counters? the ones that count how many times your blog is visited and such? well, yes. the other day i saw a blog counter that noted all the countries your visitors came from, and there was this chick's blog whose counter said she has visitors from a whole bunch of places, including the UK,the US, ireland, australia, canada, indonesia, etc. which was fine(and pretty cool), but then it said she also had visitors from places like Latvia, Peru, and the clincher, Bosnia&Herzegovina. and i was all "whoah, betul ke ni?", and decided to check it out for myself(i know, i have too much free time on my hands). so i signed up at this free blog stat tracker and placed the code on my blog.
honestly, i had no idea the extent of info these tracker thingies can get. i mean, they record the date and time of visit of all your visiors, what server they use, origin of visitor, and they even record things like their IPs and the page they clicked on you from!(unless it's direct or from bookmark, whatever that means). which is bloody horrifying for me because i have the tendecy to blog-stalk. i am a blog-stalker. once i've put a blog under Favourites, i will tend to visit it like what, at LEAST 6 times a day? so if anyone out there has this tracker thing as well and is coincidentally puzzling "siapelah budak sedih yang dtg page aku 10 times ni?", then i 'fess up, that was probably me. sorry.
plus, nobody from Bosnia&Herzegovina visits my page. too bad.
i hope they find Sharlinie soon. alive and well.
kakak recommended this song by Adele called 'Chasing Pavements', and it's terrific. very soothing and moving.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
tranquil state
ok. baiklah.
i received my notification of rejection from cambridge the day before yesterday. and of course, it sucked. but in a way, it's been good because it's pushed me to make my decision.
it would perhaps be unwise to put down all the stupid things i've felt these past couple days. i am writing this with renewed vigour and enthusiasm, with a tiny bit of reluctance and pasrah-ness thrown in. this post may seem to be an act of trying to regain some sort of composure, or maybe i'm just blowing my own horn, and perhaps it will seem very conceited and ungrateful. but whatever. i'm writing it down with the hopes of easing off the last vestiges of doubt and potential regret.
and nani!you said to make sure i tell you all my offers, yea? this one's for you :)
i applied to Cambridge, LSE, Warwick, Bristol and Bath for the UK. and for Australia, i applied to Melbourne, RMIT, and UNSW. I was rejected by Cambridge and Bath. I have gotten conditional offers from LSE and Bristol. And i've gotten unconditional offers from RMIT and Melbourne. USNW no cerita. and no reply yet from Warwick.
truthfully, aside from cambridge, lse, and melbourne, all the others were to isi tempat on the borang. backup options, however you choose to call it. now that cambridge is out, the toss up is between lse and melbourne. so how goes it?
when i started my a-levels, the plan was for lse. lse all the way,baby. i was going to extract some level revenge on all those places that rejected my scholarship application by getting into lse anyway. isn't it funny?ironic,even? technically, i'm still on the path that can take me to what i vowed to achieve one and a half years ago. if i can get the required grades, i'll be halfway there! but there you have it. i'm taking the other fork in the road and going to melbourne.
trust me, it's not easy giving the idea of lse up. even as i think i've made my decision, second-thoughts intrude on a daily basis. it's lse!for God's sake. i wrote a personal statement for it! i payed bloody application fees! it's freakin' lse!
i know. i know. but i'm sticking by my decision. i tried writing lists of pros and cons for both universities, and for lse, i came up with exactly 2 pros. the first being that i'd be able to get the required UK degree to do my chartered with ICAEW, and the second being that it's somewhat prestigious, which may relate to future employability. how do you place a value on prestige, anyway? i don't know! i don't bloody know.
and melbourne?pros:starts early, cheaper, closer to home, friends going there, somewhat renowned-more so for commerce. is that enough to outweigh it's cons as well as the pros of lse?sometimes i don't think so. sometimes i do.
since i'm going to melbourne, i'll have to rewrite the plans. i won't be able to join the icaew. i'll have to do my CPA. if not maybe i can do my masters first. but hey. maybe i'm not supposed to plan much at the moment. maybe i should just take things as they come. three years from now, maybe i won't even want to do accounting anymore.
remember the part where you're supposed to look for the hikmah whenever God deals you a hand you can't quite comprehend? i'm not looking. i'm just taking a leap of faith with the thought that if this was what God meant me to do, i'm doing it.
so. i will call the lady from the idp centre tomorrow and ask her what to do. and, i'll look up a map of the university. and i'll finish up my mara loan application.
isn't it funny how things always deviate from what you imagined them to be?
my sister gave me the most kickass pep-talk through email. so i'm going to end this post by paraphrasing her words to give myself another pep-talk.
i would have loved cambridge. and i would've loved lse. but i know i'm going to love melbourne too.
haha, i'm being bloody emo, i know. but it's true, ya know. i'm going to embrace every inch of melbourne that i can. and that's the closest thing to a resolution i'm going to make this year. so cheers to that.
i received my notification of rejection from cambridge the day before yesterday. and of course, it sucked. but in a way, it's been good because it's pushed me to make my decision.
it would perhaps be unwise to put down all the stupid things i've felt these past couple days. i am writing this with renewed vigour and enthusiasm, with a tiny bit of reluctance and pasrah-ness thrown in. this post may seem to be an act of trying to regain some sort of composure, or maybe i'm just blowing my own horn, and perhaps it will seem very conceited and ungrateful. but whatever. i'm writing it down with the hopes of easing off the last vestiges of doubt and potential regret.
and nani!you said to make sure i tell you all my offers, yea? this one's for you :)
i applied to Cambridge, LSE, Warwick, Bristol and Bath for the UK. and for Australia, i applied to Melbourne, RMIT, and UNSW. I was rejected by Cambridge and Bath. I have gotten conditional offers from LSE and Bristol. And i've gotten unconditional offers from RMIT and Melbourne. USNW no cerita. and no reply yet from Warwick.
truthfully, aside from cambridge, lse, and melbourne, all the others were to isi tempat on the borang. backup options, however you choose to call it. now that cambridge is out, the toss up is between lse and melbourne. so how goes it?
when i started my a-levels, the plan was for lse. lse all the way,baby. i was going to extract some level revenge on all those places that rejected my scholarship application by getting into lse anyway. isn't it funny?ironic,even? technically, i'm still on the path that can take me to what i vowed to achieve one and a half years ago. if i can get the required grades, i'll be halfway there! but there you have it. i'm taking the other fork in the road and going to melbourne.
trust me, it's not easy giving the idea of lse up. even as i think i've made my decision, second-thoughts intrude on a daily basis. it's lse!for God's sake. i wrote a personal statement for it! i payed bloody application fees! it's freakin' lse!
i know. i know. but i'm sticking by my decision. i tried writing lists of pros and cons for both universities, and for lse, i came up with exactly 2 pros. the first being that i'd be able to get the required UK degree to do my chartered with ICAEW, and the second being that it's somewhat prestigious, which may relate to future employability. how do you place a value on prestige, anyway? i don't know! i don't bloody know.
and melbourne?pros:starts early, cheaper, closer to home, friends going there, somewhat renowned-more so for commerce. is that enough to outweigh it's cons as well as the pros of lse?sometimes i don't think so. sometimes i do.
since i'm going to melbourne, i'll have to rewrite the plans. i won't be able to join the icaew. i'll have to do my CPA. if not maybe i can do my masters first. but hey. maybe i'm not supposed to plan much at the moment. maybe i should just take things as they come. three years from now, maybe i won't even want to do accounting anymore.
remember the part where you're supposed to look for the hikmah whenever God deals you a hand you can't quite comprehend? i'm not looking. i'm just taking a leap of faith with the thought that if this was what God meant me to do, i'm doing it.
so. i will call the lady from the idp centre tomorrow and ask her what to do. and, i'll look up a map of the university. and i'll finish up my mara loan application.
isn't it funny how things always deviate from what you imagined them to be?
my sister gave me the most kickass pep-talk through email. so i'm going to end this post by paraphrasing her words to give myself another pep-talk.
i would have loved cambridge. and i would've loved lse. but i know i'm going to love melbourne too.
haha, i'm being bloody emo, i know. but it's true, ya know. i'm going to embrace every inch of melbourne that i can. and that's the closest thing to a resolution i'm going to make this year. so cheers to that.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
I think this was in september of last year. This couple who are acquainted with dad came over for dinner, we're facing them in the pic. i like this one a lot, because:a) candids are quite rare for the us(no one in the family rajin enough to wield the camera shooting spontaneous pics).
b) all of us(that's me mum and kakak) have the look. the omg-kelakarnya-awak-ni look.
nevermind the fact i look like a complete toad in the pic. to be honest, i was annoyed on that day because:
a)i kene marah for coming home late from tuition
b)the couple arrived before i had time to mandi(thus the disheveled hair and all that is ugly)
plus, you see that woman in the turqoise shirt with the sumo hairstyle? the one yang tengah duduk atas the couch like some sort of laksmana even though mom has taught her children to 'duduk elok-elok', especially in front of guests? the one who marah me for coming home late from tuition? yeah. i miss her.
mom's been helping out my brother's school's library increase their repertoire(i.e:collect money, use money to buy books, process books to be included into database,etc), so she's employed me(albeit with no pay, unfortunately) to help with the processing part. and really, it's no joke! it's a lot of repetitive, tedious work. but it's terrific in the sense that:
a)at least i'm not rotting away. there's some level of productivity, i guess.
b)if this accounting thing doesn't work out, i'll have a backup occupation to fall upon. i'll be a librarian! i'll work at Perpustakaan Negara. and, because of my social skills impediment, i'd probably end up living at the library secretly.
i recently got Bloc Party's A Weekend in the City. Woohoo! i must say, their lyrics captivate me. right off the bat, my favourite on the album is Kreuzberg.
and this goes out to anyone feeling the blues:
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