durbar

Juwa's tag, the ever classic list-7-things-about yourself.

1. I have a secret joy of doing tags. When you're tagged, you automatically have a post topic, and it's self-indulgence at its written finest.

2. When I told my mom back towards the end of standard 5 that I was elected to be Ketua Pengawas, she didn't believe me. In the 'are you sure? REALLY sure? They didn't choose you yet right, you're just short-listed.' kind of way. Not so encouraging, if you think about it now. But hey, it surprised the crap out of me as well. Ade ke sekolah saya pegi pilih budak yang selalu hilang name-tag dia dan sering menumpahkan makanan ke atas baju sekolahnya jadi ketua pengawas? pelik, pelik.

3. When I was younger, back when we stayed in Kerteh, there was this one time I went to my neighbour's house. Coincidentally, her grandmother was staying over at the moment, and she was applying inai to her hands. Her grandma was a real pro at it too, the one yang jenis lukis designs like vines all over the hand, not merely coating the nails. She offered to do it for us, so I eagerly got my hands covered with the green goop, waited until it dried, and washed it off. Behold!the lovely orangey-reddish tones of inai on my palms. How exciting. Then I went back home, proceeded to go take a bath, and that's when I found out inai doesn't come off, even when you want it too. Saat cemas. I mean yeah, it was pretty and all, but my 5 year-old self didn't want to walk around with strange markings all over my hand! Warna oren pulak tu. I think that was the last time I applied inai.

4. I used to think that 'ibu pejabat' meant an office where mothers worked. And since we're on that topic, I used to think that 'polite' was pronounced as 'poe-leet', and 'lingerie' was pronounced as 'ling-uh-ree'. I used to think that 'paradigm' was pronounced 'para-diggum'. And that was in form 4. Do we see a pattern here?

5. I was hanging out with Syefik once, watching MTV, and they were showing Bjork's video for Declare Independance, to which Syefik watched, as if tranced, for a couple minutes, before shuddering and saying "eeeeei, takutnye tengok video ni",hahahahaha. i found that tickling. But anyway, I have just come across this song called Hyperballad by Bjork, which I find wonderful! I was never appreciative of her eccentricity before this(except maybe for that It's Oh So Quiet cover), but I now can see how fantastically her voice exudes emotion, and her lyrics! though simple, they're awesome in that their ambiguity leaves you wondering what she's actually singing about, and you can fit in your own beautiful interpretation of it. This is one of those songs that can make you think of something endless, deep, tranquil.


6. Here's a what a random page of my journal says:

16.9.2008

Ate a whole loaf-pan of quiche today. Not good, man. Maybe it's a testament to the fact that my quiche is damn good? Maybe.

When I'm 35(and hopefully I'll have grown up by then) and I reread this, it'll scare the crap out of me. 'Wasn't that the year of the financial crisis?!the Obama/Mccain presidential election?! When Badawi decided to step down?! What the hell was I doing writing about QUICHES?!'

7. I keep this crude, rudimentary ledger and write down my all my spendings in it(I try to put down every cent). when it's time to balance the accounts at the end of the month and I find that my balance under the cash account doesn't match the cash I have in my wallet, I fly into a rage. A baling-wallet-kat-katil/dinding-and-makan-a-whole-pan-of-quiche rage.

Bonus point: I've killed 2 bugs flying around my room tonight(Afnan, I took your advice!). Oklah, they were small ones. But I feel vindicated.

p/s: I tag Diyana(update your blog!I want to stalk you :D), and Kelly!I'm sure you guys would do this tag justice and come up with 7 interesting things. Di saat-saat nak exam ni, I'm sure a tag would be a pleasant distraction(or not).

coney island

Kalau boleh, saya ingin melayang ke arah lecturer saya sambil menjerit "ape yang kau mahukan sebenarnya dengan tutorial ini?!APE?!".

Gurau saje. Kalau saya melayang pun, saya akan berhenti di hadapannya secara hormat dan tanya dengan penuh tata tertib: "Wahai pensyarahku, izinkan hamba bertanya matlamat dan objektif sebenar di sebalik tutorial minggu ini? Hamba sungguh tidak faham apakah yang diinginkan oleh soalan tersebut dan apakah yang perlu dilakukan oleh hamba untuk menjawabnya. Sila bantu".

Appetite saya sedang berkata "hey, let's have a pear nak?", walaupun hati, otak,malah perut saya sedang giat memprotes:"JANGAN!You're full! You had chips!a yogurt-topped muesli bar! nuts! toast and tuna! coffee!berhenti berhenti!". Mari kita lihat siapa yang menang dalam pergaduhan ini. (Saya ramalkan hati,otak dan perut saya akan bergelar juara kali ini. sebab saya dah gosok gigi, jadi gigi saya akan memberi backing kepada mereka).

Saudari juwa, saya akan melakukan tag anda dengan hati yang riang dan mata yang bersinar-sinar tidak lama lagi ye? Harap maaf.

Lagi satu: Mari kita hargai hidup.

this morning, I was reading at the dining table, when I hear a yelp and see shao min running(streaking,hahahahaha. kidding.) from her bathroom to her bedroom. Kenapa? Sebab there was a bug flying around her bathroom. Isn't it marvelously intuitive of bugs to fly around the apartments of girls who are scared of flying bugs? at one point:

Shao Min: AAAAH!
(Atiqah turns around quickly, sees the bug flying out into the living room)

Atiqah:Kenap...AAAAH-OW,DAMNIT(slams knee into table in haste of running away).

Wei. wei. tiba-tiba nak coney dog la pulak.

Hi soulmate.

At another event, among other people, amidst many noises and an abundance of movements, I sat with my face cupped in my hands, staring at everything and nothing, asking:

where are you? what's taking so long? you are coming, right?

sometimes, at certain points, I cast around, asking for someone, something to please, please please come save me. Please. God? mom? kakak? kawan? please. PLEASE. please save me. Sometimes I feel it's to the extent of begging, I'm at the point of begging you to please catch me. help me. understand me. love me. damnit. I feel it so badly I can't explain what I want, I just end up as this crazy person repeating these words again and again.Until it becomes nothing more than me rocking back and forth whispering 'please.please.please'.

haih. you don't need to read shit like this. I think the blogosphere has enough of it already.

Anyway, I helped out with this event, yea? and we had loads of food leftover. so guess who's going to be eating vegetarian fried rice for the next couple days? and who's going to stuff herself with blueberry muffins tonight? yeah baby.

I was just wondering, who came up with the bright idea of giving Shah Rukh Khan datukship? I mean, really. I am genuinely curious at seeing who it is that suggested "apa kata kita hadiahkan datukship kepada Shah Rukh khan?". Don't get me wrong, I weeped watching Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Khabi Kushi khabi Gham. but datukship? And why is it I don't know what actions our government has taken to face the financial crisis? Have they taken any? Did we cut interest rates? did they guarantee bank deposits? what? what? can someone update me? All I've heard about is things like Abdullah Badawi wanting to tie up loose ends, Anwar still saying he'll take over, and fucking rape cases. Rapists are scum. Rape is an injustice I cannot understand nor tolerate. It's not fucking fair.

Item to be grateful for number 98349283y5183:I don't need microfinance.

oh hey. the birds have started chirping already.

Malas nak buat kerja

The need for organization, control, and general planning increases as one gets older.

I, being the essence of a general slob, am coming to realize this. Belatedly, perhaps. Nevertheless, I now see that the chances for success in life('success' being subjective here) is dim if my plan is to just 'wing it', as I believe I've been doing so for the most part.

There's this need to keep track and coordinate what you're doing, and what you plan to achieve, and how do you go about doing it. And this need seems to encompass EVERYTHING. I used to think it was just for major stuff like planning your studies to sit for your SPM, or making sure you didn't overspend your allowance and go over budget, or finishing up the assignment that's due in two weeks, things that you have already been advised and told many times to plan for. No,no,no. it goes beyond that.

I suppose the major thing I must plan is in regards to religion. Our aim is fairly obvious: be good enough to get into heaven. Fine, objective ascertained. But how do I be good enough? I think it's safe to say that I've deviated from the straight and narrow quite a bit, and now I need to get back on the right track. At least I know what I want, I want to be a good muslim and I want to be a good person, and I want to love God and and be loved in return, ok! great! But how do I go about doing that? And here's where planning comes in. Pray, fast, ask for protection and guidance. Make effort to understand and embrace Islam, try and live by the guidelines.

Here's another one: our body. There's so many things to remember, much more besides the essential rule to eat and drink to stay alive. Eat healthy!less fried foods, less oil, less saturated fat, less sodium. Get enough calcium, I don't want osteoporosis when I'm old, so gulp down that milk and finish that tub of low-fat yogurt. Cut down on sugar, and refrain from that second cup of coffee. Tea has anti-oxidants. Try and eat at least one dark green veggie everyday, and don't forget fruit and some sort of roughage. Don't snack, you're overweight enough as it is, go get exercise. Lose some kilos and build up bone density, they say active women have reduced chances of getting cancer as much as 23%. Cleansing your face is not enough. Don't forget to use toner and moisturizer, and sunblock. Use body lotion, if not your skin will go dry and start to peel. I need something to make those blister scars on my feet go away.

Studies, studies, studies. Study those lecture notes, I know I wasn't paying attention in class. Finish up my tutes, get a study timetable ready, there's only a month left until exams. Organize my files, make sure I've submitted my assignments, have all my textbooks, read all my textbooks, print out my notes, get ready for next week's tutorial so that I don't feel like an ass again. Plan what you want to be. Plan your subjects. Get a degree. get a master's degree! Get good grades. get a good job. get good money.

Groceries, do I have enough? I need more eggs and milk and cereal. I just bought those last week, I need to buy them again? I'm eating too much. Eat less. My chicken and meat are all out, have to go get more. I'm spending too much! Money. Make sure I've transferred this month's rent to dad, paid the internet bill, check my balances to ensure I at least have money to survive. Don't go above the specific amount when buying something.

Call home, call friends, remember to take the initiative to socialize occasionally. Read the paper, try and keep up with events so at least you have the general idea when someone talks about the financial crisis or Sarah Palin, and not feel so out of the loop like all this while. Read a book, listen to a song, update your journal, update your blog, to get the feel that you have a soul somewhere inside of you , because perhaps you hope these things are proof that you do. Don't forget to smile, be more friendly! Accept invitations, be courageous enough to join a club. Be happy. Don't involve and therefore contaminate others' with your foul mood.

And so, how can one possibly be a couch potato?

My parents are amazing at being able to do all this, as well as handle the additional conundrum of having yours truly as a child.

additional note that I want to jot down because it made me mad: why. the fuck. would you post up pictures of cadavers and dead fetuses on your facebook? just because you're a medic student studying them doesn't mean they deserve any less respect. They're people who have passed away, you jackass, not merely lab exhibits for you to poke and prod at.

Pengajaran Buat Hari Ini

Jangan melengahkan tugasan university.

Saya ada dua assignment yang perlu dihantar minggu ini. Saya telah diberi masa lebih kurang 3 minggu untuk menyiapkannya. Tapi 2 daripada 3 minggu tersebut merupakan cuti pertengahan semester.

saya telah lalai.

Saya menangguhkan tugasan-tugasan tersebut hingga saat-saat terakhir, iaitu sekarang. haih.

Semalam, pada pukul 12 malam, saya hendak tidur setelah gagal menyiapkan semua kerja. Saya membuat keputusan untuk cuba menyiapkannya keesokan harinya. Maka saya pun pergi ke bilik tidur, di mana saya lihat katil saya bertaburan dengan baju.

oh ye. baru saya sedar saya telah lupa untuk lipat laundry. damn.

Maka saya pun mula melipat baju dan ketika itulah saya mendapat idea untuk tidak tidur demi menyiapkan semua kerja rumah. 'If I finish it by tonight, I'd get it over with and wouldn't have to panic and stay up the night before the due day itself', saya fikir dalam kepala saya. Lagipun, saya ada beberapa tugas lain untuk diselesaikan. Jadi saya fikir jika saya tidak tidur, saya akan mempunyai lebih kurang 7 jam tambahan untuk melakukannya semua.

Saya akui, saya tidak pandai membezakan idea bernas daripada idea bodoh.

Jadi, sebab itulah saya sedang menaip ayat ini pada pukul 4.20 pagi di kala hari Selasa. Saya boleh mendengar seekor burung bersiul di luar tingkap. Bagus. ade la jugak teman.

assignment hampir siap! cuma perlu dikemas dan ditokok tambah sedikit disini dan disana. Tapi saya tak puas hati la. Macam tak betul je. Saya boleh dengar suara kecil di dalam kepala saya memaki saya. "Tu lah pasal, siapa suruh tak buat awal-awal. Tengok, skarang kerja semua half-baked aje". Ok fine suara kecil, lesson learned. Now shut up.

Saya confess, sepanjang malam ini saya makan banyak. Kopi, buah, roti, yoghurt, you name it, I had it at one point. Daging?hah. saya telah menggoreng satu pati burger ayam untuk dijamah bersama sos tomato. Semuanya dimakan dengan niat untuk membekalkan tenaga bagi membuat kerja, tapi saya tahu itu semua hanya naluri tamak saya untuk makan banyak. haih. Cuma kumpulan makanan sayur-sayuran sahaja yang tidak diwakili. Serat? jangan risau. Saya bercadang hendak makan cereal sebentar lagi sebagai breakfast. Serat la kan tu? Ke tidak?

Ok. saya hendak pergi basuh kuali yang saya guna untuk goreng pati burger tadi. selamat pagi.

Scottish Terrier

Hmm.

HMM.

Paramore.

I think they're interesting. A few sites described them as a divergence between pop punk rock and emo, and while their hairdos are a bit suspicious and their music can remind you more of Coheed and Cambria or The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, I have to agree. They blur the line, and I find that fascinating. I also find myself liking a growing number of their songs.

I'm no music critic, but here's what I like about them:
1. Hayley William can sing, damnit. she can SING. proof.and she's hot.
2. While the normal versions of their songs can be a bit too much for me, I totally dig most of their acoustic versions!
3. Dengar dan lihat video. A perfectly addictive pop song.

Ambivalent and supposedly 'deep' or emotional one-line ending sentences sometimes annoy me. but I tend to write them.

in other news, the committee thought my bookmarks were adorable, heh heh heh.

I want a dog. The kind that will come running and jump all over you simply because they're overjoyed to see you walk through the door.

PMS, i think

I am unhappy.

now that that's out of the way, maybe we can get a move on and finish up those assignments.

Adoi

hi.

my wallet got stolen.

ok,ok. I say stolen, but who knows. Maybe I was dumb enough to have accidentally dropped it somewhere without realizing it. But anyway. My wallet's gone.

Don't worry. I didn't freak out and have a meltdown. It went pretty ok, actually. Even while I tried looking around for it in the store, I realized it was already gone and that I'd have to start calling up the bank, get my student id replaced, call up the OSHC people. Oh, and figure out how to get my malaysian ic replaced.

I went home in a sort of disoriented daze, trying to remember what else was in my wallet, and contemplate the irony of how I managed to lose my it just after withdrawing cash from the ATM.

Ok, despite me being all zen-like and accepting, I think this incident deserves at least one whole-hearted profanity.

MANGKUK AYUN.

So I got home, called up the bank, cooked dinner, and proceeded to systematically stuff myself. I'd eat more, but I'm pretty full. Give me comfort food, people.

Kelly was a real sweetheart though, offering full support and an invitation to treat me to dinner. Thanks Kelly, if you're reading this! I might have to take up your offer for help on wednesday, I think I need to borrow some cash to buy the tram ticket to get to Malaysian Hall for raya.

Oh, woe. I sound pathetic.

Kelly was indignant on my behalf, cursing the person who may have pick-pocketed my wallet to "selalu sakit perut". And I had to chuckle at that, but at the same time I was contemplating her words. She fully blamed the perpetrator of the incident, and while I had conjured up anger for whoever it was that may have taken my purse, it was more a passing thought. To be honest, I kind of took the whole thing as an incident inflicted by God Himself onto me. I was not so much a victim of someone's crime as the recipient of a direct prodding from Allah.While I was walking around the store for the umpteenth time to look for the thing, I think at some point I was murmuring to Him, "I can't believe this. Don't do this to me".

Here's what I think He was trying to teach or test me: it's so much more easier to love someone when everything goes right, someone here being God and Islam in general. I am happily excited to say my thanks and accept my faith when everything's going smoothly and I have nothing to pit against my belief that everything will be a-okay if I do my prayers and fast properly and remember to ask for protection for me and my family. But when something happens to screw things up, it's so much harder to swallow your anger and have faith that things happen for a reason.

If I'm going to repent and be a properly decent being, I'm going to have to learn to love beyond expecting good things in return.

sorry. Open pondering on an open blog. I waste cyberspace, I know. Anyway. It's all okay. It's not as if I got cancer or anything. In the grand scheme of things, a wallet is nothing.

In better news, I got this beautiful leather satchel bag from Camberwell market today! I love it, it's like a small briefcase I can sling around. I was so excited about it I wore it immediately, and therefore unfortunately, this is the same bag that my wallet was in when it was stolen. So, like I told kakak melodramatically over the phone just now, this beautiful bag will forever be tinged with the bittersweet memory of my loss wallet. But I'm going to wear this bag until it's all battered and falling apart, so if anything, this whole shebang only adds to its rustic charm and history.

And in even happier news, I'm going to be the very first person to wish D. I. R. S. a very merry happy awesomely amazing 20th birthdaaaaaaaay!

The ever glamourous Diyana

Have an amazing birthday, saudari. First one abroad, make it spectacular. You're smart, kind, brilliantly funny, and are everything someone could look for in a friend. I heart you lots.

Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin semua.

Penanda Buku Kayu Yang Ada Kepala Kucing

hello, my lovelies.

Bright and sunny this morning.25th day of Ramadan. I am perusing through a number of homemade craft ideas sites, in search of something easy and cheap to make do as souvenirs for this small event I'm helping out with. The thing is, what on earth can you give as an event favor that's cheap but at the same time won't be discarded thoughtlessly by the recipients? I've seen my parents and also myself receive a fair share of useless, space-wasting party souvenirs that were promptly binned, sometimes(but rarely) with a slight tinge of guilt-sorry to the people that took the time to buy and give me said souvenir, but really. Rather than some paper weight/ ugly vase/clock whose hands have flopped over, couldn't you have just given me a decent chocolate bar instead? or something practical, like a mechanical pencil. yeah).

So we're meeting up today to discuss the event, and I plan to courageously champion the idea of giving everyone these wooden bookmarks I found at Vic Market the other day. Wait!wait! bookmark ni lawa, betul! and think about it, it's useful, it's cheap(a dollar each), and it's something that's in a sense not flimsy. would you rather receive some floppy handmade card/ornament or a very pretty wooden bookmark? But I'm looking up craft ideas anyway, just in case they reject the idea and I'm left to slunk to a corner cradling my beautiful wooden bookmark in my trembling hands. haih.

sorry, had to let out that trivial worry out here.

Anyway, guess what! On the 23rd of September, I loped down to Borders and guess what? GUESS WHAT?

Seorang human racoon hodoh memegang cakera padat Only By The Night oleh Kings of Leon.

Yeah,man! It was out and beautifully displayed on the new cds rack. but wait, it gets more beatific. All the copies of the album on the new releases rack were retail priced at $26.95, yea? So I grabbed one of those, but I had to call Aina up first, and while I was talking to her I was absent-mindedly browsing around the regular cd racks. That was when I saw the copy I'm holding up in the picture. $15.95! Bloody hell, we're talking about a new cd on the first day of release here! It was the only one on the regular racks, and it was certainly the only one with a Great Price sticker on it. I couldn't believe it. Even after I bought it and was walking home, I kept thinking there must have been some catch. Maybe it's rosak. Maybe it's some sort of single, not the full album. But no, it's fine, it's perfect! So the only way I can explain this is either Borders was being selectively baik hati, pricing one or a few of the new cds with this promo price, or maybe someone just mistakenly put the sticker on that copy. Either way, excuse me while I punch the air with my fists and whoop over my good fortune.

Anyway, on to the album. I religiously refrained(sungguh sesuai dengan bulan ramadan. I remember snippets of the definition of puasa from agama class back in high school, ie: menahan diri daripada makan minum dan memasukkan sesuatu ke dalam rongga terbuka daripada terbit fajar hingga matahari terbenam. something along those lines) from reading reviews of the cd (except for Al's, I think), to avoid any undue influence(I am shamefully quite easily swayed by reviews). While refraining from reading a review of a particular cd can't exactly be considered a part of fasting, it does accord nicely with the underlying theme of 'menahan diri', no? ok, maybe not.

I won't bother elaborate much, but it suffices to say, I like the album. A lot. And the interesting thing is, if you ask me to pick out which is the best out of this album, Because of The Times and Aha Shake Heartbreak (I should get Youth and Young Manhood), I think I'd be a bit stumped.
Notable songs: Use Somebody, Manhattan, Revelry(it has that lovely dreamy quality with appropriate backup vocals that reminds a lot of Trunk and The Runner from the previous album), I Want You, Cold Desert. Sex on Fire is good too, but the dreadful video sort of marred it for me. However, it's still pretty damn good.

I use too many words in a sentence.

ok. I have to go. I hope the bookmark thing works out. how can it not?!

White

Saya sedang sprawled di atas lantai. Atau, secara lebih spesifik, saya sedang sprawled di atas sejadah di atas lantai. Rancangan saya pada asal-usulnya adalah untuk mandi, solat zohor dan kemudian melakukan aktiviti-aktiviti produktif, seperti menyiapkan kerja rumah. Nampaknya saya telah terpesong daripada rancangan asal.

Kings of Leon played Use Sombody on Jools Holland! Watch here. oh, I love this song, I do. Jared and Matthew's hair look painfully styled and Jared makes this weird face whenever he sings the backup vocals, but I keep watching the video over and over. At around the 3 minute mark of the clip, there's a glimpse of what I'm sure is Carla Bruni smiling and nodding along with the song.

Yesterday was fun. Window shopping around Chapel Street! God, I want to do it again. There was a shop selling vintage bags and clothes, rotary telephones, teacup sets with flowered patterns. Old typewriters! The end result of the excursion along the street was this very nice skirt(with pockets!) and (cheap) wayfarers. Then, later on for buka, lamb kebabs beside the carwash place(read:nikmat), ice cream afterwards, churros and coffee for a second round of dessert, the park in the middle of the night! Talking while sitting on a bench underneath a lamp post. Getting scared senseless by a guy barking out profanities. I don't have days like yesterday often enough.

Pointless post number 1933756385013857.

Bruises

Buka: nasi and ayam masak kicap, choy sum(or is it pak choy. something related to bok choy) cooked in oyster sauce. Followed by 6 cupcakes, a pear, then a (small) pack of chips and a few slugs of water.

In my defense, it's been a pretty grueling day.

Well, not exactly the whole day. it's just that it ended on a grueling note. I would wail about how my illusions on the existence of some unwritten law of decency regarding asking questions during a presentation have been shattered(shattered, I tell you), but cupcakes and chips can soften the tension. Plus, a nice(and maybe over-friendly but quite good-looking cashier) chatted amicably with me while I was paying for my groceries just now, so that was pleasant(shut up i know I'm easily giddy when it comes to these things).

Ok, here's a breakdown of the cupcakes. I made standard(read:easiest) butter cupcakes, and I got about 12 in total from the batter, excluding 3 more I forgot about and partially burnt. Amongst those twelve I'd like to dedicate 3 to specific people.

First one goes to Fatin, as a horrendously belated birthday wish(sorry, Fatin! my super bad). I know this is coming really late, but I hope you had an excellent birthday :D

The one on the right goes to Azrieal, whose birthday was a few days ago, on the exact day the lucky chap hopped on a plane to go back home. I don't think you read the blog anyway, but happy birthday again and tell nasi lemak and ayam madu I'm coming home in approximately 2 and a half months.

And the center muffin goes to diyana, who has officially gone off to the place where Camelot may be, and whom I miss. I still wish I'd been there to see you off.

Ok. So i dedicated a cupcake(muffin, whatever) to you. Not that you get to eat it. Kiranya I ate them in your honour la. Which defeats the purpose of it all, but hey! it's the thought that counts. Ni buat daripada tangan ok.(Kero I took your advice and am aiming for arm muscles, woot).

Or maybe these were all just excuses for me to finish them cupcakes off. They aren't the best, not as soft as I'd like, but I still like them. they remind me of the cupcakes mom and I would make for raya(minus the chocolate sprinkles). Hark at me growling and defending my cupcakes' honor.

Oh, try checking out this song, apparently it's the track on the new ipod nano commercial. I think it's very pretty.


Pictures. for the sake of it.
Aina, during merdeka celebrations. Honestly, who else can pull off a candid pic holding an umbrella looking as (dare I say)ayu as this? And with her mouth open!
Shao Min's hands demonstrating the fine art of fitting an oversized lasagna piece in a pan. Notice how her hands are blurred, testament to the fact that she's super skilled(hands moving at lightning speed!). or I could just be a shit photographer.

Maybe I should just stay up until sahur time.

Apricot or two

I'm going to buy self-raising flour and baking powder. and maybe even cupcake cups!

On the first properly warm spring day, on a certain street in Melbourne, you wouldn't have found another person grinning more idiotically to herself as she took off her jumper and rejoiced in the sunshine. I can't remember the last time the weather gave me such a natural high.

I accept that my blog is a merapu-rapu blog. but hey, I'm a merapu-rapu person. I don't mind.

One glass cold milk + 3 heaped teaspoons of Milo(don't stir!) = glass-bottom-scrapping delight.

Rosemary Clooney's 'Come On to My House' + vacant space + urge to move = Impromptu attempt of jive/swing/orang gile dancing with imaginary partner in the kitchen.

wayfarers,man. white ones. think I could pull them off?

One week until mid-sem break!

my friend's about to fly off! come to think of it, I most likely won't be seeing her for some time. depressing. the bane of different hemispheres.


ok. mari kita tidur. dengan nyenyak sekali.

burung hantu. ghostbird.

Peristiwa berkenaan burung yang menyayat hati #1:

This morning, while I was sitting at the dining table, a pigeon flew over and perched on the railing of our balcony. It was quite fat, and as I was staring at it, I noticed it only had one leg. The other leg looked broken off, there was no claw, just a jagged stump. Haih. kesian burung tu.

Peristiwa berkenaan burung yang menyayat hati #2:

The day before yesterday, I was walking back home from the uni computer lab, when I saw another pigeon standing on the pavement on the other side of the road. It just stood there, so I looked over at it and saw that it was standing beside another pigeon sprawled on the ground. dead. Sigh.

Haiyaiyai. Kesian burung tu. I felt sorry for the dead one, but more for the other bird standing guard over it. do birds mourn?

a number of hours later:

irritation. My accounting tute is really being a bug up my ass today,and the godforsaken itunes won't let me buy a song without upgrading to itunes version 7.bazillion.

I'm going to curl into a ball with Memoirs of a Geisha(and skip straight to the part where she watches Hatsumomo get ready) and pray that the time to start cooking for buka comes quickly.

Bouncy Music

I'm in the university computer lab. I am supposed to be tweaking up my macroeconomics assignment, putting the finishing touches and generally getting it submission-ready for tomorrow.

I have just opened up my assignment file from my thumbdrive, and from what I can see, my assignment is there, but it's only half-complete. All the diagrams I drew yesterday, and the additional answer to the last two questions that I did yesterday are not there. My diagrams? all gone. My diagrams.

I could have SWORN i saved it in my thumbdrive. I could have SWORN. I made sure I saved it under my thumbdrive, and not in the the uni computer hard drive.

I'm trying very hard to remain in some state of composure.

It's not as bad as it seems. Didn't take me too long to draw the diagrams yesterday, and finishing the question took about 3hours, procrastination included. So it's all ok. it's all ok. breathe.

Maybe this is a sign. Maybe the answer I came up with yesterday is not as good as I can make it to be. This is either a punishment from God, in which case it's fully justified, or it's just a prodding to concentrate properly and make it as kick ass as possible(I admit, I was watching all the Kings of Leon home videos in between typing yesterday, therefore I suppose I wasn't as focused on the assignment as I should have been). After all, it's worth 10% (or is it 15%?) of total marks. Getting good marks here could be the few points that'll let me get H1 for macro.

This is working. The annoyance is subsiding.

I could do with some nice Brazilian bouncy music now. Ok,ok. assignment first, then I'll listen to Brazilian bouncy music.

I'm Not Sorry There's Nothing to Save

6th day of puasa, yo.

I was managing fine(I had this very decent feast of roti john for buka followed by pancakes with ice cream and banana slices the other day) until I stumbled across someone's blog that dedicated a portion of their latest post on the beauty that is pasar puasa. haih. I now have this undeniable need for ayam madu, in all it's oily, honey-glazed glory. and air kelapa(and coconut flesh!). roti boom. tepung pelita!

One of the small things that delight me is whenever I see someone walking alone, and they have a smile on their face. The usual scenario is that they're walking with their gaze focused on the ground, immersed in their thoughts, and they're smiling. I've been fortunate to come across two different people doing it in the past week, and for some reason it gives me this delicious sense of amusement combined with curiosity. What(or who) could you possibly be thinking about?

I'm finally listening to the gorgeous song that is Your Ex-Lover Is Dead by Stars(yes, i'm very ketinggalan like that). wheeeee. I mean, seriously. There are few things in the world that can make me squeeze out genuine enthusiasm, but when you come across a song that embodies sadness in such a pretty way, you can practically see it coming out of my pores. This is one of those songs that makes you want to squeeze your toes, flail your arms around and moan "I love this song. i doooooo".

Mari dengar(if you're as ketinggalan as me).


All is good with the world today, on my part at least. There's studying, an assignment and grocery shopping to be done, but at 7 in the morning, you can't help but feel there's the possibility of making it a fully productive day.

Have a happy Saturday(imagine me grinning a la Cheshire Cat as I say this).

Sparkly

Two things:

1. This morning, after sahur, i decided to go back to sleep.

I'm volunteering at some amusement park for kids. somehow i end up on this helicopter ride designed to go around really fast and pretend to crash so that we'd get a feel of what people in helicopter crashes face. so we take off and i'm aware that my dad's in the helicopter as well. The helicopter swoops around like mad, i'm enjoying it like any roller-coaster,feeling the contents of my stomach swirl around. Then we crash, and we crash into water. the sea, or a huge lake. i panic, but then remind myself this is all part of the ride. water starts gushing in and apprehension swoops in. any minute,now, i tell myself. any minute the helicopter will jolt and shoot out of the water. I can feel the water coming into the chopper fast and realize that perhaps that isn't going to happen. The water gushes in and now i'm trapped in a small enclosed space between the helicopter roof, i suppose, and the water. I pace myself, try to take steady breaths, but even then i can feel my heartbeat quickening and my steady inhale exhale motions becoming gasps. Then something happens, maybe the water's filled up over my head. I become aware that I might die. I close my eyes, and I lose my mind or surrender to this ill-fated ride, I can't tell. But I keep my eyes closed, feel all this horribleness twist in my head and suddenly I realize I'm in bed. My eyes are closed because I'm still asleep, and this is all just a bad dream. At first I'm not quite sure, and I'm cautious about it because I don't want to give myself false hope. but then I feel my pillow under my head, and my quilt covering my shoulders, so it's all good. I'm not dying after all.

Pointless retelling. But that acute feeling of relief is something i'd like to jot down and remember.

2. Today while I was transferring my laundry from the washing machine to the drier, i zoned out for a moment, only to look down and see i was re-transferring my clothes from the drier back to the washing machine.

Bonus point: It took me long enough, but I've just noticed that I really really really like Feist's video for I Feel It All. It looks/sounds/feels so carefree.

I'd rather be baking a cake than doing my homework. but i don't have a mixer, and assignments seem to be very important.

Kakak Saya

Hi. Ini kakak saya.(Yang di sebelah kiri, bukan yang di sebelah kanan).

Saya ingin menceritakan serba sedikit mengenai kakak saya.

Ketika kami kanak-kanak, kakak saya suka menyakitkan hati saya. Dia sering mengusik dan mengejek saya sehingga saya berasa tertekan. Pada suatu hari, kakak saya mengusik saya sehingga saya hilang sabar. Tatkala dia sedang berjalan ke arah bilik tidurnya, saya hilang kawalan dan menerkam ke arahnya dengan mulut terbuka. NGAP! Saya menggigit bontotnya sekuat hati. Kakak saya menjerit. Saya berasa puas.

(Walaupun saya telah menceritakan kisah ini berberapa kali, saya tetap mahu mengulanginya, sempena hari yang istimewa ini).

Satu objek yang dikongsi oleh saya dan kakak saya merupakan kereta Kembara berwarna merah. Kakak saya menggunakannya ketika dia sedang menuntut di Kolej Sunway. Setelah dia berangkat ke negara asing untuk meneruskan pelajaran, saya pula menggunakan kereta tersebut. Kereta ini menjadi punca perbalahan antara kami pada suatu masa. Kakak saya telah menamakan kereta tersebut 'Sascha', tanpa meminta persetujuan saya. Saya tidak puas hati apabila mendapat tahu tentangnya ("Apa KEJADAHNYA kereta ini dinamakan Sascha?!"), maka saya pun memberi nama baru kepada kereta itu, iaitu 'Madeleine'. Walau bagaimanapun, sekarang setelah memikirkannya semula, saya tidak suka akan nama 'Madaleine'. Saya berpendapat kereta itu harus diberi nama baru yang melambangkan kegagahan(kerana warnanya yang merah). Apa kata kita berikan nama Melayu kepadanya?

Ha, saya telah mendapat ilham. Mari kita namakannya 'Keris Merah'. Saya rasa begitu sesuai. Tapi janganlah kita hilang fokus utama post ini, iaitu untuk megupas tentang kakak saya.

Kakak saya seorang yang bijak. Sepanjang hayatnya(yang InsyaAllah masih panjang), dia sering mendapat keputusan cemerlang untuk semua peperiksaannya yang utama(peperiksaan percubaan tidak termasuk). Bak kata orang putih, dia sentiasa lepas dengan warna-warna berterbangan. Dia baru sahaja selesai mendapat ijazahnya daripada universiti yang berprestij(adakah wujud perkataan 'prestij'? saya tidak pasti) dalam bidang undang-undang. Dia juga merupakan seorang yang sangat aktif, dan sentiasa terlibat dalam pelbagai aktiviti . Dia telah memenangi pelbagai pertandingan dan anugerah sepanjang zaman persekolahannya dan juga ketika dia menuntut di kolej dan universiti. Saya sungguh bangga dengan semua kejayaannya, walaupun perasaan bangga itu sering bercampur-aduk dengan perasaan cemburu yang teramat. Bak kata orang putih(sekali lagi), saya hijau dengan cemburu.

Kakak saya juga mempunyai minat dan hobi-hobi yang menarik. Dia seorang yang sangat suka akan muzik, dan telah menghadiri banyak konsert yang dianjurkan oleh pelbagai pasukan pancaragam(band) ketika dia di negara penjajah, termasuk Coldplay, Radiohead, We Are Scientists, dan sebagainya.

Nota rambang: Cubalah terjemahkan semua nama pancaragam yang disebut di atas ke dalam bahasa melayu. sungguh menggelikan hati, bukan?

Kebanyakkan artis yang saya minati telah diperkenalkan oleh kakak saya. Saya terhutang budi kepadanya di atas perkara ini.

Selain itu, kakak saya suka membaca. Tetapi ini suatu hobi yang sudah biasa didengari dan tidak menarik, maka saya tidak akan menyentuh tentangnya secara mendalam. Pendek kata, dia telah menghabiskan beratus-ratus buku. Ok, isi seterusnya.

Tapi sebelum itu, gambar yang cantik:

Dalam gambar ini, kakak saya nampak cantik. Susu goyang(milkshake) yang saya minum nampak cantik. Cuma saya sahaja yang tidak berjaya nampak cantik. Tapi tidak mengapa. Kecantikkan itu hanya sedalam kulit.

Kakak saya juga gemar menari tarian buaian!(swing dance). Pada pendapat saya, ini adalah satu hobi yang sangat hebat. Dia mempelajari cara menari tarian buaian ketika di universiti, dan sungguh giat menghadiri acara-acara menari buaian secara beramai-ramai. Malah, dia pernah menjejak kaki ke Sweden(ataupun negara IKEA) semata-mata untuk menghadiri bengkel tarian buaian. Walaupun saya tidak pernah melihatnya menari dengan mata saya sendiri, saya yakin dia seorang penari buaian yang mantap.

Ok, beralih pula ke agenda yang serius. Walaupun kakak saya pernah membuatkan saya sungguh marah hingga menggigit bontotnya, dia juga telah banyak membantu saya seumur hidup. Tatkala saya sedih, dia merupakan satu-satunya manusia yang boleh memujuk saya dengan kata-kata yang tepat. Niat saya bukan untuk berkata kawan-kawan saya memberi kata-kata yang salah, oh tidak. Maksud saya di sini adalah kakak saya memahami saya secara lebih mendalam dan mampu memahami situasi yang dihadapi oleh saya.

When I'm sad, she knows how i feel, and says the things i need to hear. She gets it right, every time. It may be cool to have a sister who went to LSE, who listens to good music, is outstanding in whatever she does and wherever she goes, and does something out of the ordinary like swing dancing. But at the end of the day it comes down to the fact that I have a sister who I can laugh with, who helps me unconditionally, and is there for me when i need her.

Saya bersyukur kerana mempunyai kakak sepertinya.

Hari ini merupakan ulangtahun hari jadi kakak saya yang ke dua-puluh tiga. Apabila saya cuba menelaah situasi ini, saya kadang-kala tergamam. Kakak saya sudah berumur 23? Ya Allah. Dia sudah dewasa. Adakah ini bermaksud saya sendiri juga sudah dewasa?

Ah, tidak mengapa. Soalan itu boleh di jawab di lain hari(dan lain bahasa). Yang penting di sini, hari ini ulangtahun hari lahir kakak saya.Satu perkara yang saya perhatikan sepanjang masa berlalu adalah bahawa semakin umur kita meningkat, ulangtahun hari lahir kita semakin kurang istimewa, dan tidak berebeza dengan hari-hari yang lain. Tetapi saya berpendapat hari lahir kakak saya harus disambut dengan seberapa meriah yang boleh. Biar meriah sampai mengalahkan hari jadi saya yang ke-sembilan, di mana saya memakai skirt kembang dan mengadakan parti serta mendapat pelbagai hadiah, termasuk anak patung Barbie yang mempunyai mekanisme beroda yang membolehkannya bergerak seperti sedang menari tarian bilik bola(ballroom dancing).

Happy birthday,kak. You deserve an awesome one.

roti jala

Lyrics that make you tingle:

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I ever had
-Garu Jules, Mad World (which apparently is a cover of a Tears for Fears song)

I made roti jala.

with a can.

into which i poked holes.

awesome.

I mean, it's awesome that i've resorted to innovative yet rudimentary techniques to achieve my objectives. The roti jala itself is pretty decent i guess, not as great as my mom's but hey! it looks like a jala. and that's all that counts. I would have liked to make curry according to step-by-step instructions nani gave me to accompany it, but i don't have chicken nor curry powder. oh well. i'll make do with instant korma. Does korma go with roti jala? Mari kita cuba.

The Bureau of Meterology's website shows a forecast of pretty decent temperatures in Melbourne for the week(and Sydney too, aijud!). Spring's coming,yo. and summer thereafter. start stripping, folks.

Diyana Izzati told me good news yesterday. I can't say this enough, I'm super happy for you! you derserve this, and I couldn't be more glad. alamak. terharu la pulak. ok, moving on.

Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale(bless them, for some reason I hope they stay together forever) named their newborn son Zuma Nesta Rock. ape?

Kings of Leon. Only By The Night. out September 23rd. Just in case we forget. My mid-sem break would have started by then. perfect. Hmm. Will the record store have them by that day? We'll be fasting by then!it'll almost be raya! whoah.

Floating petrol prices back home? who knows, maybe it'll work. but i had to stifle a snicker watching the video of the Domestic Trade minister proclaiming that the reduction in the price to RM2.55 wasn't a political gimmick or related to the by-election.

Homework. must get on with the homework. but first, lunch.

oh!try checking out the trailer for The House Bunny, Anna Faris' new movie. It looks like the perfect fluffy movie(think Legally Blonde). The thing she does when she tries to remember peoples' names is freaking hilarious. I watched the full clip of that scene on the movie website, had me in stitches.

Chicken Stock

A brief post, as the madness of tests to do and assignments to start on swirl around in dizzying proportions.

I had to call the health cover people the other day, and as I finished resolving my predicament with one of the phone consultants, I said the usual chirpy "thank you so much!", to which she replied "no problem" or "no worries" or something like that. and then there was a moment of silence, where neither of us ventured to end the conversation gracefully. A couple of seconds ticked by awkwardly, so in the end I found myself exclaiming in a wonderful sing-song voice worthy of being on Disney Playchannel, "Well, i hope you have a nice day then! BYE!"(extra lilting tone at the end) and as I said those words, I found myself thinking 'Wow. i can practically pass off as one of them'. The phone consultant was practically struggling to keep up and match my over-joyed cheerfulness.

Three things I am tired of reading in the news/magazines:
1. Rape incidents(I feel like rapists should be punished in some way that violates them just as much as they violated their victims).
2. Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, and their twins.
3. Anwar, Saiful, and everyone urging Anwar to swear on the Quran.

Malaysian music! I've had the good fortune of coming across this Malaysian singer named Yuna, and wow. her voice is some kind of special. her myspace page only has one full song and her EP teaser, but even that is enough to keep me captivated, replaying them a number of times. I'm happy she's coming out with an EP. she should! I mean, my exposure to local female singers singing in english has been limited to Sarimah and Cheryl Samad and, uh, let's just say my impression wasn't very good. so it's fantastic to hear her stuff. and she cited bob dylan as one of her influences! aww. i'm so impressed whenever i come across someone very into bob dylan. I easily awed liddat.

wishlist item number #46: to be better exposed to the malaysian independent music scene. there's good local music out there. i just don't know how to get to it. pertolongan dialu-alukan.

I must go off to do the twice daily ritual off splashing water all over me. tally-ho.

I came up with a post title but then decided it sounded too bloody jiwang

Today, for the second time, I noticed how coffee makes me happy. and not just in a figurative sense either, but seriously. i think there was a biological effect, as a result of an addiction I've cultivated for it.

For one thing, I was feeling quite disgruntled this afternoon. The causes of the disgruntlement were trivial of course, but nonetheless, I was trudging off from my Business Process Analysis class (do you know what this is about? me neither. I barely understand what it really is for even though this is the third week of the semester) in an un-bunny-prancing-happily way. I spent about an hour doing homework while waiting for my next lecture, and then, as I headed for the lecture theater, I decided to grab a cup of coffee first.

Ah!The joy of holding a warm cup of coffee(cappuccino, one sugar) in your hand while you trudge to class on a semi-cloudy winter's day! The most excitement I had all day.

Unless you consider walking to class in the rain clutching your umbrella and praying that the wind won't blow it upwards and turn it into a rain-catcher like last time exciting. I call it nerve-wrecking.

Anyway, I got to the theater, spotted a friend and soon got seated, all the while taking sips of the lovely nectar. Flash forward about 20 minutes later into the lecture, I was HAPPY. All disgruntlement forgotten, I was happily thinking about cupcakes, birthday cards and optimistic plans to socialize.

What was I doing thinking about cupcakes during an accounting lecture, you ask?(or don't ask, whatever). ntahlah. I have no idea. Gah. and here I am wondering why I'm finding our tute work so troublesome. Tulah Atiqah, fikir lagi pasal cupcakes. Bagaimana anda hendak menjadi pelajar yang bijak dan berhemah?

Anyway, the point is, that was the second time I noticed that drinking coffee made me feel a whole lot more cheerful. I suspect I'm properly addicted to it. Well, I concede that I've always needed a cup in the mornings, but that was because it jolted me awake and had me all bright-eyed and blinking. It never made me happy.

I googled to see if coffee's been known to cause happiness, and I came across this site that said it stimulates dopamine, a hormone apparently related to happy feelings. So I wiki-ed dopamine (not the best of references, but oh-so-handy), and! and! it says, among other things, that

Dopamine is commonly associated with the pleasure system of the brain, providing feelings of enjoyment and reinforcement to motivate a person proactively to perform certain activities. Dopamine is released (in particular areas....) by naturally rewarding experiences such as food, sex, drugs, and neutral stimuli that become associated with them.

Hah-ha! see? I think that happened. I had coffee, I felt happy. My brain/body now associates an intake of coffee with the release of dopamine. And before you ask, no, i didn't have sex,or take drugs, or recall any particular neutral stimuli during my accounting lecture. So i think we can pretty much pin it on the coffee.

Aisy. or maybe it was merely one of those weird things that just happen. no chemical reactions involved.

Little bunny foo foo,
Hopped into the forest,
Scooping up the field mice
and kissing them on the head.

haha. nasib baik kakak taught me this delightful song(nursery ryhme?)

oh!oh! feel good song. Go, be off and feel all warm and fuzzy!


edit: la hai, i checked the post and saw there was actually 3 different play thingies all for the same song. haish. over-excited

Perubahan Ketara

It has just turned 7.17 am, according to my computer clock. A new day. If you look out the window you'd see that it's another cloudy one. The ground is wet, and as the cars pass by you can hear the squelch of water beneath the tires.

I am listening to Don't I Hold You by Wheat(excellent song, excellent), my roommate is still tucked safely under her blanket, and I'm reveling in this quiet moment and the opportunity to blog. It's still early. Plenty of time to panic over homework to do and things to get into order later on.

I find that it's best to properly listen to music when the you are lying in bed and it's dark(i.e: before going to sleep at night or early in the morning). Maybe it's scientific. Being in the dark and not being able to see probably heightens your sense of sound. ye ke? probably. Anyway, i was listening to Death Cab's album Plans, and i must concede it's quite solid. I like it. And i got the soundtrack for Once! whee.

Things i've learned in the past week:

1. Quality alone time is delicious.
2. Decent socializing sessions can be just as good, if not better.
3. Don't cling on too hard to the people whose company you enjoy. it's better for everyone that way, including yourself.

Let's see. my clock now says 7.34 am, Selfish Jean by Travis, roommate's up and about, and there's some motor running outside. a new day all busy already.

Manhattan

hello. point form!

• I'm supposed to be reading up on the structure of court hierarchies at the moment, for my additional law subject. but it's getting less fascinating, and my attention span has expired for the moment.
• speaking of law, isn't it weird that i'm learning the basics about Australia's constitution(and finding it somewhat interesting-for now at least), padahal i'm malaysian and don't really know much about our own constitution? shameful! well, technically we did learn it back in sejarah form 5, but i've forgotten most of it. i should reread the whole shebang. anyone got a sejarah form 5 buku teks lying around?

• Grazias banyak2 to the people who did me the favour i asked in the previous post!: Ferociously Fantastic Fiqah, Alarmingly Awesome Aijud, Indescribably Incredible Inaaz, Atrociously Amazing Aman, Deliciously Delightful Diyana, Killer Krazy Kakak. haha.
• I thought up all your super-dipuji-names last night while i was trying my damnest to fall asleep. terrer,no? or, failing that-lame, no?
  
• i couldn't think of any flattering words starting with 'K'. sorry kakak.
• oklah, Stunningly Superb Shazana.
  
• to all of you yang tak jawab my question(except shao min): Hey cepat jawab. find the decency in your heart to humour me. if you don't know what i'm talking about and are all bewildered, refer to previous post.
• Nani!my dose of Montreal Marvelousness(couldn't think of any nice words starting with 'n'. well. besides the word 'nice' itself). repondez ma question, s'il vous plait!
• ouch. dah pening looking at all these bullets.

Oh wait! i got one. Never-endingly Nice Nani. haha, this is fun. my new pastime.

Have you ever heard Kotaro Oshio's guitar cover of Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence? i never even considered you could play guitar like that. a mind-opener. I am pleasantly awed.

Kings of Leon. New album. Only By The Night. September 23rd. HOLY SHIT I'M EXCITED. if they. come to Melbourne. to promote new album. i. must. see. them. i. HAVE.TO.

Roar. they put up this teaser clip on their website, and i'm half in love with that snippet of a song already.

seriously, if they come here, i won't miss them/only take notice when tickets have sold out. like Vampire Weekend. and The Wombats. and, um, Death Cab for Cutie.(Hoi Ayang APESAL YOU MISSED SO MANY SHOWS? dulu kat malaysia you were the one going on and on about taking advantage of Melbourne being on the gig circuit. bite your tongue).

aisy. I knowwww.

phwoar. i'm listening to one of their other songs that's going to be on the new album, called Manhattan. damnit, they're awesome.

Take 274. lights, camera, ACTION!

falling slowly

thursday night, and i can't sleep.

i've just finished watching Once, managed to borrow it from the library. aijud/kakak/nani/whoever watched this movie and said it was nice, i must concur. i liked it very much. and i thought that the ending scene, with Falling Slowly playing in the background was spot on.

trivia. did you know that song won an Oscar for best original song?

I must say, it's one of those songs that manages to lift your spirits. it's such a sad but hopeful song.

hey. i tag you. list down something that makes you happy, or cheers you up a bit. tell me something i wouldn't know. let's make it three things.

for me:

1. the word 'tranquil'. it reminds me of turning a bottle filled with water upside down, and the bubble of air goes to the other end of the bottle.

2. the way Homer Simpson looks so intelligent when he wears glasses to read something.

3. the smell of flour and i like to eat raw chocolate chip cookie batter.

ok?tell me. i mean YOU. nani, aijud, fiqah, anna, aki, syefik, kero, al, firdaus, kakak, kye, aman, shao and jia yee(even though we're roommates, type it out for me anyway!), elaine and wee(if you're reading), wuil ling and wei leong, boon xian, inaaz, diyana izzati :), sal, afnan, juwa, fatin, syiqin, fifa. anonymous readers(if i have any, which i doubt but hey, a girl can be delusional), you're super welcome as well.

i'm listing everyone i know that may be reading(or not) so that you'll take this request seriously. jot down 3 things(or more!) that membuatkan anda gembira. can be something major, or just something really small or silly, whatever goes. write it on your blog or just pop it in the comment box. no need to tag other people if you don't want to, just consider it a favour to me, yah? i'm genuinely curious.

maybe we'll have something in common.

I was thinking of doing one of those emo posts, yesterday, albeit a slightly cheerful one, because after all, it's the start of a new semester. a fresh beginning(well, not as fresh as a new year, but i'll take anything i can get), a sign that it's time to change! it's our cue to morph into that beautiful butterfly(in other words, a person that's smart, funny, independent, matured,etc.) we've been waiting to turn into ever since we cocooned ourselves and went to sleep several lifetimes ago.

why i have this mindset that it takes the start of something new to be the catalyst for change is beyond me, but there you have it. but anyway, i then lost the will to blog and decided to snuggle up with my Agatha Christie book and 4 keping biskut marie instead.

This morning, as i sat on my bed -the apartment all quiet because my roommates had left for class- i was struck(well, not struck. more like, gently nudged) by this slight feeling of dread. what triggered it? the fact that i was thinking of the things to do today, and on top of the list was to go get meat, a fortnightly activity i usually end up doing alone.

aisy! in that one thought it all came crashing back. alone. now i could identify what that nagging feeling at the back of my mind was when i thought about coming back to melbourne the last few days i was in KL. how could i forget? this dread of being alone. of solitary trips to get meat. walking on my own to uni. hearing people all around me in lectures talking to each other while i stare straight ahead, willing the lecturer to hurry up and begin.

for someone so anti-social, it's funny how i dislike this solitude i've brought upon myself.

***

"but you're in melbourne!", i can hear H exclaiming to me, frustrated with my lack of enthusiasm to go back, frustrated with me as a person. "it's supposed to be fun".

***

things haven't been so great. well, they've been fine, but at times it seems like i'm in deep shit, and that feeling of self-loathing doesn't really go away. I know i am being selfish for having the audacity to feel sad because let's face it, i have no problems. no proper ones, anyway. and knowing i am selfish adds to the reasons i dislike myself.

but i think it's fair to say this in itself may pose as a problem. i complain and then i get mad at myself for complaining, which in turn causes me to complain... .and it seemed that as long as i kept this to myself and not let loose my insanity upon other people, it'd be fine. but it gets tiring. i am growing tired of being sad and then being mad because of feeling sad. it's a frustrating cycle.

but hey. it's a new semester. and while you and i both know new semesters mean squat in the grand scheme of things, it's still something. it's time for something different. it's time to go back to God, and say sorry, and hope He'll forgive me again. and it's time to hope this blog won't be a hallmark of hypocrisy. and it's time to hope the self-loathing stops. it's time to be a better friend. it's time to be a better person.

Rilo Kiley explains it so well. thank you to kye's friend who put it up on her blog, who'll never read this but i hope my gratitude will get through. telepathically, perhaps.


Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs
I know I can't breathe
And hope someone will save me this time
And your mother's still calling you insane and high
Swearing it's different this time
And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her
And that god never blessed her insides
Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things
And crawl back into bed to dream of a time
When your heart was open wide and you love things just because
Like the sick and dying

And sometimes when you're on
You're really fucking on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you
But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
And you'll be better
You'll be smarter
More grown up and a better daughter or son
And a real good friend
And you'll be awake
You'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all of your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest
You'll be brave
You'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them

Rilo Kiley - Better Son/Daughter

Mind the Gap

Part E(E for England!)

but beforehand, i just want to share the joy of listening to this gem of a song. Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong's duet for Summertime, which was actually composed by Gershwin! for an opera.

A song to make anyone wrap their hands around someone and slow dance to. a version of jazz i can fully appreciate.

London. I liked London very much. Mind you, we didn't stay there for that long, so i didn't actually get around to seeing much of it. but the bit that i did see, i liked.

The first day we arrived there, we took the tube to Liverpool Station, and then walked to the hotel we were staying at, maneuvering through alleys and roads, all the while dragging our luggage( can you imagine a time before bags had wheels?).

I, for one, am super impressed by their tube system.

Stayed there for a night, then the next day we took a flight to Rome. this is where we took the picture that has become my favourite out of all the pictures we took while on vacation.

While waiting for the bus to take us to the airport.

I know it's not a picture of a London sight or anything, but who cares. can't remember what we were laughing at, but we were laughing. and that makes me happy whenever i look at it.

When we got back from Rome, stayed in London for a couple more nights. spent a day walking along Oxford Street, which is where all the shops are, phwoar. Sale season on Oxford Street is madness. me and mom literally had to tear ourselves from the shops.

Oh! Dad managed to get tickets for us to go watch Agatha Christie's The Mousetrap at St. Martin's theatre while we were there!so that was awesome. my very first play. Apparently it's the longest-running play ever.

And, of course, we went to kakak's graduation.

in full regalia.

my sister's all grown up. haih. excuse me while i go ponder the passing of time, the eternal circle of life, how she used to look like a boy and how i bit her butt when i was four.

couple more rome pics.

Colosseum at night.

See those statues? They were all around at St. Peter's Square. Bernini's sculptures of saints. there were about 144(144 ke? hmm. a lot la) of them.

Thank you to kakak for for taking care of all the arrangements for the trip. Thank you dad for letting me come along.Thank you God for letting it all go smoothly and keeping everyone safe.

I'd never fully realized how good Coldplay's The Scientist is. hmm. My sister says their new album is goooood. but then again, she got to see them live(twice!bloody front row seats!), so her opinion might not be so objective.

I DO have a soul somewhere inside me, you know. i'm not plastic. but i feel like it sometimes. Songs like The Scientist help melt the plastic a little bit.

cheers, to a new term. may it be better for everyone.

beberapa gambar

all pictures courtesy of my dad. the only one rajin enough to wield the camera tirelessly.

these are from rome(I hope you like these, aijud! go to rome!)

Colosseum

Ruins(durr). See the aquaduct?

The tribute monument to Vittorio Emmanuel II! I know the pic doesn't really do the building justice, but spot the the goddess on the chariot at the top!

Behold, the girl trying to get a piece of food stuck to her teeth out with her tongue or something. and the buffoon chomping pizza. (guess what the topping was. potatoes!yergh. not a good combination, in my opinion).

Trevi fountain.
Spanish steps, baby.
another picture of me unattractively stuffing myself while my sister does a face. gotta love/hate/find it irritatingly amusing.
St Peter's Square

Pompei! And that, my friend, is the volcano Mount Vesuvius that buried the place. Last errupted in 1944.

More next time. and some london pics.

I'm back to melbourne tomorrow.

I think i need to perk up. yesterday before falling asleep, i was thinking of calling up the Befrienders, for God's sake.

This year's love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
I've been waiting on my own too long

Won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing "ain't this life so sweet"

This year's love had better last.

excerpts from David Gray's This Year's Love. Haiya. whack me on the head with the sentimental shovel, why don't you.

Prossima Fermata

Part I(I for Italy!)

Section R(R for Rome!)

Oh, where do I start. I suppose I can start by saying that Italians fascinate me. they seem languid, fashionable, confident, have a penchant for dressing standards that outstrips the decency standard-by how much depends on where you're from. and the language! I'd never really taken an interest in Italian, but after hearing it properly all around me in Rome, i must concede that it really is a beautifully expressive language, i love the way it's all lilting and lolls around the tongue.

The sights? of course, the first place we went to was the Colosseum. this must be one of the most touristy spots on the entire planet. don't be afraid to be caught dead looking like those frightful tourists you see sometimes-go ahead and wear those shorts, clip on the fanny pack, sling your big-ass SLR around your neck and wear a cap and a backpack, almost two-thirds of the people around you are dressed exactly alike! The Colosseum itself is impressive, of course, but i suppose the whole experience was a bit tainted by the fact that it's so touristy to the point of being suffocating.

But i think it's awesome how Rome has ruins and sculptures and arches and aqueducts and whatnot scattered all over the place(there were even ruins they turned into cat shelters!). I think one of the sights that had me most awe-inspired was the Vittorio Emmanuel II monument(which is actually not ancient so to speak, built recently in 1911), which just takes grand to a whole new level. I mean, it IS quite a monstrous building, all big and square, but I love the statue at the top of a woman with wings(a goddess, apparently), riding a chariot pulled by four horses. it's beautiful. It's crazy awesome, as Demetri Martin would say.

Another brilliant building was the Pantheon. Go inside, and you'd see how stunningly perfect it's built.

of course, how could i forget to mention these? St Peter's Square(hello Bernini!), Vatican City, the Spanish Steps, Trevi Fountain.

We took a day trip out to Naples!and!and!we went to POMPEI!

ignorance alert: i actually thought Pompei was an island(must have confused it with Krakatoa) and was somewhere in Greece. i didn't even know the city was preserved under all the volcano ash and whatnot when it erupted. i was under the impression the island just blew up or sunk into the sea or something(once again, may have been confusing it with Krakatoa). i blush with embarrassment.

Pompei was amazing. the ruins were just as awe-inspiring as Siem Reap's Angkor Wat. it was fantastic. well, i loved it. the American family we passed by had a teenage son complaining "it's so damn hot", which was true, because it was damn hot, but i think it was worth it.

Despite all the walking and successive visits from one place to the next, there was still time for some contemplation and a little ruminating. like this thought: it's hard to find someone you truly feel at ease with. someone who you feel can understand you or at least tries to just as much as you try for them. so when you do meet someone like that, i suppose it's best to hold on tightly. don't let them slip away, or if they do anyway, don't let them go without the knowledge you tried to give it a go.

sometimes i read random peoples' blogs and i see how they're always expressing affection for various different people so heartily and frequently, and sometimes i think:"alah, macam betul je you have that many friends you're so super close with. i bet it's superficial", and that's the cynical(and dengki, i suppose) side of me talking, and sometimes i think:"you lucky bastard/bitch. why is it so easy for you to find so many people you're so comfortable with?".

anyway, Rome is awesome. there were tons of places we didn't get the chance to visit, like the Villa Borghese and St Angelo's bridge,etc, there's just so many things to see.

p/s:the title of the post, 'Prossima Fermata', is actually italian for 'next stop'. we rode the metro in rome quite a lot, so i grew quite used to the automated speaker saying "prossima fermata, .....(name of next stop)".

Countdown to the dissappointment

thanksgiving! the feeling of imminent dread has passed, for the moment at least, so let's toast one another with our glasses, link our arms and take a sip.

in the week and a half i've been back, i've managed to gain weight. it even invoked some sort of mini depression(oklah, it wasn't depression but just let me be melodramatic for a second), the kind where you think you're ugly. uglier. whatever. and you think you're so monstrous you scare people away. like literally, i could have sworn people moved away when i stood next to them. haih. woe befalls the ogress.

i dread the day i have to go see the relative who, almost without fail comments on my weight every time she sees me.

"Ayang...you've put on weight ah?"

and i dream of the day i can respond to that relative by giving her my brightest smile and say

"ah-ah xxxxxx, i guess i have. it's funny kan how i seem to gain weight every time you see me? at the rate this is going, tak lame lagi i'll meletup".

Say Anything's Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too has been on constant replay, and while the lyrics make me slightly uncomfortable(who on earth wants to sing a song about a guy listening to a girl touch herself over the phone?), i totally dig the combination of just drums and the keyboard.

haircut, the (pointless) story.

I went to cut my hair. After constant but gentle prodding by my mother as well as grandmother ("ni taknak potong rambut ke ni?rimas la"), i had to concede that i was beginning to look like an english sheepdog once more(happens every time i keep my hair long), so off we went to the salon.

it's a long story, but i ended up at a salon where the stylists spoke practically no english (they're from china), but prodded at my hair(and head) so enthusiastically, i hadn't the heart to get up from the chair and leave. at one point there were three people simultaneously lifting strands of my hair and massaging my head and neck up to a point i burst out laughing(but i recovered quickly,so no worries).

now, i have a bad history with hair stylists. the thing is, when it comes to hair, i'm clueless. i don't care how you cut my hair, just make it look nice. when a stylist tries to explain to me how layering will make my face look longer, or how i should change my parting, i'll thoughtfully nod my head while they speak-as if i'm actually considering how the haircut will turn out- before cutting in and saying "ok!". and when they're done turning my hair into a poodle or making me look like a man, i'll pay and say thank you through gritted teeth before rushing off and vowing to be more assertive the next time i cut my hair. only to repeat the whole cycle again a couple months later when i finally get around to the salon again.

so unfortunately, the same thing happened again. but it's not so bad, i guess. my hair looks like a cross between a mushroom and Carol Brady's hair(you know...the mom from The Brady Bunch?). it actually looks kind of cute, and if i were one of those tiny adorable kawaii girls who flashes the peace sign every 2 seconds, it would totally work, but who am i kidding! i'm the sullen malay ogress. hear me roar. and watch as my ridiculous hair flicks around as i shake my head from side to side.

i'm off on a trip tomorrow. i hope it's fun!

Shit i'm scared about my results.

souls made in china

Ayam masak kicap. check.

masak lemak pucuk manis. check.

nasi lemak and paru. double check.

KFC!check!!

roti canai. check.

asam laksa. check.

pengat durian!check!

mee kari. check.

nasi ayam. check.

Belum check:
Nasi kandar.
Nasi briyani.
Yong tau foo.
Putu piring.
Ayam masak merah.
Burger king. i want to murder a whopper. whopper jr. no, a whopper.
Kuay teow goreng yang sedap.
mangga.

anti-social tendencies are increasing in frequency. worrying. very worrying.

i can't see them, but mosquitoes are feasting on my legs.

I wish we had uniformed spellings for all english words. that way the stupid squiggly red lines won't appear when i type out 'favourite', rather than 'favorite'. and i wouldn't have to remember which one uses 'z' and which one uses 's'. realized? realised? paralyze? paralyse? I get the feeling that there are different spellings because the americans and the british masing-masing were too cocky to bow down to the other party's way of spelling. Submit to their way? as bloody if. no, we'll just maintain our own spelling methods. who cares about the inhabitants of all the other countries who might want to write in english.

at this moment, there's not enough hours in a day.

I've had the opportunity to go to a few malaysian philharmonic orchestra shows, and the only show that managed to make me sit up and pay attention to the whole thing was the one that featured a pianist(some famous terrer dude) who played this effing awesome piece by Maurice Ravel(La Valses Nobles et Sentimentales) and i also remember he played this trio of preludes by Gershwin, which was also fantastic. The rest of the shows, unfortunately, have become nothing but a memory of boredom. I feel somewhat guilty about this because the pieces played at those other shows were mostly by composers like Mozart or Bach who are akin to being the Elvis Presley or Jimi Hendrix of classical music and i can't even get through one of their sonatas without my mind wandering off. Sorry, Mr Mozart. Sorry, Senor Bach. Their music is amazing, i'm sure, but i just haven't learned to appreciate it properly.The first 10 minutes of any of those shows would be fine, but after that i'd grow bored and start fidgeting. to get through it i'd usually watch the audience members in front me, especially those people who'd be really into the music up to the extent of closing their eyes and bobbing their heads along with the symphony.

Anyway, i reckon if i went to a Ryuichi Sakamoto show, or if the philharmonic orchestra decided to showcase his compositions, i doubt i'd be whiling the minutes away by watching bobbing heads. no. because ryuichi sakamoto kicks ass. I was gushing about his piece Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence a while back, did you listen to it? probably not, but i so wish you would. and i wish you'd listen to Railroad Man, which is this other piano piece which is just so pretty and sad and a bit hopeful all at the same time, gah.

oklah. i'll make it easier for you.

take a hint and press the play button. but only if you trust my music taste, because if not it'd just be a waste of your time.

I do realize sometimes that i'm over-doing this whole song suggestion thing(i'm not merely suggesting, i'm practically ramming it down your throat). sorry. but when i like a song tremendously, i get this irresistible urge to shout about it from rooftops and tell as many people as i can about it. i'm pretty sure it's something psychological.

speaking of good songs, i'm digging The Verve's new single Love is Noise. Plus, I watched the clip of them playing it at Glastonbury recently on youtube, and it looks quite epic.

i'm trying to come up with some witty finishing line.

still thinking.

hmm.

it seems my wit has disappeared. if i had any in the first place, that is.